Maniacal
AN: Why hello there! Yes, this is the second time I've written this, but that's because an awesome plot came to my house one day and beat me up in front of my mom, so I had to listen to it from then on. It's name was Robert. Anyhoo, I hope you'll enjoy this version much, much more than the last one. Elizabeth's a bit more developed, Lefty's a bit more grumpy, and Right Mind's a bit more innocent-happy-helpful.
This 'chapter' doesn't have much Johnny, but I think it's pretty essential to the story, so I advise not skipping over it. And, by the way, this is NOT rated 'M' for 'Merry Christmas'. It's rated 'M' for 'Get the hell outta here if you don't like cuss words, slightly suggestive themes (not like THAT, but you know what I mean!), and blood, guts, and gore galore!'. :D Mmmmmyep...
Disclaimer: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac does not in any way belong to me (seriously, I don't even have the comic), and instead belongs to the Almighty Jhonen Vasquez (AKA: The thinnest, most awesome guy on Earth). Seriously, though, how's he so thin?
Prologue:SOMETIME IN THE PASTCold steel pressed into the sensitive skin of my thin neck, tickling me. Not a good tickle, like when your little brother comes up behind you with a feather or something, though. I had absolutely no urge to laugh (okay, that's a bit of a lie, but stay with me here), onlu a burning trickle of hate throughout my guts. Like eating a dead rat. It makes you all grumpy inside, you know? The same grumpy feeling I felt whenever my stupid brother, Rodney, came in and took my favorite axe (because it was so very sharp and fit perfectly in my palm) for "band props" without even asking.
Yes, yes, it was mt foolish 19-year-old brother Rodney who'd gone and left me fucking defensless.
Struggling against the fat and hairy arms drenched in sweat incasing me -and possibly belonging to a rapist-, I gave a fake coo of innocence. "Oh, how lovely! My father will be just so very pleased that you've found me! I heard he put a hefty reward out for those who bring his beloved daughter back home where she belongs."
I could lie. Oh, lie I could. And gloriously, at that. Then again, the expensive, goody-two-shoes clothes probably helped.
"But, I'm proud." The inner voice, the man inside the gears of my mind chuckled gleefully. "You've got a nasty old man holding you from behind, slitting your neck, groping at your chest, and you're still my pecious little despicable genius!"I hadn't even noticed the...shudder...groping until now. Ugh... Filthy little fucker...
'Lefty, please,' I could hear the smirk in my own thoughts. I was starting to get a big head. 'You're embarrasing me! And I always come up with an easy lie, now don't I?'One of my more gracious qualities, honestly. It had gotten me out of so much trouble before, like it would now.
The groping stopped, but only for a second, and his hand stayed on my chest. Disgusting bitch... "Nng," The captor grunted. "How many rewards we talkin' 'bout?"
An uneducated pervert. Of course.
"Umm..." I put up my most helpless, adorable expression. This is when you start enjoying the fact that you've got big eyes and a round button nose. "He said... The man with the fliars, I mean..." "Smooth." 'Shut up, Lefty!' "Ten million dollars, I think." Oh, please. My father would have put up even more than that. Aren't wealthy families the greatest?
A grunt. "Oh yeah? You dink I beev dis bullshit?" What was he; a baby? "Gimme da proof."
"You're toast." 'Screw you, Lefty. Just shut up and watch the master at work.'
I'm still not very sure, but I think the wink was seductive enough. He did grunt (fucking pig) and let me go. Then, of course, before he actually did, he just had to give my chest a damn...squeeze. Ugh. Fucking filthy little...
After turning away, a vicious smirk overtook my face. Rodney hadn't left me entirely defenseless... Elizabeth Rule #1: Always have back up.
Reaching down as thought to scratch my ankle, I fumbled around in my shoe for one of my...various toys. This one just happened to branch out through someone's body when you stabbed them to pull out their organs. Neat, huh? I'd used it once before this time. It had been hysterical.
"Oh, Elizabeth and her toys." 'It's true! I
'Maybe I'll go over to Juan's place and get some toast. Maybe ask him if this bitch went to Hell.'The decision was forgotten got a moment.
"Elizabeth!" This wasn't my Left Mind. "Elizabeth, why would you push me out like that? Elizabeth!"Oh great. The party pooper.
Together, Lefty and I sighed, "'Hello, Right Mind.'"Right Mind was a very nice voice. She told me to do good things, told me when or how to do something I needed and...she was almost always right, hence the name Right Mind. But, even then, she could really ruin our- 'us' being Lefty and I- fun sometimes.
Lefty was the exact opposite. He was quite negative, evil, and liked tacos.
I was prudent to step around the pools of coppery-smelling red (though 'black' would be more sufficient, considering the moonlight's contrast). Father would have a fit if I got blood stains on my nice new shoes. Oh... Oh, wait...
He chuckled darkly. "You're not wearing your new shoes, dumbass. You're wearing your boots. Marie will probably help you spit shine those babies, too. No need to fear such absolutely beautiful blood. No n-" 'You talk too much.'
'Damn it. I hate this stupid sweter. Can't I wear a normal jacket, or maybe a sweatervest?' I loved sweater vests. I still do.
"You've failed your way through school, Liz." I hated it when he called me that. It was such a common nickname. "You're 20 years old and just now on your second year of highschool! Yet... Why do you always have to look like such a damn nerd?" 'Fuck you.' "I'm serious." 'Go away.' "Make me." 'Maybe I will!' "Yes." '...What?' "What?" 'Shut up.' "Make me." 'Fuck you.'
Shadows cascaded the ground, following me and snickering, taunting as I looked forward instead of behind, because in truth, I was afraid of my own shadow. Street lights flickered on an off, screaming out morse code threats to the hateful shadows, standing up for me when I couldn't, then lighting my was kindly. I smiled in the ghostly friend of light, arms crossed over my chest.
Was it just me, or had I seen this in a Tim Burton movie?
"Oooh! Oh oh oh! We should go watch Coraline! Or Corpse Bride! Nightmare Before Cristmas!" 'Maybe Marie will watch it with me.' "You're really set on going there. I bet'cha got the hots for Juany-boy." 'Ew. Just ew.' " 'Again, ew, Lefty. Just ew! And I don't drool. Or sweat.' "Keep foolin' yourself, babe."
Lefty shut up after that, thankfully, with some help from Right Mind. They're possibly the most half-way insane and surprisingly adorable couple ever. Leasurly, I made my way to the house of the man I'd made a deal with when I was a musical little five-year-old brunette.
I ran my pale fingers through short, blood-stained locks. I really missed not being a homicidal maniac,
"But then you wouldn't have me, short stuff."I was 5 foot 11. And Lefty was an idiot. I wish I didn't have him around. Then I'd be normal. Then I'd be in colledge. Then I'd have a boyfriend or something.
Then maybe he wouldn't have left all those years ago.
End PrologueA/N: So... How'd you like? Sorry there's no Johnny and stuff. -looks down sadly- Well, he is in here, just not where you can see him. MWAHAHA! I'm evil. Sort of. Don't judge. Well, I guess you can judge... Wanna go judge in the form of a review? YOU GO DO THAT, MY FRIEND. YES, YOU GO DO THAT. Please. I'm begging. I need reviews. I have a horrible disease cured only by reviews. Please don't let me die!
Yeah...
Love you always! Or until I stop. Doesn't matter much, does it?
