Chapter 1: Tris POV
It's been 9 years since the war. Only 3 of them I've been able to remember successfully. The 6 I cannot seem to understand, seemed to have been spent in simulation after simulation, and test after test. I know that erudite faked my death and kept me for their own selfish reasons but the effects of those six years, both mentally and physically, were ones I have yet to overcome completely.
As weird as it is to admit, Uriah is the only one who understands what I'm still going through after that. It's been almost a year since I saw him last. When we escaped he helped me back into the city, who somehow returned order back to the faction system. However, Uriah found the life he needed at the time, outside of the fence. Last I heard, he was teaching PE at a high school. A special high school with a secret program for children of those who escaped the factions. Apparently they offered a way for these children to come back to the city and become apart of the factions at a choosing ceremony. I don't know the details of the operation but I love Idea of giving the kids their own choice.
My life now is where I thought it would be 9 years ago during my initiation. Eating dauntless cake and spending my days helping Tobias train initiates or acting as ambassador and returning with him every night to a cozy little apartment we called our own. Zeke and Shauna being so happily married and Christina as crazy as ever dragging me around with her all the time.
Things were not exactly how I expected though. I never in my wildest dreams expects Christina to be the one to force me to do this. A white plastic stick the only thing between the finally normal life I always wanted and the revelation terrified ever fiber of my being.
It took me what seemed like hours to finally take the test and even longer to check the results.
My breath caught in my throat and I could feel wart spilling from my cheeks, but it didn't fill like me. It wasn't me. I felt like I was watching someone else. Her knees shook before they finally gave in and the collapsed to the floor, her face falling in her lap. This couldn't be me. The woman falling to pieces in front of a dancing little plus sign on some cheap piece of plastic. How could this be me? When did I become so weak?
The one thing terrifying me more then results was the looming recognition that I was going to have to share the results with him.
Over the years Tobias and I had more then our fair share of problems. We struggled the most trying to pick up the pieces after my infamous return from "death" and we could never seem to free ourselves from our problems telling the truth. At one point out fighting got so out of hand Christina converted the guest room in her apartment to a room just for me. This particular string of fights ended with forgiveness and a wedding on a whim at 2 am.
Since that night we'd be the happiest we'd ever been. Settling into a routine and unpredictable life we both loved. The only problem is, there is no way Tobias will take this well. No way.
I stand outside the door to our apartment. My hands shake to much to open the door and my breaths come too fast. I try to control myself as I remember what Christina told me this morning.
"You need to tell him tonight. You can't go on with your life for weeks acting like nothing is going on. This is real and it's life changing and it deserves to be treated as such. Lying is the temporary solution to the permanent problem. The truth is going to come out eventually, you need to just tell him now." Such a candor I remember thinking as she kept talking about why is needed to tell him tonight.
I guess her words worked to some degree because I'm here now. Or maybe it was the fact that she made a trip to my boss earlier and when she returned I was no longer needed for a diplomatic trip to amity tonight.
My fingers closed around the door handle and I pushed it open using what felt like every ounce of muscle in my body.
"Hey Tobias, we need to talk," I said filling my voice with the strength and confidence I lacked on the inside. I closed the front door and gained control over my nerves just in time for him to come walking in from our bedroom, pulling a shirt on to cover his perfectly muscular torso.
"What are you doing here? I thought you were going to amity tonight?" He says, almost a little flustered as he crosses the room to me. His arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me into a hug. I can feel every breath and every heart beat of his. I don't want to leave. I want to stay like this forever and never face the truth, never have to see him as mad or scared as he was going to be when I gave him the news.
Disgust filled my stomach. I couldn't let him hold me like this when I knew I was about to ruin everything. I pulled out of the hug. He tightened his hip on my waist but I quickly pushed his hands off me. I took one step away from him keeping my eyes on the floor trying not to make eye contact.
"I backed out. I just really need to talk to you."
I started towards the couch keeping my eyes trained on the floor. His feet followed me cautiously as if he stepped to close I might explode in front of him and quite honestly I possibly could. My feet moved across the floor of the apartment,my mind making mental notes of every crack it came to. Just before I reached the couch my eyes caught glimpse of something a few feet to the side. A black t shirt, the kind the fell of the shoulders with lacy details. It was definitely made for a female but it was too big to be mine.
I didn't say anything just tried not to look at it as he sat beside on the couch, slightly turned so he can face me. I can't ask him about it I'm just going to have to trust him for now because we have much more pressing issues to deal with.
I felt his hand take mine rubbing gentle circles with his thumb. "Talk to me then," the words almost sounding like a question as they entered my ears.
I pulled my hand from his grasp and covered my face. "Oh Tobias, please don't be mad," I said finally lifting my face from my hands. Our eyes meet for the first time. His eyes are full of worry and hurt and they seem to rip me apart seeing into the very depth of my soul. I can't hold his gaze for long and I'm slightly relieved when I see movement behind him.
There she stands in the door way to his bedroom. Our bedroom. Wearing nothing but his shirt. Our eyes meet and she quickly ducks back into the bedroom.
Without a word I stand and leave slamming the door behind me. As soon as hear the slam behind me I ran my feet picking up. The speed wiping my tears for me. My mind finally given the space to fully think.
When I get to Christina's room my fists meet the door to fast and too hard. The noise ringing through the hallway. She pulls pulls me through the door and shuts it fast.
"Christina, can you get ahold of Uriah. I need to leave the city."
Christina's face reflects the shock I know I've just given her. She nods her head and pauses as if unsure she should share her thoughts.
"Under one condition. You tell me and uri everything as soon as we all get settled out there"
I noded. Slowly but surely the world returned to color and sound. I could hear the banging on Christina's door and a voice yelling my name so desperately.
We left 2 days later. Uriah found both me and Christina apartments a floor below his. I didn't expect Christina to come with me but I'm glad she is because I don't know if is be able to make it through this pregnancy without her.
