Hello, fellow readers, authors and Touhou fans alike! Welcome to Touhou: Cure for the Uncommon Man! Unlike Touhou: Ancestral Roots, this story is more humor-driven and centers on Alvin's misadventures as he gets caught in Yukari's schemes to "cure" him of his gynophobia.
Chaos, explosions and a whole lot of Danmaku will ensue as Yukari gets the inhabitants of Gensokyo to help out… willingly, unwillingly and unknowingly.
This going to be a whole lot fun for me and I hope it will be for you too as you join in for the ride.
Without further ado, let's begin!.
Disclaimer: I do not own Touhou Project with the exception of... AAAAAALLLLLVVVVVIIIIINNNNN!
…..
Chapter 1: You saw something you shouldn't have…
Welcome to the land of Gensokyo, a place where many yokai and some humans call home. Having separated from our world or the Outside World as the residents here call it for over a 100 years, science and technology has seemingly left this world untouched. And right now, it is a beautiful sunny day-
"Somebody help me!"
And now we see a very out of place young man with modern clothes running for his life. And there is a large blob of darkness currently chasing after him.
"Wait, tasty oni-chan~ Let me have another bite~"
The young man gives brief glance behind him, "Like hell! You already got a free taste, so there's no way you're gonna get yourself a free meal!"
"Is that so~"
"YES, THAT IS SO!"
"Okay~" The ball of darkness suddenly picks up speed, "Then, I'll just have to catch you~ Here I come, tasty oni-chan~"
"AAAAHHHHH!" The young man screamed again while doing the same, fully intent on preventing his fate of becoming the ball of darkness' meal of the day.
Quite the scene to start the day, don't ya think?
…..
Young man's Point of View
Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!
What the crispy shit is this place!
One minute, I was standing in front of some shrine in Japan whose name I couldn't remember, not that I bothered to learn. The next moment, I am running for my life, trying to prevent some kid in a huge ball of darkness from eating me alive!
Yes, a KID. A freaking ten year old in a ball of darkness is chasing me, wanting to eat me ALIVE. If my hand wasn't aching in pain from the bite I just received, I'd swear that this is all just one crazy dream.
Now did I get into this mess in the first place?
…..
My name is Alvin Li Wei Chung. I'm a 19 year old Asian. Nationality is Malaysian and I belong to no religion. Attending college, but now on break. I currently am… or was on a tour in Japan to see the sights. A gift from my parents, too bad they couldn't come with me, work and all.
Maybe if they were around, I could have avoided this. Maybe I wouldn't. You know, just a thought.
Anyway, during the tour, we came to this particular Shinto Shrine out in the middle of nowhere… or I would have known what it is or where I was if I had been paying attention to the tour guide instead of listening to my iPod. While I was there, I wandered near the shrine and tripped on something, accidently getting too close. I extended my arms to catch something to avoid falling, my left hand caught a wooden post and my right…
Just disappeared out of sight.
I freaked out at first, then I realized that there was some sort of barrier in front of the shrine. Part of me wanted to explore, the other didn't want to get into unnecessary trouble. After some thought, I decided to obey the latter and turned to leave… only to stumble at the edge of a hole in the ground.
What the- Where did this come from? It certainly wasn't there before…
Looking down, I saw another dimension full of staring eyes, all looking at me. I would have ran away, if someone or something hadn't push me from behind and made me fall in.
I spent most of my "descent" screaming until I had to refill my lungs. I was so terrified that I fainted halfway.
When I came to, I found myself on some path in the middle of nowhere… and that I landed on something soft.
Looking down, I corrected myself. I had landed on someone soft. A girl to be precise.
…
Did I mention I'm gynophobic?
"GAAAAHHHH!" My phobia instantly acted up and I put some distance between me and the girl. Then I face-palm myself, realizing this wasn't the time.
Allow me explain, I'm not scared of girls in general. My phobia is more of physical reaction rather than psychological disorder. Whenever a girl touches me, I instinctively get away from that person on instinct. That even applies to people close to, including my family.
I tell ya, it really sucks.
"Hey, little girl? Are you alright?" I made myself get closer.
The girl on the ground has short blond hair and wears a black vest and skirt, and white blouse with a red tie bordered by two large red beads around her neck. She also has small red ribbon is tied to the left side of her hair.
I wonder if she is a foreigner?
"Hey! Are you okay? Guh…" It took all of my willpower just so that I can hold her shoulder and try to shake her awake, not mention keeping myself from fainting on the spot.
"Mmm…Hmm?" I sighed with relief as I withdrew my hand. The girl got up and frowned, covering her eyes with her hands.
"So bright…" She closed her eyes and spread her arms- WOW! Where did the ball come from?
"Much better~ Hmm? Who are you?" Noticing my presence, she turned towards me. The ball itself looks like it's made of darkness, but I can still see her in it, kinda like the lens on a pair of sunglasses.
"Err… Hi, I'm the guy who… landed on you by accident."
The girl cocked her head on one side, "Is that so~"
"Yes, it really was and it really was accident! I'm sorry, please forgive me!" I bowed in apology.
"Okay, Oni-chan~" Huh? That's it? She forgave me, just like that?
And I just noticed, she looks fine considering I fell directly on top of her.
She then came closer to me, "Are you a human?"
I had to keep myself from running away as she did that, "What? Umm, yes. Why?"
Even through the darkness, I can see a creepy smile forming on her face.
"Umm, little girl? What's your name?"
"Rumia~"
"Okay, Rumia? What are you doing?"
She takes one of my arms-"I'm gonna eat you~" and bites it. Hard.
"YEOOWWW!" I wrenched my arm off as hard as I could.
What the hell! She bit so hard that she actually drew blood! This girl means business!
Rumia licked her lips, which are stained with my blood, "You're so tasty… Oh, and Oni-chan?"
I look at Rumia, "What?"
"I'm not a little girl~, I'm a yokai~"
…
Let's sum up my situation here. I'm standing in the middle of nowhere, with no one in sight with the exception this girl, Rumia who is inside a large ball of darkness and claims to be a yokai and wants to eat me.
What should I do? Do I…
A. Try to reason with her
B. Beat the crap out of her
C. Run like hell
Well, reasoning with Rumia isn't going to work. She not only has the body of small child but the psyche of one as well. I mean look at her! She's spreading her arms like Jesus on a crucifix! I might as well be telling her about the birds and the bees and how the stork isn't responsible for bringing babies into the world.
Beating the crap out of her? Totally out of the question! I don't know if her saying she's a yokai is true, but I'd be stupid to test it out. The girl can summon a huge ball of darkness around her! Who knows what else she can do? Besides, with this phobia of mine, I can't even touch her, let alone hit her.
So that leaves the final option, and that is-
PEEEEEWWWW!
Run like hell.
…..
And that's how I ended up being chased by a kid in a huge ball of darkness. Speaking of which…
"Tasty oni-chan~ I'm going to catch you~"
Oh goddamit! She's toying with me! She wants to wait until I tire out before catching me! Fortunately, it will be a while before that actually happens.
To think I told my parents that marathon training was a big waste of my time. 'When am I ever going to need to run 25 miles?' I said. Looks like the joke is on me.
Damn it, think Alvin think! There must be something you can use against her!
…
Wait… the ball! Rumia uses it to shield herself from the sunlight!
I look around desperately… and spot a forest somewhere close by. Perfect!
Okay Rumia… let's see how well you can see in shaded areas with that ball of yours!
Running towards the forest, I weaved through several trees hoping to-
THUNK!
"Huh?" I stopped and turned around. Rumia is nowhere in sight.
Despite how uneasy I felt, I decided to call out, "Hello? Rumia, are you there?"
No answer.
Making my way back out of the forest, I finally found Rumia… who had collided head-on with a tree and is now out cold.
"She knocked herself out…" I said to nobody in particular as I took in this odd situation.
Are you kidding me? That's all it took to bring this girl down? Then what the hell did I spend the all that time running away for?
I bang my head against a tree before groaning in pain. Someone up there must be messing with me…
"Well, no point on dwelling on the past…" I sighed. Leaving the unconscious yokai girl behind, I went to search for the first settlement- Correction, the first human settlement,I can find.
…..
3rd person Point of View
"Well, well. This is unexpected…"
Above the sky, Yukari Yakumo, the Youkai of Boundaries and Gensokyo's sole dictator can be seen observing Alvin from a hole in the boundary, or "gaps" as she prefers to call them.
"It would seem that Gensokyo's latest addition has a rather "unique" condition with girls…" The gap yokai had seen various types of phobias during her "visits" to the Outside World in her century long life, both physical and psychological, but she has never met anyone with a phobia towards the opposite gender.
It would be very troublesome for him to stay here considering the majority of Gensokyo's population are female… Or it could be the solution he needed to rid himself of such a troublesome predicament.
The gap yokai grinned to herself, thinking of all the possible scenarios that could happen when he meets Gensokyo's more well known citizens… The entertainment which the boy will provide is too great to pass up. And who knows? He may be able to prove his worth during his stay here.
"But, before that…" Yukari snapped her finger and opened a gap just below Alvin, who then dropped down and was swallowed up.
"A little help for you, boy. Fuhuhu~ I can hardly wait to see what will happen next…" Grinning to herself, Yukari Yakumo retreated back into her gap. A moment later, the gap closed itself and vanished from sight, leaving no trace.
…..
Boy, things don't look good huh? Well, for Alvin anyway. LOL
And rather than the "I got bored so I gapped you here" excuse, I went for the "You saw something you shouldn't have, so I brought you here" reason. Trying to show Yukari's more responsible side, you know what I mean?
Oh, and if you have a hilarious idea or story you think would make a great addition to this, don't be shy, tell me! The more, the merrier!
Write and review, please and thank you.
