Chapter 1: Surprise!
Any common citizen of Tamriel could tell you the difference between the Divines and the Daedric Princes... Well most could anyway. They would probably say, "The Divines are the source of all goodness in the world, while the Daedric Princes are the source of all evil". Well unless they worship the Tribunal like they do in Morrowind, then they would say, "You and your false Gods, the Tribunal are our Gods. So what if some of us worship the Daedra, at least they ware real". And that's putting it nicely. In any case, the Divine are good, Daedra are not. One more time, Divine good, Daedra bad. So now we got that settled, let's begin the story.
Once upon a time... (dodges flying chair). Sorry couldn't resist.
Only a few people know this, but Daedra are not much different from mortals. Except for the obvious immortality and their sadistic tendencies... you know what I mean. None-the-less, Daedra have mortal-like qualities. One of them is socializing; And when I say socializing I mean beyond there crazy worshipers. From time to time, the immortal siblings would come together and discuss what they had been up to in the past hundred or so years. Once again I am putting that nicely. This would normally occur with a feast, a party, and maybe a bloody fight between some of the siblings. Other events may also occur, but don't even make me go there! This particular feast was to be hosted by the Daedric Prince, Sheogorath the Prince of Madness, much to his siblings displeasure. Now don't get me wrong, Sheogorath threw great parties, it was just difficult to keep him on one conversion let alone make sense. That and he tended to do some of the strangest things during these parties. Well, he is the Prince of Madness.
Now I'm getting offtrack. So Sheogorath is to host this party, which is no surprise to his siblings. What they fail to know is that Sheogorath has a bigger surprise than what the other Daedric Princes would primarily expect. And it comes in the form of a mortal.
"Welcome, welcome my delightful siblings! Come in, don't be shy, I just cleaned all those clowns out of the hole and the place smells wonderful!", cackled Sheogorath as he ushered his siblings into the main chamber... Well the ones that were there anyway. Azura sighed softly and replied to her brother, "Sheogorath, you have never been this excited about these parties before, what is it that has you at even higher spirits?" The Mad Prince only smiled even more and turned to lead them into the dining area. "Oh you'll see. But later. My surprise just had to take care of some business before meeting use. You know, the clowns and all. Should be back soon. Or maybe never. I hope my surprise brings back some cheese... maybe some lettuce and yarn too", said Sheogorath.
The following Princes sighed as their brother continued to ramble. Entering the dining room, each took their seats with Sheogorath at the head of the table. After sweeping the room with a glance, Sheogorath pouted and asked, "Now where is Dagon, Bal, and Pery. I specifically told them to be here at 6:00 pm... Or did I say 600 years?"
Azura looked to her brother and replied, "Mehrunes refuses to leave his realm after his deafeat in Tamriel, Peryite is still lecturing his followers on their idiotcrasy, and Molag Bal must be doing... that thing he normally does. "You mean an orgy!", laughed Namira at Azura's shyness about that subject. Azura scowled at her sister and heatedly hissed, "It's not my fault he has sex with anything that has two legs!"
"Well now sister you are wrong there since I haven't mated with you", said a deep velvet voice that caused all heads to turn and see Molag Bal in the door. As always, the Prince of Rape appeared in his dragon form to his siblings; his golden scales glistened like gems in the light, his black horns and claws appeared like polished ebony, and his blood-red eyes seemed to burn like fire. He smiled coyly at his audience and continued, "But if it bothers you that much, we could go in the back rooms and I'll-"
"Brother! I have no intention of ever doing something such as that with the likes of you!", yelled Azura as her golden cheeks turned red. Malog Bal only chuckled and replied, "That's what the woman I just bedded said too", as he took a seat between Sanguine and Mephala. Sheogorath clapped his hands childishly as he said, "Bal you made it; fashionably late too. That's the best kind of late. Or was it fashionably early. Can't remember. Anyway, you will get to see my surprise too. Poor Dagon and Peryite are going to miss out." Before Molag Bal could reply Sheogorath then yelled, "So let the feast begin! Or has it end? Are we done yet?"
After everyone had their fill of the strange yet delicious food of Sheogorath's realm, the Daedric Princes began to converse of their deeds since their last meeting. Hircine had failed in his Bloodmoon Ritual thanks to that Nerevarine of Morrowind, Sanguine had "entertained" a mortal countess's party, Nocturnal had her eye returned to her... Basically nothing much for the Daedric Princes. Finally, unable to restrain her curiosity any longer, Azura turned to Sheogorath and said, "Brother, will you tell us now what this surprise of yours is?" All other conversations died into silence as the other siblings locked their attention onto Sheogorath. The Prince of Madness gave Azura a serious look and leaned into whisper, "What surprise?"
Everyone: Sigh
"You said their was a surprise you wished to show us."
"I did?"
"Yes."
"Are you pulling my leg?"
"No."
"Really? Because I feel something pulling on it."
"Sheogorath.."
"Oh that surprise!"
Once again the Prince had a serious look on his face. "As you are all aware, I have a cycle in which I would leave my realm and Jyggalag would come and destroy it for his won gain."
"Is the time almost upon you brother?", asked Vaermina.
"What time? That time? I'm not a lady! Oh wait, sorry", after a brief pause calm his excitement, Sheogorath said, "My dear siblings, I am very pleased to inform you that a great Change had swept through my land and Jyggalag's forces have been defeated never to return to my beautiful realm. The cycle has finally been broken."
A tense silence fell upon the group of Princes; each shocked into their lack of words.
Sheogorath chuckled and said, "Well that's what I hope will be the situation. But ya never know. Or do you?"
Azura was the first to speak. "How did this happen brother? The cycle has been a part of you from almost the beginning. What could have possibly done this?"
Cackling the Mad Prince said, "An ingenious plan my dear lass! Ingenious indeed! All it took was some insane creativity, lots of cheese, a mortal for my Champion, and a kiss on Haskill for good luck-"
"What was that?", rumpled Boethiah.
"What? Kissing Haskill? I didn't know you were into that sort of thing-"
"He means your mortal Champion", sighed Clavicus Vile as he patted his dog on the head.
"Oh ya. My Champion. The best Champion anyone could ask for. Picked em up in the mortal realm. Did everything I told them to do... For the most part. Even brought me cheese. Oh and slew Jyggalag too! That's always a good thing. Probably saved my life... Wait they did!", replied Sheogorath as he poured himself a glass of wine.
Molag Bal's eyes narrowed as he leaned in an said, "Brother, you mean to tell us a mere mortal, our playthings, killed a god? How is that even possible?" Sheogorath smirked at Bal as he said, "Why don't you ask her yourself." Standing himself up Sheogorath raised his glass of wine just as the main doors opened and said, "Ah you've finally returned. I was just- BAM!"
Suddenly, a silver pitcher comes flying from the doors and bashes Sheogorath in the skull. (Lucky the crazy man is a god or surely something flying that fast at him would have killed him.) As a clang echoed throughout the room, the other Daedric Princes stared in shock at Sheogorath before their eyes locked onto the doorway where a lone figure stood "Sheogorath you crazy ass son-of-a-bitch, I'm going to fucking kill you!", said the figure.
