Trigger Warning: Not a happy story. Bullying. Abusive Relationships. Self-Harm. Self-Destructive Behavior. Eating Disorder. Rape.

"Sometimes I don't want to be better. Sometimes I can't be put back together. Sometimes I find it hard to believe there's someone else who could be just as messed up as me."

Teddy remembered the first day of school vividly. It was supposed to be so happy, one of the most magical days of his life his grandmother and godfather had told him. But they hadn't told him about the train ride there. How no one wanted to ride in the same compartments as the blue-haired freak who was so different from the rest of the students there. He didn't even have Harry's kids to rely on. They wouldn't be coming to school for several years. He ended up sharing a compartment with some kid named Michael Wood. He remembered thinking Michael could have sat with anyone. His parents, after all, were the two famous Quidditch players Katie Bell-Wood and Oliver Wood. Anyone would have killed to sit with him, but he sat with Teddy because he seemed sad and lonely. At least that was nice.

The boat ride was amazing, he remembered. The lights on the small boats reflecting the dark water, illuminating the faces of terrified yet fascinated students... Who could forget that? He was so sick to his stomach with nerves when his name was called to be Sorted. He remembered seeing some dirty looks from other students. How could they dislike him already? They didn't even know him, after all. He wondered what House he'd be sorted into. His father was a Gryffindor, his mother a Hufflepuff, yet he'd been raised by a Slytherin. The Hat sat on his head for quite some time. He felt the stares of the other students, some curious looks, some hateful ones, some bored ones who just wanted to get on with the opening feast and get to bed... "Hufflepuff!" the hat announced finally. He was met with applause from a table surrounded by yellow and black, and made his way over, only to sit by himself near the edge.

It didn't surprise him at all that Michael was sorted into Gryffindor.

Eventually, the prefects called for first years to follow them. Teddy stood near the front, not wanting to get lost. He knew Hogwarts was a huge place. After all, his godfather had given him a map of the place, saying he deserved it since his father helped make it. But the map was in his trunk, which he was assured was now in his dormitory, and if he got lost surely he wouldn't be able to find his way back. He blinked in surprise when one of the Gryffindors bumped into him. "Lupin?" he questioned, cornering the eleven-year-old so he couldn't get away. Teddy blinked and looked up at the scary teenager whose eyes were full of nothing but hatred. "Of course you're him. Hard to miss a little freak like you."

"Why are you being so mean?" Teddy had asked in a small voice. Harry had always told him Hogwarts would be the greatest experience of his life, and that there was no place like it. No one had said anything about bullies in the school.

"Oh, I don't know," the Gryffindor sneered. "Maybe because your godfather's the reason my parents are dead." Teddy looked down at his feet. He'd heard about the war, and how a lot of people had died, but surely Harry hadn't caused all of those deaths on purpose. It was all some guy named Voldemort's fault, and it was the same Voldemort's fault that Teddy's parents had died when he was still a baby.

"Hey," Michael glared and stepped between Teddy and the Gryffindor. "Why don't you just back off?" Teddy forced a smile, and in that moment, he knew that at least Michael would always have his back.


He had been bullied mercilessly his first three years of school, for being a freak with weird abilities no one understood to being the godson of the person people believed responsible for hundreds of deaths to being the grandson of a Black, known for their cruelty, though Teddy knew Andromeda Black was absolutely the loveliest person in the world to be around. It wasn't long before he too began to blame Harry for the death of his parents. After all, if he'd just surrendered to Voldemort in the first place, his parents would have stayed home with him, where they belonged. Part of him blamed his parents too. Didn't they know they could have died? Didn't they know he needed them?

It was no surprise to anyone that he started attending parties in his third year, even though it had been generally accepted that anyone fourth year and under was to stay home. No one questioned it, though. If anything they could use and manipulate the kid. He was barely thirteen when he became so drunk he couldn't remember the party from the night before.


Teddy was fourteen when he attended a party in Gryffindor Tower. Michael had begrudgingly gone along with him, mostly to keep an eye on his friend. It was maybe an hour before the blue-haired boy was drunk off his arse. He remembered a pretty blonde Ravenclaw taking his hand a leading him upstairs. He remembered waking up in a strange room without his clothes on. He figured it was his own fault. He'd been drunk. He should have known better.


"I'm Jarred," a handsome Gryffindor prefect a year younger than Teddy introduced himself in Teddy's sixth year. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," Teddy smiled and leaned against the wall. He couldn't help but admire how attractive Jarred was, with curly blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and a nice build. Jarred reminded Teddy of his best friend, though his best friend had brown hair and green eyes. He'd been questioning his sexuality for quite some time. Victoire was pretty, no one could deny that, and he found himself staring at her more than he should, but he was noticing boys too. Of course he didn't dare speak of this to any of his friends or family, out of fear of them turning on him too. He couldn't handle losing his only two friends, Michael and Vic, not when everyone else had turned against him.

The pair had chatted for quite a bit before finally Jarred had asked, "Hey. Going to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"Think so, yeah," Teddy nodded. He had a few exams to study for, but he figured he could have fun too.

"Go together?"

"Sounds great," Teddy smiled, and despite a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, figured there was nothing wrong with having a little fun. After all, Jarred seemed nice enough. Maybe, just maybe, he found a new friend.