It was nice to find myself here again up on the mountains. I have told Reverend Mother that I could never be lost up here and I was right. It was when I came off the mountains did I feel lost. Whenever I tried to be the most perfect little girl, the more the adults who were supposed to take care of me would put me down. I thought that becoming a nun would make me whole. I would know then that I was deserving of love and I knew I would be loved. There was always a lot more to being a nun then I thought. As much as loved being there in the Abbey, I never felt I was good enough. I was too free in spirit to ever be such a child of Mary and Jesus.

All my expierences and all my disappointments led me to the Von Trapp family. I had a feeling this new assignment in my life was going to be a lot more than I bargained for. Now that I look back on my first day there, it was an absolute struggle and I'm not even talking about the children. As I was introduced to them, they were intimidating to a degree but I felt as though they were just full of pain and weren't allowed to show it. Their father on the other hand, oh my goodness, he was actually worse than the children. I could tell the poor man was in pain, too but he was way more cruel in his outbursts than the children. Sure, the children could cook up some good practical jokes but the father not wanting his children to have love and happiness because he couldn't handle it? I found it so cruel that I almost got fired for calling him out on it.

Yet, that was the day the miracle happened. I guess he just needed a good talking to and I was the only one to do it. I'll never know if that scowling was bravery on my part or stupidity because I take it he is not a man who takes it lightly when someone so much as suggests for him what to do. He actually opened to his children for the first time in forever and he owed it to me. Actually, he owed a lot to me and not to the woman he was in love with. His heart was changing shifts and Elsa could sense it. Everything she told me the night I ran away was true and I realized then that I was in complete denial.

"Silver white winters that melt into spring," a little girl's voice rang out over the mountain. "These are a few of my favorite things."

That was when I turned around to see Marta sitting on the opposite side of me. Her long, brown hair was waving in the wind. Her pink parasol that she had wanted for her birthday was clutched firmly in her hand. It matched perfectly with her little pink dress and hat. Going into governess mode, I wanted to scold her for getting her dress dirty but I didn't. I was too thrilled to see her.

"Marta, darling," I called out to her with my arms wide open. "Come here, baby."

"Fraulein Maria!" She exclaimed as she ran into my arms. She may have been older than Gretl but she was lighter and easier to pick up. To have her little arms wrapped around my neck and her little legs wrapped around my waist felt so good.

"How are you, sweetheart?" I ask, kissing her cheek.

"Hold on, I've got to give you something!" She excitedly tells me as she digs into her dress pocket. She then hands me a bouquet of flowers that gave me shivers to look at: edleweiss! She gave me a bouquet of edleweiss.

"Don't you like my present?" She was worried to see that tears were beginning to fall from my eyes.

"Oh darling, this is so sweet," I say giving her cheek another kiss.

"Good! I think I should tell you they are not really from me. My daddy gave them to me to give to you."

I couldn't speak when she told me that. My heart got lodged in my throat and it stayed there. Marta just keeps looking at me and smiling. She then squeezes my neck one more time and jumps off of me. She takes off running by the time my voice comes back.

"Where are you going?"

"Back home. Come back when you're ready. We love you!"

That was when I woke up. I realize that I'm back at the Abbey in my own room and in my own, old bed. After that dream, I realize that nothing about this place feels like my own. Oh, boy, I guess I'm going to have to finally talk with Reverend Mother. I know that the Von Trapps are my home now but I need her strength to go back there.