Well, I tried to make it more lighthearted, but...it is Vincent, after all. So...did I pull off his first person okay?
Do not weep, Captain, for while you held a star, I held the sun, though I, unlike you, feared the power of such beauty. I held it at a distance with shaking arms, and never dared to look directly upon its light.
I often wish that I had, that I had allowed that pure light to consume me. I wonder what difference it would have made. Would it have chased away the shadows that plague me? No doubt. But at what cost? You know I could not have taken the chance, and you hold no grudge.
The sun has the power to rise without me. Rise, then, and be glad for each day.
I hear your prayers for me every night, but I cannot return to you, and I regret to say that I have not found the peace you wish me.
This is my final atonement. You ask if I had a choice in the matter. The answer is yes, but no. I could have chosen, I suppose, to remain with you, but I fear my darkness would have clouded that light. I would not have been able to bear seeing your soul darkened by my influence.
You wanted to save me, but a man can only ever save himself. Do you understand?
A man can be so weak, and a man with such burdens as mine has no right to share them, and no right to be saved.
And there are so many sins, so many burdens upon my soul. The wandering soul, they say, knows no rest, but wander I must, therefore I cannot rest. Do not pain me further by wishing in vain, by wasting your life dreaming of mine.
You cannot hear, but I answer every night.
Remember that I did not leave you with nothing. My wish is simple. Hold close what remains, and remember me if it pleases you to do so. Live, and spare my suffering no more thought. This is my burden and mine alone.
Remember only the star whose light pleased you so, and forget its falling. I will do the same, if I can.
Yes, I also love you, Chief, but I never knew feelings so deep as yours. The sun is a seemingly endless well of light, but a star has only a short time to shine in comparison. They also appear to shine after death. In that manner, I have always been nothing but a ghost. You saw only the echoes of the man I once was.
I deceived you; that is another sin.
I bid you goodnight as well. Yes, there is no doubt you will be later than planned, but I would have you no other way.
I look forward to that day as I wander, but I hope you do not meet me too soon. I want to see you find a new dream, a new star, and rejoice in it. I want to see you smile for every time you've wished I would.
Do that for me, and when I see you, I will smile and allow you to hold me forever. After all, what mere star could deny the sun? I know that I cannot, and that you will give no reason for me to wish I could.
You say that all stars are alike. I am a part of an endless void whose pieces are identical. That makes every part one and the same. I am the sky. You own the sky, and always will.
Do not mourn me. I have, as you say, seen enough sorrow. Seek joy instead, that you may share it with me, and so when next we meet I can find rest in your embrace.
-End
