I'm walking through the loft because there's this incessant beeping noise and I have a thing about that, or really anything that repeats. And, to be honest, its not really a big deal because my brain seems to have stop processing since I can't even believe I'm here at all. But I know it's the microwave and I should just end that rather than leave it and risk it waking her.
Her.
I have a feeling of dread in my stomach over that. I keep thinking she's going to wake up and regret it and regret me and then what will I do? Because she became my world somehow when I wasn't looking and now I feel like everything will just drop or stand still or something if she stops looking at me in that special way. And I don't think I could stand being without her ever again. Mostly because I can still feel her on my skin and taste her on my tongue and lips and getting out of bed was the worst decision of my life.
And I can't believe I'm here and she let me do all of those things to her. I mean, our relationship was so far beyond platonic for so long that every touch is just a shock to my system. And I'm not a romantic or anything so I hate all of that cheesy stuff about melting and burning and lack of control, but for some reason all of that seems fitting and appealing to me now. So I apply it anyway to my memories of this night.
This night.
Beyond incredible, I guess, is all that goes through my mind. And here everything had seemed so normal and predictable when I had arrived so many hours ago with that dweeb in tow. Just a movie and I didn't even get to sit next to her because he insisted and I'm just the best friend, so I let him and now I hate him, impossibly, even more. Because I could have gotten closer to her sooner and felt that dark, deep heat sooner instead of waiting for him to leave and waiting for her to finally notice me.
Notice me.
She did, but it definitely took her long enough and it didn't hurt that I threw caution to the wind and joined her in the shower after he left and her brother went to bed. She didn't even look surprised. Instead, she looked at me in that way and pulled me to her. And I seemed to be the only one unsure since she pressed her lips to mine without hesitation and rammed our bodies together as if we did this every night and this was just me not remembering that this is natural and normal. But it's so not normal since I'd never even kissed her before that moment.
That moment.
That's the one that's making me into this unrecognizable lame-ass romantic I could never have seen myself as being before. But reality really is overrated and had left the moment I had stepped into the shower and she had yanked me against her. And damn did our bodies fit. Even with the kiss she gave me being brief, things were far from over because her tongue traced my veins from my neck to my nipple and her hands were circling lower until they hit there and I could have made a noise easily but I didn't since I didn't want to shatter the moment. I didn't want to do anything that might make her move away and take away this incredible feeling. But she wouldn't have anyway, since her mouth returned to mine and I got lost somewhere around her tongue and I obviously wasn't in control since I didn't even realize it was my hand that had slipped down her body and was exhuming those sounds from her throat.
And god was I praying, when I could form thoughts, that her brother was a deeper sleeper than I thought because if he could hear what I was doing with his sister he would probably never let me come back. But I couldn't stop, even with that thought, because I was sure my fucking life would end.
End.
Damn I hate that word and tonight more than ever because eventually the water ran cold and no matter how much heat we were creating we had to get out. But she looked just as disappointed as I felt which made everything seem better since I wasn't alone in my lust and love of her. And as much as I wanted to continue back in her room and keep going today is a school day and she needed to get her sleep to get those good grades of hers and it was already almost midnight when we got out of the shower. So originally I had pulled on those clothes she had handed me and climbed into bed with her to cuddle her into sleep.
Sleep.
I just couldn't get any because she smelled like shampoo and sex and I knew that she needed to sleep but she would probably sacrifice it if I just slipped my hand down her pajama pants and into those cute little panties she had put on. And damn was I tempted. But that freaking love in the back of my heart, or maybe encompassing the whole fucking thing, was telling me to let go and I would get another chance.
Another chance.
What if I don't? What if she decides last night's shower was a one-time thing, an experiment, which she definitely doesn't want to try again? I couldn't deal with it. And when she wakes up she'll probably want me to say something romantic or promising or maybe she won't want me to say anything at all. Maybe she won't want to talk about or remember this at all.
My heart is beating so fast and I'm struggling to stay calm and not run back upstairs and wrap my arms around her and force her to stay by my side. This is my problem, I keep getting like this- all panicky and stupid and it's so not attractive. And what if she sees me like this and decides she doesn't want me anymore because I can't fucking stop freaking out?
"Sam? What are you doing?" I whirl around to see her standing on the stairs with sleep still in her eyes and her hair tousled and part of me wants to laugh but the other part wants to make love to her on the spot.
"Just opening the microwave so it'll stop beating." I answer honestly, thinking my heart might stop beating.
But she just smiles and stretches a hand out to me. "Come back to bed?"
It's a question, but she didn't even need to ask because I was ready to race her back. But that would be extremely uncool, so I walk steadily up the stairs to her and lean in and kiss her. And it's the scariest moment in my life because I am so afraid she's going to reject me or pull away or push me away. But she kisses me back and then grins.
"You're so cute." She says with that look that I'm sure I will need to get for the rest of my life in order to breathe.
"Carly, I…" And the fucking words are failing me so I just stare stupidly at her and hope for the best.
"I know. I love you too."
Why had I gotten out of bed at all? Oh yeah, stupid microwave. Repeated beeping noises really aren't annoying enough to get out of bed for. What was I thinking?
