A/N: This is the dare provided by BadLuckCat!

Objective: To make a successful parody of the song Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, but inserting The Once-ler in his place.

:3 The challenge is on!

By the way, this is based on The Hanging Tree by BadLuckCat (Certain references...)

~OS


[The Once-ler:] Who does she think she is?

That girl has tangled with the wrong man!

No one says "no" to Once-ler!

[Secretary Lady:] Heh heh. Darn right.

[TO:] Dismissed!

Rejected!

Publicly Humiliated!

Why, it's more than I can bear.

[SL:] More beer?

[TO:] What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.

[SL:] Who, you? Never!

Mr. Once-ler, you've got to pull yourself together.

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Mr. Once-ler

Looking so down in the dumps

Every man here'd love to be you, young sir

Even when taking your lumps

There's no man in town as admired as you

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as you sir

No one's quick as Once-ler

No one's neck's as incredibly thin as Once-ler

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfect, a fine entrepreneur

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you! No word will be truer!

[Chorus:] No one's been like Once-ler

A king pin like you, sir

[SL:] No one's six feet and four off the ground like Once-ler

[TO:] As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating

[Chorus:] My what a guy, The Once-ler!

Give five "hurrahs!"

Give twelve "hip-hips!"

[SL:] You sir, are the best

And the rest are all drips

[Chorus:] No one fights like Once-ler

Douses lights like you, sir

[Business Man #1:] In a debate match nobody bites like Once-ler

[Business Man #2:] For there's no one as quick-witted and brawny

[TO:] As you see I've got many brains to spare

[SL:] Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

[TO:] (Ah, what?)

And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with flair

[Family:] No one hits like Once-ler

[Townsman:] Matches wits like Once-ler

[SL:] In a singing match nobody sings like you, sir

[TO:] I'm especially good at articulating (La!)

[Chorus:] Ten points for Once-ler!

[TO:] When I was a lad I made four dozen thneeds

Ev'ry morning to help me get bigger

And now that I'm grown I make quintillions a week

Or maybe some greater big figure

[Chorus:] No one knits like Once-ler

Makes those beauts like Once-ler

[SL:] Then goes tromping around wearing hats like you, sir

[TO:] I use my thneeds in all of my decorating

[Chorus:] Say it again

Who's a man among men?

And then say it once more

Who's the hero next door?

Who's a super success?

Don't you know?

Can't you guess?

Ask his fans and his fangirls- each pair

There's just one guy in town who's got all of it here

[SL:] And his name's O-N-C-E

O-N-C-E-L

O-N-C-E-L-E-R- oh!

[Chorus:] Once-ler


A/N: Guys, I tried my hardest. Please don't be disappointed in me!

*cries*

I really hope you like it!

:D

~OS