Disclaimer: I own nothing. Merely wrote out of fun. Hope no one will be insulted.
Warning: Wrote on a whim. The grammar and spelling are not checked.
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THE BLACK BOOK OF HAPHAZARD REMINDERS
I greatly value my life and these notes lengthens it.
Entry 1-7: MY GUARDIANS
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Never ever insult pineapples in front of Rokudo Mukuro.
"The pineapple head started it!"
"It rained pineapples yesterday."
"TWO, no THREE TRUCKS OF PINEAPPLES CAME IN YESTERDAY!"
"Pineapple hot fudge, pineapple cake, pineapple roll ups, pineapple meringue, pineapple jello, pineapple pudding, THE KITCHEN MIGHT TURN TO PINEAPPLE IF WE DON'T DO ANYTHING!"
"Pineapples!"
"Pineapple's are for herbivores."
"Jyuudaime, I think it has to do with the hair. I think we should trim it down."
I thanked myself for not responding anything to what Gokudera had said or else I might have been also subjected to the mental torment my guardians are experiencing right now. Even Yamamoto who only merely (and he meant no harm) said 'pineapples!' got nightmares about The Great Pineapple Flood.
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Never ever insult non-existent UMA's in front of Gokudera Hayato.
"I told you! The Kappa did it!"
"Gokudera, Giannini invented something that makes orange juice. It spilled on the corridor."
"But the footprints, Jyuudaime!"
"Footprints? Those were smudges made by the robot."
"No! They fit-!"
"Does this kappa eat meat?"
"No. They never harm anyone."
"Then they do not exist for the weak isn't fit to walk in the earth."
"Maa, maa, Hayato, it is one those UMA's right? Give it a rest. They're not real."
Then the room was bombed six ways to Sunday. It took me about a million Euros to repair the room and about a billion Euros to 'reanimate' a real-as-possible kappa to appease Gokudera. As for the details, don't ask. I don't want to remember it.
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Never ever insult Bob Marley in front of Bovino Lambo.
"FOR THE LOVE OF PRIMO, WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?!"
"The afro got heavy."
"But that's not enough reason t- t- to turn it l- l- like that!" was said then being followed by a series of snickers.
"Lambo,"
"Okay, okay. I found Bob Marley really awesome!"
"Since when did you like reggae?"
"Ever since I visited Kingston and saw his statue!"
"Oh yes," someone whistled, "The guy Medusa."
And indeed all the men were stoned, not to death but to fright about what Lambo did that day. I don't want exactly remembered what happened but all I remembered is that the next day, Bob Marley memorabilia's were scattered all around the mansion. And Lambo was all smiles. But my other guardians were seriously avoiding him.
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Never ever insult yellow boxers in front of Sasagawa Ryohei.
"Who owns that boxer?" someone pointed it in a pile of laundry.
"I do. What's wrong with it?"
"Nothing really. Just too sunny to be worn inside."
"Oh."
"You know, a man's boxers are mostly blue, black or gray in stripes, chequered or plain."
"Sawada wears pink boxers with hearts."
"He was a guy back then. Not a man."
"Oh? So you see what kind of boxers he uses now?"
"Of course not!" with a blush.
Silence.
"What I'm trying to say is that yellow boxers are—"
That's all the correspondence I got from what happened after one of my guardians (I greatly respect my guardian's privacy that he doesn't want the others to know his demise so I didn't wrote his name) regained consciousness after being flown outside the mansion by my Sun Guardian. As for boxers, I made an order to wear neon boxers (much to Mukuro's and Hibari's dismay).
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Never insult mythology (especially one-eyed gods) in front of Chrome Dokuro.
"Lambo, I'll be your tutor since Rain man is with cold."
"Really, Chrome-nee?"
The mist nodded.
"So, what lesson do you want to start?"
"Mythology. Sheesh. Why do I need to deal with this crap?"
"You're a student, Lambo."
"It's pathetic actually."
"Tell me about it."
"How do you think Odin ruled Asgard with only one eye? He'll be blind still even if it's for knowledge and wisdom. I mean, who wants to trade an eye for it?"
"You're really hungry for information, aren't you, Lambo?"
No further correspondence needed. Chrome made Lambo know.
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Never ever insult Squalo in front of Yamamoto Takeshi.
"That bastard should audition for soprano contests."
"I don't think my eardrums will hold."
"I can't believe a short tempered person like Xanxus can tolerate Squalo."
"Hn. A herbivorous shark."
"Sqaulo-nii should take a break from shouting."
And Yamamoto smiled a smile that rivals Byakuran. And temper that rivals that of mine's (as Reborn would put it) when angry. The tantrum he had that day…well… after that my guardians find a new kind of respect in Superbi Squalo. I don't what happened but no one would speak of it. Should I consider myself lucky? Chrome thinks so too.
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Never ever insult EVERYTHING he does, say and acts in front of Hibari Kyoya.
The correspondence note would take too long for me to synthesize. Besides, I am reminded everyday to fear crossing blades with him. Everyone knows that. Heck, maybe even the world knows that. Maybe even the universe. Maybe even God himself.
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A/N: I know, I know. I should be updating my other stories. But I can't get this out of my head.
Review please?
