Author's Note: Tis' Roro! I have given the lovely Icey Rath-kun permission to post this fanfiction, and so that is how the loveliness of life goes on, and on. Oh, and while reading this, listen to "Higher than Hope" by Nightwish. You'll see where most of my inspiration (and the title) came from. I love you Nightwish. And I love you Genma-kun.
Warning: Eh, this is shounen-ai between everyone lovers, Sasuke and Naruto. Kind of. In a really, really weird way. KyuubixSasuke in parts. Most parts. Pretty much any chapter after this. And yes, I mean Kyuubi as in a separate entity of Naruto. Meaning Kyuubi is somehow freed from the lovely being we call Naruto. I hope that made sense. Really, I do. Oh, and there is a very, very OOC Sakura. And Sasuke and Naruto may be a bit OOC. But for the most part, Sakura has turned into rampant psycho bitch. Not that she isn't, but…it's very, very much amplified. shiver
Summary: A challenge from a friend. "Make me a fanfiction. Make it under certain parameters, make it good. Finish it; don't throw it in the damn trash can. I shall know if you do. And then, I shall think of giving you the Sasuke kitten story." We all know Roro wants her damn Sasuke kitten story, so I have no choice but to bow to her wishes. Naruto dies, Sasuke cries. Kyuubi is released, people's fear increased. What once was to have a happy ending was no longer there.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or the many characters that will appear in here. I never even hope to own them, for that is a dream even I can never hope to attain in my short life span. However, Kishimoto-sama does own Naruto and all of the ever so colorful characters that only he and his staff can bring to life. However, if I did own Naruto, you better believe that Kakashi-kun, and Itachi-kun would be getting rid of the damn knot in my back as we speak. And I would be ogling Genma.
Dedicated to my Sasuke, who gave me the idea, and the sheer willpower to continue writing this when all I wanted to do was throw it in the trash can. Numerous, numerous times. And Icey Rath-kun, who did me the favor of wringing my permission to post this here out of me, and actually posting it. He's the only reason it currently resides here. And I should add Sharys, seeing as she's probably the one the beta-ing job will be shoved on, as everyone else is lazy, or just plain er…lazy.
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"Red
Sun rising
Drown without inhaling
Within, the dark holds
hard."
Higher Than Hope- Nightwish
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. red sun rising .
the beginning of the end
Promises had long since been broken, leaving him to wonder if this was the truth, or whether it was a painfully elaborate hoax put on for his own punishment. It just wasn't possible, nor probable that the one whom they had all hated, despised, was finally giving into the petty wills of men before him. But there he was, his crimson life slowly dripping down the sides of those strong jowls, his sapphire orbs glistening with the realization that he was indeed going to perish.
To many, that singular thought would have sent them colliding into an epiphany, and they would have been more than happy to sell their own souls to the devil if they could just cling to one more mere second of a life that in their minds, was worth living.
But with him, it was different. Death came as an open relief, soothing the festering sores.
After years of cheating him, taunting him with painful stories of leaving this land far away, it was going to be over in a few mere moments. No longer would death have to rebuke him when he reached out to it, palms weary, soul and body connected as one in their thoughts of leaving Konoha, Kyuubi, and everything else he ever knew behind.
People would talk, they always did. Chatter would run rampant, women would talk about how foolish he was, and men would talk about how they were rid of the monster. And yet, none of them would understand.
Well, that was ok. They wouldn't need to understand anyway.
Azure orbs shut themselves against the world around him, and Naruto sighed. Death was quite, boring in a way. Most were left to struggle with their own thoughts, left to be plagued by memories of a far off past. Deep-rooted issues that hadn't been dealt with would come forth, and rip the person up piece, by tiny delicate piece.
Naruto knew, a gut-instinct one could say, that memories would assault his mind, and he wouldn't struggle against them. His issues had been taken care of long before this moment; for he knew it was coming. In fact, one could truly argue that Naruto had gone after his own death, knowing that he wouldn't come out of this alive.
Issues of life were just too much to deal with. On the other hand, he wouldn't take the cowards' way out, a kunai pierced into his black heart by his own hand. It would be too simple; there wouldn't be the reward at the end that he had lusted after with all of his physical being and then some for all of eternity and then some.
A world he could call his own, surrounded by the family he never knew. It didn't matter if they wouldn't accept him, he would at least have the one remarkable opportunity to meet them, and have that sense of loneliness quashed.
Not meeting them was like drowning without inhaling. Peaceful, but you always had that nagging feeling that there was something you could be doing, something that would help you attain the final goal. Odd, but it wouldn't stop nagging until you found the solution, or died trying. In Naruto's case, dying was the final solution.
"Naruto, what would you do if you died?"
"Huh?
"Your dream of becoming the Hokage would be obliterated, and all that hard work would be shot straight to hell and back. Could you stand it?"
"It's what I strive for Sasuke."
"Hn."
"I became a ninja for one reason, and one reason alone. People have hated me for all my life, and yet, it's only now that I truly don't care. Dreams have been shattered, promises have been broken. It's a vicious cycle of life, and you either cope with it, or you don't."
"It's raining Naruto."
"I know Sasuke."
"Have you ever wondered why it rained?"
"Hmpf, the rain is a cruel, fickle mistress. She pretends to grieve for you, and wash the blood of the innocent off your hands. But it's still there; I can see the burgundy shades as clear as I can see you in front of me. I don't think it ever goes away."
"So you think of the rain as evil?"
"Yes. If I die, I wish for it to be anything but raining."
The sudden memory triggers were starting, as if heaven itself wanted him to relish the painful moments of his past before trading them all in for something new.
Golden tresses fell into his eyes, obscured by a painful ruby. It was peaceful, very, very peaceful. He knew he would leave behind no regrets, nothing that he would ever feel even a shred of guilt for. Maybe it was that one singular statement that made him jovial.
Carefree had never been used to describe Naruto. People who were on the outside looking in would talk of him as if they knew him, had the authority to talk of him with their hushed whispers. "He was such a happy boy; he didn't deserve any of that happiness. Kyuubi lives inside him; the fourth should have killed him when he had the chance. At least that way we wouldn't need to live out lives in fear of the curse being broken."
Those who truly knew Naruto would never have even dared to speak such blasphemy.
It wasn't true, and they all knew it. "His life has been filled with everlasting pain and sorrow. No one has ever loved him, although people have pretended. They were trying to do him a favor, but they ended up hurting him more in the end. The humorous façade he donned as a child is no longer there, and he is showing his true self to everyone…"
"Naruto, why do you live your life?"
"I don't quite think I understand you Sakura-chan…"
"What does it feel like to wake up every morning and realize that you don't have any family in the world?"
"Normal."
"I don't understand Naruto…"
"It's all I've ever known since birth. You get used to it, and even start to embrace the broken silence around you. Fending for yourself becomes a way of life, and you live by your own code of ethics."
"Really... So you aren't ever, lonely?"
"Not in the way normal people are. I find myself craving human contact, yet I can live without it. After all Sakura-chan, I have been for many, many years."
He remembered that conversation vividly, for he could never forget. It was when he had finally realized that he didn't love Sakura, never had, and never would.
She was an elusive cherry blossom, when she bloomed, many watched the transformation, and the beauty pierced their hearts through. They found themselves lusting after something they could never have, for the cherry blossom loved another. And yet, the one man the she loved would break her over and over. She would bloom again in the springtime, and the whole cycle would start over again.
Sasuke; the one man she loved. Naruto remembered how they had been eternal rivals, for stupid, selfish reasons. He wanted Sakura's heart, Sasuke wanted to break it. He wanted to become the Hokage, Sasuke wanted revenge on his niisan. He was alone, and so was Sasuke.
They were more alike than either one cared to admit, but that was ok.
Everything turned out ok. Through a strange turn of events, the boys bonded.
It wasn't a normal friendship, but it suited them both just fine.
Words would often be exchanged, and a hard spar every now and then would prove that they both truly cared. Missions were often vast, and tedious. The precious time they got together was spent throwing passion into those spars, or words. It was the only way they knew how, to express that loving they felt for each other.
Neither wanted to admit it, but that was ok too.
A love of sorts had grown, or festered between them. Neither knew when it started, but little details didn't matter. It was an unspoken pact, one that Naruto had broken. Not that he was sorry about it; it would have come out sooner or later.
"Sasuke…"
"Hn."
"I love you."
"…"
He hadn't answered, he hadn't needed too. The answer was already there, unspoken. This was how Naruto could die with no regrets. Everything in life had been taken care of, and he had left a dying legacy behind.
A few drops of crimson life slithered down his chin, caressing it tenderly, but there was no one there to wipe it off, and whisper words of pitying comfort into his ear.
It was better that way.
Mere moments were left in Naruto's life and things that had never been said started to make themselves known.
Last words, you could say, to the people who pretended to care.
Iruka-sensei, the first man who pretended to care. Kyuubi had killed his parents, and Iruka harbored the deep hatred towards the nine-tailed monster, which turned into hate for the young boy Naruto himself. He had tried his hardest to teach Naruto, but in the end, he couldn't convince himself of Naruto as a separate entity. Goodnight Iruka-sensei.
Kakashi-sensei, his genin teacher, and perverted, semi-role model. Kyuubi had killed his mentor, the great Yellow Flash, but somehow Kakashi had been able to look above that, for awhile. The time came that it was too much to deal with, and that was it. Goodnight
Kakashi-sensei.
Hinata-chan, the one who loved me from day one. But you soon realized it was nothing more than a crush didn't you Hinata? Everyone in the village found out about my little tenant, and you were one of the first to abandon me. Goodnight Hinata.
Sakura-chan, I suppose you always have hated me. Ever since that first day I stepped into the academy. You never knew my secret, but it didn't matter did it? I took your Sasuke away, and that's all that did matter. Well Sakura, he's yours now. Enjoy him. Goodnight Sakura-chan.
Sasuke…I'm sorry. I'm leaving, and I don't have any regrets. Goodnight Sasuke…
Naruto slowly blinked a few times, and shut his orbs tightly against the bright morning sky.
The final pain shot though his stomach, as if not wanting to be left in the wake of his death, so it made itself known before he perished.
"Kyuubi, he has been released now. You should be happy, you are no longer a terror to the people, nor will you be again. I wish you happiness, for that is what you deserve. A love like no other waits for you, that I can tell. Go, seek out your own destiny, and live your life with a peace that makes you happy, deep down to your very core. Run fox boy, and live out what is left of your life…"
"Thank you…"
And with those final words released into the night sky, it was all over.
Kyuubi was gone now; the seal had been long since broken.
Knowing that, he could give up the ghost, and live his life as an entity. The name, the name of his beloved clan would die along with him. Men would come forth, and etch his name into the marble slab of death with disgust running rampant across their faces. They would throw a party over the memorial, and become drunk with happiness. Even the Rookie Nine would.
And in the end, it was as Naruto would hope it would have been. He had been born into this world alone, a tiny kitsune trying to survive in a world that hated him for a crime that was no longer his own. He would die alone, an older kitsune, surrounded by decaying trees, and sakura petals falling all around him. And in the end, it was enough to satiate him.
It was over, he had lost the battle, but in the end, Uzumaki Naruto had won the war.
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A/N: Bah, no one will ever understand how wonderful it felt to get that out of my damn system. No, it's not a one-shot. I was debating with that idea for awhile, but then I realized I could either leave it this way, or make it a long ass one-shot. Neither of those ideas appealed to me, so here it is in all its fantabulous first chapter glory. I'm hoping chapter two shall be longer, but I'm not promising anything. Oh, and I'm thinking of running a three to five chapter story here. Probably closer to three. Beginning, middle, and conclusion. Yesh, that shall be utterly yummy.
Next Chapter: Pah, and you think I shall leave you hanging? Like hell I will. Sasuke comes into the story, and as you all know, Kyuubi has been released. I suppose there shall be some utter clinginess, and angry Kyuubi. I don't think that was much of a summary, but oh well. Review my pretties, and the next chapter shall be posted. Not all the sooner, possibly in two or three days, and that utterly depends on my mood, and how much homework I get in AP History. Huzzah!
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