I don't want to wish away Autumn finding out how things go between our lovebirds - so I decided to just take matters into my own hands. I'll probably be way off, but it's still a lot of fun!
Also - this is my very first attempt at ANY sort of fanfic! So constructive criticism certainly welcome, and all comments taken in the spirit of
good Jam-will!
EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm have a hell of time formating this. I can't get it to show their email addresses, so I just left them as they are. I'm sure you'll get the point. :-)
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 1
It had been a long day, and Pam spent most of it feeling badly for Oscar. As usual Michael made the biggest ass of himself while thinking he was doing the right thing, and now everyone in a 10 block radius was aware that Oscar was gay. Spending the afternoon locked in the conference room while Michael attempted to put a lip lock on Oscar in the spirit of accepting diversity would not be believed by anyone who did not work at the Scranton branch of the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. Well, maybe ONE person would believe it, but that person wasn't someone she knew anymore. That person walked out of her life in May. He left her over four months ago and hadn't made a single attempt to contact her since. So she did her best not to think about him. Unfortunately she was coming to realize that her best wasn't even beginning to cut it.
Jim had left to take a promotion at the Stamford branch practically overnight after the casino fund raiser. Left immediately after telling her that he loved her. He had even kissed her. How does someone you've been friends with for over 3 years - best friends, really - lay all of that on you and then disappear forever because you didn't give them the answer they were looking for? She will never forget how angry she was the Monday she came into the office and found he was gone. That kiss and brief conversation made up the last moments they had shared, and her feelings of being totally abandoned just took over, making her practically hate him in her fury. She swore that she'd just put it all behind her and move on without him.
She didn't think like to dwell on the fact that perhaps she didn't have a real reason to be angry. She couldn't pretend that she had no idea he felt that way about her. Yes, his confession had been taken her aback in its intensity, but out and out surprise her? No, it hadn't. It just made her face the fact that she was living two lives - one with him in the office, Monday through Friday from 8 to 5, and then the other one that involved getting married to Roy. If she was being truly honest with herself, she shouldn't be angry at Jim for leaving, she should be ashamed of herself for letting things go on as long as the did, and then breaking the heart of her best friend in the process. But it was easier to just be angry. She didn't have to lie awake examining her own broken heart in the middle of the night if she just stayed angry.
As the months passed however, her angry shield against all things Jim started to chip away. She stopped pretending to do something else if his name was brought up in casual conversation. When the Dunder Mifflin quarterly newsletter came out in August and mentioned his promotion, she kept a copy. Granted she hid it in the back of a bottom drawer, along with a messy stack of scrap paper, a pair of extra socks, and 2 boxes of raisins that probably should have been tossed out ages ago, but she did keep it. And she remembered it was there.
It was late afternoon when Dwight opened a package that just arrived from the Stamford branch. Pam didn't think anything of it until she heard him say Jim's name. Suddenly the only thing she could focus on was what was in the box. Dwight pulls out a headset and something that could only be described as a weedwacker with the bottom cut off.
What in the hell was that thing?
She finally saw the lettering on the side of the machine. GAYDAR, it said, and she practically burst out laughing.
Oh My God, she thought. How is it even possible he knew about what happened today?
She thought back to a conversation she overhead between Jim and Dwight ages ago, with Jim convincing Dwight that a machine existed that could tell you if a person was straight or gay simply by waving it over them.
Dwight must have called Jim today, she thought. But she was simply amazed that Jim could pull it off so fast.
Her first reaction was to email him and let him know what a wonderful thing he had done. It wasn't until she opened up a browser window that she remembered he hadn't made any contact with her since that night she told him she was still going to marry Roy - despite their fantastic,earth-shattering kiss. She had also sworn to herself that she wasn't going to be the first one to break that silence.
She sat at her desk and argued with herself over what to do. She knew she was being petty, and it didn't sit well with her. She had been through a great deal these last few months, practically entirely on her own. She faced the fact that the best friend she ever knew moved away. She called off a long-planned wedding only days before the event. She was living independently for the first time in her life. Had she learned nothing from all of this? Did she really still believe that she alone had sole right to be angry for the way things had turned out between Jim and herself? She had walked away from Jim, and then walked away from Roy. Where was she walking to, exactly?
It's not like sending a simple email is admitting you were wrong and can't live without him, she scolded herself. Isn't it time you test the waters and see if there's any friendship left at all?
So she screwed up courage and started the email.
To: j.
From: p.
I commend you for the Gaydar. Dwight is besides himself over his new tool. I'm sure soon he'll out all of us. Thanks so much for that.
Oops, I think Dwight's just discovered he's gay. :-)
She stopped, wondering how much more to say. It was surprisingly easy to open with such a light tone, and she could probably ramble for a great deal longer, but she was afraid of writing too much. She would be mortified if she wrote him a long email and he didn't so much as acknowledge it. She felt a strong longing to write something a litter more personal, to try and see how things stood, but she chickened out.
Let's just see if he even bothers to reply.
She took a deep breath and hit 'send'. She let out her breath so loud Ryan looked up from his desk (well, Jim's desk) and gave her a strange look. Lately that's been his usual look to her.
Well, I guess that's that, she thought. We'll see what happens.
But the butterflies in her stomach gave away the fact that she certainly did not feel as nonchalant about this as she was pretending. He'd won; she gave in and contacted him first. But somehow she didn't feel like she'd lost just yet. She realized that the only way she'd lose now is if he decided to ignore her attempt at reaching out.
She just hoped she wouldn't have to wait too long to find out.
Chapter 2
Jim was returning to his desk after a stop at the vending machine when he heard the faint ding that announced a new email arrival. He popped open his soda and took a big swig while he brought up his email account. The shock of seeing the return address nearly caused him to choke on his drink.
Pam. It was an email from Pam. He wondered when this day would come, although after four months he was starting to worry that his chances were shifting from "when" to "if" she'd ever contact him.
He opened it and immediately began to smile. He chuckled at her thank you for letting Dwight out them all and grinned even harder when she said Dwight had just discovered his own gayness. He was still smiling inanely at the screen when Andy stood up and noticed him.
"Hey, Big Tuna – what's got you smiling?"
Jim immediately brought another window up, blocking Pam's email when Andy leaned over trying to see what Jim was reading. "Nothing, man," Jim said nonchalantly. "Just some news from home."
"Well, I'm outta here," Andy declared. "Why don't you get out from behind that desk and get a life, okay?"
"Will do," Jim replied.
Andy had been razzing Jim about his long hours at the office practically ever since Jim started. Sometimes Andy accused him of being a brownnoser and out to make everyone else look bad. Other times Andy picked on Jim's working hours as proof that Jim was a loser with no social life. Jim didn't really care what Andy – or anyone else at the Stamford branch – thought. If Jim was working overtime it was because it was a way to keep busy. He knew if he spent too much time alone at home, he'd spend most of it thinking about Pam. Well, that and play video games. And he doubted that too much of either was very good for him.
But tonight was different. Having received Pam's message Jim was eager to head home and away from the eyes of the world to think about what this could mean. So he started tidying up his desk as soon as Andy left and packed up his messenger bag. And even though he knew he could reread her note on his laptop at home, he printed out a copy and stuffed that into his bag as well. He smiled at his foolishness – he felt like he was acting much like a 14 year old girl who just received an autographed photo of her favorite boy band group member – but he didn't really care. That short email had woken up parts of his mind and heart that had been stuffed down for quite some time, and damned if he wasn't going to make the most of it. It was turning out to be quite a good day.
When Jim can bear to think about it at all, his memory of the night of the casino party focuses mostly on one thing: that the hardest thing he's ever done in his life was to walk away from Pam after that kiss. Their kiss. Not the drunkenly sweet and jubilant kiss she planted on him at the Dundies, but their first real kiss. He knew when she kissed him back that he hadn't been imagining her interest in him all these years. Her admission that she had wanted to kiss him for a long time as well was music to his ears. He was so close to believing things were finally going to pull together. But then she insisted that she was still going to marry Roy. With that statement she had pretty much plunged a knife into his heart.
He thought that overall he had hidden his pain pretty well. He managed to respond with a simple 'okay' and walk away from her. He would have done anything for her, given her the world had she but asked for it, but if laying his heart completely open met with the equivalent of "that's nice, but it's not enough" then he knew he could do no more. He walked away because the only other option was to beg. And he knew that if she hadn't changed her mind after that kiss, begging would just make him feel more pathetic than he already felt. So he turned and walked away, and decided that the rest of his life had to start immediately.
And that's why he was living in Stamford, despite his claim to the film crew. Let everyone think he decided that paper selling was his life's desire, and not a dark-haired receptionist that could make him laugh with just a look. He was making more money, and had moved up a title. He was living in a well-located apartment near where his new branch was located. It was newly built, with lots of amenities, and if it was smaller than his old place it didn't really matter as he no longer had a roommate to share it with. In so many ways it was clear that he had made a move for the better. But then why was this short email the best thing he could remember happening to him since he arrived?
When Jim got home, he threw a frozen dinner in the oven and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He threw is messenger back on the kitchen table and took out the printed email. Unfolding it, he pressed out the creases in the paper and reread it. He smiled yet again, and began to wonder what made this little event be the one that finally got her talking to him again. Had he known a prank would get her attention, he would have done one months ago.
Time to play detective, he thought. What did I do to get her to write to me? And what should I be doing next?
Two and half beers and one lasagne entree later, Jim still wasn't sure what his next move should be. There was nothing in her email that suggested he even needed to respond to what she said. It was just a short note basically telling him that his prank had worked. But he knew Pam, and he knew that she wouldn't have written if she didn't want him to write back. He had to believe that this was her way of reaching out to him. And it was so classically Pam. Play detached – play like you don't care – and then see if it gets a response. That way if he didn't reply, she could act like she never expected one.
Okay, what am I going to say to Pam? He wondered for the zillionth time. Finishing off his beer, he placed his dishes in the sink, and he headed back to his bedroom. He threw himself onto his bed, rolled onto his back with his hands behind his head and began to formulate his reply. He glanced over to his desk, still right next to his bed. His whole bedroom was pretty much a re-creation of his bedroom back in Scranton. He looked at the photo he had prominently on the desk. It was one of Pam and himself from last year's Christmas party. He had been standing at Pam's desk; Pam was showing him that she got her teapot back from Dwight. Just as they were smiling over the 'extra presents' that he had added, Phyllis called their names and then snapped the photo. After the holidays Phyllis had given copies of the photo to each of them. Jim thought it was the greatest picture because it was so clear that they had been sharing a private happy moment. He wondered for a moment if he should ask Pam what she had done with her copy, but then thought better of it. Better to keep the tone as neutral as hers had been.
To hell with it, he groaned, I'm just over-analzying one stupid email. It's not like it's a declaration of her undying love. Maybe Andy's right and I do need to get a life.
He got up and sat at his desk, turning on his laptop. Once bringing his email account up, he opened Pam's message. He read it once again (although he already knew it by heart) and hit the reply button.
To: p.
From: j.
Pam -
I'm always glad to be of service. I wish I could have seen Dwight parading around in all his glory, ridding the Scranton branch of all those frightening homosexuals. You'll be able to sleep safely at night now.
I hope everything else is going okay up there. You wouldn't believe how different the Stamford branch is. Nobody even thought my jello joke was funny. But at least my desk has a window view.
Feel free to keep me updated. I do wonder how people are.
Take care,
Jim
He sat back and reread his reply. Smooth Halpert, he smiled. Nice and light, but with just enough interest so that she will feel confident in writing again. He hit the send button, and then laid back down on his bed.
In some ways it was an entirely ridiculous situation. He had moved away to start fresh, to forget Pam and the heartbreak, and here he was doing what he could to get her to talking to him again. But Jim was nothing if not loyal, and despite how they'd left things he missed her because she was his best friend. He still had Mark, his buddy from college, but it wasn't the same. Mark was a drinking buddy, a sports buddy, a just-hanging-out kind of friend. He knew he could depend on Mark for anything, and Mark had been down a time or two this summer to see him. But Mark wasn't the person Jim could talk about his feelings with, or his crazy ideas, or vent his problems. Pam had been that person. Behing apart might be easier on his heart in the sense that he wasn't reminded everyday that they weren't a couple, but the real downside was that he didn't have anyone to talk to anymore. The people at the Stamford branch were pleasant enough, but it took less than a week for him to realize that there wasn't anyone who shared his sense of humour, and to him being able to share a real laugh was absolutely necessary in a good friend.
And then there was the part of him that despite everything – the moving, the silence, the uncertainty – knew he would never be able to give up the hope that one day he and Pam would have the relationship he knew they were capable of. That was the part that had originally responded so strongly to her email this afternoon. That little bit of hope that he could not manage to snuff out. It had come close to dying, certainly. But a phone call from Toby in early June had reignited the spark. As things stood now, Jim knew he still had a chance. But decided he wasn't going to do the chasing anymore. He would wait until she came to him. He'd always be welcoming of any advance she made, but he knew for things to work out the impetus was on Pam. And he really hoped today's email was the start of that dance for them.
Chapter 3
Pam entered the building at the ungodly hour of 6:30am. She had spent a sleepless night wondering if Jim was going to reply to her email. She had no way to check from home as the computer she used to have was Roy's. She made a mental note to go out and buy a laptop computer just as soon as next payday arrived.
The only other person in the building when she arrived was the security guard. He gave her a wave and a look that told her he was extremely curious why she's be showing up for work so damn early. She just smiled at him and hoped she didn't come in early for nothing.
She slipped into chair and turned her computer on. She didn't bother turning on the lights and with the darkness and the quiet she almost felt like she was doing something illegal. The slight nervousness in her stomach just added to the drama.
5 new emails awaited her. In a test of patience (or masochism), she started from the most recent and read each individually. First there was a message from corporate confirming paid holidays in 2007. Then a rambling piece from Michael reminding her to remind him about something or other. Some spam came next - this time promising her she'd lose 15 pound in one week with 'absolutely no effort on her part at all!' The fourth was from the Lackawanna Community College, which included a PDF file of the next quarter's classes. And finally, thankfully, an email from Jim.
One of the reasons she had come in early was so she could enjoy in private his email if it arrived. At at the sight of his name, she practically beamed at the computer. Without witnesses, she left the feelings of relief and happiness just wash over her. He had written back, and she was sure that meant that all was not lost.
Maybe there's a chance we can be friends again, she hoped, as she began to read his reply. It didn't take her but a minute to compose a reply:
To: j.
From: p.
What do you mean they didn't find your jello joke funny? Did you start small with a stapler or did you go right for the calculator? It's clear your talents are being wasted in Stamford.
Who do you want to know about?
Pam
Feeling more cheerful than she could remember feeling in a long time, Pam practically bounced to kitchen to get a cup of tea. She carried the steaming cup back to her desk, and was starting to sort out some files sitting on her desk when she realized she had received another email.
To: p.
From: j.
You're in the office early, Beesly. I don't remember you being such an early bird. What brought you in so early? Anxious to check your email, perhaps?
And I'll let you decide which gossip is in the most urgent need of sharing.
Jim
So he noticed that she was in work too early, and she was slightly embarrassed that he had guessed the reason why. But she could hear the teasing tone in his voice as easily as if he had been standing here talking, so she pretended to ignore his insinuation and decided to throw the accusation back at him.
To: j.
From: p.
Hey - Looks like I'm not the only person waiting by their keyboard. :-P
Are they really working you that hard in Stamford?
Worried in Scranton,
Pam
There, she smiled. Let's see what he says to that. She sat back in her chair and enjoyed her tea, feeling more light-hearted than she had in ages. She decided that now was not the time to delve deeper into these awakened feelings, but for once to just go with the flow.
I'm tired of watching every little word I say or worrying what someone will make of it. Starting today I'm just going to say what I like and people will have to deal with it.
She felt so good that she thought she should mark today as some sort of holiday. A sort of "Yay for Pam" Day. She was about to announce the holiday to Jim, but in her reverie she hadn't noticed that he had replied already.
To: p.
From: j.
Beesly:
I will have you know that since I have a laptop, I could just as easily be waiting by my keyboard at home in my pajamas than at the keyboard at work. It's good to have the capability to be pathetic 24/7.
As it is, yes, I am at work. I do my best to avoid Stamford traffic, so I'm usually in early and stay late. It's not too bad here, but it's really a different kind of weird than what I'm used to. At least in the Scranton office you could look at people (Dwight!) and know they were certifiably insane. Here everyone dresses and looks likes professionals, but if you dig slightly deeper you see they are alien mutants. I'm not kidding. When you meet Andy you will completely understand what I mean.
You neglected to dish the dirt on my former compatriots – what's been happening there?
Desperate for Gossip in Stamford,
Jim
She was lost in Jim's lastest reply when Michael walked into the office. He flipped the lights on, and saw Pam at her desk.
"Why it's Pamela Beesly, Ladies and Gentleman!" Michael said in a voice best used under the big top than in an office building. "What brings you in this early, Pama-lama-ding-dong?"
Not even Michael and his inane prattle could shake her good mood. She quickly closed her email, as her correspondence with Jim was not something she wanted to share with anyone right now - especially not Michael.
"Good Morning, Michael," she said simply, giving him an indulgent smile. "I just woke up early and decided to get some stuff done here."
"Great. Good for you . It doesn't do any good to lie and bed and cry, so you might as come in and keep your mind off how terrible your life is going." Michael then disappeared into his office, mercifully leaving Pam to go back to her email.
To: j.
From: p.
Me again. Michael's just come in. Thankfully he's gone off into his office before I had to smack him down. I usually try to avoid doing that before lunch, but today he's already being more Michael than usual.
I'm trying to picture you dressed professionally, but I'm afraid it just not happening. You'll have to send pictures.
And as I have just decided that today is officially Yay For Pam Day, if you want to know what you're missing up here, you'll have to play a game with me.
Up for it, Halpert?
Pam
Chapter 4
Jim noticed that people arrived for work at the Stamford office generally much earlier than they did back in Scranton. Actually it seemed like the people did everything here just a bit more than back home. They dressed more professionally, they were more serious about their work, even the inter-office relations seemed more intense. There was no undertone of friendly comraderie like that he had grown to love in Scranton; hell he had to admit that on some level he had even liked Dwight. But here you were either loved, hated, or ignored. He was pretty sure he was still in the ignored category (except for his interaction with Andy), and he had to admit that it didn't bother him much. It came in handy, like for this morning. He had been pasted to his computer screen since the first message arrived from Pam, and as various employees arrived, nobody seemed to notice that he hadn't once gotten out of his chair. He was careful to switch over from his email to a spreadsheet if someone walked by his desk, but for the most part he could have been downloading pornography and he doubted anyone would have noticed.
He grinned slightly at the analogy. While absolutely nothing had been said this morning that would have raised a censor's eyebrows, the way he felt having this email conversation with Pam certainly had resulted in a physical reaction. Every time he opened the next message he felt a flutter in his stomach, and his legs felt a little weak. He blamed it on the fact that he hadn't eaten nor had much sleep last night. But deep down he knew the truth. He had just missed her so damn much over the last few months. The fact he was finally interacting with her, and that she was being so lighthearted, so teasing - so much his favourite version of Pam - made it almost feel like the sun had come out after weeks and weeks of rain. He knew better than to assume that this was going to go anywhere farther than chatty emails. But after so much silence this was like cool water to a parched man. And he had certainly been thirsty.
Karen had just arrived at her desk at the same time his email alert went off. He waited a moment before reading Pam's message. Karen probably wasn't watching, but he always felt like he was under a microscrope when she looked at him. When she left to go to the kitchen he quickly switched back to email. He managed to read her message and post a reply before Karen came back to her desk.
To: p.
From: j.
"Yay for Pam" day, you say? Now that sounds like there's a story I need to hear. Spill it, Beesly.
What game do you have in mind?
Increasingly curious in Stamford,
Jim
Sending it off, Jim took this moment to finally get out of his chair and get some feeling back into his legs. A bathroom break and a vending machine stop later, he was back with two cans of soda. Ah, caffeine, he thought. The breakfast of champions. As hoped, he already had a reply from Pam.
To: j.
From: p.
Never you mind about the background on 'Yay for Pam' day, you dork.
Do you want to play or not?
Feeling lucky,
Pam
Jim laughed quietly. He could picture her typing this email, the challenge she issued reflecting clearly on her face. That was one of the things he loved so much about her. Even if she wanted to, it was nearly impossible for her to hide her feelings. He never met anyone who wore their heart on their sleeve so much or so well. It was just one of the reasons he always found himself looking at her, watching her. When she was happy, she positively radiated joy. When she was angry or irritated, well...he knew when to lay low. He wished he could see her face today.
To: p.
From: j.
I am always ready to meet any challenge you issue. I just think I deserve to know why we are celebrating YOU today. I mean, why is it "Yay for Pam" day and not "Yay for Jim" day?
Just curious,
Jim
He knew his reply was veering towards perhaps a more serious conversation, but considering how the morning was going, he felt a confidence he hadn't had in a while. What he really wanted to know was if he had been of any influence in her decision to make today a 'holiday.' He knew it sure felt like a special day to him.
To: j.
From: p.
Deserve to know? Hmm, that might be pushing it a bit. ;-)
Okay, I'll tell you, but it's not that big of a deal. I just feel really good today, really in control of my life, and I decided today that I was going to stop worrying about what I say to whom. I'm just going to start saying what I think, and to hell with the consequences. So I'm commencing my new bad attitude with a "Yay for Pam" day. I expect by next year Hallmark will be issuing the appropriate greeting cards.
Good enough for you, Halpert?
Pam
Wow. Who was this woman and where did Pam go? He smiled. I think I could get used to that, if it's true.
To: p.
From: j.
Definitely good enough for me. So let's start celebrating "Yay for Pam" (YfP!) day immediately. Is there something special I should do or wear in honor of this?
And start telling me about the game already!
Seriously, I'm really happy that you are so feeling so good, Pam. I'm glad I got to hear about it directly from you.
Jim
He slowly let out his breath as he sent off his message. He had hesitated in writing that last sentance, but what the hell, he thought. If she's serious about saying how she felt, then he should too. They had spent too much time in the not-so-distant past speaking less than the truth to each other.
Andy made his morning entrance. He was later than usual, and he was not in a very good mood. "Goddamn cops," Andy said to no one in particular.
Jim knew was going to be dragged into a conversation with Andy anyway, so he just jumped in. "Hey, what's up, man?"
Andy spun his seat around, and smacked his hands on the edge of Jim's desk. "What is the point of driving a Lexus if you aren't going to make the most of it? I ask you, Big Tuna, what is the point?"
He had said that last sentence like there was a period after each word. (Either that or he was attempting a William Shatner impression.) Jim shrugged, not quite sure where this was going.
"There ISN'T a point! A Lexus demands to be driven fast, to be pushed to its limits." Andy snorted. "You try telling that to a goddamn Connecticut State Trooper."
"Ahh," Jim replied, trying to sound sympathetic. In the pause before Andy respnded Jim heard his email alert ring. He pretended not to notice it, and prayed Andy didn't. Andy seemed to think that everyone's email was his to read as well, and the topic of Pam wasn't one he ever imagined he'd want to discuss with this man.
Fortunately Andy was too wrapped up in his own drama over this morning's speeding ticket to have noticed. He continued to rant over his perceived injustice while Jim deftly brought the new message up.
To: j.
From: p.
Okay - we're going to play a version of a game I played once called 'Truth or Crap'. Basically I'm going to make a statement about someone or something here in Scranton. You have to decide if what I've said is Truth, or if it's Crap.
If you get it right, I have to give you another statement. If you get it wrong, then you have to tell me something. Since I don't know anyone in the Stamford office, your statements can also be about you, or about the Scranton branch.
Ready to play?
Pam
P.S. ..and, if I'm really going to start saying how I feel, I should probably start by saying that I'm glad we are talking again. I've really missed talking to you.
Stamford's regional branch manager Josh Porter walked into the sales room and slapped
his hand against the wall to get their attention. "Morning meeting in the conference
room in 10." He walked out really looking directly at anyone, their compliance assumed.
Jim sent off a quick message to Pam. He was beyond pleased by her P.S., and didn't want
her to worry she'd said the wrong thing because he hadn't replied immediately.
To: p.
From: j.
I just got called into the morning meeting - I'll let you know when I am back so we can play Truth or Crap. I am guessing there's some sort of scoring system to this?Otherwise, how will we know when I beat you thoroughly in this?
Jim
P.S. ..and in the spirit of YfP! day, I think you should know that I'm happy we are talking again, too. I've missed you, Pam. I've missed you a lot.
He sent off the message before he could regret being so daring, and headed to the conference room. He could feel that his face was flushed from the burst of adrenalin he experienced being so honest with Pam. He grabbed his usual seat along the wall and just rested his head in his hand, hoping no one would notice his slight crimson blush. He was also hoping he wouldn't have to do much talking, because the last thing on his mind was paper-selling trash talk with Josh. Jim was more concerned about where today's conversation with Pam might lead. He wondered if today was the day he'd finally get an answer to the one question that had been on his mind since he moved here.
He remember clearly the day before he left for Australia. He was packing up his stuff - some for the trip, some for the move. His phone rang, and when the caller ID said it was Toby, he thought it was just about the right time for a break. He grabbed a beer as he answered the phone, and headed out to the patio for a chat.
Toby didn't waste any time getting to the point of his call: he had just found out that Pam had called the wedding off. Jim had no idea how to respond to the news, even though Toby was well aware of his feelings for Pam. Toby had urged him to go see Pam before he left for Australia, because he couldn't believe it was coincidence that she was breaking it off so soon after Jim's confession and kiss a few weeks back. Jim's first reaction was to go to her, simply because he knew she would be hurting. But he remembered how cold she had been to him the last few weeks since he told her that he loved her, and changed his mind. It would be better to wait and let her come to him. If she left him for Roy, then she would eventually turn up, right? So he thanked Toby for the news, and sat quietly for most of the rest of the afternoon on the patio, drinking beer after beer. When he left for Australia the next day, he was nursing a pretty bad headache. But his heart ached even more.
Jim only realised that the morning meeting had ended when the people around him started to stand up and file out the door. Thankfully Josh hadn't asked anything of Jim. At least he hoped he hadn't. Back at his desk, Pam (in the form of her newest email) was waiting.
To: j.
From: p.
Not that it matters, since I am going to so completely wallop you, but we will award one point for every statement you correctly identify as either TRUTH or CRAP. The first person to 20 points will have to buy something for the loser.
Let me know when you are back. I have my statement list ready and waiting.
Pam
Hmm. No other response to the missing each other part, he thought. Probably best for now. At least she admitted it first.
To: p.
From: j.
Okay, I'm back.
BRING. IT. ON.
Jim
It was like she had been sitting in wait for his return.
To: j.
From: p.
Truth or Crap: Round 1
Michael and Oscar kissed in front of everybody yesterday.
Think that's true? Hmm? Could it be? ;-)
Pam
To: p.
From: j.
Given that Michael called me to ask about GAYDAR, I'm going to have to go with TRUTH for that one, as frightening as it is to even think it could have happened.
One for me then?
Jim
To: j.
From: p.
I gave you an easy one to lull you into a false sense of security. I won't be so nice this time.
Truth or Crap: Michael is still dating BOTH Jan and Carol (that real estate woman).
Your answer?
Pam
Jim went with his instincts on this one:
To: p.
From: j.
I think this is a loaded question. Michael would say that he is still dating both.I don't think Jan would admit it if they were.
Jim
To: j.
From: p.
Just answer the question!
Pam
To: p.
From: j.
Geesh, fine. Okay!
I'll say that yes, he is still "dating" both, using whatever definition Michael is currently using.
I think you're already afraid I'm going to win...
Jim
To: j.
From: p.
Ha! Wrong:-D
Michael himself told me that he's decided to date Carol. Although I'm pretty sure he still thinks Jan wants him. Your turn to come up with a statement!
Pam
Jim stopped to think about what statement he should make. He knew what he WANTED to ask, but thought he should at least start with a less loaded question.
To: p.
From: j.
Before I start, let's just point out that the score is currently:
Beesly - 0 Me - 1
Truth or Crap: My first day of work here I was given a nickname based on my lunch.
Jim
To: j.
From: p.
Can you tell me who gave you this so-called nickname?
Pam
To: p.
From: j.
No, because I don't believe in cheating, even if you do so desperately need the point.
Besides, I might be making it all up.
Jim
To: j.
From: p.
Fine. :-P
I think it's unlikely that anyone's calling you Ham'n'Cheese, so I will say that statement is FALSE.
Or CRAP. Take your pick.
Pam
To: p.
From: j.
Oooooh! Nice try, but you are INCORRECT!
I know as soon as I send this I will regret telling you, but it's true. On my first day I brought a tuna fish sandwich, and Andy started calling me Big Tuna. I'm convinced he doesn't even know my real name.
Now it's back to your serve.
Jim
To: j.
From: p.
My dear Big Tuna,
Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Love,
Pam
P.S. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha :-D
To: p.
From: j.
I knew I could count on you for support and comfort.
Now where's my next question, Loser?
Jim
To: j.
From: p.
Hey B.T. -
Here it is: Kevin and Stacey have finally set a wedding date.
Truth or Crap?
Pam
To: p.
From: j.
I'm just an old romantic, but I'll say that's truth.
(and I'm ignoring your feeble attempts to rib me about my new moniker. You are just jealous you don't have such a creative nickname.)
Jim
To: j.
From: p.
Jealous? Of a man who's nickname makes me wonder if he's packed in oil or water? I don't think so!
And I hate to rub salt in an open wound, but you, my fish friend, are W.R.O.N.G.
It's Phyllis and Bob (you know - Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration!) who are now
engaged, though I'm not sure what date it's going to be. I'm sure you'll be
invited.
What's my next statment? I need to tie up this game!
Pam
The mention of weddings reminded him of what question laid most heavily on his mind.
Oh, what the hell? He thought. Most she can do is stop talking to me...
To: j.
From: p.
I'll look forward to it. I'm glad Phyllis is happy; she's always been good to me.
Here's your statement:
Not only did Pamela Beesly NOT marry Roy Anderson this past June, she never told her best friend that it didn't happen.
Truth...or crap?
Jim
Chapter 5
For the first time in ages the workday was just flying by for Pam. She'd arrived at 6:30am and by the time she'd looked up at the clock it was nearly 11am. Gee, how did that happen, she giggled to herself. Good thing she really didn't have anything pressing to accomplish today, as she had already pretty much written off the day in terms of doing anything but enjoying this reconnection with Jim.
Ping.
In came his statement for her in their Truth or Crap game. She opened her email eagerly. The smile on her face slowly turned downward, and she felt herself flush.
Goodness, she thought. How am I supposed to react to that?
She knew this topic would be coming up, but she didn't expect it quite so soon. She actually wanted the chance to talk about it, because she had spent a lot of time thinking about everything that went wrong earlier this year. But today's conversation was so light-hearted and fun, and she just didn't want to ruin that just now. Email wasn't the place to tell him how wrong she had been. Wrong in so many ways.
It took her a few minutes to word things to her satisfaction. She was going on the hunch that despite a lack of smiley face in his last message, he wasn't angry with her. She tried to put herself in his position, and knew if the situation was reversed him not telling her would have really hurt, given how long they had been friends.
To: j.
From: p.
To quote some paper salesman I know: Wow. Wasn't expecting that.
In terms of the game, we both know that's an easy point. It's Truth.
But it's also Crap. And I have so much to answer for – so much I WANT to tell you, but I'm hoping that you'll be just a little more patient on this point. It would be easy to write it all out in an email – it's all a bit safer at a distance, isn't it really? But you deserve more. You deserve better.
If I haven't scared you off with that answer, can I please have another statement? For the score now stands at:
Halpert: 1 Me: 1
Tie! And I'm really in the mood to win. :-)
Pam
She hit send, and hoped it was enough. She waited for his reply. And waited. She did some half-hearted filing to bide her time, but stopped when she realized she was putting 'J' in front of 'H' in the alphabet. She hit refresh a few times, but still no reply.
Damn, she thought. I screwed up again.
It was nearly 12:30pm when she decided to go to the kitchen to eat her lunch. She wasn't in the least bit hungry, but she needed something to pass the time. She was so anxious that she had said the wrong thing. As she grabbed her lunch bag from her lower drawer, she heard the familiar sound of email. She dropped her bag as if it were on fire, and twisted quickly in her chair. She thought she would throw something if it wasn't a reply from Jim.
To: p.
From: j. -
Hey, sorry about my delay in replying. Josh grabbed me for a late morning meeting that I so wasn't expecting. Looks like I'll be going to Philly next week for a convention or something.
Anyway, despite what it looked like, you didn't scare me away. You don't get off that easily, Beesly. But I'm free all this weekend, if you want to call.
And yes, here's your next question:
Kevin has been emailing me every week giving me "the Scranton Low-Down."
Is it Truth or is it crap?
Jim
Pam was relieved that reply hadn't spoiled everything. But she still had a little shiver of nervousness when he read his invitation to call. It was one thing to be chatting via email; but could she be this brave when she heard his voice? His idea that she call THIS weekend gave her butterflies. He's waited four months to know what the hell happened, she scolded herself. Can you blame him for trying to find out how much longer it will be?
To: j.
From: p.
Ooh, that's a good question! It's something I would expect from Kevin, but he hasn't said anything about it to me.
I think it's the truth.
And are you serious that you are free all weekend? I thought a cool new social life came with such a job promotion.
Pam
Nice deflection, Beesly, she could hear him say. And he certainly would be right. Yeah, I'm being a coward. She agreed to herself. But I need to think this through. Am I ready for this conversation yet?
What scared her most wasn't telling him the part about how she called the wedding off, or how she spent her time afterwards. Even explaining why she never called to tell him the news wasn't going to be terribly hard for her to talk about. What she worried most about was his reaction. She had hoped to have more time in regular conversation with him, to try and find out how he was feeling about her now. He didn't seem like he'd changed much, but then again his confession of love in May was a blindsiding she didn't expect either. Maybe he's acting just the same but has decided he made a mistake in telling me he loved me and now he's relieved he's far enough away. How do I fill him in without giving away how much differently I see things? She wanted nothing more than to tell him that she was interested in going farther in their relationship now, but paralyzed with fear that he no longer felt the same way.
This 'being honest' stuff is a load of crap sometimes, she thought crossly. Then she smiled at her own pun. She was prevented from thinking about even worse jokes because Jim had replied.
To: p.
From: j.
Yes, that does sound like Kevin, doesn't it. But it's not him – it's Michael. Which is why I don't trust anything written in it. ;-)
I believe that means you are (once again!) incorrect. It now stands at my lead with 2. Your question?
Oh, and yes, this job promotion did come with a fancy new social life, but apparently I was not hip enough to maintain it. So it's been back to video games and porn for a while now.
Is your cell phone number the same? I expect your home phone must have changed, but I don't have it (nor your new address). Do you have my new cell phone number? Or my new address, for that matter. All this exchange of information, fun isn't it?
Jim
To: j.
From: p.
No, that's not right, cheater. You don't get a point if I get a question wrong! It's like volleyball – you have to have the ball back in your court to score. My getting the answer wrong just means you get the ball back, so to speak. So it's still 1-1. I knew you were a geek, but I thought you played sports at some point in your life – Geesh!
Re: games and porn – I'm so relieved some things haven't changed. I was worried you'd be too classy for me now.
Yes, my cell phone number is the same. Here's my new information:
7 Laurel Drive
Scranton, PA 18505-2213
570-347-9460
I don't have an answering machine set up at home yet, so it's probably best to rely mostly on my cell phone. No, I don't have your new information – so please send along. Do you want another to play another round of ToC?
Pam
To: p.
From: j.
Why wouldn't I want to play another round? Not quitting on me, are you?
Here's my current address, etc.:
1455 Washington Blvd.
Apt # 122
Stamford, CT 06902- 8800
Home: 203-329-1578
Cell: 203-324-6363
It's actually possible that not only am I now too classy for you, but I'm too classy for myself. The place I live is more like a hotel, but my options were limited at the time. (And don't get me started on the rent difference!)
Where's my ToC statement? And should I write you in for sometime this weekend or what?
Jim
To: j.
From: p.
Rats – Jan's just come in and she doesn't look too happy. Three guesses who's on her naughty list today? (and I DON'T mean that kind of naughty list!)
My replies may be slow if she decides I'm needed to watch the horror show.
Your statement for the ToC game is: I have applied for the DM graphics department internship.
If you are sure you'll be free, I could call you tomorrow night – just let me know what time would be good for you.
Pam
In so many ways she didn't feel ready to talk to Jim on the phone, but she found it impossible to turn down his second less-than-subtle reminder. She just knew that once she heard his voice, there'd be no going back.
Much as she had feared, Jan appeared from out of Michael's office and asked Pam to join them in the conference room.
To: j.
From: p.
Damn. She's called me into the conference room with her, Michael and some guy who came with Jan. I think he's a lawyer. I don't know when I'll be back, but remember that you only get ONE guess at the statement.
Try not to miss me, okay?
Pam
As she picked up her notebook and pen, she joined them in the conference room. She wondered if it was wise signing off on that last email that way, given their situation. That and the fact that last thing she wanted him to do is NOT miss her. When she thought about calling him tomorrow she could only hope he had missed her.
She barely paid attention during the meeting that seemed to drag on forever. Pam was taking dictation for letters Michael had to send out to make reparations for the Oscar incident, and Jan was pulling together a new routine for Michael that seemed would ultimately just mean twice as much paperwork for Pam. By the time she could escape it was nearly 4pm, and she couldn't get back to her computer quick enough. Twenty-four hours and I'm already shamelessly addicted to him again, she thought. But it wasn't a feeling she really minded.
There were two emails waiting for her from Jim.
To: p.
From: j.
I hope you aren't kidding about the graphics internship. You know how I feel about that. If that's not a Truth I will drive up to Scranton right now and smack you.
Sorry to hear about the commotion – hope Jan leaves you out of it. I just got an appointment confirmed, so I'll be out a sales call this afternoon. Hopefully we can continue our game until I have to leave.
Jim
To: p.
From: j.
Looks like you got snagged. I'm leaving here in a few minutes, so I guess the game's on hold until Monday. Consider it your weekend reprieve.
Saturday's good to call. I really will be home all day, so let me know works best for you. I'll be online from home over the weekend, so if you reply to this before you leave work I'll get it.
I look forward to talking to you (versus "talking" to you) tomorrow.
Try not to miss me either, okay?
Jim
She couldn't help but smile at the way he had turned her last statement around against her. Yeah, I'll try to stop missing you, she thought. And then I'll try to stop breathing, too. She sent him a short message saying she would try to call early afternoon; probably no later than 2pm. She felt she needed to give him an exact time so she couldn't completely chicken out.
Since Pam had been in so early, she didn't feel the least bit guilty in leaving well before her usual time. She picked up some groceries, stopped off at the post office, and still was inside her apartment in time for the six o'clock news. She watched the news while she made a simple dinner. And during it all, the only thought on her mind was calling Jim. She had no idea what she was going to do between then and tomorrow.
After dinner she thew a load of wash in. She changed the sheets on her bed. She took a long bath. She looked at the clock. It wasn't even 8pm yet. She thought she was going to scream. She contemplated going to bed, but she knew there was no way she could sleep. Finally she faced the fact. She needed to call him now and just get it over with. She spent a few more minutes of useless debate over the fact she said she'd phone him tomorrow, not tonight.
Finally she just picked up her cell phone and threw herself on the couch. She had programmed his telephone numbers in her phone when he sent them this morning. In retrospect she thought that had been a wise move, as her hands were shaking so badly at that point that she didn't think she could have dialed a 10 digit number to save her life.
She listened to his phone ring twice, and then there he was.
"Hello?" Jim said. God, she thought. Had his voice always been that deep? That sexy?
"Hey, Jim – it's me, Pam."
"Hey! What's up?"
"Um, listen – I hope I'm not bothering you. I'm not interrupting anything, am I? Because I could just call you tomorrow like I said I would..."
Jim cut her off. "No! Not at all – I already told you I wasn't doing anything. Tonight's good."
"Oh, okay. It's just that it felt like a weight hanging over my head so I thought I should just get it over with..." she trailed off when she realized what she had just said. "Wait – I mean, I WANTED to talk to you – it wasn't a chore or anything bad..."
She could hear Jim laughing. "That's fine, Pam, really. I think I understand what you are trying to say. I'm glad you called tonight, actually – I was sitting here wondering how I was going to pass the time until you called tomorrow."
His confession, identical to her own, nearly made her cry with relief. He hasn't changed, she thought gratefully. "Yeah," she replied.
There was a brief silence. "So how are you?" he asked quietly.
"I'm doing pretty well, actually," Pam said truthfully. "It's taken a while, but I think I've finally got a handle on which direct I want my life to move."
"That's awesome, " Jim said. "It really is – "
"I've missed you though," Pam said, cutting in. "Don't think that I haven't."
Jim went silent. When he finally spoke his voice sounded a bit rougher. "I've missed you too, Pam."
She wondered briefly if he was crying. Just the though that he might be made tears spring to her own eyes.
"Jim, I'm so, so sorry." She said, feeling her tears welling up. "I'm just sorry about everything."
"I know." He said soothingly.
"I know I don't deserve it, but I want to make things right again. Am I too late to make things right?"
"Don't be silly," he said, his voice sounded more like his own again. "Do you think you could ever be too late? We're friends – we always will be friends. No matter what."
"Given how I've treated you in the past, it could easily have been too late. I'm sure anyone else in the universe would tell me it was too late. I spent a great deal of time this summer thinking about all the reasons you had to hate me, and all the ways I proved what a horrible friend I really was to you. "
"That sounds like quite a list. Can you send it to me on Monday or do you just want to read through it now?"
"Now you're laughing at me."
"No I'm not." he said, trying unsuccessfully to mask a chuckle. "I just think that maybe you're being a little too hard on yourself. You weren't the sole guilty party to this mess."
"Oh that's right. Your crime was telling me you loved me. I can see how I'd never forgive you for that."
"It wasn't the best timing, though, was it?"
"Given I was getting married in three weeks, what option did you have?"
Jim gave out a huge laugh. "Wait a minute! Are you defending me? Which side are you on, because I'm confused."
Pam could do nothing but join in his laughter. "I'm hoping that we're on the same side," she finally replied.
"So you want to fill me in on what I've missed since June then?" Jim asked tenderly.
"Just the highlights or the play-by-play?"
"Oh, definitely the play-by-play."
"I hope you have a lot of minutes on your phone plan then"
"I'll survive," Jim replied. "But in the future maybe we should get one of those plans that lets us talk to each other for free."
Pam giggled, and then began the process of opening her heart completely open to Jim. She told him how confused she had been the weekend after the Casino Night, and how angry and heartbroken she was to find he had gone without a goodbye.
"Yeah, that was a pretty cowardly way to go out," Jim admitted. "I'm sorry about that."
"Again I'll remind you that you were under a bit of duress at the time. I realize now that I should have taken that as a sign to find you."
"So it was the being angry at my leaving that kept you silent?" he asked.
"Partly, at least at first," she said truthfully. "Then after I called the wedding off I guess I expected you'd find out somehow and you would contact me. When you didn't I assumed you didn't want anything to do with me anymore. By that point I was too proud to be the one to reach out. It was pretty stupid."
"We've both had some shining stupid moments," he concurred.
"Speaking as someone who feels things might actually turn out okay," Pam said slowly, "I wonder if it just had to turn out the way it did. I'm not sure I'd have learned so much about myself if I hadn't spent all of June and July crying."
"You cried ALL of June and July?"
"It sure seemed like it. First I was crying out of anger and frustration. Also I cried over all the time I had spent in what turned out to be the wrong relationship for me. Then I cried because I wasn't sure what I was going to do. Finally most of the pieces started falling into place, and I was crying less."
"Well that's good to hear."
Pam took a deep breath and finished her thought. "I guess the only thing I cried over after all of that was you. I missed so you much."
"I know the feeling," Jim replied.
Pam tried to lighten the mood a bit. "Well you'll be happy to know that I haven't shed a single tear in the last 2 days."
"Nah, me neither. You think we can make it 3 days?"
She could hear him smiling, and it pleased her. "I think so. I'm willing to shoot for a whole week if you are."
"Done deal, Beesly. You're on."
She wanted to say something else – something more that would let him know just how deeply she missed him. Not just as a friend – but missed what might be theirs now had she just not been so afraid that night. But he wasn't offering anything more than what she was, and she was afraid to be any bolder. So she started talking about less sensitive subjects, like her new apartment and how she'd been decorating. And how she'd been creating art like never before.
"That reminds me, Beesly," Jim said. "Tell me that last round of Truth or Crap you sent me was true. Tell me you applied for the graphics internship."
"Well, no – actually it was crap," she began.
"Pam!"
"Wait! I'm not done – I haven't applied yet because I'm signed up to take some classes over the next couple of months. I want to expand my portfolio so when I apply they'll have absolutely no choice but to take me."
Jim sighed, "Well, thank god for that. I really didn't have enough energy to drive 3 hours to Scranton tonight to smack some sense into you."
Even though he was joking, she felt a little down at his comment. How I wish he could be here, she mused.
"Still with me, Beesly?" Jim asked, breaking up her fantasy before it even had a chance to start.
"Oh yeah," she said, with more coolness than she actually felt. "I was just wondering what it WOULD take to get you to drive up here."
"Well now," Jim grinned. "Now that's a very interesting and potentially loaded question. I guess it would depend on what you're offering."
Pam knew he could hear her blushing. "Well, to be honest I can't say I had thought it through quite that far."
"Well, I could be open to negotiation if you come up with something," Jim smiled.
"So I suppose the reward of seeing my bright, smiling face isn't enough of an enticement then, Halpert?"
"I never said that."
"Well, call it a hunch then. I don't expect most guys would consider a handshake and a coffee reason enough to drive 3 hours one way to see a girl"
"In case you hadn't already noticed, Miss Beesly, I am NOT 'most guys'. And I am slightly offended that you think I am."
Jim assumed an injured tone so well that all Pam could do was break down into giggles. "Oh, I'm well aware you aren't 'most guys'." She calmed down and asked mischievously "Does that mean you're on your way?"
Jim didn't respond. In fact the phone was quiet so long Pam first thought the connection was lost. "Jim?" she queried.
"I'm here," he replied. "Do you really want me to come up?"
Just the way his voice wavered slightly while asking the question made Pam's stomach do a huge flip. Man, this is it, she thought. Please don't let me screw this up.
"Um..let me just put it this way: what I want and what I think we should do are different things. To answer your question, yes. I would love to see you. But I think you already know that. And for as crazy wonderful it would be to have you here, I'm not sure I'm ready for it, if that makes any sense. I've gone from thinking you were lost to me forever to having spent nearly every waking moment talking to you today. I think if I actually had you in the same room I'd have a heart attack."
She heard him laugh again, and knew she'd gotten it right for once. "Do you understand?"
"Yeah, yeah I do, Pam."
"Just tell me again how I haven't lost you."
"You never lost me, Pam. Not really, anyway."
"But I should have. I deserved it."
"Well, I guess that's something I can just hold over your head for the rest of our lives."
"Fair enough," she smiled. "I have no doubt you'll make the most of it."
An idea struck her and she became serious again. "Hey, I've been telling you all about how I've been coping. You have neglected to talk about you."
"You mean, 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation'?"
"Yeah. I mean, how did you find out about the wedding being off? How did your first days at the Stamford branch go? I have no idea what you were going through."
"You know, do you think we could save that conversation for tomorrow?"
"Sure," she said, suddenly afraid she'd offended him. "Did you want to hang up now?"
"No – no, not at all. It's just - " Jim stammered, "It's just that I really have tried to block out that period of time. I'm not sure I want to bring this whole conversation down right now."
She was sure he didn't mean to, but Pam felt a wave of incredible guilt over how she hurt him wash all over her again.
"Oh, Jim," she cried. "I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot."
"No you're not. It's okay." he replied. "Really. I know I should talk about it. But we've got time, right?"
"All the time in the world. I promise you I'm not going anywhere. You will regret every talking to me because I'm never going to let you out of my life ever again. Got it?"
"I got it." She could tell he was smiling again, and her heart swelled a bit. It mattered so much to her that he be happy. She could easily imagine spending the rest of her life making him happy.
"Ryan thinks I'm crazy," Pam said matter-of-factly, trying to change the subject to something less sensitive.
"..and this is news how, exactly?"
"I'm serious!"
"Why would he think you're crazy?"
"Because he always catches me staring at him."
"Do I want to know why you are staring at him?"
"Well," Pam began, realizing how this was going to sound. "He sits at your desk now. And I guess I'm just too used to looking in that direction."
"Yes, I have to admit I miss being treated like eye candy," Jim grinned.
"Hey, you are what you are – it's not my fault if you're devastatingly handsome."
"You know, you could have tried to make that sound at least a little convincing."
Pam broke down into giggle fits again. "I thought I was being convincing."
"Uh-huh. Well, as they say – don't give up your day job."
"Besides, I find it very hard to believe that you don't have the ladies of the Stamford branch eating out your hand. I'm sure you've hardly noticed I'm not there to gawk since you have so many admirers to chose from."
"Oh yes, they're lined up around the block. In fact I'm going to have to cut this call short soon so I can satisfy the three waiting for me back in my bedroom."
"Only three?"
"Well I need to keep my strength up for the half-dozen I've got lined up for tomorrow."
"Nice." Pam tried to sound offended, but her laughter gave her away.
"Actually, there are few women there that would even be remotely my type."
"And what is your type, exactly?"
"Well, I'm usually partial to dark-haired creative receptionist-types."
"Oh, well those are pretty hard to find."
"Tell me about it. I've had to settle for those long-legged New York model types."
The image of Jim with a beautiful model was a little dig in her heart, even though she knew he wasn't being serious.
"Suck it, Halpert."
"Wow – touched a nerve, have we?"
"I said suck it." She did manage a little smile this time.
"As you wish," he said congenially.
Pam wasn't sure she heard him right. "Have you been OD'ing on the Princess Bride again?"
Jim paused. "Maybe," he said playfully.
"You know, admitting the problem is the first step."
"I thought I did that in May."
"Whoa – you are so on your game tonight, aren't you?"
Jim laughed. "It's the company I keep."
Pam thought she could easily spend the rest of the night talking like this with Jim. It was like summer had never happened, but better. Better because she was free to talk, to flirt, to just have fun without feeling a nagging sense of guilt. Better because she had a better sense of who she was, and what she wanted. Better because she had a new and deep appreciation for Jim. There weren't words to describe how lucky she felt to have been given this second chance with him.
It was approaching midnight when Jim mentioned the time. "You do realize we have been talking for four hours?"
"Hmm – that long? You could have been here by now."
Jim groaned slightly. "I don't think I want to think about that right now. If you don't mind."
"No, I guess it's better we don't. Is it too forward of me to ask when I might see you?"
"That's up to you, I guess," Jim replied. "You're the one who's worried about dying of a heart attack."
"Oh, right," Pam laughed. "I forgot."
"This coming week I'm going to be in Philadelphia. I have to meet Josh at an office supply convention at the beginning of the week, and then I'm going to take the rest of the week off to stay there and see some friends."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, just a couple of friends of college who moved down there when they left Scranton to get a life. I expect I'll be back in Stamford that following Sunday."
Pam got off her couch and walked to the calendar hanging in the kitchen. "So that means the first open weekend for you is the second weekend in October."
"Most of my weekends are open ones. This is really just a fluke. A poorly-timed fluke," he replied.
"Hmm. Well I have an all day art seminar that second Saturday in October, which wastes half of that weekend. What would you say to getting together the third weekend of October? We might even still have some colored leaves on the trees by then."
"That sounds doable. Shall I come up to Scranton or do you want to come to Stamford?"
"You come up here, if you don't mind. I want to show you my new apartment."
"Done deal. I shall write it on my calendar."
They talked for a while longer. Nothing of outstanding consequence was said, but it was as if neither could bring themselves to hang up.
"I should mention that is now well after one o'clock in the morning," Pam yawned.
"Bored of me already?" Jim teased.
"Never. But I have been up for about 20 hours."
"Yeah, me too. I guess we could always finish this tomorrow."
Pam giggled. Everything was starting to seem hilarious as sleep-deprivation sunk in. "You think?"
"Or not," Jim replied pointedly. "Maybe I just won't answer the phone when you call."
"Not likely," she teased. "You'll be waiting by the phone all day for my call."
"Probably," he agreed softly.
"Well you give me a call when you wake up tomorrow."
"As you wish," Jim said again.
"No, as you wish," Pam replied.
Chapter 6
Though Pam had gone to bed hours later than usual, she found herself wide awake at 7am. She laid in bed, with a vague feeling that she was forgetting something. Suddenly she sat straight up in bed - "Shit!" she said, throwing the blankets back. "I've got a class today!"
In the wake of recent events, Pam had completely forgotten that she was signed up for a one-day program in beginning graphic design at the university. It didn't start until 10am, fortunately, but forgetting the class so completely like that wasn't the way she wanted to start her day. She went to the kitchen for her morning tea and to refresh her memory on the schedule for today.
Design Projects for Adobe Illustrator: 10-11:50
PhotoShop for the Digital Photographer: 12-1:50
Drawing for Graphic Design: 2-3:50
Nothing too difficult, she thought. In fact when she signed up last month, she was excited to be able to try out a few software packages before having to invest in one. She still looked forward to going, but she was worried she might miss Jim's call.
Better just leave him a text message and let him know, she thought. She kinda liked having somewhere to go this morning. It wouldn't make her look like she had no life. And for some reason, she found it more appealing to think about talking to him through the night again instead of the middle of the afternoon. I guess it feels more like a date if I'm tying up his evening, she thought to herself. God, I'm such a freaking loser.
She grabbed her phone from the couch where she had left it last night. She typed I forgot I have some classes today. Won't be home until after 4pm. Hope I can call then. - and then went back to her tea. She nearly jumped out of her chair when her phone rang. Who could that be at 7:30am on a Saturday morning?
"Hey, you," a familiar voice said as she picked up the phone.
"What are you doing up, Halpert?" she asked, a big grin spreading across her face. "I thought I wore you out last night."
He made a noise that sounded like a cross between a laugh and a choke. "Nice. Does your mother know you talk like that?"
"Who do you think taught me?"
"Okay. It's way too early to have an answer for that."
"Exactly. What are you doing awake?"
"Not much, really. Just couldn't sleep. I got your message and thought I'd call. What classes are you taking?"
Pam spent nearly an hour talking on the phone to Jim about the classes, her plans for them, and the like. Then they talked about television shows, and then films they'd seen.
"Listen, I hate to cut this short, but I need to get ready for my classes," she said. "Should I call you when I get back?"
"Sure, if you want..."
"Yeah, I want. Unless you don't - "
"No, definitely. Call me later."
"Is something wrong?" she asked.
"I just don't want you to think you have to spend every minute of the weekend on the phone with me. I know we talked a lot last night, and now this morning..."
"Do you seriously think I'm get tired of you that fast? Or is this some reverse psychology thing to get rid of me?" She was smiling, but his tone confused her.
"Yeah, that's it," Jim laughed. He paused a moment. "I guess I'm just still not used to the idea that we are talking like we used to. I didn't want you to think... hell, I don't even know what I didn't want you to think. I just want to be sure you don't mind all this contact."
"Oh, Jim," she said warmly. "If you could appreciate just how much I've missed having you around to talk to, you wouldn't even consider such an idea."
He chuckled self-consciously. "Okay, fair enough. Talk to you later then."
Pam made it to her first class with plenty of time to spare. She was looking forward to being a bit creative today, and couldn't seem to keep a smile off her face. The world just seemed right to her today.
The classes were small, so the individual attention given was a bonus she hadn't expected. By four o'clock she felt that she had discovered a whole catalogue of new ideas for her artwork. The PhotoShop class had opened her eyes to a medium she'd never seriously considered before. She had always enjoyed taking photos, but now she was extremely keen on doing so for more than just holidays and birthday parties. She couldn't help but think that one of the things she'd like to attempt would be to photograph Jim. She always found him (from an artistic point of view) a compelling collection of angles. Now that's a project I could sink my teeth into, she grinned. She'd have to run the idea by him later.
She was home shortly before 5pm, and was proud of herself for not immediately dialing his number as soon as she walked in the door. She was hungry and tired and thought she'd make a better "date" if she took care of these issues first. She made a quick sandwich and ate it on the way to her bedroom. She then proceeded to stretch out on her bed, intending to take a short catnap.
When she was awoken by the sound of the telephone, she looked at the clock. It was 10pm, and she was definitely late for her date.
Chapter 7
The phone rang for the fourth time and once again transferred the caller into voicemail. Jim sighed and hung up. He'd already left 3 voice mails since seven o'clock. Leaving another wasn't going to result in him finding out any sooner where she was.
He paced around his apartment anxiously. He wasn't quite sure what to do, and he felt completely useless being this far away. Well this is a first, he mused. I don't remember ever being stood up on a telephone date.
Not that it was a date, really. It was just another night he was suppose to talk to Pam. She said she'd be home after 4pm and she'd give him a call. She even assured him that she wanted to talk despite their 5 hour session last night. But it was coming up to 10pm and he hadn't heard from her. If he was trying to find some deprecating humour in the situation, it was to detract him from the fact that he was getting worried about her.
He remembered that her home phone didn't have an answering machine. He decided to give that number a try. If for some crazy reason she had her cell phone turned off, at least she'd hear this one ringing. Assuming she was home. But he had to assume that. Because the idea that she was in trouble somewhere else left him feeling slightly panicked.
He dialled her home number. It rang. And it rang. And it rang. He decided he'd let it ring until the operate cut in and told him to give up. That automated 'the party you are trying to reach is not answering' messages. He has just counted to eleven when the ringing stopped.
"Hello?" Pam sounded breathless and a bit stressed.
"Hey, what happened? Are you okay?" Jim couldn't have hid his concern if had wanted to.
"Oh, no!" Pam wailed. "I'm so sorry!"
"What? What's wrong, Pam?"
"I came home around five really, really exhausted, so I decided to have just a little nap before calling you. The phone ringing just now is what woke me up. Good lord, I can't believe I slept this long! I'm so so sorry, Jim!"
Jim was beyond relieved that her MIA status had such a simple excuse, but he couldn't resist teasing her. "Nice one, Beesly. I've been sitting here going out of my mind with worry, and you're just off getting some beauty sleep."
"Really?" she sounded suprised. "I'm sorry if I worried you."
She sounded so sincere that Jim relented a bit. "Okay, maybe not quite that bad, but I was starting to think you found a better offer and had stood me up."
"Stand up a hot date like you?" she teased back. "How crazy do you think I am?"
Jim laughed, "Certainly crazy enough."
A silence lulled between them for a moment. "Is it too late to talk?" Pam asked sheepishly.
Jim felt a flutter in his stomach at her question. Her voice held a combination of contriteness and hope. He was pleased that she was worried she might have missed a chance to talk tonight. Certainly that must be a good sign. "Yeah, I think I can manage to stay awake for a little while, unlike some people I know..."
"Great. Um, can I call you right back. I want to switch to my cell phone, and I, um - want to get a drink, change my clothes, and use the bathroom..."
"I'm not sure I needed to know all of that," Jim grinned. "I'll give you 20 minutes to call back, and if you miss your deadline this time I'm calling the cops to check on you."
When Jim hung up the phone, he grabbed another beer from the fridge and headed to the sofa. He smiled at the thought of Pam in her apartment, probably looking a bit groggy from her nap and her hair slight mussed. He tried to imagine if she was going to put on pajamas, and if so what sort they were. He wasn't sure how she'd react if he asked her that question. Most of all he wondered where all of this was going, if anywhere.
Make no mistakes about it - having Pam back in his life made him feel better than he had in months. The fact that she was now free of Roy, and clearly had become much better at acting on her wishes and desires only made it that much more exciting to him. But he still felt a bit in limbo, still nursed the fear that her declarations of missing him meant that she missed him only as her friend. He felt that since she hadn't directly mentioned that one night in May it might mean she wanted to act like it never happened. Part of him worried that he was setting himself up to be hurt all over again, while the other part felt so loyal to Pam that he couldn't believe her capable of being so cruel a second time. So much has changed since then, he thought, that I'd really be a fool not to wait it out and see where this heads. But despite how much he loved her, he was more afraid than ever to put his real feelings out on the line again. This time he knew she would have to be the first to come forward. She'd have to tell him she wanted him, and she was going to have to be pretty obvious about it. In the meantime he would enjoy this time with her, and try to give her every opportunity to tell him how she really felt.
His cell phone rang. "You're a minute late, Beesly," he grinned.
"You're stopwatch must be off, Halpert. I know for a fact that I'm at least 2 minutes early. So suck it."
"Wow – a bit touchy are we? Good to know that disrupting your nap makes you cranky."
"I'm not cranky. I'm feisty."
"Really?" Jim grinned. "Is that what they're calling it these days. In what ways are you feisty?"
Pam laughed. "Oh, I think it's something you should just come see for yourself."
"Again with this 'come visit me' stuff. The road between Scranton and Stamford runs both ways, you know."
"I know...and maybe one day I'll just turn up on your doorstep."
"That would be wonderful." Jim had replied without thinking, and now felt a little self-conscious at the intensity in which he'd said that.
"Would it?" she asked softly.
"I think you already know the answer to that question."
"Hey," she said brightly, not quite ready to go down that path just yet. "I have an idea."
"Oh no," Jim replied. He knew she was changing the topic, but what could he do? "What are you up to?"
"Well," she began, giggling just a little. "Seeing as it's already so late..."
"Yes...?"
"We should make this like a slumber party!"
Jim laughed. "A slumber party? Over the phone?"
"Yeah! Come on, Jim. It will be fun!"
"How so?" He had to smile at her enthusiasm.
"Well, first off – what are you wearing?"
"Clothes."
"Jim!"
"Pam!"
"Come on, just answer the question, Halpert. What do you have on"
"Why does this suddenly sound like an obscene phone call?" He laughed.
"Fine," she tried to sound pouty. "I was just asking a simple question. If you don't want to play - "
"Jeans and a sweatshirt," Jim interupted her.
"Better," she smiled. "I asked because if you are going to a slumber party, then you had better be in your pjs."
"I see." Jim tried pulling off his best teenage girl impression. "And then what? We sit around talking about painting each other's nails and giving each other facials? Or maybe we could crank call the cute boys we like."
"Jim, you're scaring me. You know entirely too much about slumber parties."
They laughed together for a moment. "Come on, Halpert," Pam coaxed. "Go back to your bedroom and get your pajamas on."
"Oh, alright," Jim said. "But I'm taking a few beers back there with me."
"Ooh, good idea," Pam said brightly. "I think I have some wine around here somewhere. Oh, here it is. Do you think I need a glass if I'm the only one drinking from it?"
"I think you'll be fine without one."
"Good. Are you in your bedroom yet?"
"Yes, and I'm trying to decide between the blue or the green flannel pjs."
"Definitely green. They'll bring out your eyes."
Jim bust out laughing. "Who's going to see my damn eyes?"
"Well, I guess no one," Pam replied. "But I'll know how nice they look on you."
"Okay, the green it is. But you better remember to compliment my eyes tonight."
"Duly noted."
"So Beesley," Jim mused. "Just what are you wearing?"
Pam chuckled. "I knew you'd ask."
"Well, fair is fair, " Jim argued.
"True, true. Hmm... well I'm actually torn between the yellow flannel sheep pajamas and red silk nightdress with the thong panties. Which one sounds better to you?"
Jim knew what she was doing, and knew he'd play along. But he laughed at himself all the while, because he knew that picturing her in either of those outfits would be equally arousing to him. That's just how much she had him at her mercy.
"You know, I bet you don't even own a red silk nightdress. You're just being a wanton tease."
"I do so own one!" Pam replied with mock indignation.
"Really?" Jim scoffed. "Then send me a picture of you in it."
Pam was not expecting a challenge like that. She felt her heart beating a little faster. "But... but I don't know anyone who could take such a picture."
"Yeah, yeah. Excuses. Go put your sheep pajamas on, tease."
"You know, I was going to wear the sheep ones anyway. But do so have a red nightdress." She couldn't help laughing even while she still blushed as his request for proof.
"Whatever, Beesly," he replied, sounding way more casual then he was feeling at the moment. "What's next after pjs?"
"We get in bed, of course. Ideally it would be slumber bags, but I guess our own beds will do. So get comfy."
"And don't spill your drink," Jim added helpfully.
"Definitely." She took another sip of wine from the bottle. "Nice stuff. I better not drink it too fast, though."
Jim smiled. The last time he remembered seeing her really drunk was the night of the Dundies. He had to admit that he wouldn't mind the both of them being a little drunk tonight. Just a little, he thought. Just enough to lower some insecurities.
Jim, wearing his green flannel pajamas that accented his eyes so nicely, climbed into his bed. He put the two beer bottles he brought from the kitchen on his nightstand and took a big drink out of one of them. Then he settled back, with his arms up behind his head and his cell phone cradled against his ear.
"Okay, Beesly. I'm dressed and relaxing in bed."
"Great. So am I."
"Sheep pajamas"
"Sheep pajamas."
"Now what?"
"We talk."
"Anything in particular you want to cover?"
"Well...how about we play '3 Things'?"
"You are just really adept at games, aren't you?" Jim teased. "How do you play?"
"Well, you come up with a question, and each person has to come up with 3 replies. I'll go first."
"Okay..." Jim wondered what he was letting himself in for.
"What three things drive you craziest about Michael?"
"Only three? Wow, that's going to be hard to limit." Jim laughed. "Let's see. One, his inability to speak in an indoor voice. Two, his completely irrational and groundless hatred of Toby. Three, that he puts up with Dwight. What about yours?"
"Good answers. Oh, I should mention that we can duplicate one or two of each other's answers, but not all three. So I agree with the Toby issue. I guess my second would be his need to dryclean his jeans, and finally that he asks me to look up the strangest bits of information for him. Last week he wanted me to find the cheapest place to adopt a Chinese baby from."
"Yeah, I could see how that'd get annoying fast. New question – If you could only talk to 3 people for the rest of yourself, who would they be?"
"Hmm...well, my mom, of course. And you. Oh, and Jon Stewart."
"Jon Stewart?"
"Yeah – he's awesome! He'd be so cool to talk to. I thought you liked him."
"I do – it was just a surprising answer."
"And your three?"
"Well, there's you – and notice I put you first and not SECOND on the list, and then my mother, and of course my brother, Jonathan."
"How nice to pick your family. And me."
"You're part of my family," Jim said simply.
Pam replied softly, "and you're part of mine." She waited a moment to start the next question. "Name 3 of the happiest moments of your life."
Jim felt the questions were starting to take a turn for the more intimate, and began to think that this 'slumber party' arrangement had been a good idea. Lying in the near darkness with a little bit of alcoholic reinforcement made taking this questions seriously a little easier. He felt a little braver to give answer that might shake things up between them.
"Not hard to answer this one. Being on the winning little league team back in 5th grade, graduating from college, and the day I met you."
"I didn't know you played little league," Pam mused. "I bet you looked adorable in your uniform. My three happiest moments, compliments of the wine I've been sipping are placing in a national art show in high school, finding out that my dad's tests for cancer were negative, and yesterday when I started talking to you again."
"I never knew your dad had a cancer scare," Jim said. "When was this?"
"Oh, it was before I met you. He was fine, but we lived through about a week of worrying whether he was terminally ill. So on that note, what were your 3 saddest moments of your life?"
"You know how to bring a room down, don't you?" he sighed. "Okay, but I can really only think of two incidents in my life that were totally devastating to me."
"Well, I'll let you off the hook if they are two good ones."
"Oh, they are."
"Go on then."
"The first was my grandmother dying when I was 10. I was pretty close to her and it hit me pretty hard."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Jim." Pam soothed. "That must have been so awful."
"Yeah, I still miss her."
"And your second saddest moment."
Jim took a deep breath, and despite his better judgement, decided to take just one more chance. "The night I kissed you and you still told me you were going to marry Roy."
Chapter 8
Jim waited for Pam's response. He felt a little guilty, confessing to her how much her response had hurt him, but it was the truth. He felt she deserved to know that. Actually, he deserved the chance to make her aware of how badly that night has hurt. He had played off her second refusal so calmly at the time that perhaps she hadn't realized that he walked away from her with his heart shattered.
Nearly a minute had gone by with no response from Pam. Then he thought he heard the sound of sniffling. "Pam?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm still here," she replied. "I just don't know what to say."
"You don't need to say anything," Jim said. "But you did ask."
"I know," she said simply. She took a deep breath and sniffed a bit more. "Jim, I could never begin to apologize for how awful I was to you then. I was so confused and scared to think about what I wanted and what was best for everyone, and in the process I sent out so many mixed messages that I wasn't really being your friend at all. I was just very selfish. I hope you can understand that while May really wasn't that long ago, I've changed so much. I look back now and it's like someone else was inhabiting my body."
Jim couldn't resist pushing her a little further. "So what are you saying?"
"That I wish I hadn't hurt you like that. I don't ever want to hurt you again. I wish I could make it up to you somehow."
"Make it up how?"
"I don't know. Make it so you knew you could trust me again. With your feelings and everything. Really be your best friend."
"Best friend," he repeated. He was starting to feel like he had heard this conversation before, and his stomach felt tight. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all. He opened up the second beer on the dresser and drank as much in one shot as he could. Then he laid back, the silence still standing between them.
"Do you remember what I said to you that night?" He finally asked.
"Of course I do." Pam replied.
"What did I say?" He voice, while soft, was deadly serious.
"You...you said that you were in love with me."
"And I said I didn't want to be just friends. I wanted to be more than that."
"I remember."
Jim was silent, willing her to say something more. To say that she felt that way now, too. He wasn't going to offer again. She had to be the one this time. But she wasn't. He wanted to just hang up the phone and go to bed, still alone. He didn't see how this conversation could possibly go anywhere good at this point.
"Yeah, well," Jim sighed, not really sure what else to say.
"I think about that kiss all the time," Pam said softly. So softly Jim didn't quite believe she had actually said anything.
"I'm sorry?"
She cleared her throat and spoke again. "I said that I think about that kiss all the time. I should have just shut up and let you kiss me again like you were going to."
"Would it have changed anything?"
Pam sighed, "Probably not. But it would have been nice."
"I see," was all Jim could say.
"Do you, Jim?" she began. "I don't think you do see. If you're wanting me to say that I would have done that night differently, I don't know if I would have." She took a shaky breath and spoke quickly before he could interrupt her. "What I'm trying to say, or at least think I'm trying to say, is that if I knew then what I know now, that night would have never happened. I wouldn't have put you in a position of not knowing where you stood with me. I wouldn't have said one thing but do things that made you think I meant something else. You wouldn't have felt desperate to say something to me because I was getting married and you thought it was to the wrong person. Because I would have done it right. I would have walked away from my engagement and then told you how I felt."
Jim just laid motionless on his bed, taking in every word she had just said. "And how would you have felt?" he asked. He thought his voice sounded a bit shaky, but he didn't care. He just had to know.
He heard her laugh a little. "I guess the way I feel now." Her laughter took some of the tension out of his body. She was purposely being enigmatic, which made his heart do a funny dance inside his ribcage. Her laugh wasn't the sound of rejection.
Lying in the dark, Jim had a shy smile on his face, "..and that would be what, exactly?"
Jim was sure he heard her smiling back at him. "Well, I think you're alright," she said, suddenly shy.
"Alright? Just 'alright'?"
"I already said I wished you would have kissed me again. Do I really have to spell it out for you, Halpert?" She was trying to hid her embarrassment by being a smart ass.
Jim was not going to let this moment go. "Yeah, Beesly, I think you are going to have to spell it out for me. I'm not quite understanding."
"I-I think it might be nice to see what it's like when best friends become more than best friends." she said in in a rush, as if she didn't say it all at once she wouldn't have been able to say it at all.
"When best friends become more than best friends?" repeated Jim. "You mean like Best Friends with benefits?" He drew out each word slowly because he knew she was feeling self-conscious.
"Yes," was all she'd say.
"Well, I'm pretty sure that would involve a great deal of sex," Jim said.
Pam gave a very loud, very surprised shout. "You did NOT just say that!" And then she giggled, which took away the pinch of indignation she was going for. "Oh my god, I can't believe you just said that."
"What?" Jim asked, his voice full of mock innocence. "I was just trying to explain the ' with benefits' part."
"Shut up, Halpert."
"Hey, just trying to help."
"I said Shut up!" Then she started giggling again, which made Jim start to laugh more as well.
When the laughter died down, Jim spoke again. "So, where does that put us?"
"Do we need a tag?" Pam asked. "Can't we just consider ourselves 'together' for a while, then figure out where we are?"
"That works for me," he said warmly. "Are we allowed to date other people?"
Pam felt stricken for a moment. Then she heard his chuckle and realized he wasn't being serious. "No, absolutely not. You can't even look at another woman."
"Hey right now I can't even look at you. I should be able to look at something."
"Tough. It will just motivate you to come see me."
"Pam, I assure you that I need no extra motivation." Jim didn't think he had ever said anything more true. Lying in bed, the clock approaching midnight - everything in him said that he should drive up to Scranton right now. Now before she had a chance to change her mind about seeing what it was like to move beyond being best friends. "I want drive up and see you tonight."
Something in his voice told Pam he wasn't joking. "I would love to see you, Jim. But I think we should wait. It's already nearly Sunday and by the time you got here there wouldn't be many hours before you'd have to leave again. And I think that would be harder to bear than you not coming up at all."
"Yeah, you are probably right."
"I am, and besides, if you left now you'd be cutting out on this great slumber party!"
"Of course, how could I be so rude?"
"Now where were we?" Pam asked. "I'm just over halfway done with this wine."
Hearing Pam say that she wanted them to start being more than friends made Jim feel intoxicated. He knew he really wasn't, but he couldn't help this silly, giddy feeling that had come over him. He couldn't resist teasing her some more.
"I believe you were going to tell me about all this great sex we're going to be having."
"Jim!"
"What?"
"Don't keep saying that!" Then Pam giggled again.
"Why? Don't you think the sex will be great? Are you implying will we be just having mediocre sex?"
"We're not going to be having sex at all...at least not unless you start behaving yourself."
"I don't think behaving oneself during sex makes it as much fun," Jim mused. "But I'm willing to try it once if you want."
Pam could not quit giggling. She felt like a teenager. "You are doing this to embarrass me. Quit it, Halpert, or I'm not going to talk to you anymore."
"We could try to do it silently as well, I guess."
"I'm hanging up now!" she warned, giggles still sneaking out between her words.
"Oh, alright." Jim relented. "Spoilsport." He couldn't resist whispering, "But don't you wonder just a little, wonder what it will be like?"
Pam gave out an exasperated sound. "Of course I have, you idiot. That's why I don't want to talk about it right now."
Jim sat up and finished the last of his beer. "Wow - a confession from Pam at last. Do tell."
"I don't think so, Halpert."
"Why not?" Jim turned on his pleading voice. "Please, please, please?"
Pam laughed. "No! I'm not ready to have this conversation. Not yet."
"Okay," Jim replied, "But I hope I don't have to wait too long to hear it."
"Well, what about you? You are doing all the asking and I don't hear you offering anything yourself. Have you wondered what it might be like?"
Jim stretched out his lanky frame and turned to lay down on his left side. He tried to imagine what Pam was thinking, what answer she might be waiting for. "Have I wondered what it might be like?" He repeated her words back for dramatic effect. He tried to sound as nonchalant as he could. "Oh, only every single day for well over three years."
"Oh. my. God. You have not."
Bingo. He got the response he was hoping for, and couldn't help smiling at her mix of embarrassment and disbelief. He hoped the news thrilled her a little as well. After all, he was telling her the truth.
"Hey, you're the one who asked, Beesly."
"Fine. I redact it." They both broke down into laughter again. Pam begged, "Can we PLEASE just talk about something else right now?"
"As you wish."
"Thank you. Hey – you never told me about your Australian adventure."
Jim would have much rather gone back to their previous topic of conversation, but respected her wishes. He knew he could afford to be patient a little longer. "It was okay." He said.
"Just okay? Honestly! Speaking as someone who'd love to go someday, I'm sure it had to be better than okay. Where did you end up going?"
"Let me think. I flew into Melbourne and stayed there a few days where it rained for about half the time. Then I drove up to Alice Springs, and stayed there a few days. Ayers Rock is near there, and that was pretty impressive. I drove over to Cairns and viewed a bit of the Great Barrier Reef. Then I headed down to Sydney for the last few days. It all went pretty fast, actually."
"Wow – you drove all that? Alone?"
"Yeah, it wasn't bad actually. I had lots of time to think."
Pam thought it sounded a bit lonely. "I wish I could have gone with you."
Jim chuckled, "That's a lot of what I thought about, actually."
"So, did you pick up lots of beautiful Australian girls?" Pam wondered aloud.
Jim tried to discern her tone of voice at the question, but wasn't sure if she was teasing him or being serious. "Do you really want to know?"
Pam was silent for a moment. "Yeah, I think I do."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment."
"Pam..." Jim wished yet again that he wasn't so far away from her right now. "I can't say that I never had an opportunity, but I didn't have any interest. And yes, I met some really beautiful women. But they weren't you, you know?"
He heard Pam sniffling again. "Hey, you okay?"
She couldn't help letting a sob escape. "So what did I do so right that I got a second chance with you?"
"Hey, please don't cry. This is supposed to be a happy call." Jim wanted so much to be there to hold her.
"It is," she said, and she sobbed again.
"Oh yeah, that's completely obvious, Beesly. Remind me never to agree to a weepy conversation."
Pam laughed in spite of herself. "Suck it, Halpert."
"I'm just saying." Jim felt a little better that could comfort her without being right next to her. "Besides, one day you'll be really angry at me and then we'll see how happy you are with your second chance."
Pam laughed again, and the tears seemed to have stopped. "Hmm..." she said. "Thanks. Think you'll ever want to go back sometime?"
"I'd consider it, assuming I could find the right traveling companion."
"And what's the criteria for the right traveling companion?"
"Ooooh, very strict requirements, I can assure you, " Jim intoned as seriously as he could muster.
"Really? And where could I find this list of strict requirements?"
"Well, it's not really a list," Jim said blithely, "And there's really only one requirement."
"And that would be?" Pam pressed.
"It would have to be you."
