Why is this happening to me? Why can't I just be happy with us being friends? That's all I ever wanted when we were kids; to just be her friend. She was this wild and strange girl who bit her psychiatrists and made me pretend I was her imaginary friend.

"But I'm your real friend, right?" I remember asking her one day in the playground as we sat under a tree playing pretend.

"Yes, you are my real friend" she laughed. I felt so overjoyed at the sound of her laughter. I still love to see her laugh but we're not 9 years old anymore.

I see her smiling now and I just want to kiss her so much. I want to feel her lips on my lips; her tongue on my tongue; her lips and her tongue going down on me. I masturbate to the thought of her mouth taking my cock and I feel like such a terrible friend.

We've been friends for nearly 10 years now. Amy trusts me with everything. She tells me all her secrets; her hopes and her fears. If she ever found out what I've been thinking she'd hate me and I'd lose her forever.

Sometimes I sit on the benches and watch her running down the track in the P.E. field and all I can think about is how she looks like naked. How she takes a shower in the girl's locker room after her long run; her face and body flushed from the work out. I imagine her face and body flushed underneath me as I thrust myself inside her. I feel like such a shitty friend. I still want to be her friend but I feel like such a liar when I remain silent about my thoughts for her.

Every now and then I think I should tell her but I quickly come back to my senses. How could I ever tell her that the boy she's grown up with her entire life wanks off to the thought of her on her knees with his cock down her throat? I'm a terrible friend, aren't I? Rory Williams is a shitty human being and a terrible friend.

The other day she rested her head on my shoulder as she sat beside me on the front steps to my house and she said I was her best friend. She said "You're the best friend I've ever had".

"You're my best friend too" I smiled back. She looked so happy and safe with her head resting on my shoulder. I want her to always feel safe and loved and if being her friend is what makes her happy then that's what I'll be for her. I'll be whatever she needs me to be as long as I can keep her smiling.

I've never been the best at anything but Amy thinks I'm the best friend she's ever had and I want to prove her right. I'd like to think that maybe I'm not so terrible after all.