And now for a story that surprisingly (for me) has nothing to do with Hanna-Barbera

Joel is Floating Naked in Space!

characters belong to Best Brains

Flashbacks are in italics and basically retell what went down during the KTMA MST3K episode 'Time of the Apes' (which is notable for being the episode without a human host; which was why I watched it and ended up, finding the reason why Joel wasn't there funny, though the later version of the episode was better by a long shot)

Now, I must formally apologize for this, it could've been better.


"In the not-too-distant future, out of time and space, Mike Nelson and his robot pals finally escaped. Now, living in an apartment, they try to live now normal lives."

"Cambot, quit narrating," snapped Crow, "We're trying to watch TV."

"There's a hypocritical statement if I ever heard one," said his companion, the irreplaceable Tom Servo.

"Bite me, Servo."

Suddenly, before Mike could say anything to the bots, there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" shouted Servo and Crow, facing each other, "No, I'll get it! You won't get it!" and end up wrestling as a means to settle this.

Sighing, Mike gets up and answers the door, to reveal...

"Joel?! What are you doing here?" Mike asked, surprised.

"Just visiting," answered Joel, grinning, "May I come in?"

As soon as he walked into the room, he spotted the robots fighting on the floor and promptly asked, "Guys? What the Hell? Why are you two fighting?"

They both then looked up, smiling, greeting, "Oh, hi, Joel!" before fighting again.

Mike then explained, "They were just fighting over who gets to answer the door."

"You guys!"

Mike, like a good host, then asked, "Can I get you anything?" with a goofy smile.

Sometime later, on the couch, sat the bots, Crow and Tom Servo, no longer fighting with each other, with the human between them, just like old times, talking over coffee.

"And that's how we all got kicked out of the movie theater last week," recalled Mike, looking directly at the bots, mostly Crow.

Crow then defended himself, "At least, that guy thought we were funny and offered us a TV show."

Mike then groaned but asked Joel, "So Joel, anything new with you?"

"Well, actually-" started Joel, but he got cut off by Crow, asking him, "Hey, Joel, what's the most embarrassing thing to happen you in space?"

"Crow!" shouted Mike.

"It's okay," said Joel, sitting up, "Most embarrassing moment, huh?" rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "Well, there was this one time from all the way back in the early days.

...

Too early, that's what it was, too early to be awake. That was what Joel thinking, laying on his bed. This whole being shot into space thing is seriously messing with his body clock and he hadn't even been up there that long, just a few months.

Since, he decided that staring at his ceiling was a good way to spend his time, he decided to have some fun.

He left his room, not wearing his jumpsuit, and lip-synced and danced around to that Bob Seger song until somehow he accidentally pressed a button that led to him getting locked out the ship.

...

"You danced in your underwear?!" asked Mike, jaw dropped.

"Ehh... I took it a little too far," admitted Joel, albeit sheepishly.

"What?" asked Mike, confused for a moment, until realizing, "Oh, I get it."

Servo then commented, laughing, "Geez Joel! When you say 'early days', you really mean 'early days!'"

"What do you mean?" asked Mike.

"Well, I remember Joel looking like a space hippie-"

"A space WHAT?!"

"He had a mullet that I think he later cut," explained Crow, laughing hard, "which combined which his sleepy eyes and suit, he really did looked like a space hippie."

"May I continue?" asked Servo, then continued. "Okay, on a very early version of the Satellite of Love, I was silver but not shiny silver, Gypsy was kinda freaky looking and very hard to understand, Cambot was very different from today's model, and Crow didn't change a whole lot, aside from then having bulging eyes and not being very shiny," giving Joel a look.

Joel then responded, "Hey! At least, I took good care of you guys," before going back to the story, "So, there I was locked out and-"

"How are you even alive?" asked Mike.

"Just relax," responded Joel, "Where was I? There I was, outside, banging on the wall and screaming to be let back in."

Crow then commented, "In space, nobody can hear you scream."

Servo then said, "The Mads were calling but, we couldn't find Joel anywhere."

"I answered," said Crow, proudly, "I remember it like it was eleven years ago," sighing, nostalgically.

...

Dr. Forrester, different from the Forrester that later came to be, with his then-assistant, Dr. Erhardt were trying to contact Joel, but kept getting hung up when finally...

"Hello," greeted Crow.

Erhardt, like the intelligent scientist he is, responded, "Hey! Wait a minute! You're not Joel!" Truly a genius.

"That's right!"

Forrester, in a condescending tone, asked the robot, "Is Joel home?"

"Yes," replied Crow, clearly enjoying this.

"Well? Can I talk to him?"

"Yes."

Annoyed, Erhardt asked, "Would you mind getting him?!"

With no answer, Crow walked away, truly the mature way to handle it, only to bring Servo into this.

"Hey, sirs." greeted the Silver Servo, very casually.

"Don't you 'Hey sir' me, you little fist full of feet!" shouted Erhardt, practically exasperated, "Get the boss!"

"You mean Bruce Springsteen?" asked Crow.

"No," answered Forrester, unamused.

Servo then suggested, "Boss Hog?"

"No!" shouted Erhardt, really getting peeved.

"Boss Tweed," suggested Crow, still liking this game.

Together, the mad scientists shouted, "NO!", very annoyed at the two robots.

Servo then suggested, "Bossy the Cow," to which both he and Crow moo.

By now, Forrester was fed up with those two obnoxious robots, "This has gone long enough!" to which Erhardt agreed, "Yeah! Without a laugh!" Forrester then turned to him, saying, "Send those robo-twits 'Time of the Apes!'"

...

"Wait a minute!" exclaimed Joel, albeit in his deadpan way, "I thought we didn't see 'Time of the Apes' until years later!"

Servo then said to Crow, "See? I told you he would love that movie."

"Eh, Forrester must've forgot because he had us watch some of the movies from old experiments years later," replied Crow to Joel, causally shrugging.

Mike then asked, "Okay, I'm confused, who's Dr. Erhardt?"

"Dr. F.'s first assistant, we have reason to believe that he was eaten by a giant spider."

"Makes since," replied Mike, shrugging his shoulders, "Considering what we been though."

Servo then said, "Let us get back to the story.

...

After watching a chunk of the movie, it stinks, by the way, the bots took their break, wondering where the creator was.

Crow asked Servo, "Did you check the commissary?"

"Well, yes and the A. G. Room."

"A.G. Room? What's that?"

"I dunno," answered Servo, "Anti-gravity, maybe?"

"Yeah, well. that sounds good, was he there?"

But Servo then admitted, "Uh, we don't have an anti-gravity room."

Crow then said, in a very sarcastic tone, "Well, then there's no use looking in there, now is there?"

That made Silver Servo angry, he started yelling at Crow, then Crow yelled back, getting into a major argument, insulting each other until Gypsy came by.

"Hey, Gypsy! What's that in your mouth?" asked Crow, referring to the beige cloth in her mouth.

As soon as she spit it on the counter, Servo instantly recognized it, "It's Joel's uniform!"

"I found it in the pod bay," explained Gypsy, in her incoherent way.

"Pod bay?" asked Crow, "What's that?"

Servo then replied, "About two pounds."

Que sad trombone music as Gypsy left and Servo chuckled at what he said but added, "But that's not important now. What's important is that Gypsy found Joel's suit and that means..."

"Joel is floating naked in space!"

Crow then shouted, "Quick! Get the telescope!" while Servo laughs hysterically, as they scramble for one.

...

In present day, the bots, on the couch, are laughing like hyenas with the two humans between them.

"Oh my God! I actually forgot about that!" exclaimed Crow, calming down just a little bit.

"I can never forget," said Servo, quietly, almost traumatized, "That was more of Joel than I needed to see."

The bots then looked at each other and started to laugh again, harder.

Now, somewhat amused by this story, Mike looked out to Joel, who looked straight ahead, avoiding his gaze.

"See?! I told you he blushed in the most adorable way!" shouted Crow, still hysterical.

...

The two bots walked out of the theater, talking casually as they headed for the bridge, hoping that Cambot wouldn't give them another mind-fuck moment.

"Boy, life on the satellite without Joel is going to be different," said Servo, confidently.

Crow agreed, still wearing Joel's jumpsuit, "Yeah, no more getting slapped in the load pin."

"No more electrocutions for no reason," continued Servo.

"No more getting turned into Christmas trees," added Crow, thinking of an earlier incident where that happened to him.

Servo then amused, mused, "Maybe Joel can be a good Christmas tree."

But then Crow admitted, "Yeah, I'm gonna miss him."

"Yeah," said Servo, also admitting "But I don't mind life with you, pal."

"Yeah, you're that greatest."

...

Present day, Joel was finishing up the story, saying, "So, eventually, Gypsy let me back in and I," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck, "had to chase Crow around for my suit, which ultimately led to rather awkward call from the Mads."

"That's quite a story there, Joel," admitted Mike, looking at him.

"Yeah..." admitted Joel, now facing Mike, "I forgot how embarrassing that story really was," looking over to the bots and smiled.

Crow and Tom Servo were on the floor, crying out, "I'M SORRY! SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO FIGHT YOU!", arms around each other, almost like a hug.

"Trapped outside the Satellite of Love, naked," mused Mike, rubbing his chin, thoughtfully, facing Joel, "You, sir, take things to whole new levels, granted, I've done crazier stunts up there."

"Oh, you did, did you?" raising an eyebrow, with interest.

"Yep," Mike nodded, "Although," he admitted, "Now, I'm wondering, if that story you just told involved a prototype Satellite of Love, then how did they get you on another one?"

"That story, my friend, is for another day."

That was when the bots, with a wicked gleam in their eyes, came back up to the humans, specifically Mike.

It was Servo who then asked, "How about you, Mike? Surely, something had to you up there, too. You just said it yourself."

Crow added, "Yeah, though it might not be as bad as the walk-a-thon incident you oh-so-eloquently told us about."

"Um..." started Mike, uncomfortable and thinking, "Oh, crap."

The end


Maybe in the future, I'll polish this up, put some meat on this bones and remake it. See ya later, dudes... I guess.