Interview with a Vampire. FF7 Style.
-------------------

By the great Yuffie Kisaragi!

TMFG: Hey, don't steal my credit!

Yuffie: Drats!

By the great Mysterious Flower Girl ^_^

Yuffie: Chya, like they'll buy that.

TMFG: Shaddup, you.

Vincent: *looks at the title* Ok, why does everyone think I'm
a vampire?! I am a very handsome _freak experiment_! Geebus Cripes,
can't any of you get that right?!

TMFG: I dunno, the vampire sounds a tad bit better, Vince ^^;
----------------

TMFG: *settles down comfortably in her chair* *pauses to wonder how many
more self insert humor fics she plans on doing while idly sipping her tea
every few moments* Hmm, looks like Vincent isn't here yet.

(from behind the stage)

Vincent: I won't do it, I tell you! I'm better than that! I refuse to
be some girl's pawn to babble out answers to useless questions and
furthermo- is that a tazer? What do you plan to do with it? Gaah!
My ribs! *is hurtled onto the stage by the backstage crew, landing
conveniently head first in his chair*

TMFG: Ah, you're here! ^_^ But you were five minutes late.

Vincent: And?

TMFG: Late boys must be punished ^_^ Wakka, bring out the chocobo.

Wakka: *comes out, holding a leash which is attached to a chocobo. The chocobos
feathers are ruffled, it's eyes are wild, and it is foaming at the mouth. Wakka
is covered with various peck marks and has a patch over his eye* I didn't think
this is what they'd mean by endurance training when I took this job, ya? I'm
going to sue you for all you got, ya?

Kihmari: *appears out of thin air* Apart from time Kihmari work as guardian
who speak in third person...*clears throat* I also work as Kihmari, attorney
at law. I shall take your case for hidden fees that will drain you of all
the money I supposedly got you. Sound good?

Wakka: Ha ha, good idea, I'll sue you, ya? Pay for a new blitzball, maybe, ya?

TMFG: ^_^ *presses a button, and Bahamut appears behind the duo, picks them
up by the collars and takes them behind the stage. Various screams can
be heard* I am the author. I am invincible. Fear me. Gwee hee hee!

Vincent: 0.o; Are you related to Hojo in anyway?

TMFG: He is my uncle's brother's son's cousin's nephew's
grandparent's grandchild's daughter's
cousin's aunt's brother, twice removed. ^_^

Vincent: I lost you there.

TMFG: I know you did. That was what I was planning.

Vincent: ...

TMFG: Oh, yes that reminds me! Sparky!

Vincent: Sparky?

TMFG: *points to the chocobo who is now behind Vincent's chair,
drool dripping from it's beak
and breathing heavily*

Sparky: Waaaaaark....waaaaarrrrgggggkkkhh....

Vincent: Mommy 0_0

( a techinical difficulties screen appears with Chibi Vivi)

Chibi Vivi: I'm cuuuuuuuute! I'm cuuuuuuuuuuuuute! I'm cuuuuuuuuuu-

(technical difficulties screen ends)

Vincent: *is sitting in chair, peck marks all over, hair matted with chocobo
drool and clothes are ripped and torn* @_@

TMFG: Ah, that's better. Ever since that freak accident with the ghost
cat from California, Sparky has become very useful. So shall we start
the interview now?

Vincent: My bologna has first name it's O-s-c-a-r! My bologna has a second
name it's M-a-y-e-r! Oh, I love to eat it everyday! And if you ask me
why? I'd say...cuz' Oscar Mayer has a way with b-o-l-o-g-n-a!

TMFG: 0.o; Err...and that was the musical stylings of Vincent Valentine, folks!
*hands Vincent a potion*

Vincent: *takes potion*
*blinks* Where am I? Where did the land of the dancing hotdogs go?

TMFG: I think we'd ought to start with the interview.

Vincent: I don't know, I think a few CAT scans may be in order...-_-;

TMFG: *ignores Vincent* Ok, number one...what is it like sleeping in a coffin?

Vincent: What do you think it's like? *glare*

TMFG: Just answer the question.

Vincent: And why should I, little girl?

TMFG: Oh, Spaaaarky!

Vincent: *jumps* Err! It's very cramped at first, but you get used to it, really!
Just don't huuuurt meeeee!

TMFG: *smile* Ah, thank you. Second, what are your nightmares about?

Vincent: *mummbles something*

TMFG: I didn't hear you. Care to repeat that?

Vincent: Terefwubries...

TMFG: A little louder please.

Vincent: All right! They were about teletubbies, ok?! They scare the living
you-know-what outta me! I mean, how is there a baby in the sun? And
don't tell me you don't know that one has a purse! And-

TMFG: *holds her hand up* Wait a minute, wait a minute. Did you, a grown
27 year old man (give or take a few years in that coffin of yours), say you
were afraid of teletubbies?

Cloud: *from the audience* THEY ARE EVIIIIIIIIL!

Sephiroth: *also from the audience* Even I, the great bishounen king
of darkness, Sephiroth, fear them!

TMFG: *blinks* Well at least I know I'm not alone. Number three, how do
you feel about fanfictions that match you up with Yuffie Kisaragi.

Vincent: I am not going to even dignify that with an answer.

Yuffie: *from behind stage* Vincey-chan, when are we going out to dinner?

Vincent: At 7:30 in front of the Gold Saucer, sweetie! *wave, smile*

TMFG: That answered my question.

Vincent: What?

TMFG: *ignoring Vincent again* And moooving on... Final Question. If you
had an Amazing Fluffypooko, what would you do?

Vincent: I'd fly to Mars of course! ^_^

Tidus: *can be heard from the sky* Nooo! Miss Fluffypooko is miiiiine!

TMFG: Ah, the insanity never seems to cease. Thank goodness! I might
be outta business then!

Chibi Vivi: *walks onto the stage* I'm cuuuuuuute! I'm cuuuuuuuute!

Audience: *brainwashed* He's cuuuuuuute! He's cuuuuuuuuuuute!

TMFG: And isn't he? ^_^ Well that's all folks. Um...by the way, has anyone seen
Sparky?

And suddenly...as you finish reading the fic, you hear a low "Waaaaaark!" from
behind you....

THE END?