This is my first attempt at humor so go ahead and review and tell me what a sucky ass job I did. Today's victim is Kai. He will be the subject of... much torture and amusement (at least for me). And I would love to make a little conversation with my newfound... toy today but I suck at those even more so I decided to spare your sanity. (Poor Kai. By the time I'm done with him, he won't have any left)

Disclaimer: I do own Beyblades. Unfortunately, they're the plushie kind.

"Hey guys! Dinner's ready!" Rei shouted upstairs from the kitchen.

Kai was busy giving Tyson a blow job in his room upstairs. He shivered in delight as Tyson's body writhed beneath his, moaning softly. A/N: NOT!

Kai was alone in his room with the door locked in safety. Max and Tyson had somehow managed to get ahold of some sugar and were currently chasing the "purple bunnies" that had escaped from underneath Tyson's bed. 'Feh!' he thought to himself. 'The only bunnies under Tyson's bed are dust bunnies.'

He tip-toed quietly across the room and placed his ear against the door. Hearing nothing, he decided that the coast was clear and opened the door slowly. One crimson eye peeked out, searching carefully for the signs of two hyperactive teens. Nothing. He let out a sigh of relief and stepped into the hallway. Just then the door to Tyson's room slammed open and two laughing and giggling blurs collided head on with Kai, sending him to the floor in a crash.

"What did we hit Maxie?" Tyson asked, currently unaware of his position.

"I don't know!" Max giggled back. Suddenly he felt something move beneath him.

"Get the hell off me NOW!" yelled a cold voice. Tyson and Max paled visibly, swallowed, and looked down to find an extremely pissed-off Kai. Max was sitting on his legs, but Tyson was straddling Kai's waste and by the looks of it, wasn't very pleased.

"Ahhhhhhhhh! Kai's gonna kill us. Run for our lives!" Tyson and Max screamed simultaneously. They jumped up and ran screaming bloody murder down the hallway. Kai stood and brushed off his pants angrily. 'Stupid little brats. They messed up my hair. They shall pay for that, after dinner.' Kai licked his hand and smoothed down his hair as best as he could. At last he was satisfied and then walked downstairs into the kitchen. A surprising sight met his eyes.

Max and Tyson each hung onto one of Rei's legs, trying to hide themselves from the wrath of Kai.

"P-please Rei! Don't let him kill us!" Max begged for all he was worth.

"Y-y-yeah. It was only an accident. Save us from the Kai of Doom!" Tyson said tearily. He hugged Rei's leg even tighter and refused to let go. Rei sighed and placed his hands on his hips in a very feminine way.

"If you don't get off me right now, I guess you won't eat dinner than. What a shame. I made your favorite bean and cheese tacos too." Rei shook his head.

Max and Tyson released Rei's legs, which by now had started to turn a strange bluish color and hopped to a chair. They sat down next to each other and kept a wary eye on Kai the entire time they ate.

Kai smiled to himself inside his mind. 'I shall have my revenge!' he thought evilly as he piled beans onto his plate.

30 minutes later, all the dishes had been washed and Rei was sitting outside on the wooden porch swing with a hot cup of coffee. Kai went to the restroom. He laughed manically to noone in particular as his stomach rumbled. He then decided that the best way to extract his revenge would be in the living room.

Kai smiled as the rumblings increased. And then... all hell broke loose. Kai let the first one roll; a silent but deadly. That was quickly followed by a long, loud explosion of rectal flatulence. The thumping upstairs temporarily ceased as the sound traveled throughout the house. Then they continued.

Kai walked quietly up the stairs, letting two small farts escape. He neared the door to Tyson's room and began to hear laughter and mumbled talking. 'Completely unsuspecting prey. They shall perish beneath my deadly friend.'

Kai slammed the door open and shouted "Boo!" Max and Tyson screamed like girls, jumped 7 into the air, and hit their heads on the ceiling.

"Oh, its just you Kai..." Tyson began but was interrupted by a sudden loud blast. An insane grin spread over Kai's face and he turned around, exposing his clothed rear end to the two confused teens.

"Fire at will!" Kai shouted. He let out two sbd's and then a loud noise, like a firecracker going off, erupted from his bottom. Quickly, he shut the door and then held it from the outside. A few seconds later, he heard screams.

"Oh my God! It smells like something died in here. Let me out before I puke." cried Max. He banged on the door. Tyson gagged and choked.

"He's not gonna let us out. We're gonna die because Kai farted!" Tyson said, banging his head on the door.

"I...can't breathe." gasped Max, clutching his chest. He was starting to turn a very ugly shade of green.

"Maxie, No! Don't leave me, buddy!" Tyson shook his friend by the shoulders.

"I'll save you, Maxie." he grabbed his now fully incapacitated friend and dragged him to the bedside window. Tyson flung it open, hugged Max to his body, and jumped the two stories down to the very hard ground below.

Rei was still sitting on the wooden porch swing, drinking his coffee slowly. The loud noises created by Max and Tyson had stopped for quite a while already. 'I don't think they would have gone to bed this early. It's only 6:30...'

His thoughts were interrupted by an ear-splitting scream and a loud thud. A hole five feet deep and in the shape of a person imprinted the ground near him. He glanced briefly over his shoulder as two moans escaped from the hole's depth.

"Ouch!" cried two voices together.

Rei walked over to the hole and peered down, trying to hide a small hint of amusement.

"I can breathe!" cried Max dramatically with a hand over his forehead. He jumped up and pulled himself out of the hole.

"Ow. Don't forget who you're stepping on, Maxie." Tyson yelped. He sat up dizzily and a blurry hand reached out for him. He grasped it and felt himself being lifted upward.

Tyson saw daylight, something he never thought he would see again. Suddenly, he passed out. Max did the same a few seconds later. Rei shook his head and dragged the two motionless bodies inside the house.

He saw Kai sitting on the couch reading a newspaper, but he could tell by the way it was shaking that Kai was actually laughing behind it.

"That wasn't exactly necessary, Kai Hiwatari." Rei told him sternly.

Kai stopped laughing and looked at Rei. A completely innocent look crossed his face.

"Who, me? I have no idea what you are talking about." Kai said lightly.

"Kai." Rei warned.

"You have no proof." Kai crossed his arms over his chest. Suddenly his stomach rumbled guiltily. "Fire!" he yelled. A huge gigantic fart shook the house. If you looked hard enough, you could see thin green smoke coming out from behind his posterior.(a.k.a. his butt.)

"Help me!" Rei clutched his throat. He sank noiselessly to the ground unconscious.

Kai folded the newspaper, slung his victims over his shoulder, and climbed upstairs. He threw each of them onto their own bed and locked the doors. Then he barricaded them all shut with several chairs.

Kai giggled and then a huge grin spread across his face. 'There is only one more thing to do.' he thought and then giggled again.

He ran to his room, pulled out his boom box, and grabbed his beloved Shania Twain cd. He carried them downstairs and set them up.

Halfway down the block, Shania Twain's 'UP!' was heard at maximum volume. Kai laughed insanely and jumped on top of a table. With an empty toilet paper roll in one hand, Kai began to belt out the words to the song. In a strangely on-key voice.

The end! Well, what did you think? Was it funny? Should I write another chapter? Tell me when you push the lovely little button below this. See ya!