The perfect stupidity

Chapter 1 Promising shore leave

Mid July, winter in Australia

The Hammersley moored after a patrol of two weeks.

It had been one of the dullest and most boring patrols ever. They hadn't seen any suspected ship to investigate, neither had they seen the sun. Cloudy, often with rain or drizzle. Quite some wind had created a continuous swell at the ocean that had become rather irritant. The crew had barely slept due to the continuous movement of the ship. They had been alert to watch that they weren't thrown out of their racks. To make it worse, the galley could only produce a minimum of food which didn't cheer up the men. Humour faded away and even 2Dad didn't made cheeky remarks anymore.

The ship was now moored and Kate has pulled on her Navy rain coat over her white shirt and watched how the crew left for a deserved break of a week. They left alone or in groups of two or three and they barely spoke. They gave their X a faint smile or a nod. Kate did her best to return a more enthusiastic glance but she feared that she failed in it because she felt as dull as the men who left. Some of them asked if she would come along for a drink but she didn't know yet. One of them was Dutchy. He insisted a bit, but she gave him at the end a disarmingly smile and said that she longed for a night of sleep without wobbling. He left her with a wink and a "See you next week X and enjoy your break!".

Bomber needed for sure a bracer. It had went to her heart that she had to throw away the food that she couldn't prepare. When she wasn't happy she had already a sad face and now she looked like she was at the point to burst out in tears.

"Bye X, I still mind about that good food", she said.

"Bomber, that's life, it's not your fault. I haven't heard anyone complaining. Put it out of your mind and enjoy your leave", Kate said.

The brown haired woman nodded, "Yeah, you're right. Next time better", she said and gave Kate a faint smile before she padded of the gangplank.

Kate looked after her.

She need some sleep, definitely, like all of us. She looked older with those walls under her eyes. Jeez, I don't want to know how I look like! I'm even more than ten years older.

Instinctively she touched the skin under her eyes.

Probably big enough to hold Murray River.

2Dads had left also mumbling something like "poker and beer as a good tonic against wobbly seas".

Kate shivered.

'Summer uniform throughout the year in the tropics' they say. Well then, for sure a stupid rule from someone who has never been here in winter. The wind comes from the south-east direction and is damn cold and that bloody drizzle doesn't make it better! Brrr. I wished that I could pull on my blue battledress then I could feel warm at least!

When the last man has left Kate turned and walked back to the bridge rubbing her hands to see what had to be done yet. Although, walking. She had the idea that she dragged herself to the bridge. There was nobody anymore, Mike thus. She made a face and walked down again to the cabins and knocked on his door.

"Come in", she heard and she opened the door.

He was typing something on his pc, a few documents next to him. He turned his torso to look at the visitor.

"Kate. Yes?", he asked dryly.

"Sir, I want to hear if there's anything else to do?", Kate asked.

"Nope, there's barely paperwork", he tapped on the papers, "Finishing, ordering and done. You can leave as well", he replied.

Kate nodded, "Ok sir".

She hesitated, "Uh Mike, do we do … something?", she asked.

He lifted his eyebrows and looked at a point near the floor at the other end of his cabin, "Uh… I haven't thought about it yet", he said and then he looked at her, "We'll see!", he ended convinced.

It was as Kate got a huge blow in her stomach. Day after day she was counting down for this break. Being together in her of his house. Having a good dinner, candles, wine, curling up at the couch against him, watching a movie and then having a good night together, with or without sex, it didn't matter, just being together. Homely. But the soap bell dashed. He doesn't know!? 'Haven't thought about it', 'We'll see'. That meant as much as 'leave me alone'. Candles extinguished, the cork remained in the bottle, dinner became just and ordinary meal and the plaid came in sight instead of his warm chest. Only the movie remained.

"Ah? Oh, ok Mike. We'll keep in touch. Bye then", Kate said, turned and left his cabin.

With a face as a thundercloud she padded to her cabin.

I couldn't afford to wish him a good shore leave. No way. All my dreams are scattered around now. I was already making up my mind what I would wear. Even more, I was making up my mind to buy something new! Pfft, now? And with this weather? Sweat pants and hoody will be fair enough then!

Meanwhile she had reached her cabin, closed the door and yanked her sports bag out of her cupboard. With angry, fierce movements she grabbed her belongings from the shelves and smashed them into the bag. Normally Kate was too keen on her clothes and personal items, but when she was upset she had to vent on one way or another. With an angry move she planted her hat on her head, threw a 180° glance over her cabin to see that she hasn't forgot anything and left.

On the gangplank Kate noticed that it has started raining again and she looked angrily upwards feeling the mild drops on her face.

Fucking rain!

With fierce steps she walked to her car avoiding the puddles. She reached her small Suzuki SUV and she noticed that Mike's cabrio Saab stood next to hers. She grimaced. Seeing his car made her thinking again and her gloomy feelings didn't get better.

Where are the moments that we've made a tour to one of the bays around here? Sun, canvas down and the wind toying with your hair. He'd better keep the canvas up now, otherwise he has a swimming pool!

Why for god's sake? We could have been together. It's no weather to do some outside activities.

She has started her car and left the base.

Kate, keep your head to the road! Otherwise you're going to end up in such a stupid hospital.

The quietness in the car annoyed her.

"Need some music", she mumbled and switched on the radio. The song ended and a new one started. 'Nine million bicycles' of Katie Melua started to play.

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a fact,
It's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die
.

And there are nine million bicycles in Beijing
And you know that I will love you till I die!

Kate view blurred and wiped irritated over her eyes and switched the radio off angrily, "Damn! Stupid song! Stupid me! Why do I have to love that stupid Mike! ", she yelled.

"Normally I've everything under control, but now. It slips away and I can't get grip on it", she concluded.

All of a sudden she realised the supermarket on her left.

"Shit! Coles! I need some", she said and she switched on the blinkers, glanced quickly around for the traffic and turned onto the parking. A bit later she was back and she put a shopping bag in the boot of the car and drove homewards.

At home, she stopped in the corridor where she pulled out the rain coat and hung it at a hanger beam and the hat landed on the shelve.

"I'm home!", she said out loud sarcastically while pulling out her white shoes without untying the laces. Then she held her head a bit skew to listen to an answer.

"Of course!", she murmured as she took up the shopping bag and the sports bag.

In the kitchen she put the delicate items in the fridge and afterwards she padded to the living room where she hesitated to grab her sports bag. Kate shook her head, "Nope, all laundry. That's for later on. I've the whooooooole evening!", she sneered and she walked upstairs to her bedroom.

Somewhat later she came down again. Kate had pulled on her favourite jeans and a t-shirt with long sleeves. She had tied her hair in a loose ponytail. From the moment she had done a few steps with her bare feet on the stone floor, she moaned and hurried upstairs again to come back with a pair of fluffy slippers on her feet. She padded straight to the kitchen, started her evening meal, opened a bottle of white wine and walked with a glass back to the couch. Sipping from the wine at the couch she observed her living room. Apart from the small sounds out of the kitchen it was quiet.

It's always quiet. How would it be to have some other sounds around? Sounds produced by a husband or children? The content of your house will change also. Things will not be at the same place anymore. Magazines, books, a toy. Here, nothing moves unless that I move it.

Her glance wandered to the dressing where a few birthday cards stood. One lay flat.

This for example. Fourteen days ago I left and when I opened the door a breeze knocked it over. Normally, that card would have been set upright again, but here…

Kate squeezed her nose bridge near her eyes and swallowed.

What do I have to do to win him for me?

She looked at blank into the living room but there came no answer.

With a sigh she stood upright and padded to the kitchen to have a look at the status of the rice and continued with her meal, chicken, rice and curry, and pineapple slices.

After the supper Kate started the washing machine and she made herself a mug of hot chocolate. Rain was still ticking against the window as she closed the curtains.

It's good that I don't have to go to the pub. There was nothing to tell about and with this weather…. Jagh. I've seen rain of all sizes and kinds during the last two weeks!

She put her mobile of the coffee table, still hoping for a call from a certain person and pulled with reluctance the plaid out of the basket.

She plopped down at the couch, curled up in the plaid and switched on the tv.

She zapped and found a channel where a movie was announced to begin after the advertisements, 'The notebook'.

"Hmm, nothing else?", she murmured and zapped further.

A few zaps further, she chose again the channel of 'The notebook'.

"It has to be this one! Nothing else then stupid games, talk shows and an idiot comedy movie", she muttered.

Twenty minutes later she padded to the kitchen to get the tissue box. She returned with it pulling one out to dry her eyes and to blow her nose.

This is one of my best kept secrets. I'm hanging up the image of the untouchable officer, but I'm getting emotional of this kind of movies. Only three people know about it, Nikki, Mike and … Dutchy. He discovered it when he asked me a while ago to see with him a movie. During the movie he noticed that I couldn't keep the tears away.

When the movie was over Kate switched of the tv and stared for a couple of minutes to the black screen.

"This is something that will never overcome me if the situation between us continues like now!", she grumbled as she glared at her mobile which hasn't buzzed.

Finally she stood upright, folded the plaid, put it back, collected the empty mug, used tissues, the tissue box and brought the items to the kitchen.

She switched out the light and headed to her bed for a night without wobbling.

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