"I'm sick Ana. Can you please go to Banana Holdings Inc. and interview Christian Banana for me?"
My best friend Kate looked up at me with pleading eyes. She was so pretty even when she was sick. So pretty. So pretty. So pretty. I hit my head to regain focus. The doctor was worried about these repetitive episodes I kept having. I decided to push it out of my mind for now.
"Well ok I'll go." I couldn't refuse Kate. She was so pretty and bossy.
"Can I borrow some clothes?" I asked.
"Oh Ana, I told you the school has donation drives. You should stop wearing paper bags all the time."
I sighed, she was right but she finally conceded to give me an outfit.
I drove to Seattle. I wondered what to expect from Mr. Banana. He was the largest manufacturer of bananas in the world. He was a very powerful man. He was probably some old dude or something. I arrived in the office. It was large with glass windows and floors. A lady in a banana suit welcomed me. I felt self-conscious. She was dressed so much better than me.
"Um, I have an appointment or something." Way to go Ana. My inner goddess pulled out a rifle and blew my brains all over the walls.
"Right this way please." Another lady dressed in a banana costume met me by the elevator.
Geez, did Christian only hire women who wore banana costumes? Isn't that illegal or something? I rode the elevator to the top floor. I felt so self-conscious again. We arrived. A man dressed as an orange left the office. Great, now I'm really self-conscious.
"Mr. Banana will see you now." The immaculately dressed banana lady smiled at me.
I walked into Mr. Banana's office and fell head first. Strong arms caught me. I looked up into Mr. Banana. He was young, with red hair like Ronald McDonald. He was hot! Wow.
"Are you alright?" He murmured sexily.
"Uh, yeah I'm fine." I glanced around his office. There were portraits of bananas in different states. Some close up, some far away. One caught my eye. It was a lone banana lying sideways in a field. Did it indicate... loneliness?
"I'm here to interview you." I said sheepishly.
"Yes, of course, please sit." He gestured to a chair across from him. I sat down and took out Kate's notes.
"Are you gay?" I blurted out. Mr. Banana's eyes grew dark.
"No, I'm not."
"Ok cool, um so tell me how is it owning the world's largest banana corporation in the world? Banana Inc."
"I like to have control over my company. I hire only good people who know bananas inside and out..." He gave a very dry account of his business operations. Suddenly the tables turned.
"So tell me, what kinds of books do you like to read?"
Whoa! What an intrusive question. "I like old stuff. The classics from England. You know from whatever year makes me sound the smartest."
"Interesting."
This conversation was too intense. I needed to escape.
"Thanks for the interview Mr. Banana. I need to go."
"You're driving? But it's raining in Seattle of all places. Are you sure you know how to drive in the rain?"
"I'll be fine." I scurried out the door.
The next day, I decided to put Mr. Banana out of my mind and went to work at my job at a hardware store. One of the employees was hitting on me and asking me out. Everyone liked me. It was such a curse.
I was doing inventory when a voice interrupted me. "Ms. Steele. How nice to see you again."
It was Christian Banana! What was he doing here? He's here to see you, my inner goddess commented again before she shoved my head in a toilet.
"Mr. Banana, how can I help you?"
"I'm just here to pick up a few things. Rope, cable ties, duct tape, a machete and garbage bags."
I wondered what he needed all that stuff for but decided not to think about it too much.
"Right this way." I showed Mr. Banana where his various supplies were located.
He suddenly turned and looked at me with his sexy gray eyes. "Would you like to go to coffee with me sometime Anastasia?" The way he said Anassstasssiaaa was so hot, like melted oreo cookies with whip cream at the mall… or something. Calm down, my inner goddess chided, throwing me down a mountain of jagged rocks. I tried to focus. Coffee. I didn't drink coffee only tea. How was I supposed to respond to that? Did they have tea at coffee shops? I'd never been out with a boy before either. I grew up on a deserted island most of my life and had only escaped four years ago. Was I ready to go have coffee with a boy?
"Ok, sure."
I nervously waited for Mr. Banana inside the coffee shop. I glanced at the menu. Wow they had tea after all.
"Ms. Steele. How nice to see you again." Christian materialized in front of me. "Can I buy you something to drink?"
"Jesus, I can get it my fuc**** self." I was getting tired of his controlling ways.
Mr. Banana tightened his lips. "It's no trouble."
"Well, alright. I turned to the lady working at the counter. "Jolly ho governor! I'd like my tea bag out if you please."
We sat down and I dipped my tea bag in the hot water for two seconds, then took it out.
"Why do you do that?" Mr. Banana asked.
"I dunno, I guess I just like drinking hot water."
"Then why even bother ordering the tea?"
He made a good point. I never thought about it before. We continued our mundane conversation for several minutes when he suddenly blurted out, "I'm no good for you Anastasia. I'm dangerous. You should stay away from me."
He abruptly walked out of the coffee shop. Oh god, I knew it. It was me. He couldn't possibly be a weirdo. My inner goddess dropped an anvil on my head from a second story window. Tears threatened to spill over. The first guy I liked. Why was I so attracted to him? Was it cause he was hot and rich? Nah.
I decided to go out drinking later with Kate and my only ethnic friend Jose', he was Mexican or Native American or something. Whatever.
I had never drank before. Even at my twenty-first birthday party. It was weird everyone was having a good time that day drinking but I just sat around.
I slammed down a few drinks at the bar. I decided to call Mr. Banana.
"Wuzzzzuppp."
"Are you drunk?" He sounded terse.
"I sure am. Woooo!"
"I'm coming to get you." The line went dead.
Whatevers. I decided to dance for a bit. It soon grew hot and I went outside to get some air. Jose' followed me.
"Anna." Jose slurred. "I've always liked you." Jose started pawing at me.
Suddenly Christian Banana appeared. He pulled Jose off me. I began to feel dizzy. I vomited in the bushes.
Jose shrugged and went inside. Christian came over. "Hey, you alright? Why don't we go dance some more?"
He led me inside and we danced. It strangely made my nausea worse. I ran outside to throw up again and passed out.
I awoke in a bed. Where was I? I was in my underwear. Oh god, was I in Mr. Banana's room?
"Good morning." Mr. Banana stood coolly against a wall, his pants hanging from his hips.
"What happened?" I asked frantic.
"Oh you got sick and passed out, figured I'd take you to my house instead of the hospital."
"Oh."
There was a knock at the door. A man brought a cart laden with food. "I took the liberty of ordering you everything on the menu."
I grabbed the blanket and dressed quickly in the bathroom. I looked at all the food and felt sick.
"I can't eat right now."
"Eat!" Christian commanded.
"Uh, yeah I'm really not hungry."
"Eat!" He ordered again.
I sat down and started to consume some of the food. Christian lectured me on my drinking. "Imagine! A twenty-two year old woman going out drinking with her friends, unheard of!"
Geez, he was acting like my father or something.
"So why did you leave the coffee shop?" I tried to change the subject
"I have strange tastes Anastasia. I would lead you down a dark path."
What was he talking about? Despite his warning I pushed. "Like what?"
"Come meet me in three days time and I'll tell you. Then you'll see if you still want to see me."
"Ok, sure, whateves, sounds good to me."
The next three days felt like really long days or something. Kate wanted to know what was up. She was so pretty with her pretty hair and pretty face and pretty clothes. I couldn't tell her much. I knew she wouldn't approve.
I met Christian at his office after three days had passed. He led me upstairs to a helicopter! Wow!
We flew over the city. There were lights and buildings and stuff and we were high up and everything. We flew to Vancouver then Oregon than back up to get to Seattle.
We landed and went inside. I was finally going to find out what the mysterious Mr. Banana was hiding.
