This is a one-shot Callen/Kensi story, but it starts out with major angst and a major argument between the two of them. Will Callen go too far with his accusations? What will Kensi do when she walks away? Can they truly trust each other?
Enjoy!
How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I'm standing, taking every breath
With you, ooo
You're the only one who really knew me at all
"What do you want from me, Kensi?" Callen yelled, and Kensi yelled back,
"I just want you to love me! And trust me! What's so hard about that?"
"Trust is to be earned, Kensi, you can't just give it away!"
"Haven't I earned your trust by now? I haven't cheated on you, I haven't betrayed you, I haven't done any of that!"
"So I suppose those pictures Eric found were just, what, two old friends catching up?" Callen sneered, and Kensi wanted desperately to reach out and shake the stubborn man standing in front of her.
"He's an old friend from high school, Callen! He's gay!" Kensi screamed, and Callen bellowed,
"What about Deeks? I can see the way you two look at each other, how he looks at you,"
"Deeks? Are you serious right now? He's my partner! He's my friend! What more do you want from me?"
"Fine! And about that love part, Kensi? I did love you!"
Kensi was rendered speechless for a moment and then she said quietly, "Did?"
"Yes, did. I'm not quite so sure anymore what I feel about you!"
"Well then what the hell are we doing here, Callen? Why are we even bothering to save this relationship if all you're going to do is watch it fail? Love takes two, G Callen, and I refuse to be the only one fighting for it." Kensi shouted, and Callen yelled,
"I'm not so sure what we are anymore!"
"I'll tell you what we are, Callen. We are done." Kensi said finally, and turned on her heel, striding towards the door. Callen called to her, saying angrily,
"It's not what I want from you, Kensi, it's what Deeks wants from you."
How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cause we shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all
Kensi froze and whipped around, stalking back to Callen and slapping him across the face…hard. "You bastard. I don't want anything to do with you, Callen, I don't want to see you or hear your voice. I do love you, but maybe I'll get over you by remembering what a son of a bitch you are. Goodbye."
She strode from the room and didn't look back, the fury dancing in her eyes like a deadly ballerina. Kensi grabbed her bags from the couch and walked out of the front door, slamming it behind her. She threw her stuff into her car and peeled away, heading for headquarters. When she got there, she stormed through the door and went straight to her desk, whipping out a form and filling it out.
Then Kensi walked calmly to Hetty's desk and placed the envelope where the sharp lady couldn't miss it. With a final look around the place she quickly packed up everything on her desk and walked out through the doors, with no regrets in her mind except that she wouldn't get to have a proper goodbye with Eric, Nell, Sam, Hetty and Deeks.
But she was afraid that if she saw G Callen's face ever again, she'd kill him.
Kensi got into her car and flipped the radio on before flooring the gas pedal and flying down the road, taking random turns and not really caring where she ended up. She drove until tears blurred her vision so she couldn't see, and then she pulled over to the side of the road, buried her face in her hands and began to cry. Soul-shaking sobs ripped through her frame and she wept over her broken heart for a while.
She cried until there were no more tears to cry, and then she straightened up and wiped her eyes. Darkness had long since fallen, and she knew it was best to find a hotel to stay at for the night. Kensi drove until she found a decent one and paid cash for the night, knowing that Eric and/or Nell probably could find her in a second if she used her credit card.
"Rough day dearie?" The older woman behind the counter said sympathetically, and Kensi sighed.
"Oh you have no idea,"
"I'm sure. You just go on and get some rest, and there'll be breakfast in the lobby whenever you wake up," She said kindly, handing Kensi a receipt.
"Thank you very much," Kensi said gratefully, and the older woman smiled at her.
"You're very welcome. Now go, you need sleep," She shooed Kensi to her room, and Kensi smiled as she walked to her room and collapsed on the bed, but she didn't fall asleep. Visions of Callen looking at her with nothing but hate in his eyes, something she thought she'd never see.
After a tough case where Kensi had nearly been killed, Callen showed up at her apartment and one thing led to another. In the morning, Callen was still there, and they talked for a while. They admitted their mutual feelings, and began a quiet relationship.
Now it was all blown to hell. She couldn't believe Callen would be jealous over pictures of her having a very platonic lunch with one of her old high school friends. Eric only found them when they were going through the footage of that same restaurant for a case, and saw Kensi sitting there a few days before the victim was there. Callen had blown a gasket, and then he had leapt off the deep end, yelling at her about Deeks.
She shook her head, trying to banish thoughts of Callen out of her head. It wasn't working.
So take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the man beyond the face
So take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
And you coming back to me
Is against the odds
And that's what I've gotta face
Callen went into work the next morning with a stormy expression on his face. He dropped his bag on his desk and was aware of both Sam and Deeks staring at him. When he looked up, he was shocked to see anger in their eyes.
"What? What did I do?" He demanded, and then Hetty's voice called,
"Mr. Callen. A word, please,"
Callen walked into her office and stood in front of the desk. "What did I do? Even Sam's looking at me like he hates me or something,"
"I would like to know what you have done to Miss Blye,"
He froze, saying through his teeth, "Nothing. It's what she did to me."
"Well, she's resigned and from the looks of it, left the city. For all we know, she's left the state." Hetty informed him, and Callen's mouth went dry.
"She…she's gone?"
"Yes. Now I'll ask you again, what did you do to her?"
Callen slumped into the chair across from Hetty's desk and recounted the argument, nearly word for word. When he was finished, he heard Hetty sigh. "What? I had no choice,"
"You had several choices, Mr. Callen, and unfortunately for all of us, you chose wrongly,"
"What do you mean wrongly?"
"Miss Blye perfectly explained herself about her old high school friend, and then you had no right to attack her about Mr. Deeks. They are partners, you know how close partners have to be in order to work together,"
"But…" Callen protested, and Hetty held her hands up.
"I'm not saying you didn't have a right to be a little bit upset, but you went far overboard, Mr. Callen. Let me ask you a simple question: do you love Miss Blye?"
"Hetty…"
"Answer the question, Mr. Callen." Hetty said quietly, and Callen sighed, rubbing his face with both of his hands.
"Yes. God, I love her more than I probably should,"
I wish I could just let you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all
"Then go after her. You owe her an apology, Mr. Callen, and you know that,"
"Yes I do," Callen said quietly, finally realizing the full impact of the words he had hurled at Kensi, words that she truly didn't deserve. He walked out of his office and instantly Sam was in front of him.
"What the hell did you do to Kensi?"
"I screwed up, all right?" Callen said angrily, and Sam narrowed his eyes.
"You best make it right, G," He threatened, and Callen nodded as he jogged upstairs to the tech room.
"Eric, Nell, I need you to trace Kensi's cell, her credit cards, anything," Callen called to the two techs, and they swiveled in their chairs.
"What did you do, Callen?" Eric sighed, and Nell replied,
"It's obvious, they were going out, he saw that footage of her at that restaurant, got jealous and said something stupid to her, and she walked out,"
"How did you know that?" Callen asked, his mouth gaping.
"I'm a woman, Callen," She said, turning back to the screen and starting to type. Eric went to trace her credit cards and Nell said dismissively, "She's an NCIS special agent, Eric, she's not stupid enough to use her credit cards, and I'll bet her cell's off,"
When she had proven her words to be true, Callen groaned in frustration. "How am I supposed to find her?" He whispered to himself, and Deeks said from behind him,
"Think. You know her the best out of all of us. Where is the one place she'd always go if she was upset and needed to feel safe and loved?"
Callen's head snapped up, his eyes widening with recognition. "I know where she is," He said quickly, grabbing his jacket and sprinting out of the building and into his car. He leapt into the driver's seat, flipped the engine on and floored it, heading east.
He knew exactly where Kensi had gone, and he could've smacked himself for not thinking of it sooner. Now he just had to find the right words to say to Kensi when he finally did find her.
So take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the man beyond the face
So take a look at me now
See there's just an empty space
But to wait for you
Is all I can do
And that's what I've gotta face
"Want some coffee for the road, dearie?" The older woman asked Kensi as she came to check-out.
"Actually, I would, thank you,"
"Not a problem," The woman said with a smile, bustling off to make Kensi a to-go cup of coffee. "You didn't sleep well last night did you?"
"Not particularly no," Kensi admitted. "Couldn't get my mind to slow down,"
"Ah. Hung up on a man?"
"Well…yes," Kensi said with a sigh, and the woman nodded wisely, handing Kensi her coffee.
"I wish you good luck, men are always rather difficult to deal with,"
"Ain't that the truth," Kensi muttered, sipping the coffee. "I'm going to go to this one spot that always makes me feel better, no matter what," She said thoughtfully, and the woman smiled.
"That's always a good idea. What is this spot of yours?"
"My father's grave," Kensi said quietly, and the woman squeezed her arm comfortingly. "Thank you for everything,"
"You're quite welcome, dearie. Come back any time,"
"I will," Kensi said, and walked out, getting in her car and headed to her father's grave. She pulled into the cemetery and followed the path to his grave, suddenly wishing she had thought to bring some flowers.
Kensi found his grave and knelt by it, reaching out and tracing the letters and numbers on the gravestone.
"I miss you, Daddy," She whispered, a single tear dripping down her cheek as she bowed her head. Suddenly a hand reached down with a bouquet of flowers and handed them to her.
Take a good look at me now
Cause I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me
Is against all odds
And that's the chance I've gotta take
Callen pulled up to the cemetery and saw Kensi kneeling by her father's grave. He felt a sigh of relief escape his lips, at least she was safe, and he walked along the path with the bunch of flowers he had brought with him in his hands. He handed her the flowers, and she looked up at him in shock and disbelief and anger and heartbreak. Her eyes were red-rimmed and she looked like she hadn't slept the night before.
"Thank you," She said stiffly, taking the flowers and gently laying them on top of her father's grave. She slowly got to her feet and just looked at him, simply looked at him.
"Kens…" He said quietly, reaching out and brushing his fingers down her cheek. "You have no idea how sorry I am,"
"Why?" She asked simply. "Why did you have to hurt me like that? If you didn't care for me anymore you could've just said so, instead you accused me of cheating on you, with my partner for God's sake!"
"No, Kensi, it wasn't that, I was so convinced that I wasn't good enough for you, I thought I was saving myself some heartbreak later down the road when you realized that you were too good for me and left me. I…I couldn't take it if that happened," He admitted, and Kensi looked at him in disbelief.
"You think I'm too good for you?"
"Of course you are, Kens, you're gorgeous, you've got the most beautiful soul I've ever met, you're funny, you kick ass and take names, and you're just perfect. Me, I don't even know my first name, I'm damaged and angry and jaded and I have a really hard time trusting people,"
"So do I," She said quietly, and then added, "But we trust each other, right?"
"Absolutely," He said truthfully, and reached down to take her hands. "I was lying earlier when I said I didn't trust you and didn't love you. Both of those statements couldn't be farther from the truth,"
"I love you too," She whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"I'm so sorry, Kensi, I'm so sorry," Callen whispered, tears threatening to overtake him. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been, he had almost lost the best thing that had happened to him just because of his belief that he was too inferior.
"Please don't do that to me again," She begged and he drew back, framing her face with his hands.
"I promise, cross my heart, I will never hurt you," He swore, and then kissed her softly. "I love you so much,"
"Love you too,"
Take a look at me now
Take a look at me now
Take a look at me now
Yay for happy endings! This song, by the way, is "Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)" by Westlife feat. Mariah Carey, but I think that was a cover, I'm not sure who sang it first but that was the version I used for inspiration for this story. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this Callen/Kensi one-shot!
