A/N: This is the dare provided by BadLuckCat!
Objective: To make a successful parody of the song Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, but inserting The Once-ler in his place.
:3 The challenge is on!
By the way, this is based on The Hanging Tree by BadLuckCat (Certain references...)
~OS
[The Once-ler:] Who does she think she is?
That girl has tangled with the wrong man!
No one says "no" to Once-ler!
[Secretary Lady:] Heh heh. Darn right.
[TO:] Dismissed!
Rejected!
Publicly Humiliated!
Why, it's more than I can bear.
[SL:] More beer?
[TO:] What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.
[SL:] Who, you? Never!
Mr. Once-ler, you've got to pull yourself together.
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Mr. Once-ler
Looking so down in the dumps
Every man here'd love to be you, young sir
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as you sir
No one's quick as Once-ler
No one's neck's as incredibly thin as Once-ler
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a fine entrepreneur
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you! No word will be truer!
[Chorus:] No one's been like Once-ler
A king pin like you, sir
[SL:] No one's six feet and four off the ground like Once-ler
[TO:] As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
[Chorus:] My what a guy, The Once-ler!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
[SL:] You sir, are the best
And the rest are all drips
[Chorus:] No one fights like Once-ler
Douses lights like you, sir
[Business Man #1:] In a debate match nobody bites like Once-ler
[Business Man #2:] For there's no one as quick-witted and brawny
[TO:] As you see I've got many brains to spare
[SL:] Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
[TO:] (Ah, what?)
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with flair
[Family:] No one hits like Once-ler
[Townsman:] Matches wits like Once-ler
[SL:] In a singing match nobody sings like you, sir
[TO:] I'm especially good at articulating (La!)
[Chorus:] Ten points for Once-ler!
[TO:] When I was a lad I made four dozen thneeds
Ev'ry morning to help me get bigger
And now that I'm grown I make quintillions a week
Or maybe some greater big figure
[Chorus:] No one knits like Once-ler
Makes those beauts like Once-ler
[SL:] Then goes tromping around wearing hats like you, sir
[TO:] I use my thneeds in all of my decorating
[Chorus:] Say it again
Who's a man among men?
And then say it once more
Who's the hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know?
Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his fangirls- each pair
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it here
[SL:] And his name's O-N-C-E
O-N-C-E-L
O-N-C-E-L-E-R- oh!
[Chorus:] Once-ler
A/N: Guys, I tried my hardest. Please don't be disappointed in me!
*cries*
I really hope you like it!
:D
~OS
