So, this story is AU for so many reason, lol, and at times the boys will be OOC, for obvious reasons. It is also something which I hope will bring you a smile or a laugh when you need it most. It came from some dark place in my mind and demanded attention, so here's to reading what goes on in my head.
Main Characters: Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Draco Malfoy, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Harry Potter.
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Boys, Toys and Ploys
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Severus eyed the scattered looking elder Malfoy with a very cautious look; one which ultimately betrayed the words that left his mouth: "You're going to be fine, Lucius. How bad can it be?"
"How bad – how bad?" Lucius barked, resting his hands either side of Severus' desk and loomed over him with a foreboding look. The potion master cocked a dark brow in interest; his face remained placid and stone like. "I'll tell you how bad this is, Snape. He's crazy, soft in the head – mad! He's going to eat me alive, Snape, and there's nothing I can do about it; no spells, no potions, no restraints, because she's been very specific about managing him."
"Now, Luciu-"
"I'm telling you now, Severus, when you come looking for me, it will be a body you find…not his of course," he added with a slight softening to his tone. "He is my son, you know."
"I know," Severus agreed, folding his hands in front of him and raising both eyebrows now. "Might I suggest something?"
Lucius pushed himself from the desk and sat into the leather armchair facing his old friend. It was on a complete whim that he sought Severus' advice, for he knew the snarky potion master had no experience or desire to experience the problem that was ailing him today. He could have gone elsewhere – Crabbe, Goyle, Parkinson, Zabini ; he knew that either of the four had far more experience in the area than Snape did, but that would mean he would need to accommodate for their children and one was enough. No, Severus Snape was definitely the best option.
"I would suggest that you simply talk to your wife about what ails you," Severus said matter-of-factly. "I am not the most socially adept human being, Lucius – by choice, let me assure you - but even I would recommend you converse on that matter."
Lucius smirked and Severus was sure he saw a hint of knowing flash in the Malfoy's grey eyes. That was the thing about the Malfoy clan, he had always said it – they wore Slytherin in their hearts but Gryffindor on their face; they never could help but display their emotions.
"Do you doubt me?" he finally asked, irritated at Lucius' knowing looks.
"No, of course not," Lucius said disbelievingly and with a casual shrug. "This is just typical of you, that's all."
"Excuse me?"
"Well you were never one for relationships, were you?" he stated, now toying with the arm rest of the chair. "I mean, dare I mention-"
"Don't!"
"Exactly."
Severus glowered across his desk; his fingers twitched very near the sleeve where he concealed his wand. I should toss this bastard out on his arse right now, he thought, land him on his pathetic behind in front of the whole of Hogwarts and warn him away from my doorstep unless it's a funeral invitation.
"I didn't mean it that way," Lucius chanced after a moment, picking another hole in the sponge he had unearthed from beneath a loose stitch on the leather armchair. "I just meant that romance…no, consistency, isn't your forte."
"If you are referring to the incident with Bulstrode, Malfoy, I was thirteen! Let it go!" Severus snarled.
"Alright, alright," he smirked, raising both hands in defence.
"And stop picking holes in my chairs!"
"Duly noted."
Severus left a frustrated sigh escape his lips, but continued to glare at the blonde man before him. He sat too rigid for this to be a casual meeting and too slack for it to be serious. Lucius was an old friend of his; they had met in school and the older man had looked out for him in ways he had later learned to regret. They had a strained history, a very dark past together and it wasn't one they chose to revisit. That didn't stop them from socialising occasionally and though neither man would admit it, they actually enjoyed one another's company.
"I can't offer you anymore advice," he finalised, reaching across the table to a roll of parchment he had been grading before being disturbed. "Considering this isn't my, ah…area of expertise."
"Severus, stop that at once!" Lucius clucked and flicked a strand of hair over his shoulder. "You're being childish now. Look, I'm going to be honest with you; I could have gone to multiple other people with this issue, that oaf Crabbe and that baboon Goyle, for example, but I chose you instead."
"It's lovely to know you keep my standards raised above those two. I should be so privileged," he drawled, only just biting back a snarky remark that Lucius had best get used to childish behaviour because it was coming his way like a freight train.
"Let me finish! I could have gone elsewhere because they would have understood. I didn't though because parenting isn't about understanding, per say; it's more about getting it…if you understand me?"
"I thought you said it wasn't about 'understanding'?"
"Don't start," Lucius bit, shooting him a glare. "You are a teacher in a school full of children and you must be good at it if you haven't been fired yet. You don't understand them, you just get them."
Severus sighed and pushed the parchment away in defeat. His fingers found the bridge of his nose and he squeezed gently, moving them down his face and eventually settling them on his chin. "Are you asking that I physically help you, Lucius?"
"I might be…"
"Then I might be declining."
Lucius leaned forward, his tone now on the verge of pleading – how unMalfoy of him. "Severus, I don't ask for favours very often, you know that. If I can avoid having to owe anybody anything then I will, but I'm willing to sacrifice that moral code and put myself in your debt."
Severus barked a laugh, reaching for the parchment again and shaking his head. "You almost me had there, I'll admit that. You let yourself down when you wattled on about your moral code."
"There's nothing wrong with my moral code," Lucius defended in a haughty manner.
"No, nothing," Severus murmured darkly, docking a point from Ellie Pudstone's essay when she misspelled cauldron for the second time.
"Fine," Lucius sighed, pushing himself from the chair. "You win. I lose. I'll do this myself."
"It was lovely seeing you."
"I'll let myself out. Please don't stress yourself on my behalf."
"I appreciate your kindness. Good day to you, Lucius."
"Yes…next time then. I'll try and write before then should circumstances allow. I'm sure all will be well."
"Positivity, old friend."
Lucius humphed softly, almost reaching the door before turning on a final whim and staring over at the hunched potion master, who was now scribbling a series of red notes on the foot of the parchment. "You're a good frien-"
"Oh do be quiet, Malfoy! I'll help you look after Draco. Merlin, you almost stooped so low that you could have turned your ancestors in their graves with your own hands."
"Wonderful!" Lucius beamed, straightening a degree in both posture and air. "Narcissa is leaving at 2pm on Friday. Shall I expect you then?"
"Yes, yes. Close the door on your way out," he shooed him away, then quickly called after his retreating back. "And I do not want the room on the third floor. That mattress has a loose spring that my back is still paying for after last time!"
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Thank you for reading and I hope that you enjoyed it, or at least smiled, even if only to be kind.
To Come: Remus, Sirius, the Dursley's and the object of someone's desire.
