Moving Day
Set at the end of "What You Leave Behind." Ezri comes to help Worf pack as he is leaving DS9 for his new role as Ambassador. I have written plenty of Worf and Jadzia stories, but this is my first time ever writing for Ezri. I'd love to hear what you think!
The door chime sounded.
"Enter."
Nervously, Ezri stepped into the room. She'd only been here once in the last year, when Worf was missing in the badlands. Before that this had been her home- Jadzia's home. Ezri wondered when she'd ever get that straight. Then again, it really didn't matter much anymore. By this time tomorrow, Worf would be gone.
That shouldn't bother her as much as it did. After all, Dax had officially moved on now that she and Julian had just begun a romantic relationship. Worf had been Jadzia's husband, not hers. Most of the time, Ezri was able to separate those feelings. Most of the time.
"You came," Worf was genuinely surprised. Ezri had been there with him when Chancellor Martok offered him the position as Ambassador. As they walked away together Ezri offhandedly said she'd come help him pack. Worf thought she was just being nice, he didn't think she'd actually want to help. The reality was that he was glad to have her there.
"Well I said I would," she came further into the room and looked around, "You are still leaving tomorrow morning, right?"
"Yes,"
"Um… then you haven't made much progress."
Worf sighed, "I have not."
Ezri walked around the room slowly. She and Worf- Jadzia and Worf- had not lived there together very long. Just as these quarters were filled with memories, they were also filled with promise. Hope for a future, plans for their life together, promises left unfulfilled. Now, Worf had to pack it all up.
Worf's deep voice quietly broke the silence, "Leaving here means it is really over."
Ezri knew he was right. As long as Worf stayed in these quarters here on Deep Space Nine, he didn't have to really move on with his life. But as he faced the challenge of packing up everything it meant that he had to truly close this chapter of his life. He hadn't removed any of Jadzia's possessions when she died; he didn't need the space and he liked seeing the reminders of her. Now he had to take those last pieces of his life with her, put them in a box and seal it up.
"I wish I knew what to say to make this easier," Ezri began, "Some counselor I am, huh?"
"Having you here makes it easier."
She smiled and went over to the couch, "Take a break, come sit down with me."
Worf gladly obeyed, "I have never felt attached to possessions. Yet now…"
Ezri tried to change his focus a bit, "Tell me about where you will be living on the Homeworld."
Worf smirked, "You should know, you have already lived there."
"Oh," Ezri sat back, "The Ambassador's suite at the Federation Consulate. Curzon lived there, but it was ages ago." The irony of Worf taking on the role that both Dax and K'Ehleyr once held was not lost on him and was just now occurring to Ezri.
"I will have more than enough space for all of this and then some, but I am not certain that I should take it all. Part of me would be happy to recreate this room again there. Her favorite books, our bat'leths hanging together on the wall… but I know that I should not," Worf paused, "I wonder if Jadzia would have come with me."
"To the Homeworld?"
"Yes," Worf replied, "If she were alive and I had been offered this same opportunity, what would we have done? I could not ask her to give up her life and career in Starfleet for me."
"She would have absolutely gone with you," Ezri said with no hesitation, "It would have made her happy beyond belief. She would have been so proud. I am so proud."
Worf closed his eyes slowly, "I try to tell myself that holding onto her this way is not honorable. Klingons grieve but move on. I should not still be feeling this way."
Instinctively, Ezri reached up and stroked his hair, "Klingons feel more deeply than any species I have ever encountered. You loved and miss your wife; there is nothing wrong with that."
Worf shook his head, "If she had never married me, she would still be alive. She would have had no reason to stay behind that day, no reason to go into that temple-"
"Hey, don't do that," Ezri's tone became harsh, "Thinking like that does not honor her. Jadzia's destiny was her own, and it is not for you to question," she continued, using Worf's own logic against him.
"You are right. I did not mean it," Worf was quiet for a moment. Finally he asked a question he'd wanted to for a very long time, "When did Jadzia know?"
"Know what?"
"That she wanted… that she wanted to be with me."
Ezri smiled, "Jadzia was taken by you from the moment she met you. Remember that day in Quark's? Louk, a jeek CHIM-ta law?" Ezri repeated the Klingon phrase Jadzia had said to him that day years ago.
Worf smiled at the memory, "I do. I remember not knowing what to think of her at all."
"Jadzia spent that whole first year you were on the station trying to get you to notice her as more than just a friend. When she saw you fawning all over Grilka, someone you didn't even know, she realized being subtle obviously wasn't working."
"She could have had anyone. I never imagined that someone as amazing as Jadzia could ever want someone like me."
"You were different. You were a challenge and she loved that. She was so used to men coming on to her, the fact that you never did made you all the more attractive. Me, I like my life to be a little simpler, but not Jadzia. You were exactly what she needed and loving you made her feel complete."
"There were definitely times after she and I first met when I wondered if she was interested in me in that way," Worf said, "But I never allowed myself to believe it could be true until that day when Jadzia made her intentions very clear."
Ezri laughed at the memory, "At first, she really wasn't sure where she wanted things to go. She knew she was in love with you, but she really wondered if that would be enough. After the experience the crew had on Gaia, she really began to think seriously about having a future with you. Then when we lost the station and you were assigned to the Rotarran, she knew she never wanted to be apart from you. She knew she was ready to be your wife."
Worf let out a regretful sigh, "I made such an issue of she and I getting married in the beginning because it was what I thought we were supposed to do. When we finally decided to marry, I hope she knew that it was not just because of tradition. "
"She knew," Ezri replied, "Okay, I've been spilling all Jadzia's secrets and now I want to know. When did you know?"
Worf shifted in his seat, "Jadzia was a beautiful woman, I was of course physically attracted to her. We were good friends for a long time and I trusted and respected her."
"But you weren't in love with her right away, were you?" The realization surprised Ezri.
"I did not know how to allow myself to love her. It was towards the end of our trip on Risa that I realized just how much she really meant to me. From that moment forward, she was everything…" Worf let his voice trail off. Jadzia was still his everything.
Ezri stood from the couch and began to look around the room again, "I don't want you to worry about what to do with all her things. You decide what you'd like to take with you and I will sort out all the rest."
"Are you sure?"
She nodded, "I want you to start over. I want you to be happy again."
Worf could not imagine that he'd ever find what he had with Jadzia again, but he knew that was not what Ezri needed to hear. This process was hard on her as well; she carried all the same memories of their life together that Worf did. Seeing him leave meant that she'd really need to start over. Worf knew that she and Julian were beginning a relationship, and he knew that they'd both feel freer to do so when he was no longer there.
"I wish the same for you as well."
Ezri smiled and reached her hand out to him, "Come on, let's get you ready to move."
The two worked together for a while, sharing memories as they packed up Worf's life. As they worked their way into the bedroom Ezri was surprised at just how undisturbed Jadzia's things were. If someone came in they would never know she had been dead for a year.
"Oh, Worf," she whispered as she opened the closet. All Jadzia's clothes still hung there as if she'd need them to wear the next day.
Suddenly he felt ashamed, "I did not know what to do with them… and could not bear to anyway."
Ezri looked at the items; the uniforms she worked in and the more feminine things she preferred when she wasn't working. Worf watched her in silence, a pained look washing over his face as she flipped through the garments. Ezri noticed and closed the closet slowly, "You don't need to worry about any of this, I can go through it later."
Worf sat on the bed and picked up his wedding photo, "This I will take with me."
Ezri sat next to him, "I agree."
They were quiet again, both of them looking at the picture in his hands.
"I'm so sorry, Worf. I play that day in my mind over and over again. If I could go back-"
"You just told me not to do that," Worf reminded her.
She sighed, "I know."
Worf placed the picture back on his nightstand, "I have appreciated your help tremendously, but it is getting late…"
"Can I stay here tonight?" Ezri asked abruptly, surprising both of them.
"You want to stay here?"
Ezri looked away from him and down at her hands, "This is hard for me too, you know. I remember everything she felt as if it had been me."
It was Worf's turn to take her hand in his, "Yes, yes of course."
As she lay there in the dark next to Worf listening to the familiar sound of his breathing, she hoped Julian didn't go looking for her tonight. Why she felt the need to share a bed with the man that had once been her husband would be very hard to explain. She couldn't really understand it herself, the only thing that was becoming more clear was why reassociation rules were necessary. As much as she was going to miss him, Worf leaving was probably the best thing for both of them. They would share this bond that drew them together for the rest of their lives. If they both stayed on the station it would keep them in this confused state of emotional limbo. It was easy to say that Worf needed this fresh start so he could move on, but the truth was that she needed it just as much.
Ezri finally drifted off to sleep in Worf's arms the same way she had back on Goralis. She awoke before Worf did and placed a kiss on his forehead while he still slept, "Goodbye, my par'machkai," she whispered to him before slipping out.
When Worf awoke, Ezri was gone. That was probably for the best, it meant that he did not have to have a lengthy goodbye. As Worf headed to the airlock with Chancellor Martok, he took one last look around. So much had happened here in the four years he was on Deep Space Nine. Worf could see Ezri looking down from the second level of the promenade and their eyes met one last time. Ezri Dax waved, the two shared a gentle smile, and Worf left the station.
finis
~July 19, 2014
