Saloon Metro (Akuma's Bad Hair Week)
Hello, all... This is my very first pure-humor fic, so please comment. I got this idea in a twisted sort of way and you are doing to see what my dysfunctional brain can kick out within a period of about 10 minutes... so... enjoy. I don't own any of Capcom's fighters...
----- -----
Chapter 1: SUNDAY
(In a field within a Japanese forest a few miles off of Tokyo...)
Akuma: You, Ryu, are dead...
Ryu: Do not underestimate me so early. I will make sure I defeat you.
Akuma: It's funny that you say that. Do you realize that you cannot defeat me as long as you restrain your Satsu no Hadou?
Ryu: Don't make me laugh. You're pretty much a slave to your own energy. At least I'm sane enough to admit that I have a killing problem.
Akuma: ...nnnnnnnnnnnnnn...
(Akuma warps towards Ryu, about to perform a Shungokusatsu, but Ryu is a very clever one indeed...)
Ryu: Master Gouken...?
Akuma: Wha!??
(Akuma stops on a dime and looks behind him, seeking out the elder that he had thought to have killed. He fell perfectly into Ryu's mind trick...)
Ryu: Tatsumaki Senpu Kyaku!
Akuma: You fool!
(Akuma ducks down and avoided Ryu's move... but he proved to not be fast enough. Ryu's powerful kick managed to hit something... Akuma's hair, which was always standing on end. Within an instant, all of Akuma's red hair exploded all over his head, leaving only his red eyes in view)
Ryu: ...
Akuma: ...this is perfect...
Ryu: ...
Akuma: We'll finish this later.
Ryu: Wait! Don't tell me that your running from me all because of your-
Akuma: Yes! You think this is an appropriate way to kill you looking like this???
(Instantly, Akuma teleported next to a waterfall, where he managed to see a reflection of himself off the water.)
Akuma: (running a hand through the mess of hair all over his head...) I don't believe this... No one has EVER dismantled my hair like this... *growl* When was the last time I even put my hair up like this...
Akuma's semi-conscious: Remember the day when you sparred with-
Akuma: (out loud) That was 30-something years ago! Yeesh... Now I got to remember how to redo this thing... without that rubber band at that...
Akuma's semi-conscious: Rubber band? Wasn't that...?
Akuma: Shut up...
(About 30 minutes later...)
Akuma: ARRRGH!!! This hair is just as untame as my evil energy... I'll need...
Akuma's semi-conscious: No... You don't say...
Akuma: SHUT UP!!! If there is a man's worst enemy, it's their hygiene... I'll... need help... I know a place...
(Within a second, Akuma teleported again, this time in France, deep within a dance club... Walking calmly through the crowd of teenage punks and such, forcing himself to withstand the heavy metal music being blasted throughout Club Metro, Akuma finally reached his destination... Saloon Metro)
Akuma: ...
(Taking a pause... Akuma walks in... Meanwhile, the Saloon was busy with Street Fighters and regulars alike either working or getting their hair done, random chatting in the air. In the back, an employee was talking to her employer...)
Sakura: Okay... Mr... uh...
Remy: Just call me Remy.
Sakura: Okay... Remy. I just need to know... just why the heck am I here in the first place???
Remy: Well, you said that you needed money to get your school fuku fixed after Sagat obliterated it with a Tiger Cannon, so... I figured I'll do it myself for free if you did me a favor...
Sakura: Yeah... one of your employees is sick and can't make it in... but I don't know the first thing about hair. I just keep it cut and that's it... I AM a tomboy, after all...
Remy: Hey, just be lucky that you're only here for a day. Just go on and mess with a few guys' hair and by the end of the day you're set. Gotta love the no refund policy... *grin*
Sakura: Whatever... So what if the guy I do doesn't like it?
Remy: ...you are a Street Fighter, right?
Sakura: Oh... okay... *rolling eyes* Whatever you say...
Remy: Just relax... Hey, new customer... Go get him, and if you need me, I'll be in my office... busy...
(As Remy went in to handle his... special business, Sakura turned around to see a man who looked VERY familiar walk up to her. He had a black karate gi on and a bush of red hair all over his head...)
Sakura: Uh... Hi. My name is Sakura and I shall be your hair dresser for today... How do you like your hair done?
???: Just put it up... Straight up...
Sakura: Okay...
(Sakura let her first client sit in the chair in front of her and turned it so that it faced the long mirror in front of him. Before she started, she ran a hand in front of her client's face so that she could see his face...)
Sakura: AKUMA!?!
Akuma: Listen, girl... Do you wish to die now or are you going to do this thing?
Sakura: *clearing her throat* Yeah... just hold on a sec...
(Turning away from Akuma, Sakura closes her eyes...)
Sakura: *thinking* Okay... where are you...?
(A few seconds later... a dark surge of energy shot through her body and instantly, Sakura transformed...)
Dark Sakura: Okay, Akuma. Let's just get this over with. I have other guys who are begging to get sheered...
Akuma: What did you say?
Dark Sakura: *while grinning evilly* Nothing...
(Dark Sakura immediately gets a razor up and running....)
Akuma: Uh... I don't think...
Dark Sakura: Listen, bub. Do you want me to do this or not? I don't have all day, you know. Besides, I know what I'm doing...
Akuma: ...
Dark Sakura: I thought so...
(30 minutes later)
Dark Sakura: You're done...
Akuma: Don't you people have a spare mirror?
Dark Sakura: What the heck are you talking about?
Akuma: Well... When you were battling my wild hair... the battle immediately shattered the mirror in front of us...
Dark Sakura: Yeah, well it ain't my fault you never used shampoo...
Akuma: And I'm pretty sure I didn't need to lose THAT much hair...
Dark Sakura: Hey! Who's the client here?
Akuma: ...let me just pay and get out of here...
Dark Sakura: Why thank you...
(At this time, she transforms back to her normal self)
Sakura: ...come back soon, okay?
(Akuma just rolls his eyes and leaves)
Sakura: *thinking to herself* Yeah... not too soon... I can't believe that you did that to his hair...
Dark Sakura: *from inside her head* That's just my payback on him threatening to kill you. Don't worry. By the time he finds out about it, we'll be long gone back to Japan...
Sakura: If you say so...
(Back in Japan, Ryu is meditating back in the area where he had fought Akuma at... until Akuma reappears in front of him.)
Akuma: Ryu! It's about time I finished you off for good!
Ryu: Hmm...? A... Ack!!!!
Akuma: What? Are you scared of me now, Ryu!? How pathetic...
Ryu: I'm not scared at all... I'm... just shocked...
Akuma: You should be...
Ryu: Yeah... You're hair is even more hideous than your fighting is.
Akuma: WHAT!?!?
Ryu: ...you mean you did this without a mirror? You should look at yourself...
Akuma: ...
(Once again, Akuma teleports to the river he was at an hour ago... and his reflection showed his somewhat standing hair BUTCHERED, periodically showing small bald spots all over the back of his head and random globs of hair gel all over it [how he saw that far, no one knows...])
Akuma: ...THAT WOMAN!!!!
(In another instant, Akuma was seen back in the hair saloon, storming through the front door, his red aura flaring off his body.)
Akuma: WHERE IS THAT LITTLE BRAT AT!?!?
(In the same position, Sakura looked up from her new patient, Chun-Li [whose hair was basically being shaved off at the sides], and squealed.)
Sakura: Oh, great... He found out... Nice going...
Dark Sakura: *from inside her head* Don't worry... Just let me take over again...
(Just as Sakura transforms again, Akuma picks her up by her shirt)
Akuma: Do you have ANY IDEA what you did to me?! I should kill you now for this!
Dark Sakura: ...if you don't get off my shirt, I seriously think YOU will be in pain...
Akuma: ...are you threatening me...?
Dark Sakura: No...
(A flash of light later, Akuma's seen being thrown outside of the Saloon, slamming into the wall opposite to the front door.)
Dark Sakura: Geez... what a headache... Now to get back to my next victim...
Sakura: *from inside her head* Victim?
Dark Sakura: *while smiling evilly* Nothing...
(As the door slams, Akuma calmly gets up and brushed himself off.)
Akuma: Hmm... She'll make a fine disciple one day... Bah. I'll come back tomorrow to see if there is another hair dresser... Hope she's better at this than she was...
(Akuma then notices the passing people stopping to stare at him...)
?: Nice hair, dude!
Akuma: Ahhh, shut up...
(Within an instant, Akuma was gone to parts unknown...)
--- ---
End of SUNDAY
Hello, all... This is my very first pure-humor fic, so please comment. I got this idea in a twisted sort of way and you are doing to see what my dysfunctional brain can kick out within a period of about 10 minutes... so... enjoy. I don't own any of Capcom's fighters...
----- -----
Chapter 1: SUNDAY
(In a field within a Japanese forest a few miles off of Tokyo...)
Akuma: You, Ryu, are dead...
Ryu: Do not underestimate me so early. I will make sure I defeat you.
Akuma: It's funny that you say that. Do you realize that you cannot defeat me as long as you restrain your Satsu no Hadou?
Ryu: Don't make me laugh. You're pretty much a slave to your own energy. At least I'm sane enough to admit that I have a killing problem.
Akuma: ...nnnnnnnnnnnnnn...
(Akuma warps towards Ryu, about to perform a Shungokusatsu, but Ryu is a very clever one indeed...)
Ryu: Master Gouken...?
Akuma: Wha!??
(Akuma stops on a dime and looks behind him, seeking out the elder that he had thought to have killed. He fell perfectly into Ryu's mind trick...)
Ryu: Tatsumaki Senpu Kyaku!
Akuma: You fool!
(Akuma ducks down and avoided Ryu's move... but he proved to not be fast enough. Ryu's powerful kick managed to hit something... Akuma's hair, which was always standing on end. Within an instant, all of Akuma's red hair exploded all over his head, leaving only his red eyes in view)
Ryu: ...
Akuma: ...this is perfect...
Ryu: ...
Akuma: We'll finish this later.
Ryu: Wait! Don't tell me that your running from me all because of your-
Akuma: Yes! You think this is an appropriate way to kill you looking like this???
(Instantly, Akuma teleported next to a waterfall, where he managed to see a reflection of himself off the water.)
Akuma: (running a hand through the mess of hair all over his head...) I don't believe this... No one has EVER dismantled my hair like this... *growl* When was the last time I even put my hair up like this...
Akuma's semi-conscious: Remember the day when you sparred with-
Akuma: (out loud) That was 30-something years ago! Yeesh... Now I got to remember how to redo this thing... without that rubber band at that...
Akuma's semi-conscious: Rubber band? Wasn't that...?
Akuma: Shut up...
(About 30 minutes later...)
Akuma: ARRRGH!!! This hair is just as untame as my evil energy... I'll need...
Akuma's semi-conscious: No... You don't say...
Akuma: SHUT UP!!! If there is a man's worst enemy, it's their hygiene... I'll... need help... I know a place...
(Within a second, Akuma teleported again, this time in France, deep within a dance club... Walking calmly through the crowd of teenage punks and such, forcing himself to withstand the heavy metal music being blasted throughout Club Metro, Akuma finally reached his destination... Saloon Metro)
Akuma: ...
(Taking a pause... Akuma walks in... Meanwhile, the Saloon was busy with Street Fighters and regulars alike either working or getting their hair done, random chatting in the air. In the back, an employee was talking to her employer...)
Sakura: Okay... Mr... uh...
Remy: Just call me Remy.
Sakura: Okay... Remy. I just need to know... just why the heck am I here in the first place???
Remy: Well, you said that you needed money to get your school fuku fixed after Sagat obliterated it with a Tiger Cannon, so... I figured I'll do it myself for free if you did me a favor...
Sakura: Yeah... one of your employees is sick and can't make it in... but I don't know the first thing about hair. I just keep it cut and that's it... I AM a tomboy, after all...
Remy: Hey, just be lucky that you're only here for a day. Just go on and mess with a few guys' hair and by the end of the day you're set. Gotta love the no refund policy... *grin*
Sakura: Whatever... So what if the guy I do doesn't like it?
Remy: ...you are a Street Fighter, right?
Sakura: Oh... okay... *rolling eyes* Whatever you say...
Remy: Just relax... Hey, new customer... Go get him, and if you need me, I'll be in my office... busy...
(As Remy went in to handle his... special business, Sakura turned around to see a man who looked VERY familiar walk up to her. He had a black karate gi on and a bush of red hair all over his head...)
Sakura: Uh... Hi. My name is Sakura and I shall be your hair dresser for today... How do you like your hair done?
???: Just put it up... Straight up...
Sakura: Okay...
(Sakura let her first client sit in the chair in front of her and turned it so that it faced the long mirror in front of him. Before she started, she ran a hand in front of her client's face so that she could see his face...)
Sakura: AKUMA!?!
Akuma: Listen, girl... Do you wish to die now or are you going to do this thing?
Sakura: *clearing her throat* Yeah... just hold on a sec...
(Turning away from Akuma, Sakura closes her eyes...)
Sakura: *thinking* Okay... where are you...?
(A few seconds later... a dark surge of energy shot through her body and instantly, Sakura transformed...)
Dark Sakura: Okay, Akuma. Let's just get this over with. I have other guys who are begging to get sheered...
Akuma: What did you say?
Dark Sakura: *while grinning evilly* Nothing...
(Dark Sakura immediately gets a razor up and running....)
Akuma: Uh... I don't think...
Dark Sakura: Listen, bub. Do you want me to do this or not? I don't have all day, you know. Besides, I know what I'm doing...
Akuma: ...
Dark Sakura: I thought so...
(30 minutes later)
Dark Sakura: You're done...
Akuma: Don't you people have a spare mirror?
Dark Sakura: What the heck are you talking about?
Akuma: Well... When you were battling my wild hair... the battle immediately shattered the mirror in front of us...
Dark Sakura: Yeah, well it ain't my fault you never used shampoo...
Akuma: And I'm pretty sure I didn't need to lose THAT much hair...
Dark Sakura: Hey! Who's the client here?
Akuma: ...let me just pay and get out of here...
Dark Sakura: Why thank you...
(At this time, she transforms back to her normal self)
Sakura: ...come back soon, okay?
(Akuma just rolls his eyes and leaves)
Sakura: *thinking to herself* Yeah... not too soon... I can't believe that you did that to his hair...
Dark Sakura: *from inside her head* That's just my payback on him threatening to kill you. Don't worry. By the time he finds out about it, we'll be long gone back to Japan...
Sakura: If you say so...
(Back in Japan, Ryu is meditating back in the area where he had fought Akuma at... until Akuma reappears in front of him.)
Akuma: Ryu! It's about time I finished you off for good!
Ryu: Hmm...? A... Ack!!!!
Akuma: What? Are you scared of me now, Ryu!? How pathetic...
Ryu: I'm not scared at all... I'm... just shocked...
Akuma: You should be...
Ryu: Yeah... You're hair is even more hideous than your fighting is.
Akuma: WHAT!?!?
Ryu: ...you mean you did this without a mirror? You should look at yourself...
Akuma: ...
(Once again, Akuma teleports to the river he was at an hour ago... and his reflection showed his somewhat standing hair BUTCHERED, periodically showing small bald spots all over the back of his head and random globs of hair gel all over it [how he saw that far, no one knows...])
Akuma: ...THAT WOMAN!!!!
(In another instant, Akuma was seen back in the hair saloon, storming through the front door, his red aura flaring off his body.)
Akuma: WHERE IS THAT LITTLE BRAT AT!?!?
(In the same position, Sakura looked up from her new patient, Chun-Li [whose hair was basically being shaved off at the sides], and squealed.)
Sakura: Oh, great... He found out... Nice going...
Dark Sakura: *from inside her head* Don't worry... Just let me take over again...
(Just as Sakura transforms again, Akuma picks her up by her shirt)
Akuma: Do you have ANY IDEA what you did to me?! I should kill you now for this!
Dark Sakura: ...if you don't get off my shirt, I seriously think YOU will be in pain...
Akuma: ...are you threatening me...?
Dark Sakura: No...
(A flash of light later, Akuma's seen being thrown outside of the Saloon, slamming into the wall opposite to the front door.)
Dark Sakura: Geez... what a headache... Now to get back to my next victim...
Sakura: *from inside her head* Victim?
Dark Sakura: *while smiling evilly* Nothing...
(As the door slams, Akuma calmly gets up and brushed himself off.)
Akuma: Hmm... She'll make a fine disciple one day... Bah. I'll come back tomorrow to see if there is another hair dresser... Hope she's better at this than she was...
(Akuma then notices the passing people stopping to stare at him...)
?: Nice hair, dude!
Akuma: Ahhh, shut up...
(Within an instant, Akuma was gone to parts unknown...)
--- ---
End of SUNDAY
