The petite brunette sat on the edge of the lumpy. She buried her face in her hands, tears spilling freely from her eyes. She'd never been that good at containing her emotions, and now she was just too far gone. She couldn't deal with everything that had happened. She couldn't deal with everything that was going to happen. Hermione's life was being turned completely upside down.
It had started a month ago. Her parents sat her down at the table. They held her hands, and they were so very polite in their tones. She should've suspected something, but she hadn't. She never could've expected what was yet to come. Sure, she knew she'd uprooted their lives when she returned and restored their memories. They'd been happy. She'd watched them being happy. But once they remembered… Well, the facades collapsed. They couldn't deal with her anymore. And now… Now she found herself renting a room above the Leaky Cauldron. She hadn't been able to handle telling Ron or Harry yet. She'd told them she would be meeting them there for shopping instead of spending the holidays at the Burrow.
They'd be arriving that day. Hermione knew she needed to tidy herself up. She had to look presentable. They depended on her to be stable and calm. She couldn't let them see her like this.
Sighing, she heaved herself off the mattress and stepped into the adjoining bathroom. She ran the water for a moment to get it cold, before splashing it over her face. It was refreshing, and helped to dull the blotchiness of her cheeks. A quick layer of brown eyeliner and volume enhancing black mascara, and she didn't look too bad. She had always loved the genes her parents had passed to her. She'd never had a problem with acne, besides the occasional pimple that usually disappeared within a day or two. And since she switched shampoos, her hair had been in much better condition as well. She was glad she'd decided to grow it out.
She looked at her face in the mirror. She felt sick looking at it. She was the reason for her parent's pain. She had caused them so much hurt. She couldn't understand how she could bare to exist. She felt a pang of guilt at how much she hated herself at that moment. She was an unpleasant, unnatural thing. She should be punished for it.
Hermione had heard the commotion of the Weasleys entering their rooms just down the hall, but chose to remain alone. She wasn't ready yet. She had to get dressed still. She reached into the closet and sorted through the items hanging there. Over the summer, she'd stopped wearing pants. It was a ridiculous thing, but during the entirety of the war, she'd worn jeans. Now, the very idea of pants made her feel uncomfortable. She only wore dresses or skirts now.
She reached in and pulled out a knee-length white dress with black polka dots on it. It was in a classic 50's cut. Very modest and cute. She loved this dress. It reminded her of better times. Times in which no one was fighting. No one was angry. The world actually seemed like it could be a good place. It made her feel hopeful.
And with those hopeful feelings, she left her room and went out to meet her friends.
Harry and Ron were engrossed in a game of wizards chess. It was difficult to tell who was winning, with their constant squabbling. Ginny was sitting with her parents, looking over the book lists for the upcoming year. Hermione had already purchased most of her books, and she felt a bit sorry for the Weasleys. Even with the financial help they'd gotten from the wizarding community after the war, they were still struggling to make ends meet, and this year's book list was a hefty one. It was going to be hard for them.
George was the one to notice her arrival. He stood up and called out her name, extending his arms for a hug. He was the one she'd written to most over the summer. He'd been having a bad time, and had confided in her. Freds death had been so hard on him. They'd always been together. And the suddenly, just like that, George was alone with no idea what to do without his other half.
Hermione felt elated at seeing him and skipped down the last couple stairs and launched herself into his arms. She giggled with glee as he span her around in the air. It felt nice to laugh, though she didn't feel as though she deserved it. She had no right to be happy in the wake of so much despair.
"Hermione!" Ginnys voice was shrill and excited as she rose swiftly from her seat, knocking it against the table hard enough to knock over some of the chess pieces. An angry clamour erupted as Harry and Ron stood up. Hermione rolled her eyes at their ensuing argument about who had been winning. It was so typical of them. So wonderfully typical. It made her feel safe. Not everything had changed. Some things stayed so wonderfully the same.
Hermione felt tears prick at her eyes as the happy emotions swept over her. A brief respite from her previous anxieties.
"I'm so happy to see you all. You have no idea what this all means to me!" Her voice quivered. She blinked her eyes a few times to clear the tears and redness away. It was time to smile. Time to be happy. These people depended on her to be happy.
So she played her role. She didn't let on that there was any pain, any sadness, any hate. She smiled at appropriate moments. She laughed when she needed to. She would make these people as happy as she pretended to be.
The night passed uneventfully. After the year they'd had, everyone had wanted a peaceful summer. Fortunately, most people were willing to obey their wishes. After all, who would stand against Harry Potter? He was the one who defeated the Dark Lord. He could certainly silence a few plebs. At least, that's what the rumour mill seemed to be about.
The sun rose on a dreary morning. The sky was clouded. It was more than obvious that rain was just around the corner. And not just a light sprinkle. It would be a heavy downpour. Hermione felt her chest tighten as she looked out the window. She would have to try extra hard to keep her composure. She knew it was silly, but when she heard thunder it made every inch of her body quiver with fear. She loved lightning. She found it to be so beautiful. A brilliant light appearing for a split second to illuminate the darkness. That was true beauty. But the thunder that accompanied it; the cold rumble that shook the earth… Somehow she just didn't know how to deal with it in a reasonable manner. It wasn't within her skill set.
She selected a mint green dress with a loose pleated skirt and a classic collar. She paired it with a pair of white soft canvas flats. On her right hand, as always, she wore the claddagh ring her great aunt had given her. The heart pointed into her hand. She felt sad looking at it. She cared for Ron. And when he asked her to be his girlfriend, she'd been ecstatic. Even now, it seemed like a dream. He was so gentle toward her. He made her feel safe and warm. And she didn't deserve it. There were so many girls prettier, funnier, and likely smarter than she was. He could be with any of those girls. And yet he chose her. She just couldn't understand why. Still, just thinking about him made her feel a bit better.
Still smiling to herself, she exited the room and headed down to where she knew he was waiting. And sure enough, she could see his thick red hair even before she'd gone a few steps. He was so tall; a full 6'4". And at her height, it made her feel like a shrimp. It really was a bit ridiculous to have more than a foot in height difference. Hermione had always been small. She'd countered the appearance by wearing shoes with very thick soles. Now, however, she wore flats. And so her puny 5'2" height was very obvious. And beside the Weasleys, it was even more so.
Hermione sidled up to her boyfriend, slipping her arms around his waist. He'd put on a couple pounds since they'd last seen each other, but it wasn't a big deal. He'd been too skinny before.
She closed her eyes, leaning into his side. She felt his arms wrap around her, enveloping her in his warmth. She tilted her face up to his, and felt his soft lips against hers. She'd missed this. The comfort and ease of their relationship. He'd always looked after her, even when it seemed like he was being a crass jerk. He really did care about her a lot.
The sound of a throat clearing interrupted their kiss. Hermione felt her face blush deep red as she pulled away from Ron. She turned her head slightly, and saw Harry rolling his eyes. She knew that he worried about both of them, but they were happy together. Hermione loved Ron, and he loved her back. He did love her back, right? He said he did, so surely it must be true.
She felt her heart speed up, pounding a hard rhythm within her chest. What if it was all an act? What if he actually resented her and wanted her to leave? She pressed her eyelids tight together, trying to steady her nerves. It wouldn't do to have a panic attack here. When she opened her eyes, she saw Harry looking at her with concern. She waved her hand airily, in a dismissive manner.
"Don't fret, Harry. I'm just a bit tired." At least it wasn't an outright lie. She hadn't been able to sleep well lately. There was just too much for her to think about.
"Now then. We'd best be off. We've got a lot of shopping to do, and I can guarantee it'll be busy." She slipped her hand into Rons, and led the two boys out of the nearly empty pub and into the very busy streets of Diagon Alley.
