Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Real action starts next chapter! Plus, the humor too. This chapter's more on peering into our main protagonists' psyches and thoughts, with a bit of plot. Not your thing? Head on to the next chapter, it's easy to figure out the loose ends. But, if you don't mind, then by all means do read on.
It was calling to him again; with its mysticism, and its rich, silver light that always envelops him. He never really knew what it was about the Moon that attracted him so much- was it because of his dark ties to it, or was it just one of those silly attachments creatures make to certain things?
It was almost a nightly ritual of his; to come and visit the Moon at around midnight, just a night or two before his transformation. So that he could marvel at its semi-completeness, before he had to stare at it in horror once again as he felt his body transform into something so alien, so unlike himself. They never wrote it in the textbooks, how werewolves were transfixed at the full moon as they felt their flesh tear and their bodies change. It was almost nerve-wracking, how Remus had to look at something so complete, so whole, while he had to feel the evidence of his duplicity.
It was nerve-wracking, yet consoling at the same time, to have something so beautiful witness his degradation- he could almost feel its soothing rays shroud him, and tell him that all this will soon pass... and it always does.
It was just like any other night before his transformation. As if jolted by some unseen force, he would wake up at exactly midnight. The first night he awoke to this strange occurrence, he stayed fixed to his bed, willing himself to go back to sleep. Remus never got a wink of sleep after that queer awakening; but, now, he knew better, he would simply leap out of bed without a single thought.
The amber-eyed Gryffindor has come to be fond of his monthly trips to the Astronomy Tower, the Moon always there to greet him. Oddly enough, Remus' subconscious self always knew which night to suddenly rouse him; it was always a night when there were no clouds to obstruct the Moon's glorious rays of silver light. He was always mystified by this, but silently thankful.
Like aforementioned, it was like any other night, with one slight variation.
It was a slight sound that struck him out of his reverie; the werewolf with lightning senses knew he was not alone. He turned to see his intruder.
It was a pair of gray eyes that greet him.
He was restless again; he tossed and he turned until cold sweat made his pajamas cling to his skin. The soothing darkness that enveloped him did not have its usual effect. Instead, he became more aware of his surroundings, not at all giving in to the calls of sleep. With his sense of sight lessened, his other senses were made more potent.
Sirius suddenly felt that he was too cramped inside his bed, that the sheets were holding on to him too tight, that the air around him was too hot and humid, the surroundings too silent that it was almost deafening.
Merlin, he thought, he was at Hogwarts for Pete's sake! How could he feel that same lack of freedom he felt every single day at Grimmauld's Place?
Truth be told, though, the dark-haired lad had been feeling this way for a few weeks now. He had absolutely no idea how it started, and why.
All he knew was that he would simply stare into the dark ceiling of his shared quarters, and ponder at the feeling in his chest; in his heart, actually- but it sounded all too effeminate for his liking.
This night was slightly different from all those other nights he spent staring at the ceiling though- this time he did not wander into the realm of sleep distraught and a tad melancholic, this time he was struck with realization, this time he was able to fathom the queer feeling he had in his heart, this time he knew. But that didn't make Sirius less sad than he usually would be on a night like this.
This feeling in his heart, he felt it everyday at that hell-hole of a home at Grimmauld's. He felt it each time he would be reprimanded, scolded, and insulted for whom he truly was- a white sheep in a very Black family; he felt it every time those gray eyes of his mother, so much like his own, would look his way, filled with despise and disdain.
It was the coldest feeling any person could possible feel, and it stuck to Sirius' heart like paint to a wall- it was loneliness.
He cursed as loudly as he could. What in bloody hell is going on with you, Sirius?
Sirius' mind was in utter disarray. As the realization struck him, he had to ask himself Why…? Why now? Of all the times, why now?!
He couldn't understand the sudden leap his heart took- it was insane! Utterly, so very insane. Was he not content with what he had in Hogwarts? He had James and Peter, his trusty, fellow Marauders who kept him company these past five years- and, not to mention, the countless fans and admirers he had who would do anything at his whim.
Wasn't it enough that he experienced such torture at home? Having to go through it here, too... that was just plain cruel and masochistic.
Slowly his thoughts were turning into a mind-splitting headache…
Damn his heart for being so fickle.
Sirius may not know how it all started, how things got that way. But, with all things, there is always a cause, a root, to how things turn out the way they do.
It all started on the day James professed his undying love for a certain green-eyed redhead. It was fortunate that Sirius- bless his intelligent yet dense mind- was not able to make the connection between his feelings of loneliness and said event.
But, on the other hand, it was unfortunate that Sirius- during all those nights filled with confusion- was not able to recognize just what type of loneliness he was experiencing.
Bless his mind once again, Sirius can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that he was actually going through the throes of puberty, albeit quite late... but then, at long last! The roguishly good-looking lad from Gryffindor would soon be at the mercy of love.
It almost feels as though a miracle's going to happen.
Struck with realization as he was, Sirius did not go back to bed. Now that he knew this wriggling feeling in his heart, he just wanted to think it out, and find out why it was there.
It was rather stressing to know what the problem was, and not know what to do about it. He felt his mind turn slowly into mush, and his heart flutter with an indescribable feeling; almost something like- what did his friends call it?- angst, was it?
Sirius suddenly took a double take. Shite, shite, shite! Mate, you're going bonkers! Completely bonkers! Merlin, forbid!
First the loneliness, then the angst... it was too much for the gray-eyed lad to take. You'd think he was a bloody romantic, looking for the love of his life, for the person who could make him whole. No, no, no- no, thank you! He was a lone wolf, he thought to himself, he didn't need anyone to- he suddenly shivered- complete him.
That conviction become more and more weak though, as that way of thinking didn't do anything at all to cease the feeling in his heart. He swore once more.
Instead of forcing himself to sleep, which he somehow knew was impossible for him then, he jumped right out of bed. He had a lot of adrenaline pulsing through his veins; he needed to move.
Out he went, without so much as a second glance at the room that's been stifling him.
The cool air whips his ebony hair hither-thither, and placates his growing headache.
Sirius wonders to himself why he never did this before; Hogwarts was a labyrinth during the night, and there was a thrum of mystery and magic behind the walls that you feel almost honored to be surrounded by them. It was a pleasure to walk through its hallways; one gets filled with admiration that he forgets everything else on his mind.
Just right for our brooding protagonist; he yields, and is caught up by mystification and what not.
He forgets himself, and just roams and roams- his mind becoming surprisingly clear; the wind creates sounds that call out to him, the sound of his steps echo in the hallways.
And, then, he stops. He is struck out of his reverie. He truly sees for the first time since he started walking through the hypnotic paths of Hogwarts. He sees him; but he did not know it was a he during that moment.
Bathed in the silver light of the moon- shoulder-length, blond hair glistening, billowing robes from the wind- she stands there transfixed on the Moon. It was unnerving how Sirius couldn't take his eyes off her. He moves to see her better, then a gasp escapes his lips, she was a he. But that didn't make Sirius less captivated by the sight in front of him.
The gasp that escaped him did not go unnoticed; the beguiling entity turns his head to look his way. The ebony-haired lad gasps again.
There, staring at him, were the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen.
They were hauntingly beautiful; they called out to you, as if as though the soul under its depth had something to say, had a yearning in its core that it wanted to quench.
But those eyes looked at Sirius as if not seeing; and, just as quickly as their eyes met, they soon parted. The pair of amber orbs were back to gazing at the Moon up above.
But, just before the connection was lost, a flicker of emotion flashed through the amber-eyed lad's eyes. Sirius unexpectedly felt something somersault in his tummy. He knew what he saw. And Sirius didn't know whether to be elated or saddened by the discovery.
He felt a kinship with the unknown person in front of him (who proceeded to ignore his presence), for in those eyes he saw the familiar feelings of loneliness and sadness that have been haunting him; Sirius thinks to himself what a great burden it was to carry these feelings in tow, and he thought that he'd rather have this burden to himself than let this beautiful creature in front of him suffer the pangs they bring.
And, realization struck Sirius once again, but it was only his subconscious mind that grasped it. This- everything that led to this point... it was something divine, something mysterious.
Something that truly made Sirius' heart sing, although he didn't know why.
He stares one last time at the beguiling sight. He savors a sudden wind that whips his hair and whisks through his clothes; he sees the full moon in its magnificence, and then he feels the growing warmth in his heart. Then, he turns away, with a boyish smile on his face.
Sirius's tummy was doing somersaults once more, but for an entirely different reason as before. And, he had to ask himself how someone he had just seen could do such things to him. And, how a pair of eyes could be so embedded in his mind.
Bloody hell, Sirius, is this what I think it is?
It truly was what he thought it was; Sirius has just experienced love at first sight. And slowly his heart that seemed so empty just a while ago was filled with excitement and expectation.
"The loneliness," Sirius states into the dead of the night, with a fantastic smirk to his lips- as he sees his eyes in front of him once again, "that we both feel, my dear lone wolf, we shall revel in it as we see and grasp each other's miseries. But the emptiness we feel," Sirius brings a hand to his heart- almost reveling in the feeling, knowing almost instinctively that it will then pass "will soon be filled as we grow closer, as we savor each other's company..." He was grinning brightly by this time, albeit hesitantly- almost in an embarrassed way, not willing himself to say the next few words that crossed his mind.
...as we fall in love. He did not dare say those words.
For one thing, he's said too much! What in bloody hell was happening to him? Murmuring lyrical and romantic words in an empty hallway, in the middle of the night, smiling so brightly that it could have blinded anyone... it was all so incomprehensible, he would've laughed if he wasn't so damn confounded.
Bloody hell, he really was turning into a bloody romantic. And isn't it bloody brilliant?
Sirius decided there right then that he truly was, utterly insane. And, he too decided right then that he truly was, utterly, insanely in love with an amber-eyed lad whose name he doesn't even know.
Merlin.
Author's Notes: Bless you! You've just finished my very first fan fiction. I'm hoping it isn't that bad!
I imagine you must have found this a bit lacking- with no dialogue and all. But I do wish you give this piece a chance! Not to worry, you'll be seeing our dear Marauders' lips in action by the next chapter, I promise. (And- no!- not that sort of action. At least, not yet!)
Cheers! Reviews are appreciated!
P.S. For my previous readers, forgive me! As you can see, nothing much has changed. I just thought I'd merge the two previous chapters together- they were quite short. I'll be updating soon.
