Dear Blair,
The events of the past few years have been quite a ride and I felt a bit nostalgic as no one here has seen hide nor hair of you since your trip turned self-imposed exile in Paris all that long ago.
I know you are a character in this little drama but I do feel in the mood to weave a yarn and unfortunately you shall be my unwilling audience though I know you won't mind so much.
Wasn't it quite the scandal all that long ago?
When I found your husband and my wife in all their naked glory cavorting like rabbits on the Egyptian cotton sheets you had given to us as a wedding present (Oh, how I do miss those sheets terribly).
I don't know what possessed me to do so, but I broke out in laughter. I'm a writer for the love of god and here I was smack dab in the middle of some trashy, tawdry story line that even Danielle Steele would find tacky.
Have to love the Upper East Side, don't we?
Of course the tabloids were sent all a-tingle. A Quasi-Incestual Divorce Thriller with all the sides and the vultures gobbled it up like it was the last supper. Thank God for High Paid Lawyers and Adulterous Lovers because you and I both did well. It may seem vindictive but for the cost of your dignity and vow never to set foot in New York again, the payout has kept you in only the finest of hairbands (sorry, I couldn't help the throwback, I can almost feel your glare across the ocean).
As for me as you well know, even with all the money, the writer in me clamored to have my point of view read on a world stage so "Gossip Girl: Tale of a Secret Blogger and Cuckolded Upper East Sider" was born and the Best Seller Lists keep me at a quite lofty number one. You know as well as anyone that some facts may have been fudge just a little bit but the truth was there for everyone to see.
Oh, and though this may not fill you with warm feelings, it should at least provide you with a laugh. It seems they have straightened each other out. Sure they enjoy their vices together but you'd be surprised to know, they now do not indulge them apart! Never did I think I would see the day that Chuck Bass would be in the Tabloids for his total lack of mistresses! After a few cocktail parties that I was forced to attend by my publisher even I have to admit that they do make a better team than I ever thought, in my darkest nightmares I might add, would be possible.
That brings me to the reason for writing you this letter. They are just so awfully perfect and content with each other, New York Golden Couple, that I can scarcely stomach this detestable city anymore.
I'm thinking of going for a trip around the world.
I hear France is lovely this time of year.
You Know You Love Me,
XOXO
Lonely Boy
