A/n - Hey yall..this is my first fanfic heh, I'm an obsessed instant star fan hehe and I hope you enjoy my story..Please review and tell me if you do like it so I wont feel like an idiot and that no one is interested, dont be too harsh:)

Disclaimer - I do not own Instant star or any of the characters but I do own these poems/songs.

To not be okay - takes place after "Miss world"

Chapter 1 - Broken

'Tommy and Sadie are together...mom and dad are fighting for rights over me ..I dont know what to do anymore everything is so messed up'

"You caressed me in your open arms of fear. " Jude sang with more emotion than she ever had before, ending the song.

"Jude, it was amazing..I think you just finished the song." Tommy finally spoke.

"Thanks.." Jude smiled and whiped the tears away from her eyes, just realizing she was being watched.

Tommy walked through the entrance and closed the door. He walked over to her and put the palm of his hand up to her cheek, holding her face gently.

"Girl, are you alright? you havent looked good lately." He asked almost in a whisper. She wanted to throw her arms around him and tell him everything that was bothering her and just cry into his chest until the liquid wouldn't flow anymore but instead..

"Thanks for the compliment tommy," She smiled slightly knowing tommy didnt mean it that way and before he could defend his statement she continued,"Yeah..yeah i'm fine heh..you know its just with this whole thing with darius and the studio and this new place," she paused and looked around her new studio, "Its just getting to me I guess." She failed to tell him the rest..the part that was hurting her the most.

"Well always remember i'm here if you need to talk..and i'm sorry about sneaking up on you like that..just thought I'd see what you were working on, I heard music so I let myself in."

"Well i'm glad to see you, as always tommy you know that," She smiled slightly at the thought of him, "Besides you promised me if the door was ever locked-"

"I'd kick it down." He finished her sentence and smiled at her warmly.

"So..where's sadie?" Jude asked, getting up and putting her guitar on one of the many couches in her new place.

"She went somewhere with your mom." He said, also getting up and walking towards the door.

"Oh.." She suddenly got very quiet as tears started to dwell in her eyes but she turned her face from tommy so he wouldnt notice.

"You sure you're ok jude?" He asked once more. He wanted to help her..he hated to see her sad like this.

"Yeah i'm fine." She managed to let out without her voice cracking and without her facing him.

"Then I guess i'm gonna head out..call me if you need me." And with that he left.

Jude once more, whiped the tears from her eyes and looked around her new studio. She was there alone since spiederman was on a mini tour that lasted about a week and since when the tour started she lost her voice she decided to stay at home and write lyrics..though now she wished she would've went. If only she would've known she would have gotten her voice back so soon.

Jude finally got up and walked over to the stereo and turned on some music to help her get her mind off things. After doing this she started walking back over to the couch but she heard footsteps coming towards the entrance which made her stop and look over. There was a tall man in his mid-20's who looked very muscular and very scrungy.

"Well well well..I cant believe what i'm seeing..Jude harrison." He started towards her.

"Um..yeah thats m-me" She stuttered, backing up a little.

"So its true, you're out of the studio, huh?" He smiled viciously.

"Where did you hear that?" Jude asked deffensively.

"Doesnt matter, fact is its true." He pushed her up against the wall.

Jude didnt notice she had walked back so far.

"W-what do you want from me?" She asked, trying to push him off of her.

"You know..I always did have a thing for young blondes." He began kissing her neck.

She was still struggling to get him off of her but he was just too strong.

"Dont do this" She pleaded, as the tears started to fall for the third time within the matter of 15 mins.

"Oh but why not," He asked smiling, slowly unbuttoning her shirt, "You'll enjoy this." He pulled her towards him as he turned the radio up so no one would hear her scream and then pushed her down on the floor, hitting the back of judes head making her go unconsious and at that judes innocence was taken from her.

A few hours later jude woke up hurting all over. She looked down and noticed her skirt was torn and her shirt was laying next to her. She tried to get up but fell because her head seemed to weigh more than her body did. When she lifted her hand up to her head she noticed there were streams of blood flowing down her forehead.

"Oww." She winced in pain.

When she finally was able to get up, put her shirt on and adjust to her surroundings she heard the radio which was still blasting and making her head throb even worse.

"Oh my god." She started to remember what happened

flashback

"W-what do you want from me?"

"You know..I always did have a thing for young blondes."

End Flashback

Tears were flowing now. She picked up her phone and read 6 missed calls-4 from her mom and 2 from sadie. She had to call someone, tell them what happened, do something! she had to do something. She scrolled through her contacts and stopped at tommys name. 'Can I trust him?..he'll ask so many questions..hes the only one I do trust' She debated. She looked down at her skirt where there was blood that was seeping down her upper theighs, she couldnt walk home. "I have to call him." She said, her voice quivering. She pushed the button.

Tommy answered, "Hey jude whats up?"

Jude gasped, "Tommy I...I need u to pick me up."

Tommy instantly heard the hurt in her voice "Are you-"

Jude cried quickly "Just please pick me up tommy."

Tommy, without thinking twice, replied, "I'll be there in a few mins." and shut his phone.

Tommy was with sadie at the moment.

"Who was that?" She asked, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and kissing his cheek.

"I gotta go, i'll be back later." He got up expressionless without saying another word and left the nearly empty harrison house to pick up jude.

Tommy ran through the door of the studio to find jude sitting curled up on the couch. He immediately seen the blood.

"Jude.." He walked towards her, his heart breaking with every aching moment he looked at her.

"What happen?" He sat down next to her not wanting to touch her because he didnt want to hurt her anymore than she already was hurting.

She looked up at him and he seen the cuts on the top of her head and where the blood had been smeared.

"Jesus.." He examined every part of her with his eyes and when he got to her skirt he noticed where else the blood was coming from.

"Oh no.." He knew what had happened and he wanted to hold on to her and tell her everything would be alright but he didnt want to touch her, he couldnt touch her. And all at once a new emotion rushed over him. Rage.

"Who did this to you?" He asked almost in a whisper. Jude didnt answer, she just sat there in shock.

Tommy got up and sat in front of jude on the floor, balancing himself on his feet, he put his hands on judes shaking shoulders and held a firm but soft grip.

"Come on jude, who did this to you?" he asked again even more quietly.

"I..I dont know." All she seen when she tried to remember was a tall muscular figure but when she tried to remember what his face looked like all she seen was blurr.

"Remember for me jude." He pleaded.

She tried once again and all she could remember was it happening..it played over and over in her head. She pushed her face into tommys chest and sobbed. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her carefully, pulling her down to the floor with him.

"Its okay jude..I wont let anyone ever hurt you again." He promised, cradling her and rocking her back and forth.

Tommy took jude back to his apartment for the first time ever and let her clean herself up, she made him promise not to tell anyone, not just yet anyway. He took her home and jude stayed home for the next few days in her room just lieing on her bed and having the horrible incident play repeatedly in her head, she avoided her mom and sisters questions about her cuts and even when her dad called she made excuses not to see or talk to him. Yet In about a week jude decided to go back to her studio since there was no point in staying home and she had alot of words in her mind that she wanted to write down and officially work on.

When she got there it was empty again, sme hadnt returned yet. It pained her to be in that room in her studio but, where else could she go? She picked up her guitar and started to strum it, fooling around with a few different chords until she reached the ones she wanted.

"Dreamt of the day when my life would be normal again

She started out slow and shaky.

when my past would fade and only the scar from you would remain

Her voice got deeper.

living this lie, this secret

A certain person walked into the studio and stood at the door listening

living in shame is what i'm doing

and you get off with nothing?

typical i guess..it always ends this way

But its only a dream

I cant be fixed

cant you see?

you've taken my life from me."

With that she ended her song with a tear. the person came up behind her and wrapped his hands around her eyes but before he could say anything she screamed and started crying hysterically.

"Jude jude its ok its just me." He quickly pulled away from her.

"Jamie." her heart beating just a little slower.

"Why were you crying?" Jamie asked, embracing her.

"Oh..no reason..you just scared me is all." She said slowly, she hated lieing to jamie but she just couldnt bring herself to tell him, she knew he'd be even worse than tommy, 'oh god tommy..crap!'

"Jamie I..I gotta go I'll call you later, ok?" She let go of jamie and whiped the liquid from her eyes, running out of the studio.

Jamie stood there amazed that she left so fast and just a little confused on why she left.

"Tommy!" Jude ran into G-major that was now owned by darius.

Tommy took off his head phones, he had been recording Mason, one of the new instant star winners first single. He tapped on the window and spoke into the mic letting mason know they were going on a break.

"Hey girl, how you doing? you shouldnt be down here..you should be at home." He looked at her concerned.

"Yeah well, I needed to make sure you kept your promise, and besides staying at home isnt making me feel any better..if anything its making me feel worse, I needed to get my mind off of.. it."

Tommy was looking at the ground now with his eyes closed, he was rubbing the back of his head and trying to make out words.

"No jude, I havent said anything," He opened his eyes, lifted his head and grabbed her hands,"But you need to tell your mom or something because I dont want to be the only one who knows this, and what you really need to do is go to the doctor and see if you-" Jude cut him off and dropped his hands.

"No tommy I'm not going to the doctor and I dont want my mom to know and if i do go to the doctors and something is wrong then they will make sure my mom knows." she said, not quite screaming but loud enough for darius to hear them, as he did.

"Whats this I hear about going to the doctors jude?" Darius came through the door.

"Oh nothing..i've just been getting sick lately I guess and tommys worried and I dont want my mom to get worried because she'd keep me from working on my songs and- why am I telling you this anyway? you guys kicked me out of the studio for three months so you shouldnt be worrying about me." She was almost in tears again at the thought of not being in the studio anymore.

"Jude, you know-" Darius started.

"Save it darius, you threw me out after all I'd done to try to make you happy. I'll see you in a few months" She glanced at tommy and then before darius could say something in his defense she walked out the door. Tommy shook his head at darius and then followed jude.

"Look, you need a ride?" He asked, catching the door that was just flung open by jude exiting the studio.

she stopped dead in her tracks, then turned towards his viper and got in the passengers seat.

"I'll take that as a yes." He smiled. They'd been driving only for a few minutes when jude decided to break the silence.

"Tommy, just please dont say anything ok?" She pleaded.

"Jude-" He started.

"No tommy, look I know, I understand..i'll go to the doctor, ok? I know its dangerous.. i'll tell sadie and she'll take me." she reassured him. He looked at her uncertain that she was telling him the truth.

"I swear." She whispered.

"Okay...but you know, I should have taken you to the doctor right after it happened, we could have caught the guy! now the evidence is gone." He looked at her uncomfortably.

"Tommy, I didnt want to go to court or anything..I didnt want it to be all over the tabloids and its going to kill my mom when she finds out, do you really think she'd want all this attention drawn to me considering my career anyway?" She asked, childishly.

"Quite frankly jude I dont think she'd care as long as we caught the guy." He assured her.

She sighed knowing he was right.

"I'm scared tommy..and I was scared, its not that easy." She looked at him.

"I know, its too late now, all i'm worried about right now is if you are...ok." He looked back at her.

They pulled up to judes house and he turned off the car. Jude hugged tommy tightly and just sat there for atleast 5minutes until finally saying "Thankyou tommy, for everything." She kissed his cheek and then pulled away to get out of the car, then she remembered she had to tell sadie.

Tommy watched her walk into the house and then started cursing to himself. He wanted to tell jude how he really felt, did he really feel for her? how could he..she was too young for him! 'I'm with sadie' he had to keep reminding himself. How could he even think about this right now after what she'd been through the last few days. He took a deep sigh and then drove off.

Jude walked upstairs and started down the hallway to sadies room.

"Sadie, you in there?" she asked while tapping on sadies door lightly.

"Yeah, come on in." Jude walked in to sadies very pink and girlish room which was the exact opposite of her own.

"Um, we need to talk." Jude said, sitting next to saidie who was laying on her bed and reading some love novel.

"You mean you're finally coming out of your moping stage and you are going to tell me whats been up with you lately? not to suddenly sound mushy or anything but you've had me worried." She layed her book on her night stand and sat herself up on the bed.

"Yeah.." She started as the incident played in her head again making jude scrunch her eyes closed and throw her hands over her face.

"Jude, what is it?" Sadie seen the fear in judes eyes since whatever happen happened and she needed to know what exactly had happened. She threw her arms around her crying sister and rubbed her arm with one of her hands, trying to comfort her.

"I..I was.." She started inbetween tears.

"What jude? what is it?" Her sister got more worried by the second. Jude looked up at sadie, taking her hands away from her face and letting them find their way around her sister then she layed her head on her sisters shoulder. Sadie, not knowing what else to do, rubbed judes back and made a "shh" sound trying to calm her.

"I was...raped sadie." Jude finally spoke.Sadie froze and also let tears fall, she couldnt say anything, she had never dealt with anything like this before and this was her sister, her baby sister. Instead of speaking she sat and held her sister as they both cried. Sadie thought for a while and had to ask something before it got too late, well even though it was kind of already too late.

"Did he use a..." Sadies words drifted.

"I don't know." Jude said, seperating herself from her sister and whiping away her smeared eyeliner.

"Well..have you been to a clinic or something? if not, jude, we have to go." Sadie got up off her bed.

"No I havent..and mom doesnt know." Sadies face suddenly got less understanding.

"Jude you have to-"

"No," Jude interupted,"You cant tell her, maybe there is nothing wrong..maybe i'm okay..just take me to the clinic and if anything is wrong we will tell her." She pleaded.

"Well yeah jude then we'd have to tell her," Sadie stopped and put the palm of her hand up to her forehead, "I dont like not telling mom things." She continued.

Jude nodded remembering how her dad had betray her mom and lied to her.

"I know, neither do I but sadie we cant tell her, ok?" Jude pleaded.

Sadie looked at her sister for a few minutes and then finally agreed to keeping this from their mother unless they found something was wrong. Sadie took jude to the clinic.

A/N - Once again, please review..as a matter of fact I want atleast 2 reviews before I post anything else...please?