Meyer owns Twilight.
Someone once said to write what you know. That sounds like fine advice.
But I wanted to write something totally out of my comfort zone- right down the the music that inspired it!
This is my way of doing just that. Hope you enjoy the o/s
Song: "Does He Love You" Cover by Martina Mcbride & Kelly Clarkson
(Martina's part of song)
I've known about you for a while now
When he leaves me, he wears a smile now
As soon as he's away from me
In your arms is where he wants to be
But does he love you
Like he loves me?
Does he think of you
When he's holding me?
And does he whisper
All his fantasies
Does he love you
Like he's been lovin' me?
And when I'm in his arms
Oh, he swears there's no one else
Is he deceiving me
Or am I deceiving myself
But does he love you
Like he loves me?
Does he think of you
When he's holding me?
And does he whisper
All his fantasies
Does he love you
Like he's been lovin me?
Oh, shouldn't I lose my temper
'Cause I have everything to lose
But does he love you
Like he loves me?
Does he think of you
When he's holding me?
And does he whisper
All his fantasies
Does he love you
Like he's been lovin me?
Oh, does he love you...
-Does He Love You-
"You're a thousand times lovelier than the stars, Tanya. Of course, you're already well aware of that." He had said to me the first night we kissed. Back then I was the very best friend, someone he loved to dote upon. Edward and I grew up next door to one another with the Alaskan wilderness at our doorstep. He thought the sun rose and set with me. And I thought he hung the moon and stars. We were fourteen years old, what did we know about love? We knew it simply as love. It wasn't tarnished by age, life or time.
My whole childhood was built around the friendships with Edward, and his brother and sister, Emmett and Alice. We were so close in age that it was natural to fall into a grouping whenever we got together- which was pretty much every night. Summer was ours on the water seeing who could out do the other at all kinds of water sports. Alice and I did more tanning than I care to admit. We also spent the summer nights watching Carlisle's legendary fireworks show off the docks. Winter breaks were spent with snow ball fights, sleding, snowmen making, hot chocolate and Holidays together. We all went together like the clouds in the sky.
Edward and I both went to college in the same city. I studied to be a writer, Edward a doctor like his father. Everyone who knew us belived us the perfect coupling. Family who knew us the longest said it was written in the stars and one didn't go without the other. Friends who knew us almost as long said we balanced the other out: Where I was flirty and a bit of a free spirt, Edward was reserved and thought everything through. They said we complemented one another so well. I happened to agree wholeheartedly.
We were married one year after Edward finished Medical school. Sure our lives were hectic- with his long hours and crazy shifts, but when he would come home, wrap his arms around me and kiss me hard, it made all the nights alone worth it.
So you can imagine my surprise to find out that my loving, thoughtful and sensible husband was cheating on me with a girl at least ten year younger. How did I find out? I suppose my story doesn't differ much from most womens'. My husband, like most it seems, didn't have the balls to come out and tell me of his unfaithfulness. I had found out from a girlfriend of mine. Rosalie Hale-Cullen who happens to be married to Edward's brother Emmett, is my best friend. She was on location downtown doing a piece on Co-ed housing at Seattle U. Rose could sniff out a story faster than any other. I just wish she didn't have to use that on my love life. She was interviewing a few people on capus when from the corner of her eye she spotted Edward's Audi R8- she watched as it pulled up to one of the dorms and a small female student got out. The car pulled away and that was it. But when I told her it couldn't be Edward, she did what any best friend would do: Handed me a glass of wine and told me to get real. How many Audi R8's with windows so tinted you couldn't see anything, and that special color of deep blue could possibly be driving around Seattle? She was right. Edward's car was custom everything right down to the carmel colored leather seats. It was a devastating blow. After the hurt passed into anger, a sort of calming numbness took over. And it became crystal clear what my next move was.
"I'm telling you if it was me, I would cut his balls off and serve them to his own ass for dinner." Rose always did have away with words. I sat down next to her on the outdoor patio at her and Emmett's penthouse. We decided not to tell Em or Alice yet. They were going to be so hurt and pissed at their brother. I had a feeling Emmett would end up beating the holy shit out of Edward. And while that thought appealed to me on a few childish levels, I was a lady and would handle this with as much grace and class as I could. Still, the image of Edward sporting a black eye and busted lip would have given some satisfaction.
"I know. I just need to see for myself. I need to stay quiet and see how this plays out. Do you think she knows about me? My God the fact he went for a child proves he must be going through a mid-life crisis." Here Edward was, handsome, sucsessful and smart. But it seemed like once he hit his 30s, his mind started to panic. I remember him talking about it to me. Asking where half his life went. I found it a rather odd question seeing as how we had always been happy and lived a somewhat perfect life together. High school sweethearts, college, marriage complete with sexy honeymoon, then on to the happily ever after. Or so I had thought.
"I don't know. But if she does and still stays with him, there are names for women like that. Listen to me," Rose shook her head "like she is a woman. She couldn't be any old than 21- she's a child! She probably doesn't even realize the choices she makes right now will kick her own ass later on down the line." Rose frowned, speaking from experience.
While driving home later that day I cried. I had been crying alone a lot lately. I wouldn't allow Rose or anyone else to see the tears. I just couldn't believe I had ended up like a statistic. My husband, my Edward, was cheating on me. Not only did that knowledge hurt a girl's pride, but I was wonded by the lack of respect from someone who was supposed to be my best friend. Someone who took vows to be the one who sheltered me from the storms of life- not be the tornado that swept through me leaving nothing in it's wake. Years and years of love and yet I get lied to while he creeps around! That hurt the most. Betrayal. I understood that sometimes feelings changed. That sometimes you fell out of love just as fast as you had fallen in it. However, that would have been the time to talk to me, to be a man and have the guts to tell me to my face. The man who tried to have his cake and eat it too, that made me see red. So I cried and blasted angry girl music. At the moment I was listening to Kelly Clarkson singing about "Never Again" I knew just how that felt- sing it girl!
I pulled into our immaculate home. As I sat there for a moment, I took a good hard look at the life I had built with the person I had pledged my devotion and love to for as long as I took breath. On the outside it was just as lovely as the inside. You hear about people who talk about the outside never reflected the total emptiness that dwelled within the home. That wasn't the case here. The home we had made was perfect in that it wasn't perfect. The yard, though very lovely with the evenly cut grass and flowerbeds that were rainbow of colors, but if you looked close enough you could see the burnt patches in the grass where Edward had set the ground on fire by shooting off fireworks with Emmett a few months back. Yes, two grown men acting like they were 13 not in their 30s. If you stepped inside our house you would find a beautiful home, full of nice things we had collected over the years together. But there were things, things that told a story of our lives day to day. Like the coffee stain on the rug down the hall. It had happened one morning when Edward had surprised me by picking me up and kissing me like the day we were married. Then there were the cracks in the corner of the coffee table where Emmett and Edward had gotten too rough one night after watching a UFC fight. Again, they seemed more like boys than grown men. But I found that these things added to our lives- they didn't take away from it. They were memories you could see and touch, and then feel inside your heart.
When I opened the front door and stepped into the foyer, Edward was coming down the stairs with a suitcase.
"Hey." Was all I could manage as I eyed the luggage.
"Hello love. How was your day?" He asked me in a tone that seemed normal enough.
"It was fine. You going somewhere?" I nodded to his stuff.
Looking down, he pulled up the handle on his case. "Yeah, I've got that workshop the Hospital wanted me to attend in NY. Remember?"
I did remember. I also remember hearing on the answering machine in Edward's home office that it had been cancelled. I had forgotten to ask Edward about it. So it would seem he thought it was fine and dandy to go ahead acting like the three day program was still happening. I was equal amounts of hurt and pissed off.
"Really? Okay well, let me go throw some things in a suitcase and I'll go with you. New York would be amazing right now!" Just as I put my purse down and headed for the stairs Edward's hand reached out and stopped me. God, why did he have to treat me this way.
"Tan, it's just going to be boring classes and meetings one after the other. How about you and I take a trip in a month or so? We could go somewhere warm, tropical?" He leaned in and ran his lips across my cheek. Damn him because I felt it from my toes to my heart- like I always did. And that made my heart break even more because I still loved the bastard.
"Yeah. Okay that sounds .. nice." I let the cheating piece of shit go, thinking he was home free to take his little slutty girl-toy on a field trip. Now, as I watched his car pull out of the driveway, I had to wonder if he was really going to take her to New York. One call to the credit card company from Mrs. Cullen herself and I had my answer: It would seem Edward was in a New York State of mind. And so would I..
X
New York in spring time: The air is buzzing with hope and regrowth. Most people seemed to have a renewed sense of life and being able to get out and walk in the fresh, well fresh for New York, air made them feel free. I, on the other hand, was a moody emo bitch from hell. I couldn't believe I was here and the reason behind it was more pain than I thought I would be able to bear. As I got out of the cab at my hotel, the same one Edward was staying at, using my maiden name of course, I felt like a spy. I suppose I was spying. But I had a right to, damn it!
After checking in, showering and dressing, I decided to call my husband- stir the pot so to speak.
"Hello?" He sounded tired. And even though I was in the same hotel he was, he felt as far away from me as if oceans of time separated us.
"Hi honey." I tried to sound normal. Who knew if I did.
"Tanya? Is everything okay?" He sounded like he was turning his mouth away from the phone as he spoke.
"I just wanted to see how your flight was and if you were settled in the hotel."
"Yeah the flight was fine and I'm in for the night. Just ordered some room service." Liar.
"Okay, I won't keep you." I paused to keep my voice from shaking. I was so mad at him but also so, so sad. "Sleep well. I love you, Edward." A tear ran down my cheek.
"Me too. Goodnight Tanya."
I listened to the dial tone for a few mintues before I realized I looked foolish. Pacing around the floor trying to buck up the courage to do what I had planned. I looked at the black wig on the bed, was I really going to do this? The wig had cost a small fortune but it made me look like a completely different person. At that moment as I put the damn thing on, I wished I was a different person. All my life I had been so happy. I had a wonderful loving, supportive family. I was a straight A student and always had good friends. I had the man of my dreams who I loved very much. Now look at me. I came all the way to New York city to see with my own eyes that my husband is cheating on me.
As the lift doors opened, I stepped out into the long hallway on the seventh floor- one floor above me, I was freaking out. I knew what room number Edward was in thanks to the kid who had taken their bags up. One hundred bucks and he told me everything I needed to know. Not going to lie, it hurt so badly to think 'their bags' As I got to the door I heard giggles coming from behind it. And then the door opened. I had to duck around a corner and watch my husband and his mistress leave the room they had been doing God only knew what in. She hung on him like a cheap suit. Being this close I could see she was pretty in a Lindsay Lohan kind of way. Very young, dressed like a street walker in a mini dress and stripper heels. Her hair was a rat's nest of awful. Edward looked like a fool. A very happy fool, but a fool nontheless. Again I was struck with the how-did-we-get-here's
"E, can we go swimming later? I brought a new bikini I just know you're going to, you know, like love!" Her voice wasn't as annoying as you would think it would be. But just looking at her skanky ass I wanted to throw up. The old Edward, my Edward never would have given a girl like this a second glance. Now, he seemed more than happy to give her that and much, much more.
"Bella, you'll be the death of me." He growled, she giggled, I gagged.
I couldn't do it Rose. I'm heading home." I said as I looked out the window of the plane. I hadn't slept in God knew how long and last night was one of the worst nights of my life.
"Tanya, why? I thought that was the whole point of following dickhead to NY was to catch him in the act and confront him about it. And possibly knock skankella on her ass."
X
"I just couldn't do it. When I watched them kiss.. the anger in me faded away and I was so hurt I couldn't fight. I wanted to yell at him, make a scene and make him see the hurt in me. I wanted him to see how deeply he has betrayed me. And I guess a part of me wanted to punch that slut in the face. But when they walked past me looking so together, I shut down." I wiped away a tear as the flight attendant came up to take my drink order.
"Oh honey." To hear Rosalie sound so sad let me know just how pathetic I was.
"Look, Rose I'm getting the signal to turn off the cell. I'll call you when I've gotten home."
"Sure girl. Safe flight, yeah?"
I spent the hours of the flight just sitting. My head was so full of thoughts and my body so tired. I must have driffted off at some point because I was woken up by a very handsome man touching my shoulder.
"My apologies Ms. But the flight attendant was trying to get your attention. She couldn't wake you and asked me to give it a try." I looked up into the face of tall, dark and handsome. He had jet-black hair that was cut short on the side and had gel in the front to make it spike up. Normally that would remind me of some kind of boy bander, but on this man it worked well. His eyes were a blue/gray, and very kind. He was wearing a black leather jacket, jeans and a black t-shirt.
"Oh, thank you. I must have been sleeping pretty soundly." How embarrassing. Knowing the way my luck was going, I had snored and drooled in front of Mr. Hot stuff.
"Nothing better than napping it- not like there's much else to do in-flight." His smile was beautiful. His voice was deep and gritty. I felt myself smiling back at him. An odd feeling of wanting to talk to this man and tell him all about my troubles almost had me asking him more about himself. At the last second I stopped myself. He acted as if he wanted to say more as well. But then the captain came on and told of our descent into Sea-Tac Airport. I watched as Mr. beautiful smile walked back to his seat all the way to the front of the plane. We were both in first class, and I had somehow missed him. Then again I couldn't even remember getting to the airport. My mind had turned to mush. As he helped an attendant put away a blanket, a flash of a gun and holster caught my eye. He must be an Air Marshal. I could see that in the way he carried himself. He was very tall, at least 6'3" and looked like he would be a brick wall to bang yourself against. Perhaps that's what I needed.. a good banging. Then I shut that thought down as fast as it came to me. I wouldn't cheat on my husband no matter how hurt I was. My vows meant something to me. So that meant me and the Air Marshal was a no-go. Sighing, I moved my gaze back to the window and thought about what I would do when I reached home.
X
I was cooking dinner when I heard the front door open and close.
"Tan?" A chill ran through me at the sound of him saying my nickname. I just kept peeling the potatoes and trying not to panic.
"There you are." Edward came up behind me and placed his hands on my hips and his chin on my shoulder. "Don't I get a proper welcome home?"
For a moment red hot rage flowed through my veins and I had to fight back the urge to remind him his skanky girlfriend would be more than willing to welcome him home. I also scared myself with my thoughts of peeling his ass like I was the potatoes.
"How was the workshop?"
"It was fine. Got a lot done. I even found some time to do a little shopping for my girl." I almost asked which one.
"I saw this in a Tiffany's window and knew it was meant to be on your neck." He placed a 18k rose and white gold double heart pendant with diamonds around my neck. I reached up and felt the weight of it. It lay perfectly right in the cleavage of my breasts. Funny, really. He gave me this little heart when he broke my real one. "There, that looks like it was made for you." And with that he kissed my neck and took his bags to the laundry room. No doubt having a clean conscience over having his wife clean the underwear and clothing that would have that slut's germs on it.
He came back into the kitchen with a smile on his face. Seems he must have had a very, very relaxing trip..
"What is my beautiful wife making for dinner?" He opened the oven to find the roast I was cooking. "Your famous roast? God, I am so glad to be home." I wanted to hit him, scream at him. Take Rose's idea and serve him his own manhood on a platter. I gritted my teeth and focused on task at hand: dinner. Then his cell rang. Going by the look he gave the phone, his little hobag was a-calling. Seriously he just walked in the door and she's calling him? God what a clingy little bitch. I then realized I was killing one of the potatoes I had been peeling. I put the pot on the stove and let it do its thing.
"I have to take this my love. It's the hospital." Yeah, sure it was. As I watched him walk off, I wondered how many times I bought the whole I-have-to-go-the-hospital-needs-me bullshit line? How many times has he cheated? How long has he been an unfaithful husband with that girl?
X
"May I help you?"
"Yes, please. I have an appointment with Mr. Aro"
"One moment please." I looked around the fancy office as the secretary picked up the phone and made a call.
"Mr. Aro will see you now. Past those doors, his office is last one of the left."
I took a deep breath and took the first step toward the rest of my life..
... One Month Later
My heart was pounding in my ears. Fear, adrenaline, and anger making it so I didn't feel the ground as I took the steps toward him. The silky little black dress felt cool and smooth over my heated skin. I could feel the breeze coming from the harbor moving the soft spiral curls around my neck. My Christian Louboutin Red suede Devalavi pumps sang a tune that was the soundtrack to my freedom. Looking this good felt like a classy way to say 'Fuck you'
As I approached the table that was tucked away in the dark corner of the little Italian eatery, I watched as he took her hand. Couples, familys and business men all around had no idea what was about to happen.
(Mystery POV)
The sound of the thick folder of papers echoed off the plate it landed on and caused most around his table to stop eating and look up. The man looks up at the tall, beautiful strawberry blond with his face of shock and horror. Working in the food service industry you see and hear a lot. But this right here was something out of a movie. And me without my damn popcorn! The hot blond in the killer heels looked like an avenging angel and the poor bastard who just got served some homework looked green around the gills. I take my ass over one table just in hearing shot of this little party. As I start to clear the table I get an ear full.
"Tanya? What, um what are you doing here?"
"Oh, no Edward don't get up on my account." Someone must have come over at that point because 'Tanya' said, "No thank you I don't plan to stay that long." She turns back to the Edward guy. "That right there is a present from me to you. Divorce papers, signed by me and awaiting your name. So make sure to have them sent back to Aro ASAP."
"Tanya, please. Think about this. We can work something out sweetheart." At that point Mr. Ed tried to stand up, but blondie shoved him down.
"Oh no. No you don't Edward. As I see it, you never gave me the option of getting out of this marriage once you got the itch to cheat. And now you want to work something out?" Leaning down she stage-whispers, "Maybe you should have thought about this little scenario before you cheated with some trashy little girl. Good luck, Edward." Eyeing the 'girl' in question, the woman laughed. "You're going to need it. Make sure you send those papers back soon." Looking back to the dark haired girl who was the color of a tomato, the blond smiled the biggest 'screw you' grin I had ever seen. "He's all yours now honey. Enjoy my leftovers." As the beautiful woman left the restaurant, her head held high, she got a standing ovation from every table. What a woman! And the guy named Edward? Well, he got a glass of red wine dumped over his head by some old Betty White look-alike, and then asked to leave.
(Four years later)
"Have I told you today that I love you? Because I do. I love you more and more each day and I will always thank God for you."
"I love you, too." I smile down at my sweet man.
"Shh T, I'm talking to the baby." I laugh as my goofy husband winks up at me and kisses my huge, round belly. Finally after turning 35 I found out I was pregnant. I always wanted a family and our little girl was due this Christmas.
"Well excuse me!" I watch as my fingers run through Max's hair. The man had the best head of hair ever. His head remains in my lap and his arms are reaching around to rub my back. Who would have thought after going through the most painful thing in my life, it would land me where I am today- A husband who adores me and offers to beat my ex up every single day, a healthy baby girl on the way and a life that feels so good and so real that I pinch myself everyday.
I run my hand down Max's muscular, tanned arm. Over the inked number there. 274 is tattooed on the inside of his upper left arm.
"What are you thinking about?" He asks in that low, gritty and slightly Southern voice of his.
"About the first time we met."
"Flight 274 changed my life."
"But we didn't get together until way later." I point out.
"Yeah, but that was the first time I layed eyes on the most beautiful, amazing woman to ever walk God's green earth. That day was the day my luck changed. I found my angel." His hand cupped my cheek, wiping away a tear I didn't know had fallen. Damn pregnancy hormones!
"Now think about the next time we met." He wiggled his eye brows like the corn ball he was.
"You mean the trip to Vegas with Rose and Alice? The one where a certain Air Marshal almost arrested my best friend?"
"It's not my fault Alice had too much Vodka while on my aircraft. She's lucky her best friend captivated me so throughly or else her tiny ass would've been in trouble." He laughed
"It all worked out though, right?" I tease him because I love to hear his voice when he talks about us.
"Baby, you are more than I deserve. But damn if I'm not selfish enough to over-look that for the sake of my good fortune."
"And do you remember our time alone on your return flight from Vegas?" His sexy smile tells of all the naughty business that went down on that flight. The second that man kissed me in the small bathroom, that was the day I knew I was ready to live again. Lord, the living has been better than I ever thought possible. Maxwell and I have lived a lot.. In every room of our home. And the cars. Not to mention the pool..
Max sits up and pulls me to lay back against his hard chest. At 39 he is built better than most men ten years younger. My Marshal as I call him. My protector, lover and friend.
"I love you my wife." And as his large hand holds mine against our baby girl, I feel now is when my real happily ever after starts.
Sometime later...
"Tanya?" That voice. A voice I would know anywhere. I don't turn around yet. instead I focus on Gracelyn as she coos in her carseat atop the buggy.
"Hey." He is standing right behind me. Winking at my daughter, I turn around to face my ex-husband.
"Hello Edward." I keep my voice as calm as possible.
He runs a hand over his hair. He looks worn and older, but still handsome. I notice he doesn't wear a band on his left hand.
"How have you been?" His eyes move over to Grace and I sense joy for me but also sadness.
"I'm great. How about you?" I'm not interested in anything more than some small talk.
"Mom said you got married and had a baby. She's beautiful.. looks just like you." He smiled that smile that once had my heart fluttering like a butterfly in a cage. Now it's just a smile.
"She's amazing. Best thing I've ever done." I laugh which causes Gracie to giggle. She has her daddy's laugh and that makes my heart soar. She also starts sucking her toes into her mouth. A new stage in her little world.
"She really is a doll." He laughs when her big toe pops out of her mouth.
"Thank you." We stand there awkwardly until I ask how he is- so not to be rude.
"I've been working a lot. They appointed me Chief of Staff at county Gen."
"Wow. That's amazing Edward. Congratulations! I know that has always been your dream."
He stares at my daughter with a heartbreaking smile full of bitter-sweetness. His eyes shift back to mine. "Dreams change"
"Oh." What else can I say here. "I guess I better get going. Don't want the ice cream to melt."
"Tan," He puts a hand on my arm and I tense. Not from fear, just it's been a while. He removes his hand like he didn't realize what he had done.
"I wanted you to know that I didn't marry her. The girl, Bella? Things didn't work out between us." He looks ashamed. For the first time I realize Edward is as alone as I was when I found out he was sleeping with someone else. What was that line about Karma..
"What do you want me to say here Edward? I'm sorry you didn't get the ho in the end? That I'm shocked that a twenty-something college student didn't stick around or did you cheat on her too?" He winced and I almost felt bad. Almost.
"She cheated on me." I had to hold back the childish laugh and the I-told-you-so song and dance.
"Are you happy Tan?"
"Yes. I am very happy." And also in shock to be having this talk with my ex in the frozen foods section.
"Does he.." Edward swallowed a few times and then looked down at his feet. His scrubs were dark blue and made his hair look like a penny. I knew he was trying to ask something about Max. I didn't know how much he knew, but I was pretty sure his family let him know just how amazing that man of mine was.
"Does he love you?" If someone had asked that when I was with Edward I would have been insulted. Maybe because I knew it wasn't right. Like deep down I knew a shadow hovered over me. But here and now I could answer with one hundred percent pride, love and faith.
Looking back to Gracelyn I smiled. "Yes. Yes, he loves me."
A/N Thanks for reading! Leave me your thoughts :)
