Disclaimer: I own nothing. Eh.


Rory spends a lot of her time thinking. Sometimes she lies in bed at night, unable to sleep, her mind refusing to shut down. When asked, she says it's the coffee that keeps her up. It isn't.

She thinks about a lot of things. She thinks about school, she thinks about her mother, she thinks about Logan.

Logan.

She is fascinated by him. He thrills her, he keeps her guessing; he makes her feel like a fourth grader, squealing over Joey Hoover, her first ever crush. But he isn't like her. She's the kind of girl who would rather type out an essay on a Friday night than go out and get drunk. And he's exactly the kind of guy that would make fun of her in high school. She convinces herself that he isn't like Tristan. Oh God. Tristan.

She often thinks about Tristan. She remembers kissing him. She liked doing something secret, something impulsive, something bad. She sighs when she realizes that's what most of her relationships are based on. Tristan sent her a letter about a year ago. How he obtained her address, she has no idea; maybe he asked Madeline or Louise. He told her he was sorry, for being an ass, for being an idiot. She didn't write back. She feels bad. But not bad enough to write back.

Thinking of feeling bad reminds her of Dean. After the initial excitement during the beginning of relationship, his appeal wore off. When Lorelei started to accept Dean, the couple was doomed. Dean needed Rory. She liked being needed at first. But she never needed him. When she met Jess, it was just a matter of time before Dean was forgotten. Dating Dean sent her into a constant spiral of guilt. Which, of course, only made her like Jess more.

Rory knows that there is no one like Jess. He is stubborn, he is frustrating. He is amazing. He read her like a book. Other guys wanted her because of her beauty, because of her wit, because of her intelligence. Rory knows Jess sees (saw?) past that. He never loved her because he thought she was perfect. He loved her because he knew she wasn't. And in an alternate universe they could be together. But Rory knows that they made a terrible couple (she laughs bitterly when she realizes this.) He has always had that pesky tendency to be a jackass.

Rory ponders the men (and the boys, because some of them still were) in her life. Sometimes she wonders if she'll end up like her mother, going from break-up to break-up, always looking for The One. Rory doesn't want that. Rory can't seem to figure out what she wants, shifting under her covers at three in the morning.