Dress Up


Author's Note: I'm bored with the other fic I started, then this idea sort of popped into my head. It starts at Sami's bachelorette party and I'm changing a few details from the show to make this fic work. Other than that, it's kind of a strange story. Most of my fics end up getting strange in one way or another, so this one just starts strange too ;). I'm also sorry for the hiatus HHS is on if you really liked that one. I have a short attention span lately, but I may add to that story if I get in the mood.


Chapter One

Kate and Bart had been the first people to make unwanted appearances at Sami's bachelorette party. Then, only twenty minutes after Bart's slightly disturbing stripper dance, Nicole arrived and made her own attempt to crash the party.

Nicole showing up drunk didn't surprise Sami; it was common knowledge that Nicole had become very attached to the bottle after losing Brady. Unfortunately, even though she wasn't surprised, Sami wasn't any less angry. If there hadn't been a party full of witnesses around, she would have happily strangled Nicole. After dealing with Lucas' witch of a mother and Tony's infuriating lap dog, Sami didn't know if she could deal with this blackmailing lush without hitting something.

Nicole didn't waste any time in attracting attention to herself. After a quick stop at the bar for a Cosmos, she lurched into the middle of Alice's on unsteady, six inch heel clad feet.

"Hey, everybody!" she called, her voice a worthy opponent for the music and voices surrounding her. "Sorry I'm late. I just couldn't decide what to wear."

Belle, who had obviously decided to follow her brother's example and treat Nicole like trash, pursed her lips disapprovingly. "Were you even invited? I can't imagine why either of the brides-to-be would want you here."

"I heard that you're pregnant," Nicole returned randomly. "That explains a lot. You're getting really fat." Ignoring Belle's indignant gasp and Mimi's laughter, Nicole shifted her attention to Chloe. "You want me here, don't you? It's not like there's any hard feelings between us. So what if you played dead and broke Brady's heart, then waltzed back into his life right when he was getting ready to move on with his life and marry me. Nope, I'm not bitter at all." Nicole's broad grin didn't come close to reaching her eyes.

When no one responded, Nicole added, "But it's okay. I'm still hotter than you, and Brady still wants me bad."

Sami gritted her teeth when she heard Kate's shrill voice rise above Nicole's drunken one. "You have a lot of nerve coming here and saying these things. You couldn't hold on to Brady because you didn't deserve him. You're evil and selfish and you always ruin everything." Kate's gaze flickered in Sami's direction. "In other words, you're just like Sami."

"Why don't you do everyone a favour and shut up?" Sami snapped. "You're the one who shouldn't have been invited."

Nicole shot Sami a big, crooked smile. "It's so sweet of you to defend me. I love you, too." Nicole wobbled over to Sami's table, then looked back at the other guests solemnly. "Sami thinks I'm hot. She wants me almost as much as Brady does."

"What the hell? I do not!" Sami retorted, even though she knew it was useless to argue with Nicole when she was hammered.

Nicole grabbed Sami's hand. "I have to talk to you in private." Once Sami was standing, Nicole leaned over and whispered, "Stannie-poo," in a sing-song voice. Exasperated and embarrassed, Sami followed Nicole out of the bar, but not before wrenching her hand from Nicole's grasp.

As soon as they were outside, Sami crossed her arms over her chest impatiently. "What do you want?"

"I want Brady back." Nicole answered, pouting. "I'm lonely and I miss him. It really hit me tonight. He's gonna marry Chloe if you don't stop him. You have to help me get him back or I'll have no reason to go on living."

Sami rolled her eyes. "Is that supposed to motivate me? Listen, I think you need to lay off the alcohol and find a new guy. I can't help you."

"You better help me, Ssssami," Nicole slurred, "Or I'ma tell the world who Stan really is. Actually, I'll just tell Kate instead. She'd pay big money for that information and I need cash as much as I need Brady sex."

"What you need is a slap upside the head," Sami told her, "and I'll give you a lot more than that if you breathe a word to Kate or to anyone else."

Sami wondered why she was wasting her time on Nicole. Since Nicole had her own skeletons from the Stan era, she couldn't really want Stan's identity to be revealed. Tony was the real threat. Nicole was just a pain in the ass, but Sami still wished there was something she could do to get Nicole off her back about the Brady thing.

She didn't have time to expand on this thought. She and Nicole were suddenly drawn out of their conversation by an outsider's voice.

"Nicole!" A dark haired woman rushed towards them. When she came closer, Sami realized the woman was Jan Spears, the woman who had stolen Shawn from her little sister all those months ago.

"Jan?" Nicole blinked. "Woah, this is insane. This is the first time I've been so drunk that I started seeing things."

"It's about time I found you." Jan's eyes were wide and scared. "I looked everywhere."

Nicole squinted at Jan. "Are you really here? The last time I checked you were half dead."

Jan waved her hand dismissively. "That's over now. I made a 'miraculous' recovery according to the doctors. I don't find it miraculous though. There was just no way I was going to let Measles kill me or give me permanent brain damage."

"What's the problem then?" Nicole asked. "Why do you need me?"

"I wanted you to help me get Shawn back," Jan explained. "I did some sneaking around and found out that Measles is after my man. I wanted you to help me teach that little snake a lesson."

Sami looked from Jan to Nicole curiously. "I didn't know you two were friends."

"We're not friends," Jan corrected Sami, "Nicole's just my bitch."

"I am not. You're my bitch."

"Be quiet, bitch," Jan then went on to tell the rest of her story, "I went to your mansion, but when I got there I saw Victor. But it couldn't have been Victor. He's dead. What's going on, Nicole?"

"You obviously didn't kill him properly," Nicole scolded Jan, "because he came back to life."

Jan looked relieved. "Oh, that's good. For a minute there I was afraid I really was suffering from brain damage."

"Did he see you?" Nicole inquired anxiously.

"I ran away really quickly, so I don't think he did."

"He better not see you," Nicole warned. "You have to get out of Salem before he finds out you're not in a coma anymore and gets both of us locked away for attempted murder. Ugh, I need another drink."

"But I have to stay and keep Mimi away from Shawn." A horrified expression came over Jan's face. "Shawn doesn't know I tried to kill his grandfather, does he?"

Sami raised an eyebrow. "You two tried to kill Victor?"

"Ja-an," Nicole whined. "Now she's got more dirt on me. Why don't you leave?"

"I can't." Jan was beginning to look worried in spite of her refusal to leave. "I guess I do have to hide though. If Victor does find me, you're going down too, Nicole."

Nicole made a face. "Fine, but if I go down with you, then I'm taking Sami down with me."

"And if I go down for what I did, then I'll take you down with me." Sami shot back.

"And I'll bring Jan down with both of us if that happens." Nicole shrugged. "So if one of us goes down, we all do."

After a few moments of silence, Jan finally said what they were all thinking, "Well, this sucks balls."

Sami bit her lip so hard she almost drew blood. The inconvenience of Jan and Nicole couldn't have come at a worse time. Now she had to keep Jan hidden from Victor (and everyone else in Salem) and keep Nicole from telling anyone about Stan.

More importantly, she had her own life to worry about. She couldn't lose Lucas again, but she knew she would if he found out she had been Stan. He hated Stan so much that he would definitely hate her as well if the truth came out.

"What does Nicole have on you anyway?" Jan asked Sami.

Nicole answered for Sami, "She dressed up like a man and did a lot of terrible things."

"Seriously?"

"Did you ever meet a creepy guy named Stan?" Nicole questioned Jan.

Jan's jaw dropped. "You mean that sexy blond was really her?"

"Sexy?" Nicole wrinkled her nose.

Jan was shaking her head in disbelief. "No way. I can't believe that was you. That was one incredible disguise. How did you figure it out, Nicole? I never would have guessed it. You're a genius, Sami. You could have hid in that disguise forever. It was so..."

While Jan continued to gush, the beginnings of a scheme formulated in Sami's head. Jan was right about the disguise. Nicole would never have realized that she was Stan if Tony hadn't tipped her off. And as long as Tony escaped from jail, he wouldn't get in the way of her new plan.

The more she thought about it, the more she believed she could pull it off. The more she believed she could pull it off, the more she believed it was the best idea she had come up with in a long time.

"It's perfect," she said aloud.

"What's perfect?" Jan asked curiously.

Sami's smile was both sly and mysterious. "I know of a way you can hide from everyone and still stay in Salem. In fact, I know how we can all get what we want out of this."

"Out of what?" Nicole demanded.

"You're going to get a Stan disguise," Sami instructed Jan. "While you're wearing it, you're going to get Lucas to forgive you. Whatever else you do in the disguise is your call."

"That'll never work," Nicole interjected. "How is she supposed to look like Stan?"

"I still have the name and number of the guy who dressed me up like Stan. We'll get him to give Jan the same look. She'll need colour contacts and some other things I didn't need, but other than that it shouldn't be too hard." Sami said.

"Stan's a criminal, remember?" Nicole had clearly sobered up quite a bit and was not keen on Sami's plan. "They'll arrest Jan if she dresses up like him."

"You haven't let me explain all the details yet. Jan will come back as Stan and blame everything on Tony. Stan will say Tony manipulated and threatened him and that he didn't want to do all the things Tony made him do."

"Won't Tony have something to say about this?" Nicole asked doubtfully.

"He's in jail. What can he do?" Sami brushed off the question, not wanting the two women to know that Tony was on the verge of escaping because of her. "You'll also have to apologize to everyone Stan tortured." Sami told Jan, glad that she wouldn't be the one in the Stan disguise this time around. She wouldn't have been able to stomach apologizing to people like John Black.

"Most importantly, you have to get Lucas to stop hating Stan." Sami concluded.

"He's still going to hate you for lying to him no matter what his feelings on Stan are, dumbass," Nicole argued.

"I don't think he would if he understood Stan better. I know he'd still be angry, but I'm hoping this will make him less angry if the truth does come out one day. If the plan goes really well, maybe I'll find the courage to tell Lucas I was Stan." Knots formed in Sami's stomach despite her confident words. "But the point of this is to help Lucas find closure with the Stan thing so both of us can move past it. I'm hoping he won't be so obsessed with Stan if he stops hating him."

"I've always liked the idea of cross-dressing," Jan said slowly. "I think Shawn would look hot in a skirt. I guess I can handle dressing up like a man for a while."

"What about me?" Nicole scowled. "This plan isn't helping me get Brady back at all."

Sami had to think quickly. "I was getting to that. You see, um... Stan's going to be your boyfriend."

"What? That is the dumbest part of this plan yet!" Nicole exploded.

"No, it isn't. You need to make Brady feel jealous and threatened. Let's face it, the guy is an arrogant jerk. If he realizes you're moving on with someone else, he'll realize that he still wants you to love him."

"But I don't want to kiss her." Nicole pointed at Jan as her face practically turned green.

Jan looked pretty grossed out herself. "I'd rather french kiss a splintery piece of balsa wood than kiss her. Gross."

"Can either of you come up with anything better?" Sami asked, disregarding their unhappy reactions to the sudden twist in her scheme. Jan and Nicole's protests ceased immediately.

"Then it's settled." Sami said firmly. "We'll meet tomorrow to work out the rest of the details. Now get lost and let me enjoy the rest of my bachelorette party."

Without so much as another glance at her allies, Sami turned and walked back into Alice's, leaving Jan and Nicole outside to stare at each other, their faces contorted in disgust.