Back in 1999, there was no smart phone, Facebook or anything like we have now.
Emails, letters and phone calls were pretty much all we had.
Keep that in mind as you read further.
Love,
Jude xox
Chapter ONE
October 27th, 1999
Another day in the life of an amazing University student. I sigh. Why is it so boring? Girls are running after boys. Boys are trying to impress girls. We have a daily load of reading or homework. I'm sleep deprived and I keep gaining weight because I don't have time to exercise. I'm broke and I'm ugly. Well, my friend doesn't think so but I do. I swear, I am.
Winter is coming and all I can think about is snowboarding. My life is devoted to that sport. I love it, I breathe it and I dream about it almost every night. I'm counting the days until the opening of the ski resort. I'll be the first, or in the first to be reaching the summit of the mountain. My board is ready and so is the rest of my equipment. Soon, I keep thinking.
"Hey Bella." Rosalie calls my name as I walk through the cafeteria.
"Hey Rosalie. What's up?"
"Nothing." She lies.
"No, tell me. What's up?"
"Listen, I don't know what's happening to you but you have to stop. Smile, dress girly, have fun. Do something just for you."
"I'm fine. Where does that come from?" I have no clue what her problem is. Rosalie and I go way back to high school days. She knows me, too well. Sometimes I feel like she can read my mind.
"We've been talking about this moment since we were twelve. This is it, Bella. Don't waste it. We're at the university, we're living a shared dream. We have everything we ever wanted.."
"Okay… so?" I say still not understanding her point.
"Listen, I have a question." She pauses avoiding my eyes. "Are you into girls?"
"A lesbian? Why? Why do you think I'm a lesbian?" She can't be serious, can she?
She sighs. "Because… You ignore all the guys trying to get your attention. You show absolutely no interest. It's a bit weird." What guys? I have no idea who she's talking about.
I laugh. "I'm okay with weird. I've been called worse." Her eyes are still watching me, waiting for an answer. I roll my eyes and a sigh escapes my mouth. "No, I'm not into girls. I'm just … not interested."
Her hand on her hip, her head angled to the side, she studies me. "I don't understand you. Why not?
Is she my personal therapist now? I don't want to talk about it but I know her enough to know she won't let it go. "Look at me, Rosalie. I'm not like you. I don't have the perfect shape, the beautiful blue eyes with the perfect shade of brown hair. I'm chubby, I dress like a guy and my hair is shorter than most girls. I'm fine with the way I look. I buy my own clothes and I get my hair cut like this. Nobody is forcing me. I'm cool with that. Guys want a feminine girl by their side. Not me. I'm the token girl they can rely on for an opinion on all things girl related." Always have been.
"Are you voluntary trying to push them away?"
I'm about to start groaning if she doesn't stop. "I don't want a boyfriend or a fuck buddy. I'm fine by myself. I have absolutely no interest in the drama and heartache it brings. Trust me, I'm not looking forward to falling in love."
"You're so weird." She chuckles.
"I know."
I hope she has other things to talk about or this is going to be the longest lunch in history. She goes to grab a salad at the small restaurant and I wait at our table with my lunch. My sandwich isn't really appealing but it'll do. At least, I have a mouth-watering cupcake for dessert. Chocolate, nonetheless. I take the first bite of my sandwich as Rosalie sets her tray on the table.
"Another boring sandwich."
"What's up with you today? Is it hit on Bella day? Besides, you eat a salad every day. Boring yourself."
Sitting at the table, she's angry, and I believe I hear her groan. "God, I'm sorry. I wasn't able to sleep last night. I had weird dreams."
"What kind of dreams? I ask with my mouth full.
She sighs. "You know, growing old and alone. I want a big family and whenever I get nervous, I dream that I don't."
"We're only eighteen. You need to relax. Your man will come when the time is right and trust me, at eighteen, you don't want to start your family."
"Yeah, I know. I just hate this phase of my life, you know. Being in between teenagers and adulthood. I like to party and have fun but it gets old fast. I want to start my adult life." She whines.
What am I supposed to tell her? She wants a life she can't have. We still have a long way to go before we graduate, we're here for a while. "Again, you're just eighteen. Enjoy it before you get old and become addicted to Botox. Once you get old, you're going to want all of your young days back."
"When did you get all serious and reasonable?"
I roll my eyes. "I haven't changed. I simply know what I want."
We eat the remaining of our lunch in silence, my ears are thankful. I have an English Literature class this afternoon. We are going to talk about Moby Dick. The teacher asked night.
"What are you doing this weekend?" She asks.
I have no idea. I expect her to ask me to join her for a shopping spree. Some people go to church every weekend, no matter the weather. Well, she goes shopping every weekend no matter the weather. She doesn't worry much about her finances, her main source of anxiety results in what outfit she's going to wear the following day. While my wardrobe consists of comfortable jeans and t-shirt, hers is a diversity of colors. Skirt after skirt after skirt, she has a collection. Plus, she has triple the amount of tops. Going shopping this weekend isn't really my plan, I want to continue reading my book and I want to get a few things done at home.
"I have a few things left to do for school and I want to relax."
"Seriously?" I nod. "We had a terrible week, all filled with exams." She pouts.
"You can ask Andrea maybe." I know she doesn't really like going shopping with Andrea because she looks at everything and wants to try on a zillion things. It slows her down, unlike me, I don't really shop for stuff when I go with her. I basically follow her around and spot a few things for me and go back later. Alone. I hate shopping for me with someone else. I already don't feel comfortable in my own skin or my clothes. I don't need a friend's advice, it doesn't change how I see myself or the clothes I want.
Rosalie eats her salad as if it was a chocolate bar, she looks so famish. Salad is fine but I don't understand how she can eat it every single day. Sometimes we go eat at a small restaurant off campus and although they make the best pizza in town, she always orders a salad. She is thin, very thin. I don't think she will gain
Yes, the cupcake was totally worth the calories. Rosalie is still drooling over it. I think someday she's just going to crack and eat like a pig for a month non-stop. Starving herself is not the option.
I walk to my next class, yawning. I wish I could go back home. There is a few things I want to check out on the computer. There are new equipment I want to look at for snowboarding season coming. I'm way too excited about this. I yawn again, my eyes are heavy.
"Hey Bella, ready for Lit class?" My friend Jasper asks sitting next to me.
"Hmm, no, not really. I was just asking myself if I go or not. I just want to go home."
"If you go, I'll go with you." Hmm, not going to happen, Jasper. I know what he has in mind. He's one of the guys I'm trying to push away. I mean, push his advances away. He's a nice guy but I'm not looking for a relationship. Boyfriend brings unwanted drama and I decide I don't have time for this. I want to concentrate on getting my diploma. Of course, I'm attracted to guys, some are really good looking around here. Jasper is one of them, I have to admit.
"No, it's okay. I can't skip now."
"Yeah, that's what I thought, you're not really the type of person who skips class."
"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask him, intrigued. Today is definitely not my day. My friends are all trying to get to me. Thankfully, I'm patient and it takes a lot of crap before I explode.
"Thank you for joining my class. Today, we'll go over Moby Dick. I want your thoughts on that book." I close my eyes. I might fall asleep so I reopen them right away.
My vision is blurry. I should have gone back home. Jasper gives me a stick of gum. It's his version of a black coffee. Whenever I'm tired he gives me a gum piece thinking it will keep me awake. I take it because I like gum but not because I think it will help me concentrate on Moby Dick. What about Shakespeare? That would be infinitely? better. I would actually participate in class instead of dosing off with my eyes open. I stretch my legs and my back cracks.
Two and a half hours later, and I'm finally home sitting crossed legs legged on the couch with my lap top on my thighs. I'm surfing on the Burton as good as the cupcake I had earlier. I love this stuff. Logging in onto my computer, Jasper and Rosalie are probably online and about to message me. I join the Burlington Chatroom and a couple of people say hi. I don't feel like chatting, I don't even know why I logged in in first place. I go back to my snowboarding gear and after looking at the different boards for fifteen minutes, I go back to the chat website and type in snowboard in the search bar in hope of finding a chatroom filled with people I can relate to.
I'm surprised to see how many people are in that room. This is going to be fun, I think.
Bella_Snow: Hi everyone!
Snowflake: Hi Bella. Where are you from?
Bella_Snow: I'm from Burlington, Vermont, you?
Snowflake: Seattle, Washington.
Edwardator: I'm from Colorado.
Bella_Snow: Colorado? Lucky you. Great mountains over there.
Edwardator: Have you ever been here?
Snowflake: Colorado is cool but I prefer Utah.
Bella_Snow: No. Never. Maybe someday.
This could end up being addictive. How come I have never checked out that room before? So many people I can talk to. Rosalie sends me a private message.
RosalieRules: Are you sure you don't want to come with me? Shopping, I mean.
I chuckle. Now that I have found this group, I'm not ready to leave my computer any time now.
Bella_Snow: I'll pass for this time. Call me tomorrow if you want to go for breakfast or something.
RosalieRules: Are you dismissing me?
Bella_Snow: I thought you were leaving…
RosalieRules: Whatever. I'll call you in the morning.
I go back to the group and Snowflake and Edwardator have gone offline. Too quiet, I remember that I'm not really in the mood to chat anyway. I'm tired and trying to find my new equipment before the season starts. I take some notes on a piece of paper, writing down the model and price. My eyes are heavy and I can't stop yawning. I take a last look at the chatrooms before calling it a night.
Jasper and Edwardator both sent me private message.
Edwardator: Hey. My friend went to Vermont last year. Apparently, you've got great resorts. I hope we can talk later. Are you new around here?
I reply.
Bella_Snow: Nothing like the Rockies, though. Yes, I'm new.
Edwardator: So, what's your thing?
My thing? I ask myself.
Bella_Snow: My thing? You mean snowboarding? That's my main thing but I'm also trying to keep my grades up.
Edwardator: Yeah, me too. How long have you been riding?
I smile. Finally, someone to talk to about my passion.
Bella_Snow: Few years. I'm looking for new equipment now.
He keeps asking me questions about my life and I feel like I'm not tired anymore. Before tonight, I have never shared so many personal things about myself to a stranger. The word stranger doesn't seem to fit, I feel like I know him already. We talk and he makes me laugh. Sharing my thoughts and feelings on different matter like literature or movies we both have seen, I have a good time. Our main subject is snowboarding, we can't stop talking about it. He loves to hang out at the snow park and I do too. We both dream of shredding for a living.
Edwardator: How was your life when you grew up?
Bella_Snow: Normal, I think. I've been friend with Rosalie for a very long time, We are inseparable. My parents are still together and we're pretty closed. What about you?
Edwardator: My parents are divorced but it was always me and my brothers. My mom is a strong woman and she took good care of us. It hasn't always been easy but we're all good.
Bella_Snow: I bet she is strong. It was really tough on Rosalie when her parents divorced.
Edwardator: It was a long time ago. My mom made sure we didn't lose the family values she had taught us.
The battery of my laptop is about to die. Its 3am and I have to get some sleep.
Bella_Snow: Listen, I have to get some sleep. It's getting late and I'm supposed to have breakfast with a friend tomorrow.
Edwardator: Alright. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Sweet dreams.
I smile at the screen before shutting down the computer. My legs are stiffed from sitting all night. Talking to him was fun and different. Jasper is a good friend. We go snowboarding together but I've known him forever. It's good to have new people to talk to.
As soon as my head hits the pillow, I pass out. The exhaustion from the week finally kicks in. I need to rest and I can't wait for tomorrow. There is this guy in Colorado and I want to know more about him.
