I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

Enjolras opened the door of the ABC Café and slipped inside. It was the middle of the night, but he couldn't sleep, so he had decided to come here. He was surprised to see a light on upstairs, so he decided to see if there was anyone else had come back too. Tomorrow was the funeral parade for General Lamarque, who had fought for the rights of the peasants in all of France. He had been well loved and respected, and the whole of France was in mourning. Enjolras's respect for Lamarque had run very deep, and so he and his friends were planning to finish what Lamarque started. Tomorrow they were going to revolt and overthrow the French king and the government, with the help of the common people of Paris. Enjolras was extremely confident that they would succeed, but he still had one or two worries, and that was why he couldn't sleep… That was why he had decided to come here… To sort out his thoughts and his feelings and think clearly… Enjolras walked quietly up the stairs, and smiled when he realized who was already here. There was a man sitting at a table for two in the middle of the room with his back to Enjolras. But Enjolras still knew who he was. He would recognize that mess of brown curls anywhere… He slowly and quietly crossed the room until he was standing right behind the man, who, Enjolras could now see, was clutching a bottle of wine in his right hand. Enjolras very gently laid his hands on the man's shoulders and said quietly, "Hi Grantaire." The man – Grantaire – turned, and grinned and waved when he saw Enjolras. "Hi Enjolras." He said, after swallowing the wine he'd had in his mouth. "Mind if I join you?" Enjolras asked, indicating the seat across from Grantaire. Grantaire shook his head. "Of course not. Go for it!" Enjolras smiled and slid into the seat opposite his friend. Grantaire took another swallow of wine. The two of them had been friends for years now, and they were the two masterminds behind the revolt. At first glance, you would wonder what on Earth either of these two men could possibly have in common with each other. At first glance, you would see Enjolras as a calm, wise leader, and you would see Grantaire as a loud, crazy drunk. And on the surface, that was an accurate description of the two of them. However, if you were to look deeper, you would discover that they had a few major similarities that held them together. Both of them were very passionate people, even if they expressed it differently. They believed very strongly in their cause, and they were determined to see it through no matter what. They both loved life, each other, and their other friends very deeply. They'd do anything for their friends, and they would go to any lengths to protect their friends. And they both believed that there was something better for themselves, and for the peasants of France, and they were both more than willing to fight to obtain it. "Could you not sleep either?" Grantaire asked, looking at Enjolras. Enjolras shook his head. "No, I couldn't." "Are you worried?" Enjolras slowly nodded. "A little." he said quietly. Grantaire gently reached over and laid his hand on his friend's arm. "It's gonna be okay, Enjolras." he said softly. "It'll all work out. You'll see!" Grantaire grinned, and Enjolras couldn't help but smile a little at his friend's optimism. "Are you not worried?" he asked in spite of himself. Grantaire shrugged. "Probably not as worried as I should be. I mean, I'm pretty confident that things will work and we'll win. However…" Grantaire paused and took a swig from the bottle in his hand before continuing. "I also know that we could all die tomorrow… I know that we might lose. And I'm trying to prepare myself for anything." Enjolras nodded. "That makes sense." he said softly. A silence fell between the two, but it wasn't an awkward silence. The two of them were very close – had been for a very long time – and they had discovered that they didn't necessarily have to talk to convey their feelings. Finally, though, Grantaire asked, "Just out of curiosity, if we die tomorrow, what regrets, if any, will you have?" Enjolras considered this for several seconds. Finally he said, "I guess my main regret will be that I won't be alive to help continue the fight for freedom. Why do you ask?" Enjolras gave Grantaire a curious look. Grantaire just looked away and shrugged. Enjolras now gave him a puzzled look, completely confused by his friend's behavior. "Well," he asked softly. "what would you regret?" Grantaire looked startled by the question. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but nothing came out. Finally he took a deep breath, swallowed, and said quietly, "I guess my main regret would be not getting to spend any more time with you…" Grantaire blushed as he said this, and he still couldn't look at Enjolras. Enjolras reached out and laid his hand on Grantaire's arm. Grantaire still didn't look at him, but Enjolras could tell that he didn't mind him touching him. "I'd miss you too, Grantaire." Enjolras said softly. "You're my best friend!" Grantaire shook his head and finally looked at Enjolras. The look in his eyes startled Enjolras. It was serious and intense, and also very passionate and desperate. "That's not what I meant, Enjolras…" he said quietly. "Then what did you mean?" Enjolras asked gently. Grantaire didn't answer for a couple of minutes. "Grantaire…?" Enjolras began quietly. But Grantaire cut him off when he softly started to sing… "I can't fight this feeling any longer, and yet I'm still afraid to let it flow… What started out as friendship has grown stronger… I only wish I had the strength to let it show…" Grantaire very gently grabbed Enjolras's hand as he looked at him, waiting for a response. Enjolras wouldn't look at him, and he made no move to hold onto Grantaire's hand… Finally he said softly, "I tell myself that I can't hold out forever…" Grantaire felt tears well up in his eyes at the same time that he felt his heart break. He should have known that Enjolras didn't have feelings like that for him… Releasing Enjolras's hand, he whispered, "I understand…" He slowly stood up and turned to go, but he was stopped when he heard Enjolras stand up too, and then felt him gently grab his arm. Enjolras came to stand right behind him, and he sang softly, "I say there is no reason for my fear…" Grantaire turned around slowly, hardly daring to believe this was real. His heart, full of love and hope, was pounding in his chest as he whispered, "You too!?" Enjolras slowly nodded, taking both of Grantaire's hands in his. Tears of joy filled Grantaire's eyes as he looked back into Enjolras's eyes. Grantaire smiled at the beautiful, blonde boy that he loved, and the smiled that Enjolras returned melted his heart… "Oh Enjolras…" Grantaire whispered, and then softly continued singing. "I feel so secure when we're together! You give my life direction!" Enjolras gently wrapped his arms around Grantaire's waist and hugged him tightly. Grantaire wrapped his right arm around Enjolras's waist, and then let the fingers of his left hand tangle themselves in Enjolras's soft, golden hair. Enjolras buried his head in his love's neck as he sang softly into his ear. "You make everything so clear!" Grantaire closed his eyes and gently nuzzled Enjolras's neck as he sang back to him. "And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight!" "You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark Winter's night!" Grantaire joined Enjolras as he continued singing, both of them holding each other close and tangling their fingers in the other's hair. "And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might! And I can't fight this feeling anymore! I've forgotten what I started fighting for…" Enjolras gently stroked Grantaire's soft curls as he whispered, "It's time to bring this ship into the shore…" "…and throw away the oars forever!" Enjolras and Grantaire sang out together, their beautiful voices echoing in the empty room. "Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore! I've forgotten what I started fighting for…" "And if I have to crawl upon the floor…" Grantaire continued softly. Enjolras replied, "Come crashing through your door…" The two looked into each other's eyes as they continued. "Darn it, I can't fight this feeling anymore!" Grantaire sang out gently, "And if I have to crawl upon your floor…" "Come crashing through your door…" Grantaire gently reached out and touched Enjolras's cheek, and Enjolras did the same to him. "Enjolras…" "Grantaire…" The two of them sang out the last line together softly, their faces only centimeters apart, their arms wrapped tightly around each other, their eyes looking deep into the other's, and their lips barely touching… "…I can't fight this feeling anymore!" The last note had barely faded away when Enjolras pulled Grantaire closer to him and kissed him deeply… Grantaire moaned softly and melted into Enjolras's warm, strong arms. He had dreamed for a long time about what it would feel like to kiss the handsome Revolutionary, but this was so much better than anything he had ever imagined! He was seeing sparks and fireworks galore, and it felt wonderful! When the two boys finally pulled away, they just stood there in the silence and the soft glow of the candles – that Grantaire had lit when he had first arrived at the Café – for a couple of minutes, just holding each other. Then finally Grantaire whispered, "I love you Enjolras. I have for a long time. I was just too afraid to tell you… But if I die tomorrow, I want you to know that I love you more than anything in the world, and that you are the best thing that's ever happened to me!" Enjolras softly kissed the tip of Grantaire's nose and whispered back, "I love you too Grantaire. I have for a long time as well. I just didn't realize it… And if I die tomorrow, I want you to know that I love you with everything that I am, and that you've kept me going over the past few months when I've thought about giving up!" The two kissed one last time, sweet and gentle, and they knew that no matter what happened the next day, they would always have each other.