Sleeping Slayer Chapter one

It does not seem fair that those left behind seem to suffer more. Pain seems fair off in the days of a happy childhood. But when it becomes a reality. It seems to cover all those days of happiness. Those that never do wrong get punished for the crimes of others. But what do you do if you are the one to blame? What if you have caused pain to the person you love most? All it took was one act one, one order not obeyed. Had I just done as a I was told she would not be here. The niblet and her friends cannot even look me in the face. I forgot that anger could be such a strong force. It was my fault…. Buffy can you ever forgive me….

Angel watched his Spike face seeming to grow paler by the minute. Spike was lost in his own thoughts unwilling to do anything. His thin form seemed frail as if it might brake with only a touch. Five days she had been in a coma no movement. Buffy was the stronger one out of the pair. Without her Spike seemed like a lost child. He had not left her side in the five days and had not eaten for more than a week. Angel had dragged him out to get food in the hospitals blood bank. But he had only managed to get him to a half way there. Spike ate nothing he sat in silent.

Spike had not spoken a word in his defense. When Xander had accused him as the cause of the incident that had left Buffy in a coma. He had not looked into her

Dawn's face when she had entered the room. His eyes did not leave Buffy's bruised face. She had been in a coma five days. The only time Spike had left her side was to be treated. He had thrown the ice pack away as soon as he got it. After all he was a monster ice cold he had no need of such a thing. The pain reminded him of what he had done to her.

Spike suddenly stood and left the room. It was as if he awakened from his daydream and decided on the course of action he would take. Angel played a hand on his shoulder that Spike shrugged off. He did not look into Angel's face. Evan could not bring himself to look Angel in the face. He wanted to cry out to scream that it should have been him. But no sound escaped from his lips. Spike wanted only one thing that was revenge. The cost did not matter to him not even it was his soul. Angel saw the look in his eyes.

Angel turned to stop Spike grabbing him by the shoulders. Pushing him against the wall holding him in place. He looked into Spike's battered face. His right cheekbone had a bruise that covered the whole side of his face. The left side of his face had a cut that was slowly healing. Spike fought to escape Angel's tight hold. But due to lake of food and sleep his weakness made it impossible.

" There is nothing you can do right now. All we can do is wait and see. Let me drive you back to the house. Spike, I know you hate me but let us help. You are not the only one who loves her. "

"I am the only one who would cause her pain…I don't want to cause anyone else trouble or pain. Back off just leave me alone peaches." Spike pulled himself out of Angel's hold.

Dawn lay in her bed sleeping soundlessly. After she had seen her sister she has passed out. Spike looked into her door glade to see she was resting. He felt a sharp pain in his side as a nurse passed. She brushed against his broken rib cage. She stopped to study him.

"May I help you sir? "

"No…."

The nurse when into the room and smiled at the red haired witch. Willow smiled back and asked how she was. The nurse replayed that she was fine. Gently waking Dawn to give her the meds for her broken arm. She remarked that she was healing faster than they had expected. So much so that she could leave latter that day. Willow saw Spike pass back toward Buffy's room she looked sadly after him.

Spike walked out of the hospital without looking in on Buffy. He could not handle the pain any longer. When he was near her in her as she was now he felt physical pain. Spike walked to the parking lot and pulled out the keys to his motorcycle. He had taken them from Angel well he had been holding him to the wall. Spike's eyes felt heavy as he started the bike and left. He drove to the house silently. He parked in the drive way a memory coming into his mind. Three months before she had walked him up this drive way after saving him from the First. He remembered her helping him down to the basement and then tending his wounds. He remembered her smile and the light in her eyes. He remembered he saying she did not hate him like that. She believed in him now. She knew he could be a better man. He had to only believe it himself. Her words where the only thing that held him to life during his captive with the First.

Spike closed his eyes allowing himself a moments rest. Before entering the door to the house and walking downstairs. He did not stop to talk to the potential slayers. That looked after him with wondering eyes. Spike made it just inside the basement door before he slide to the stairs. He did something he had not done in over 100 years. He closed his eyes and prayed.

God had never seemed so far away as he did now. Why would God do this to Buffi…take me instead God please let her live. I am the monster she is your hero let her live. I know that you hate the likes of me. But please save her.

Spike whispered as he fell to the floor shaking as he felt tears break him. He could not longer hold back the lose he felt. This was all his fault. He fell asleep on the in the doorway excision over coming his will to stay awake.