Sitting at her desk, Olivia Benson signed her newest signature as Sergeant. Lifting the pen, leaning back, and taking in the Hancock, reading "Sergeant Benson" and smiled. No matter how many times she was addressed as such, she couldn't get used to it. She worked her whole life this moment, the promotion, but… something was still missing. Dropping the pen and leaning back fully into the chair, Olivia raised her hands to her hair and released a breath. With concern, her partner, Nick Amaro tore his eyes from his document and just took in her appearance. As much as he tried, he couldn't get her to open up to him. Not wanting to push her and not wanting to walk on eggshells around her, Nick eventually backed off. But, don't sell him short. He kept a close watch on his partner and either she didn't notice, or she chose to ignore it.

When she leaned her head back to rest on the back of her chair, Nick took it as his opportunity to speak. "You know, Liv, you can head home. It's been a rough week. Close out early tonight." She didn't move. He took in her posture. She was slouching. He had never seen Olivia Benson slouch.

"Liv?" "Hmm?" Finally. Finally she moves. She raises her head from her chair, but doesn't lower her hands from the top of her head. "Did you hear what I said?" "What? No. I'm sorry. I was just thinking." She sighs, lowering her hands and grabbing the edge of her desk to pull herself back under the desk. She picks her pen back up to resume her previous activity. "No. Don't do that." "Excuse me?" Olivia asks with a slight smirk crossing her lips. "You bossing me around, Amaro?" "No." Nick states flatly, standing as he does so. He rounds his desk and stop next to his partner. Bending down to get eye level, he states, "I said… You should head home." "Nick…." "Liv. Please. It's been a hellava week here. Just do us all a favor and pack in early tonight." "I can't. I have…." "Liv, I have never used this card on you, but I will right now." "You won't." "This case was hard on all of us and don't even get me started on the trial. Tonight, though, you owe it to yourself. Go home." With that, he straightened up and returned to his desk. Returning Olivia's gaze, Nick quickly adds, "I mean it." "Yeah?" "Yeah. We'll be fine. We'll call you, but I can't make that a promise." Olivia chuckles softly while retrieving her purse from her bottom drawer. Locking her desk, shutting down her computer, and making eye contact with her partner, Olivia mouths a "thank you." Nick simply smiles in response.

In the elevator on the way out of the precinct, Olivia can't keep her mind from thinking about her life, her current state. She feels guilty. She can't help it. She knows she shouldn't, but it's there. The guilt is there. Brian has been nothing but loving and worthy of her love, but she just can't. It's not as if she doesn't think about it, because she does. It frequents her mind often, but something… something just doesn't feel right. And, it's not like she hasn't tried. Oh, she has, but there always comes a point when reality alters and she's back into her old apartment, that Toyota SVU, or the beach house. She can do nothing but stop it. Brian's been patient, but Olivia knows he's quickly growing impatient. Olivia laughs at her next thought. Brian's showers have become longer. She knows he's doing that for her, to keep her comfortable, to keep her guilt-free, but she can't help the insurgence. She just wants to live again, to feel again. As the elevator dings and the doors open, Olivia lifts her head and a sly smile spreads across her face. She's ready to live again. Dr. Lindstrom had told her she would reach a moment, it would feel as if it was an epiphany, and she'd be ready to journey forward. Stagnation would not last forever; this was a reminder Olivia replayed in her mind. Right now, with the feeling of a weight lifted, Olivia was ready to manifest to her destiny. Well, to live again. She was ready.

Entering her apartment, Brian was right where she expected; sitting on the couch engrossed in a basketball game. The Knicks, with a slight squint of her eye, she could see they were losing again. Dropping her bag on the kitchen counter, Olivia headed for the cabinet bringing a wine glass down. Uncorking a chardonnay Melinda gifted at their dinner party, Olivia took a small sip. Wondering into the living room, she eased down beside Brian. Not pulling his eyes from the screen, he moved his right hand to her left thigh and squeezed and added, "Hey." Swallowing her last sip, Olivia's response was delayed. "Hey, yourself. How was your day?" "You know, work." "Tucker finally off your case?" At the mention of his boss's name, Brian finally pulled his eyes from the game and turned to meet his girlfriend's eyes. "Look, Liv, you don't need to worry about that." "But, I do, Brian. This isn't just about you or just me. It involved both of us." Blinking Brian adds, "Yeah, ok." Turning back to the game, Olivia understands that was his subtle way of communicating he didn't want to talk about it, but she wasn't going to let it slide. Ever sense the trial started, Tucker had been on Brian's ass. He even went as far as telling him to stay away from the court proceedings, but that, of course, didn't stop Brian. He attended the day Olivia testified, but she understood his absence throughout the remaining days. "Brian." "Olivia." Still refusing to meet her eyes, Brian huffs and wanting to keep the calm, Olivia finally breaks. She sits back into the couch, getting comfortable with the pillows and her glass of wine. Soon, her mind wonders back to her thoughts in the elevator and she remembers her whole reasoning of wanting to be near Brian. Giving him a slight glance, she gets up from her seat, walks behind the couch, and as she passes Brian she runs her right hand over his head. She stops when his left hand reaches up and grabs her hand. "I'm just going to change into something more comfortable." Looking up to meet her eyes, she stares at Brian and adds, "And, you know, put my gun away." Chuckling, he lets her go.

Walking into their room, Olivia stops and takes it all in. She never expected to share a bedroom, let alone a home, mixed with a perfect presence of femininity meeting masculinity. She heads for her bureau, unclipping her gun on the way, and first slides the piece out and puts it safely inside the small safe. Next she unhooks her badge, handcuffs, and holster to the right of the safe. The shelf below the safe houses her pajamas; she starts to grab a pair of sleep pants, but second-guesses herself. She turns her head toward her closet, trying to decide whether to walk over and choose a teddy; but she's stuck in place. Biting her lip, Olivia decides she'll choose her attire after her shower. It's the only rational thing, right? "Right," Olivia mutters to herself.

After her hydrating shower, the Sergeant feels rejuvenated. She knows where she wants the night to head. In her towel, she steps inside her closet, pulling a baby blue silk teddy from its hanger. Sliding it over her head, Olivia continues to towel dry her hair. With its current short length, it'll be dry in minutes, so she doesn't have to worry about drying it. She picks up still unfinished wine and heads back to the living room.

Brian is still in the same spot when she departed. Actually, she doesn't think he even budged to readjust… anything. At the living room threshold, she leans up against the doorframe and just stares at her boyfriend, her current stagnant boyfriend. She stops herself. He understands. It's no one's fault. She tunes back into taking in Brian's appearance. His are clearly defined, from his jaw to his eyes, and even his fingers. He was hers. But, no matter how many times they connected before Lewis kidnapped her, something escaped them. She felt it from the very first time after he was released from the hospital and given the clear. The ease, the familiarity, and the intensity, were all there. She couldn't and she shouldn't complain. She wasn't complaining, actually, she just couldn't keep her mind from wondering. Maybe it had something to do with her current fear of jumping back onto the saddle. Sighing, Olivia pushed herself away from the doorframe and headed back into the kitchen to top off her glass. As she passed Brian, she couldn't help the irritation that rose within her… he didn't even take in her presence, let alone acknowledge her presence. Returning to her spot on the couch, Olivia encased Brian's right hand within her left and began rubbing small, gentle circles on the back of his hand.

At the television timeout, Brian finally notices Olivia's actions. Turning his head to look at her, he fully sees her for the first time tonight. But, Olivia isn't looking at him. "What is this?" "Hmmm?" Olivia asks coyly turning to meet his gaze. Taking in his dumbfounded expression, she can't help but snicker. Taking a sip of her wine, Olivia finally adds, "I've been thinking." "Oh, yeah?" Leaning forward to place her glass on the coffee table, Olivia returns pulling both legs under her so she's leaning on the back of the couch with her left arm stretched out towards Brian. "Yeah," she finally responds." "Wanna indulge me?" "No." She states, but giggles and leans forward to peck his lips. "I, uh…. I know I haven't been the best girlfriend lately, Brian." "Olivia…" "No, let me finish. I know I haven't been and that's something I've struggled with, but I'm ready to live again, Brian. I want to live again. Lewis did awful things to me, but my sexuality is something I've been proud of… and for that monster to have that control over me… It disgusts me. I want to live. I want to feel. But, you…." "Liv, are you sure?" "Yes. You just have to trust me. Let me be in control." "Don't I always let you have control?" Olivia feigns annoyance, but with her laughter and a small backhand to his chest, Brian knew she was anything but. "I'm serious though, Brian. I know we've tried before, but I want this tonight, but you have to trust me and left me set the pace." "And you have to trust me." And with that statement, Olivia was his. She allowed a smile to creep onto her face and she leaned in to join her lips with her boyfriends. She was finally ready to let go, to move forward from the past, and fully live her life. As the kiss grew deeper, she began to notice Brian's hands. They first started on her cheeks and slid slowly down her arms. Taking her hands into his, Brian pulled. He pulled hard enough for Olivia to lose balance and end up awkwardly in his lap. Holding onto one wrist, Brian's right hand quickly found her left hip and readjusted her on his lap. Olivia, however, did not like this sudden change in location. She tried to block out her distress, but when Brian wouldn't free her right wrist, she couldn't help the anxiety.

"Brian," Olivia mumbled against his lips. Attempting again to pull back, Brian's grip on her wrist and hand that was once on hand traveled to her ass and held her firmly against him. "Brian," she stated from firmly. "It's okay. It's okay." "No, Brian. Stop." Pulling back from his lips and sitting up fully, Brian only took this as an invitation to continue his kisses down her body, paying particular attention to her cleavage. Putting her hands on his head and pushing him back, Olivia couldn't handle this pace. "Brian, stop! Please!" "What? What's wrong?" Dejected, Olivia slides off Brian's lap back into her spot on the couch. Running a hand through her bangs and sighing, Olivia wipes her mouth and reaches for her wine glass. After swallowing a large gulp, Olivia finally finds enough courage to speak. "What the hell was that?" "What do you mean?" "Seriously? Brian, you promised to let me control! I was clear in stating I needed to be in control…." "I let you have control!" Abruptly standing from her seat, grabbing her glass, and heading for the bedroom, Olivia stops and turns back to face him with tears in her eyes. "Nothing. Nothing about what just happened allowed me to have control. Yeah, I initiated it. Yeah, I said I wanted it and I was ready, but you pulled me onto you lap. You held my wrist down. You grabbed my ass and held me to your…" throwing her left arm despondently to the growing tent in his lap. Looking down, Brian finally understands the seriousness of the matter. "Look, Liv…." Standing up, Brian starts to head toward her, but he's stopped. "Don't. Don't even try to touch me." And with that, she retreats to the bedroom announcing her exasperated departure with the slam of the door.

Bringing his hands to his face, Brian sighs. He isn't able to think much on the situation that just occurred, his cell phone interrupting his thoughts. Walking to the kitchen bar, he picks up his phone. "Cassidy. Yeah. No, you're good. Yeah. Where? Okay, yeah I'll be there. Give me 30. Text me the location, will ya? Okay, yeah thanks." Brian tosses his phone back down onto the counter and turns to head into the bedroom to put on a fresh pair of clothing, but he hesitates. He can hear Olivia walking around in the room, clearing changing into another set of pajamas and preparing for the night. He sits down on the couch deciding to give her some space. His phone chirps, instead of heading towards the device, he decides it's the address of the location for his newest case. Brian leans back into the sofa. Yes, things between he and Liv have become strained especially during and after the trial. After finding out Olivia left some very important information from her initial IAB report, things that only came out in Lewis's cross-examination, he had to physically step back from the case. He had to tell Liv he couldn't even talk about specifics with her in the privacy of their own home. Although he was not investigating SVU, people in his unit were and he wanted no reason to have to turn on his girlfriend or her coworkers. He didn't mean to upset her, but she started to close him out and push him away. He didn't want that… He wanted to share everything with her, but this was his way of protecting her and her friends, her family. But, he couldn't help feeling like he was slowly losing her. Noticing the time, Brian stood and ventured to the door and knocked softly. "What?" he heard Olivia call from the other side. "Liv, I just got a case. I would like to change clothes. Can I come in?" "Fine." Opening the door, he instantly found her. She was curled under the covers, lying on her side with her back facing him. Brian quickly changed into clean slacks and a button-up and headed for the door. Before he exited the room, he heard her call from behind him, "Be careful." Quickly crossing to her side, he leans down and kisses her forehead. "Always am," he states and heads out to the scene. Olivia never opening her eyes to him.

The vibrating cellphone on the nightstand interrupts Olivia's sleep. Looking at the unknown number, Olivia realizes it's probably a uniformed officer calling her in on rape case, not realizing she's technically no longer in the field. "Benson," she answers into the phone. "Is this Olivia Benson?" At the utterance of her full name, Olivia quickly sits up. "Yes. May I ask who's calling?" "This is Dr. Meghann Charles at Presbyterian. You're listed as the next-of-kin on my patient." Swinging fully into action pulling on proper attire for this December weather, Olivia realizes she tuned out the good doctor's words. "Wait. Who did you say?" Before the doctor could answer her, Olivia is out her front door and opting to run the stairs instead of waiting for a potentially crowded elevator. "Ms. Benson, did you hear me?" "What? No. No, I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?" She's starting her car and heading for NewYork-Presbyterian. "I said, 'we need your permission to operate.' Your father needs surgery. Although the gunshot wound is through and through, it still punctured an artery. We need your…." "You can take my verbal consent?" "Yes." "Do everything you can. I'm on my way." Ending the phone call, Olivia tosses her cell onto the passenger seat and opts for lights and sirens to carry her to NewYork-Presbyterian. She's been in this situation once before and today cannot come out with the same conclusion. Unlike that tiny baby she briefly called hers, she had never considered being his. Hearing the doctor call her long-standing commanding officer her father, she knew… she knew, with everything in her power, Cragen had to survive.