I lay in the dark, still silence of my hotel room. 'The Ark Inn' lay only a few miles off the mountain from where the Washington cabin now lay in flames. I pulled my knees tightly to my chest and let tears flow like rivers down my cheeks. I didn't want to hide my pain anymore. My eyes fell heavy and as they closed, flashbacks hit like waves from last nights events. I sat strapped to a chair, opposite me was Chris, tide in the same manner only with one hand free. He was holding a gun. "Shoot Ashley, or shoot yourself, who ever's left can live, the choice is yours." The anonymous voice lay lingering for far too long, and Chris looked over at me, nervous as I pleaded for the nightmare to end. Without hesitation, he pulled the gun to his throat; My frantic plea for him to take my life instead seemed to go ignored. As if I wasn't there and so focused... he pulled the trigger.
I sat up quick, and breathing heavily. I became unable to control my level of sobbing. I lost all self control and with panicked breaths began to pace my room in an attempt to block out the pain. Three heavy knocks at my door startled me followed by a familiar and concerned voice, "Ash, are you alright...Ash let me in. Please." 3 more knocks followed and I made my way to the door, wiping the tears from my cheeks as I went. I opened the door, and Chris instinctively pulled me close to his chest; I broke down again, and he allowed me to weep into him.
"Why haven't you called me Ash, why are you suffering alone; getting yourself into this state?". He took my face in his hands and forced me to look at him. His eyes were deep with concern, but remained caring, and I just stared, unable to answer him. He sighed and shuffled me backwards back into the room and gently shut the door. He led me back to bed and sat down softly beside me. We sat in silence for a brief second, before he took my hand between his own and held it tight; his body was stiff and he looked pained. I realised I had given little away and his growing concern still lingered. "I had these flashbacks... whenever I try to fall asleep I get taken back to... to when you took your life to safe me". Chris looked at me, with teared eyes; I squeezed his hands for reassurance, but he didn't alter.
"Ashley, I need you to be honest with me, and I feel the route of your fear was down to how you were feeling at that moment. Did you fear that I would shoot you ?". His tone was cold, his face was emotionless. I froze... "Chris, I was terrified... my life was no longer in my control. I pleaded for you to take my life when you held the gun to your throat... you didn't react. Shooting me was not an option you seemed to even consider. But you want honesty and I want to give you that. I was afraid you'd shoot me."
My words seemed to hit him like a dagger, and he inhaled quick and sharp. He tightened his grip on my hand, and without looking at me, lifted my hand to his chest and rested it gently above his heart. "Well now you know... you know what you mean to me. I would never have pointed the gun in your direction, for me, shooting you was never an option, your right. I want to be forthright with you Ash, for as long as you want me to be, I am yours. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe; for the rest of your life if you allow. You will only lose me when I have fought and you no longer wish to have me." My words escaped me, how could I ever express my emotions in such a way when he so effortlessly expresses his love. I gain my hand back and gently grasp his face, wiping the tears that have ran smooth down his cheeks. I gently kiss his lips, and allow him to take control. He pulls me close and kisses me hard; like i'm his lifeline, we embrace this time together as more than just passion. I break his kiss and look into his eyes. "I do" I whisper. "I want you to stay with me Chris, I need you too... I love you". He smiles, relief and excitement cover his face and he pulls me down to lay beside him. "I'm staying with you tonight, you have no choice Ash, not after the state I found you in". We both laugh and I curl into him, his strong arms rap around me and hold me tight and safe. We both drift off gently into a more relaxed and safe sleep.
