Everything is black.
Suddenly, I feel a pair of strong hands grip tightly on my shoulders. The grip grows tighter before they start intensely shaking me.
Voices soon begin echoing around me as the shaking increases in intensity.
"Shit, come on Katniss! Wake up! Don't you dare die on me!"
That kind of sounded like Johanna. But why would she care about me? To her, I was a waste of space, a pain in her ass. It hurt whenever she treated me like shit, especially when I was trying to do or say nice things.
"Johanna, you have to stop shaking her. It's only going to make things worse."
Okay, the second voice confirms my suspicions about the first. Still doesn't answer the question of why she cares. The second voice was definitely Finnick, his voice is far deeper than Peeta's and far stronger than Beetee's.
"Goddammit Finnick! She can't fucking die on me now! I never got to tell her…"
I wanted to ask her what she wanted to tell me. Although it would be stupid to hope, I kind of wished that it was her telling me that my love is requited.
It was never about Peeta and me. I fell in love with Johanna Mason during her first Hunger Games, although I didn't realize it at the time. She was everything that I wanted to be, so I tried my best to emulate her. That is what really saved me after my father died. I stayed strong for my family's sake because that is what Johanna Mason would do.
I discovered my love for her during the training sessions for the Quarter Quell. She looked even more gorgeous in person. Even her scars added to her beauty for me.
When she stripped in the elevator, which was when it all clicked for me. I may have given the face of embarrassment and disgust, but I did it to prevent the occupants in the elevator from knowing. They couldn't know yet, since I was still trying to figure this out myself.
As soon as I reached my bedroom, I collapsed on the bed wondering what the hell just happened. After that sleepless night, I came to the realization around 3 am.
'Holy shit… I'm in love with Johanna Mason.'
After that, I tried to do everything I could to get closer to her, to get her to like me. But it seemed like the harder I pushed, the harder she pulled away. It hurt like hell, the feeling that the person you love is disgusted by you. It broke me in ways that I never knew were possible. She probably is saddened that she will never get to see my reaction to when she says that she hates me. She would be saddened about something like that.
Finnick interrupted my thoughts when he whispered softly, "Johanna, maybe you should tell her now. We don't know how much longer she has. It's now or never."
There was a pause before Johanna responded in an even softer voice, "Okay…"
I was still wondering what they were talking about, when I felt the softest lips brush against mine in the gentlest way possible. The kisses from Gale and Peeta paled in comparison to whoever just kissed me. It literally felt like heaven. A part of me wished it was Johanna, but I quickly squashed that hope so that I wouldn't be disappointed when I wake up or pass on.
That last thought led me to realize that I was in limbo right now. My mother told me stories about this. If the person has something or someone to live for, they can wake up from their comatose state. If they don't, odds are that they will never wake up again.
Johanna was my reason, if she ever felt the same way. As the doubt increased, I felt myself fall deeper into the black. It would be only a matter of time.
My internal struggle is interrupted by what felt like someone holding my head against theirs and what felt like tears falling onto my face from theirs. The person whispered while sobbing,
"I… I love you so much Katniss… I'm so sorry that I never told you. I treated you like shit in order to protect you from Snow. It killed me so much to see the hurt look on your face and to know that I caused that. I wanted so badly to tell you, but I would be damned if I let that son of a bitch hurt you in order to hurt me. I thought that I was protecting you, but I realized that I was only protecting myself. I'm… so… sorry. Just know that I love you so much. Please don't die Katniss. Please…"
I could have sworn that I felt my heart leap at this confession.
'She loves me,' I kept repeating in my head.
'She loves me!'
I began to feel myself withdraw from the black, as things around us began to become clearer. I could hear the birds again, the wind brushing against the trees and Johanna sobbing uncontrollably.
I soon was able to begin to breathe normally again, as I also started to really feel the pain of my injuries and of Johanna cradling my head.
I soon began to regain control of my eyes, as I slowly was able to blink everything back into focus. It was after dark and we were just outside of the cornucopia in the forest. I turned my focus to the poor girl weeping in front of me, refusing to let me go.
My throat felt extremely raw and tight, so that was the last thing that began functioning for me. I realized that Finnick noticed my dramatic improvement, as he tried to get Johanna's attention. But she ignored his attempts to get her attention, as she increased her grip on me.
'It's now or never Katniss," I said to myself.
Here goes nothing…
"Jo… Johanna?"
"Katniss!?"
"I… lo… love… you… too…"
