To never return ever again. Leave Bella live a normal, happy, human life. While I ran far away, I could hear faint voices and thoughts of people searching for Bella, and her heart beat, for the last time. Shortly it started to fade. I fell to the floor. I had no idea where I was going, so I curled into a ball.Hey, this is my first FanFiction. Hope you like it. Rate and Review please.
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Stephenie Meyer does :D
(From page 66)
Edwards P.O.V
"Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked before she got into her truck.
"Of course not."
"Now?" I said only now realising my voice sounded urgent. Obviously, because remembering what I had to do soon, knowing that I was going to hurt Bella by doing it. But not doing it would hurt her so much more.
"Sure," She was trying to keep her voice even.
"I was just going to drop a letter for Renée in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there." I looked at the fat envelope, thinking it though. I needed to make sure no one would have these pictures, especially Bella. I reached over her, took the photo album and said "I'll do it, and I'll beat you there." I smiled, it probably looked wrong, because Bella didn't smile back when she replied. "Okay," I closed her door and went towards my car. Sighing, I opened the envelope. I looked through the pictures - noticing how lifeless I looked, and most of all how different Bella and I were.
I had to put it down - think - what shall I do with them? I can't post them to her mother, but I want Bella to remember. I never want her to forget me. But she had to. For her own sake.
I started my car up, and drove out of school. I left my mind wonder - remembering the first time I talked to Bella. She was sat at her table, and as I pulled the chair out, she didn't look up.
"Hello," I said quietly "My name is Edward Cullen, I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."
Bella turned to look at me; "H-how do you know my name?" She stammered. I laughed.
"Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive." She grimaced.
"No, I meant, why did you call me Bella?"
"Do you prefer Isabella?" She had corrected every person who'd called her Isabella. Then I realised not everyone had perfect hearing and could read minds.
I realised I was going way over the speed limit and decided to slow down. Although, Im not completely sure why I did. Maybe I wasn't ready to do this. No, I definitely wasn't ready. I don't want to leave, I wanted to be with Bella - never leave her side. Forever. That meant a little bit more to me - and reminded me I needed to think through what I was going to say, how to start. I couldn't even picture leaving her. The pain on her face. The nightmares she'd have knowing I won't come back. I knew the pain I was going to have to go through. Unbearable - I wouldn't even stay with my family. Live in an attic, go into the corner at roll into a ball, let the pain have me. This also reminded me how Alice had reacted when she saw the vision of me - alone in obvious pain. Sobbing because I couldn't cry. When I came home, after being at Bella's house, she was waiting for me on the steps. All she said was "Why?". I tried to ignore her. I didn't want to talk about it but she followed me in; once I'd gotten to my door, she grabbed hold of my sholder and begged me "Please don't make us leave Edward, I love her too." Esme had overheared and came to see what was going on. She asked and Alice explained to her. Esme said "Edward, you don't know what pain you will put yourself and Bella in. You love her, We all do." All I could say was "Exactly." I went into my room to change.
That's why I was leaving. I knew that loving Bella was just putting her in danger. Like I'd once said when we were sat at a table in lunch, "Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it, if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you. To keep you safe."
By now I was just coming onto Bella's street and realised I was out of time. I hadn't thought it through properly. Was she going to let me go? Would she understand?
I parked in Charlie's spot. I had about three minutes.
I'd just remembered the photographs - I needed to hide them. I decided to take Bella for a walk into the woods - only a little walk so she could find her way out. But, if she didn't, she needed a note to Charlie. I got out of my car and ran to Bella's bedroom window with the album. When I got in I looked at everything. Remembering. Not wanting to forget. I went down stairs and wrote a quick note; 'Going for a walk with Edward, up the path, back soon, B.' I left it where I knew Charlie would find it, and went back to her room. I took everything we'd given her - the CD, aeroplane tickets, and the photo album. I didn't want them, so I picked up a floor board and put them under there. I took my final glance around the room. My last time here. And then I returned to my car, to await Bella.
I went to my car, waiting for Bella's truck to come around the corner. It did after about half a minute. I got panicky. I practised my mask. It would be worse if she knew I was lying or faking it.
Bella looked toward the house and frowned - noticing when ever I parked here, I didn't plan to stay. I got out of my car to meet her. I took her book bag from her - like usual - but put it back down on the seat.
Using my mask, and making sure my voice didn't betray me, I said, "come for a walk with me", taking her hand.
She didn't answer. She looked scared - maybe she new what was coming. But thinking again, she probably didn't. She thought totally different from everyone else.
I didn't wait for her answer - just pulled her toward the east side of the yard, to the forest. She was following unwillingly, a few steps into the forest and I stopped. We could still see the house. Perfect.
I let go of her hand and leaned against a tree, looking at Bella. Remembering every line, every curve, of her beautiful face. For the last time.
"Okay, let's talk," she said calmly. I took a deep breath.
"Bella, we're leaving." She took a deep breath, after I said this.
"Why now? Another year--" She asked but I interrupted her - "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and hes claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." She looked confused. I stared back coldly. She looked sick.
"When you say we-," she whispered. She'd misunderstood.
"I mean my family and myself." Each word sparater and distinct. She shook her head back and forth, clearing it. It took a few minutes before she spoke again.
"Okay, I'll come with you."
"You can't Bella. Where were going... It's not the right place for you."
"Where you are is the right place for me." It's not Bella don't you see? I was trying so hard to not hurt her anymore.
"I'm no good for you, Bella" I said.
"Don't be rediculous." She was trying to sound angry. It was more like a plea. "You're the very best part of my life."
"My world is not for you." I said grimly.
"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"
"You're right, It was exsactly what was to be expected." I agreed.
"You promised! In Pheonix, you promised that you would stay--"
"As long as that was best for you." I interrupted again, correcting her.
"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" She shouted. She was furious. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you - it's yours already!" She would give her soul? To be with me?
I took a deep breath again. Staring, unseeingly, at the ground for a while thinking. What could I say to make her let go? Then I thought there's one thing I could say. I didn't want to say it. It would be the worst thing I could ever said. The blackest lie I've told in my exsistence. There was two voices in my head - the real me saying, 'Don't do it, tell her you were lying', and the other, 'Edward, it's for her safty, anything to make her safe'. I looked up, wearing my mask, wishing it was glued there, and said "Bella. I don't want you to come with me." I spoke the words slowly and precisely. Making sure my voice wouldn't betray me.
I looked at her face. Watched her absorb what I was sayying.
"You... don't... want me?" She said, trying out the way they sounded in that order. It cut me deeply knowing what she'd just said applied to me. I wanted to shout 'No! I was lying, Bella. I will always love you, forever. But I want you to be safe. I have to leave for your own good' but, I would not allow it. And neither would by concience. This was the only way to let her live a safe life, with out vampires. Without mythical creatures.
I said "No." before my mask melted away - to concentrate on what I was doing. She stared into my eyes - looking for the truth. I stared back without apology.
"Well that changed things." I was shocked, her voice sounded so calm. So sure. That it was true. She believed me? After all the times I had told her I loved her. Knowing I loved her more than anything.
I looked away into the tree's, and said, "Of course, I'll always love you... in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm... tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I looked back "I've let this got on for much too long, and I'm sorry for that."
"Don't." She said whispering. "Don't do this."
I just stared at her. Now there was no turning back. I'd done it. She needed to let me go completely.
"You're not good for me, Bella." I decided to turn my earlier words around. She had no arguement.
She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it. I partly new what she would have said 'I now perfectly well I'm not good enough for you, you want someone better'. I waited for her to say something. Anything. My face was void of emotion. She tried again.
"If... that's what you want." I just nodded - unable to talk. Knowing my voice would give me away, because she understood, she was going to let go. She went still. When I'd fount my voice I said "I would like the ask one favor, though, if that's not to much," She looked hopeful. I quickly composed my face.
"Anything." she vowed.
"Don't do anything stupid or reckless, do you understand what I'm saying?" I looked her right into the eye - making sure she would agree. I wouldn't be able to cope if I knew she would go and do something stupid. She nodded.
I breathed a silent sigh of relif. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself - for him." For me.
She nodded "I will" she whispered. I relaxed again. But not by much.
"And I will make you a promise in return, I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never exsited." She was shaking, her heart was pounding. She didn't want this.
I smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human - your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." To bad for my kind though.
"And your memories?" She choked out.
It was like she could read my mind. Or, maybe my face gave me away.
"Well" I hesitated, saying the first thing I thought of "I won't forget. But my kind... we're easily distracted" I smiled. It didn't touch my eyes though. I stepped away. "That everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."
She became aware of something I'd said, but I hadn't noticed anything out of place. "Alice isn't coming back," They had all left. Alice was furious that I wouldn't let her say goodbye.
I shook my head. "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."
"Alice is gone?" She said her voice blank with disbelief.
"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." She looked dizzy, unable to concentrate. Her breath wasn't coming properly.
"Goodbye, Bella." I said peacefully.
"Wait!" She choked, reaching for me. I reached for her, too. But let my hands lock around her wrists, and pinned them to her side. I leaned down, slowly, and pressed my lips to her forehead, briefly. She closed her eyes.
"Take care of yourself." I breathed, against her walm skin.
And I ran. To a nearby tree, climbing to a place where Bella wouldn't notice me. Where I could wait, to make sure she got home safely.
Her eyes flashed open, noticing I had left, and tryed to walk with shaky legs, but not back to her house, into the forest. She must've been following me. She kept moving searching, but not finding anything.
Love. Life. Meaning... Over.
I realised I was empty. This is what it feels like to have no life. To be souless. Have no meaning for exsistence.
Bella walked and walked. Hours were passing by, she didn't realise. Her father would be home, and come to look up the path.
Then she fell, stumbled over something. Not watching where she was going. It was dark now, she didn't get up. She stayed down, rolling onto her side, to breathe, then curled up into a ball on the wet bracken. She fell asleep, shivering from a bad thought, maybe thinking she was alreay having nightmares.
Bella rolled over several times and nearly shouted "Edward. No. Don't please! Stay, Edward!" I was teriffied of knowing that once again I was a main sorce to her nightmares. I nearly went over to her to wake her up and say "It's okay, Bella. I'm here". I decided it was time to leave. To never return ever again. Leave Bella live a normal, happy, human life. While I ran far away, I could hear faint voices and thoughts of people searching for Bella, and her heart beat, for the last time. Shortly it started to fade. I fell to the floor. I had no idea where I was going, so I curled into a ball.
