A young man sat in a hospital room, thinking. He looked a mess; his hair had gone untouched for days, and his normally tame black tresses now conquered his head like a jungle; his clothing, week-old blue scrubs and a name tag clipped to the hem of his shirt, displaying the picture of a person bearing little resemblance to him in his present state, and the title of Camron Vrissy: M.D. & O.B./G.Y.N. printed in black letters. Almost a decade and a half of medical training for that silly tag. Beside him in the bed was a woman with pale skin and a halo of dark curls surrounding her head. The woman had bandages and scratches ravaging her skin and she appeared to be in a sleep like death, mostly due to the fact that she was not breathing, or doing much of anything really. The only sound in the room was her heart monitor and the whirring of the many machines she was attached to that served to keep her alive. Camron sat as he had been for the past week since the night of the accident when he had gotten the call. His now permanently horrified face was temporarily contorted to something that looked like an infinite sadness as he relived the scenes from a week ago.
Loriin, his wife and the mother of his only child, Bellah of nearly 6 years, had woken up to find him in the living room searching for something apparently very important to him. He remembered she had offered to help and he simply snapped at her and told her to go eat breakfast. Looking back he sorely regretted having been so harsh to her that morning and practically every morning before. He wasn't really a morning person and that often caused him to take hard tones with her.
He recalled everything in perfect detail:
He had woken up at his normal time of 6:30 and remembered he had told Loriin to put Bellahs birth certificate on the counter so he could grab it and go to work to have it filed properly, as he worked at the very hospital she was born in. He hoped dearly the distractible woman hadn't forgotten. He went through his normal morning routine of donning unflattering scrubs, brushing his teeth, cleaning out his two little piercings he had fought the medical department to allow him to keep-hygiene is important-, and making breakfast for himself and Loriin. He left breakfast on the table like he normally did for the late riser and looked at the counter where the papers he needed were supposed to be. Lo and behold they weren't there. He cursed. The one thing he told her to do. The ONE thing. It wouldn't even be a problem if she didn't do this EVERY TIME he needed something from her. He grumbled and began looking for it in the filing cabinet they kept in the living room.
"Cam..? Why are you still here?" Goodie. She's awake. He glanced over at the gorgeous woman he was absolutely furious with, standing in the doorway only half awake.
"You forgot the papers." He went back to searching.
"Hm? Oh.. I'm sorry. Want me to help you look?"
"No! Loriin, go eat- I'm already late, just let me handle it."
"But-"
"GO."
And she did. He looked until he found them. Every god damned time… Loriin poked her head back in the room just as he was opening the door to leave
"You don't have to be so mean about it you know... I said I was sorry."
"Yeah? Thanks for that. That's great. I'll just go tell my boss that I'm late but IT'S DEFINITELY OK because you said you were sorry. I have patients who need me there, Loriin. When I asked you to do this one thing it was because I needed you to do it. Christ- stop crying please?" He felt bad but at that moment his annoyance outweighed his remorse and he needed to be at work. He loved her and he knew that she wasn't the most emotionally stable, especially when he yelled. In fact she relied on him to feel safe and loved almost as much as Bellah.
"Loriin… I..-" His phone went off, no doubt his boss. "I need to go. We'll talk about this when I get home." And without a goodbye or even a parting look, he left. He now wished for that morning to have gone so much differently. It was the last time he ever spoke to her and he had left her in tears.
That night, he had birthed 3 children and had even dealt with his youngest sister, Lizzy, who had given birth to her first child. He was sitting in her room, talking to her, both of them exhausted beyond comprehension. It had been a while since he had seen Lizzy sober and coherent, as she spent most of her pregnancy in rehabilitation for her drinking habits and drug abuse. He was enjoying the conversation they were having about being new to parenthood when his phone rang. He bid Lizzy good luck and a good night and stepped out to answer.
"Hello?"
"Dr. Vrissy?"
"This is he."
"It's Dr. M from the trauma unit downstairs. I have your wife here."
There was a long silence.
"Hello? Doctor?"
"…Yes hello I'm here.." He felt like he was going to throw up.
"I hate to be the one to tell you this.. There was a devastating car accident this afternoon and your wife is currently on life support. She isn't looking good. If you could head upstairs and help us decide to keep her on or to pull the plug…"
He had stopped listening. Everything was a blur and there was no difference between color or sound anymore. This isn't real. This isn't happening. Nothing is wrong with Loriin- this is a twisted joke. And even for the cruelest of jokes he found himself moving as fast as he could to the nearest elevator to find her. This felt wrong. Very step he took was disorienting and he just couldn't handle it. He stopped and leaned on the wall for support he felt dizzy and almost as if he couldn't breathe. Wait a minute. If this is reality he doesn't have the time to be drowning in his mind and waiting for elevators! He should be with her! Right now! He took off to the next flight of stairs.
And now in the present, looking back, it brought an empty smile to his face as he remembered thinking of all the ways he could save her and all the ways he could make it all better so they could have a normal life again and Bellah wouldn't have to grow up without her mother. So he wouldn't have to be the one to tell his daughter that mommy wouldn't be around anymore because daddy couldn't bare to watch her rot as a vegetable. Those thoughts kept him going that night. But now? Now he could only hope that Bellah wouldn't ask his sister, Kamina too many questions when she picked her up from school for the 5th time this week and had her spend the weekend at her house.
Tonight had to be the night. Kam would be bringing Bellah in any moment now to say goodbye.
"I love you... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.." He felt one tear quickly followed by another drop onto his arm. A thick lump formed in his throat and his nose prickled, knowing he was about to cry again. He gripped her hand tightly and leaned forward. He felt so much remorse. He should be the one lying in that bed. Not her. He was the one who always messed up, who always snapped and yelled and he even recalled a painful memory of losing his temper and striking her years ago when their love was still new and fragile. He flinched feeling what that one slap felt like. Probably terrifying for her.
Two months it took him to make her trust him again. And two years to convince her to marry him. 6 months to actually be married and one week later to find out they were expecting Bellah. He remembered how she'd approached him about it. They were still unpacking boxes in the small house they had bought with help from the bank of course and were getting settled as newlyweds. In the years prior, their sex life had been nothing short of exciting, passionate and vital. Almost addicting. In fact it was what often brought them back together after an angry exchange of empty words. So it came as no surprise to him when she shyly asked to speak to him after he got home from class in his final year of pursuing his doctorates degree in common medicine. She showed him the positive test, almost afraid of how he would react to the news and was surprised at his absolute elation at the prospect of becoming a father
It was nearly four years later now and here he was, crying and clutching her hand for dear life and praying and wishing that she wasn't here before him about to die completely. He sobbed upon the realization that nothing would change the fact he was about to lose her forever.
About 10 minutes later, Camron was outside of the room because he couldn't bring himself to stay in that room anymore. He was just slipping into the dark and woeful abyss of his severely depressed mind when he saw a tall woman with large curly black hair that grew wild on her head and actually quite resembled a lions mane. In terms of her facial features, she was identical to him in every way. Same almond shaped deep blue eyes and strong straight nose. They were the same age as well, as most identical twins are. If he put his mind to it he could recall that they turned 36 two months ago. She had a very motherly body; wide hips, and that distinct mom butt and faint stretch marks on her exposed abdominal and breast skin. She was a healthy woman who had started having children very young. Two sets of twins with two men from 2 marriages neither marriage worked out. She was now 1 year into her third marriage and actually showed on her tired but still strong face. It was obvious that she was keeping a brave face for her brother and niece.
Holding the woman's hand was a little girl with long black curly locks that much resembled her mothers. She was a very calm and well behaved girl and it showed in the way she carried herself. She was wise and learned quickly(unlike both of her parents) and she was known in the family for asking intelligent questions placed far beyond her 5 1/2 years. She had her mothers everything, maybe only retaining her fathers nose and eye color. She was a docile creature, also very unlike her parents, whom were very colorful people.
"Daddy!" She let go of Kaminas hand and ran to her father looking concerned. He had knelt down to hold her hands. "I want to see mommy. Is she ok? Why is she here at your work?" Bellah was not unfamiliar with the nature of her fathers work but generally associated it with sick people and pregnant ladies. The idea of her mother being so sick she needed a hospital scared her. "Daddy...? What's wrong? Daddy why are you crying?" Her stomach was sick with a painful dread that something was really wrong.
Camrons gut clenched when he looked into his daughters face and saw his wife. He bit back tears and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Baby, I have some bad news." His voice was shaky but he managed to keep it steady for the sake of his child. He wiped the tears forming in his eyes and spoke, holding her little shoulders. "Mommy-" His breath caught in his throat. He sought comfort in his daughters face. "Baby.. My sweet baby Bellah... Mommy got into a very bad accident and her brain got hurt. Sh-She won't be waking up anymore..just know that she loves you very much. We need to go say goodbye to her now. Ok baby?" He was on the very cusp of breaking down when he witnessed the face of his child drop and continue to crumble at he spoke. It broke his heart. By the time he was through speaking she was reduced to gripping the hem of her skirt tightly with one hand and wiping the tears pouring from her face with the other. She was obviously trying not to cry but was failing. She fully understood the situation and it was crushing her. He couldn't watch this anymore. "Come here baby.."
He wipes his face a final time and nods to a nurse who followed them into the hospital room and closed the curtain behind them. Kamina waited outside. Every step he took towards his wife killed him and felt like it lasted eternity. The world went quiet for him as he held his daughter in his arms. He leaned down and kissed Loriins head a final time, recalling every thing-every moment he had spent with her; the first smile, their first kiss, the first sleepless night they spent together and all that came after.. The day he met her brother, the morning he proposed, the moment Bellah was born.. Every sick day and bad joke and misunderstanding and pained laugh and every loving gaze and mornings they woke up in eachothers arms, wanting only to be with one another. He recalled his last words to her and her tearful face watching him leave her for the last time. Another hot tear streamed down his face and he gulped again. He leaned into her ear and whispered as if she were merely sleeping and he was planting his tender words into her dreams. "..good...Goodbye Loriin.. I won't ever let you leave my heart as long as I live. I know you can't hear me but.. I want you to know I'll never stop loving you and I never, ever did. You were a wonderful mother." He can't hold back his tears anymore and pulls back, looking away and holding onto Bellah. "Say bye-bye now Bellah." The little girl wriggles down and lays on her mothers chest and holds onto her. She sobs into the lifeless bosom. "Mommy please don't go.. Mommy please wake up! I want to go home! Mommy!" Camron has to lift her up and pull her away. "That's enough sweetie we need to let mommy go now.." Bellah thrashes and sobs in Camrons arms. "NO! DADDY NO! DADDY TELL HER TO WAKE UP PLEASE..." She trails off into hysterical sobs while Camron just quietly weeps and holds her back. He makes a final nod to the nurse and she deactivates life support and pronounces the time of death. Camron holds his daughter on the floor of the room while they cry and mourn. It's not until Kamina helps Camron up and takes him and Bellah to the car that they even move.
Years would pass after the funeral that they would speak of her again.
