For Those We Leave Behind

Elphaba picked up the pen that was lying on her desk. Her hand hovered above the blank piece of paper in front of her, poised to write, but still searching for the right words. How do you say goodbye? How do you say goodbye before disappearing behind the backdrop of time? The two questions raced around in Elphaba's mind, making her lose her train of thought. She shook her head, as though she were shaking off the remnants of a bad dream. She closed her eyes and let four figures rise to the surface of her memory… Tears welled up in her dark brown eyes, burning her emerald skin. She wiped them away quickly with her charcoal glove. Then she put her pen to the paper and began to write, saying her final, unspoken, unknown goodbyes to the four people who had shaped her very existence…

"Dr. Dillamond… I am so sorry for what happened to you! If I had known… If I had known what was going to eventually befall you at the hands of The Wizard… Sweet Oz I would have come for you! I would have used my powers to rescue you from your terrible fate! A fate worse than death… But I was too late… It seems that I am always too late… Nessa… Nessa my wonderful, beautiful, talented sister… To you I must apologize also. I caused you so much pain and grief and suffering… It is my fault that you were born paralyzed. It is my fault that father died. It is my fault, too, that you were killed… And that I will never be able to forgive myself for. Not now. Not ever… I should never have left you in the first place. And you were right. I did abandon you… And I could have used my powers to rescue you… But I did not… I was too selfish… Fiyero… You should never have had to die! I should never have let you sacrifice your life for mine. You should never have had to take my place. I should have been the one to die! Not you… Maybe it would have been better if we had never met. Maybe it would have been better if we had never fallen in love. You would still be alive now if we had not, and you would still be safe in Glinda's arms… And Glinda… Oh Glinda… You were my best friend. The only friend I have ever had. And I betrayed you… Hurt you… I took Fiyero from you… I should not have done that, no matter how much I loved him! If I had not, he would still be alive and safe in your arms… I will never forgive myself for what I have done to you, Glinda. In a sense, you were forced to watch me die… I saw the pain in your eyes before I sank beneath the trapdoor… And not only am I sorry that you had to watch me die, but I am also sorry that you now have to live out the rest of your life in grief and sorrow, knowing Fiyero is dead, and believing me to be dead as well… And to all four of you – to Dr. Dillamond and to Nessa and to Fiyero and to Glinda – I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. You have all suffered because of me, and three of you died because of me… None of you should have had to die. None of you should have had to suffer. I should have suffered! I should have died… And I am so, so sorry… Love, Elphaba Thropp, the Wicked Witch of the West."

Elphaba set down her pen and folded the paper in half. She sealed it with her personal seal and laid it on the desk. "Maybe the Gale Force will find it." she thought bitterly. "And they'll either laugh at me or burn it…" Elphaba pushed away the bitter thought and stood up. She grabbed her hat and her satchel and put them on, and then picked up her broom. "Chistery!" she called. "It's time to go!" A winged monkey flew over to her and came to rest on the floor in front of her. "Are you ready Chistery?" Elphaba asked softly, gently. Chistery nodded. "Yes, Miss Elphaba, I am." Elphaba nodded. "Let's go then." Chistery nodded again and took off, first through the open window, and then out into the open sky. Elphaba stood in the center of the room, taking another look at her old life. She put one hand over her mouth, stifling the sob that escaped her throat. Once she had regained control of herself, she mounted her broom and followed Chistery. The only that was ever found of her again was the note. The note that she had written to those that she had left behind.