A/N: This story takes place in my 'Lost in You' universe. In fact, it takes place on the same day as the last chapter (not the epilogue). It presupposes that you have read 'Lost in You'. If you haven't, you might be able to muddle through. This story totally got away from me and felt weird and indulgent (not in a necessarily good way). Finally I realized that I basically wrote a fanfic of one of my fanfics. Thanks to augiesannie and charleybec for putting up with my stupid whining and cheering me on.
I don't own 'The Sound of Music' or the characters.
Lost In You: Homecoming
In the space of one day, a whole world can be changed.
Maria always thought her entire life was a testament to that very fact; from daughter to orphan, wanderer to betrothed, wife to widow, each transformation happening in a blink. This particular day had started with a familiar sadness that marked most of her days, sadness with only the possibility of hope helping her to put one foot in front of the other. But then...
Then Georg remembered. He remembered her, their life, their love. Just the thought of it brought tears to her eyes as she sat next to him on the train whisking them from the shadowed memories toward Aigen. Home.
But as the train got closer to Salzburg, that jubilant feeling slowly became a kind of nervousness. She began to wonder how it would all fit when they got back to what was waiting. Maria reminded herself that she was no longer alone, that now she would face it with Georg by her side. She told herself that was all that mattered.
They entered the villa quite late and quite spent. Franz met them at the door, welcoming them all home. He voiced surprise at the return of Maria earlier than planned but Georg gave a vague response and requested that the butler take her bags to her bedroom. Maria's heart began to clench at the mention of her bedroom, but before she could dwell on it for long, Hede burst into the hall with cries of relief.
"Brother dear, I was worried sick! I thought you would be home before..." She stopped speaking when she saw Maria come to stand beside Georg. "Maria, you've returned as well. I thought-"
"Hede, my dear, I need a drink," Max interrupted, placing an arm around the woman's shoulders and turning her toward the drawing room. "You pour and I'll tell you a most fascinating story." He turned his head as he walked away, nodding to the Georg and tossing Maria a quick wink. The nerves began to churn in her belly once again. They were alone.
"I wonder what Hede will think. I wonder what everyone will think," she pondered aloud. She began to chew the corner of her mouth then adding with a nervous laugh. "I can't imagine telling the story over and over again. It's all so incredible." She didn't expect Georg's quick reaction.
"Who is there to tell? It's not like anything has changed," he said quite seriously. Maria felt her mouth go dry. How could he possibly say that? Everything was changed!
Without another word, the pair slowly climbed the stairs side by side. They turned together down the south wing and stood still in the hall. Maria wondered if Georg was thinking about the many nights that ended just like this, with him at the door on the right and her at the door on the left? Did he think about the many nights they simply bid goodnight and parted ways? She wondered how he felt about the fact that the woman he dreamed about but couldn't remember had been right across the hall all along, dreaming about him.
Whatever he was thinking, he was clearly bothered and distracted. She could feel herself beginning to tremble.
"Georg?"
"Yes?"
She turned to look at him. She found him watching her, waiting for her to continue. She could see his eyes change as he seemed to search her. She felt a slight hitch in her breathing at the way his eyes seemed to pierce right through her.
"What did you mean a few minutes ago when you said that nothing has changed?"
"What?" He tried to recall what made him say it. Then it dawned on him how it must have sounded. "I only meant that our arrangement was known only to us. Max knows. And Hede... but other than that, who else is there?"
"Don't underestimate the children, Georg. I mean, they know I have my own room."
"It's not unheard of, Maria. Many in the upper class still think it's proper behavior for married people."
He dropped his head as he spoke. "The only reason I said that is because I rarely spoke about the accident and what happened to my memory to anyone. I don't see why I should have to explain anything to anyone. Even the children."
"It's just...," she started, tripping over the shaky words coming out of her mouth. "I never... I mean, I've tried not to ask too much from you. You've given me so much. A home, a family. It was more than I dared to dream." She paused and took a deep breath. "But I have something to ask of you now and..."
"What is it?"
"I don't think I can stand to go in there alone." Maria couldn't look at him as she spoke, her eyes darting from the floor to her bedroom door. "I don't want to be alone. I want you to stay with me."
The forlorn look on her face nearly broke his heart. "Oh, Maria," Georg closed his eyes and didn't see her crestfallen reaction as he said her name.
"I understand, Georg, I do," she withdrew, fighting the tears of disappointment while trying to maintain her pride. She stared at the knot of his tie as she spoke. "I shouldn't have asked. I've had time to get used to it, but it's all still a shock to you." She raised her eyes to his face and blinked at the confusion she found and rushed to explain. "You think that you have to be Smitty now that you remember, but you can't and you shouldn't. You are the Captain! Captain Georg von Trapp, naval hero, once married to an heiress... you were engaged to a baroness. That's who you have always been, who you really are."
"But-"
"And here I am, just ordinary me, just Maria. I'm not what you expected, what you dreamed of, and now you're stuck with me. It must be both disappointing and appalling for you."
"Wait, Maria! Stop! You're wrong!"
"Am I?"
"Yes!" It came out like a laugh, but there was so much tension in his face, in the way he stood there as if unable to decide if he could move toward her or away from her. "I only hesitate because..." He stopped and rolled his eyes to the ceiling with a bitter laugh. "I only hesitate for two reasons, Maria. I'm afraid that I hurt you so much."
"You never hurt me, not willingly!"
"You're the one that should be disappointed, Maria!" He barreled on, shaking his head at her defense of him. "You searched for me and found me and think about how I treated you when you first arrived! How devastating it must have been to be met with such scorn. Think about all that I put you through... flaunting an engagement, selfishly asking you to marry me without any obligation or affection on my part."
"Surely you can see now that it is what I wanted!" she cried, her arms flailing at her side. "I would do it again! And again! If we wake up tomorrow and you don't remember me, I'll stay because I love you and I need to be here with you!"
"But why? After everything you had to go through, why?"
"Why didn't you marry Baroness Schraeder? Why have you stayed in Austria when Berlin is breathing down your neck? Why did you keep that key so close to you all this time? You didn't realize it but I could see it. You were clinging to me, to us. I couldn't just abandon you. Twice I made vows to stay by you even in the worst of times. I had to be here, Georg."
"Well," he whispered, almost too overwhelmed by the force and depth of her love to speak. He stepped closer to her, his smile slowly stretching into his watery eyes. "The other reason I hesitated," he continued quietly. "Is that despite everything that tells me that I don't deserve a woman like you, I need you and... and I wasn't sure which room we should share."
"Oh!" Maria said with a shocked laugh as she flew into his arms. "Oh, thank God!"
Georg wrapped an arm around her waist as he reached for his bedroom door, but then suddenly released her, unsure once again. She leaned into him at the abrupt halt after eagerly following him. "Maybe you want to, um... do you need to change or get ready? There's no need-"
"Oh, Captain, there is every need," she laughed as she cut him off. Her smile lit up her entire face, her eyes shining with relief. He was transported to that moment he first told her he loved her, when she had looked at him with such adoration, as if he were the source of all her joy and happiness. Georg quickly opened the door, took her by the hand and pulled her into his room.
Once the door was closed, they simply stared at each other. But then hands started reaching. They moved slowly at first, taking turns; his fingers across her cheek, her hands inside his jacket... his hand squeezed her hip and then her fingers splayed across his chest and over his shoulders. Maria quickly shoved the first layer of his suit to the floor just as their lips crushed against each other.
It was a miracle they finally made it to the bed. They would only manage few steps before stopping for more kisses. They clung to each other desperately, reassured with each touch that it was not all a dream. Their hands moved in a frenzy, peeling clothes away as they moved slowly across the room, impatient to feel as close as possible. His hands roamed over her sides and back as Maria placed kisses on his throat.
Maria heart was racing out of control. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so tightly wound up, not specifically, but she could remember the first time and they had been just like this, hungry and impatient for one another. It felt like an eternity since then, but the longing and urgency were familiar and just as exhilarating.
"Even though I couldn't remember, somehow I think I knew," he whispered once they had finished shedding every stitch and fell together into his bed. Maria was first, sliding toward the head of the bed with Georg following after, slowly making his way up her body. He dragged his lips across her collarbone and over her shoulder. "Just faint shadows of you so I knew you existed. But I couldn't remember... it was torture."
Maria stopped him and gently cupped his face, turning him to look at her. "Oh, my darling," she sniffed, managing a sad smile. "There was just as much torture in remembering from where I stood." She could see him forming another apology and quickly kissed it away. "It doesn't matter anymore."
Georg stared at her pensively, then took a deep breath as he reached for her hand. "I missed you." Maria laughed sadly.
"I missed you, too. Ever since that day-"
"No. No, I mean I missed you when you left yesterday. I hated seeing you get on that train. I was miserable the minute you were gone," Georg explained as he pulled back and ran a hand anxiously through his hair. "I... I was falling in love with you, Maria. I couldn't help it. But fool that I was, I fought it. I wouldn't let myself admit it to myself. I pushed you away so you wouldn't know either."
Georg moved closer and held out his hand in a silent plea for her to take it. Maria reached for him, watching as his fingers wrapped gently around hers. "I want you to understand this, Maria, I need you to understand. It was the best possible outcome. It made all those feelings I had for you make sense. Please, my dear. Please never ask me again if I'm disappointed that it turned out to be you."
Suddenly she was in his arms and he held her closer, closer than he had in a long time and yet not possibly close enough. Georg feathered her with reverent kisses, over her eyelids and cheeks, across her jaw and finally to that sensitive place behind her ear. His hot breath against her throat drove her mad with want. Maria closed her eyes as his touches swept over every inch of her. Her arms frantically held him to her, hungrily relishing the divine feel of his weight on her as she pulled him closer and closer.
They had done this before, she knew, but it had been so long ago. She felt as if she was discovering him for the first time, every sensation like a spark that fed a larger flame. She reached for his hand and guided it clumsily to her breast, silently pleading for him to touch her, to make her feel even more now that it was no longer forbidden between them. Even as it overwhelmed her, she wanted more. Perhaps it was greedy to want so much, but after so many nights of having to be content with less... so much less, practically nothing, she didn't care. They were together and it was if a dam had burst and all those memories she had shoved to the deepest part of her heart were refusing to be denied any longer.
"Maria," he called to her softly. She opened her eyes and realized that she had been weeping. Georg looked concerned as he brushed the tears away. "Maria, what's all this about?"
"I-I-I don't know," she sputtered, the words tumbling out. "Maybe its because so much time has been lost. Maybe it's relief that it's over." She gulped down another round of tears. "Maybe I'm just so happy. And I can finally let myself feel that I am."
"Have you been that unhappy?"
"No, not unhappy. But I've been afraid to let myself be truly happy. Sometimes it felt like you would never..." Maria stopped herself from saying any more. All those doubts no longer had a stronghold. She smiled after a shaky breath. "I'm just so very happy."
"Well," Georg said, his voice serious and sincere. "I pledge to you that I will do everything to make sure you are always happy from now on."
His hand pushed along her leg, lingering as it roamed over the flat plane of her belly. She felt a wave of heat sweep through her entire body when his fingers caressed her ribs and finally settled at the curve under her breast. Maria's fingers trembled as she wove her fingers into his hair, gripping tighter as his lips dropped lower, his wet kisses brushing across her collarbone and chest and the tender flesh beyond. Each touch drove her to such pleasure, causing her to suck gasping breaths of air between moans of rapture and relief.
Then it was his turn to groan softly when Maria twisted in his arms and pushed him to rest beside her. She needed to touch him. She wanted to relearn his body and all the ways she could make him shudder with desire. She nuzzled her face into hollow of his chest, pressed her open mouth to him as her fingers dragged down his back and over his hips. She took him in her hand, gentle and firm strokes, coaxing deep and throaty moans from him as she did. With his fingers tangled in her hair, he pulled her to his lips, kissing her until her mind was dizzy and her body ached with desire for him.
When he rolled her back onto the pillows, she looked up to see such eagerness and delight in his deep blue eyes. She saw love. And it was for her, not only what they had been in what seemed a different lifetime, but for what was between them in the present.
"You are so beautiful," he said, his eyes never leaving hers as he brushed her hair off her face. Maria couldn't speak. There were no words for how loved she felt in that moment.
Maria shifted as he moved over her, her hips rolling to bring him closer as he rested between her thighs. She hooked her arm around his shoulders and brought herself up to kiss him, trembling as his hand reached between them. He touched her, his fingers opening her and moving across her slick skin, soft as silk. His other hand searched for hers, weaving his fingers between hers, cradling her body with his own as he settled himself against her and finally slid into her.
Georg released a jagged breath as he touched his forehead to hers and began to rock at a slow but determined pace. Their moans mingled with their raspy, panting whispers of pleasure at this, at their long awaited reunion. Maria wrapped her legs around him tighter, the pressure of her heels on his lower back encouraging him to be closer, deeper. He buried his head against her shoulder and moved with longer and faster strokes.
"Georg," she whispered, her voice hoarse and cracked by the fiery bliss building inside her. She willed him to look at her and as soon as he did, she was undone. She uttered words of deepest love between the frantic kisses she pressed against his skin now sleek from their lovemaking. "I love you."
"I love you," he gasped in reply as his body stiffened above her and their passion overtook them. She kissed him then, moaning into his mouth as they came down, shifting under him to make it last as long as possible.
The sensations of pleasure still moved through them as he gathered her in his arms. She saw such gentleness and warmth in the way he looked at her, the way he caressed her face with the back of his fingers. Tears burned at the corner of her eyes. She had longed for him to look at her that way ever since she found him and now she was sure her heart would burst from the sheer joy of it all.
Slowly their breathing and heartbeats slowed to a steady calm. Maria sat up and pulled the covers over her husband, gave him a quick kiss and climbed out of the bed. Georg smiled as he watched her gracefully cross the room and disappear behind the bathroom door, just like she used to do after their lovemaking. It tickled him that he could remember such a detail and sure enough, just as he knew she would, she came back with a glass of water and handed it to him.
"Thank you," he said before draining the glass and setting on his night table. Maria pulled back the blankets and crawled back to his side, humming a sigh of contentment as she nestled under his arm.
"Do you know what I missed most of all?" She asked as he placed a kiss at her temple. She could feel him smile against her.
"You mean that wasn't it?" She nudged him for his cheek, but laughed along.
"Ok, one of the things I missed the most, then. I missed taking care of you."
"You take care of me every day, Maria," he countered. "I'm not sure what you mean."
She turned so she could look at him. "I used to cook your meals, bring you your tea. I used to sit and mend your clothes while you played the piano or read to me," She paused. "Do you... do you remember?"
"Yes," he answered. "But just because you don't do those things now doesn't mean you haven't been taking care of me. You are the mother to my children. You run my home, put up with Max. You put up with me! There are lots of things you do."
"Yes, I suppose," she agreed. "But, that's not... do you know this is the first time I've been in your room? There were a couple times I almost dared. Once I needed to ask you a question about the children and I couldn't find you and thought about knocking on your door. And then once you were sick in bed for a couple days. I wanted so much to be at your side and make sure you were getting better but... I didn't." She looked away from him and put her head on his chest. "I wanted to be closer to you, but I was afraid you'd think I was pushing in, trying to demand more than we agreed we could give each other."
"Forgive me," Georg said solemnly. "It was so unfair."
"There's nothing to forgive," Maria assured him. "I don't bring it up to complain. I missed being close to you but I was content because I loved you. I still do. I always will. I know that with all my heart."
"I love you, too. And I never stopped. Do you believe that?" Maria nodded tearfully, but before he could kiss her, she yawned, causing them both to laugh. He quickly kissed her and pulled her to his side. They settled and finally gave into the exhaustion of a long day of revelation and reunion.
They woke still wrapped in each other's arms. Maria moved first, sitting up to survey all the changes in the light of a new day. She silently said a quick prayer of thanksgiving that it hadn't been all a dream, that they were home, truly home. She turned her attention to the man beside her who was gazing at her in wonder and awe. She gave in to the urge to kiss him.
"Good morning," he managed to say once she pulled away. "Did you get enough sleep?"
"Enough," Maria nodded as she sat up again. "I suppose we missed breakfast, but I do want to see the children. I missed them, too. I should never have gone away. It was foolish."
"But then I probably wouldn't have gone on that train with Max," he said, taking her hand in his. Maria hummed in agreement, shaking her head in amazement as she recalled how it all happened. He had explained it all on the train, and they took turns telling their story to Max... how they met in the tobacco shop, how they ran away so Georg wouldn't have to return to the asylum, how they married and settled into their humble but happy life in the small cottage near the footbridge.
Somehow they had avoided the saddest of memories, even Max seemed to control his curiosity about the unspoken details. It was going to be painful for Georg to hear, Maria thought, but she would help him. She welcomed the realization that he was now there for her, too. It was suddenly a lighter burden to bear.
"Tell me about him," Georg whispered, reading her thoughts. Maria's nodded as she leaned against him, running her hand gently across his chest to soothe the strain she could hear in his request.
"We had a son," she began, surprised at the strength in her voice. "He was beautiful and so very easy to love. I wish you had..." She stopped herself and sighed. "I named him Johann. It suited him. Very much so. He was my piece of you and I wanted him to have your name." Maria paused and rested her head against his shoulder, still stroking his chest as she spoke. She meant it to comfort him but she found it calmed her too. "I always said he looked like you but Herr Weiss said he looked like us both. All I could see were your eyes... your chin. He was beautiful.
The flu swept through the village when he was only a few months old. I tried everything but he was just a helpless baby!" She swallowed the emotions rising in her as she felt Georg tense against her. "I was holding him in my arms when he..." She moved her arm to hug him, pressing close as he began to tremble. "I'm sorry, Georg. I'm sorry."
When he didn't say anything, she forced herself to look at him. Georg sat with his head back against the pillows with a hand covering his face. He pressed his fingers into his eyes and his mouth was twisted in pain. Maria held his wrist and pulled his hand away. "I'm sorry."
"I should have been there," he sputtered quietly. "What was I thinking when I left-"
"Stop! You had no idea what would happen. And even if you had returned, there was nothing to be done," Maria insisted firmly.
"But you were so alone. You bore my son alone, watched him die... alone," Georg uttered the words as if they burned his tongue.
"But I'm not alone now. And now is what's important," Maria answered. "I don't regret that he was born. I don't regret a single moment of any of it." She shook her head. "No, I regret that you never got to see him or hold him. I can't bring myself to want to spare you that by wishing he never existed. I'm sorry but I can't."
"I could never be that selfish," Georg assured her. "My sorrow is for your pain more than my own. I mourn him, I do. Forgive me, but right now my greatest grief is for all that you suffered because of me."
"I know," she nodded tearfully. She allowed him to hold her then. It felt good, she as she knew it would, to be held by him as they cried together over their son. She disagreed that her loss was greater than his, but it would be a pointless argument and could wait for another time.
After a while, she pushed out of his arms and wiped her eyes. "Well, this is a fine state. Perhaps I should have changed for bed after all." Her eyes swept around the room and she gave a small laugh. "My clothes are everywhere."
"I'm sure I have something you can throw over yourself," Georg said as he got out of bed and disappeared in to his dressing room. "Seems silly to get dressed just to go across the hall." He brought out a silk robe and gently tossed it to her.
"This is lovely," she observed as she slipped it over her arms.
"A gift from the children," he replied as he stepped into a pair of trousers and reached for his undershirt. "It looks much better on you."
Maria paused from gathering her things and began to bite her lip anxiously. "Uh, Georg? I know you don't think we need to tell the children what's happened, and I suppose the younger ones won't understand much of it now anyway, but..."
"Yes?"
"I think we need to explain everything to Liesl. She's earned the right to know." Maria sat on the edge of the bed and continued, even as Georg sighed at the suggestion. "We can't underestimate how much all of this affected her, darling. I could see it when I first came here, how she took on all the responsibility for the others. The entire ordeal caused her to grow up fast."
"You don't have to tell me," he nodded.
"She needs to know it is all over. I only hope she doesn't resent me in the end."
Georg was about to respond when there was a knock at the door. He crossed the room when it opened quite suddenly and Liesl burst through the door in an agitated state.
"Father, Aunt Hede told me that Mother came home last night but she's not in her- oh!" The girl froze at the sight of Maria perched on her father's bed wearing his robe. "Good morning."
"Liesl, I..." Maria quickly looked at Georg for a clue of what to say but it was instantly clear that he wasn't sure either. He took a deep breath and wave his daughter into the room. Maria gestured for the girl to join her on the bed. The three sat in silence for an awkward few minutes before Maria finally spoke again. "Liesl, we want to tell you something. We think you have a right to hear the truth, even if it is shocking. I just hope you will try to be understanding." Liesl shifted when Maria hesitated again. She took Maria's hand and pulled it to her lap. Maria looked up to see tears in her daughter's face.
"You're going to tell me that you're she," Liesl stated clearly, defying all the emotion bubbling inside her. "Aren't you?" She turned to her father. "Aren't you?"
"She?" he asked carefully. Liesl blinked at him and then returned her gaze at Maria.
"You're the one who took care of Father when he was lost," Liesl explained confidently. "You're she!"
"Yes," Maria answered, still unsure if Liesl's word were accusing or not. "Yes, I am."
"How did you know?" Georg asked in bewilderment.
Liesl laughed as if it were such an obvious thing. Her smile caused her tears to break. "Because she loves you, Father. I thought she was in love with you from the moment she came to us!"
"But..."
"When you returned to us, you were so unhappy" Liesl interrupted, her smile fading a bit. "You seemed so lonely, as if you wanted to be somewhere else, to be with someone else, someone that you loved very much." She turned back to Maria and squeezed her hand. "And I figured that she would love you, too. So much that she would do anything to find you. I didn't know for certain, but I always hoped that it was you."
Maria shook her head in disbelief and opened her arms to Liesl who quickly accepted the embrace. "Oh, you darling... I thought you might hate me for being the one who kept him from you. I thought you'd be angry that I didn't tell you the truth."
"Never." Liesl whispered as she hugged her tighter. "I'm so happy. We can be a proper family." She jumped off the bed and rushed to her father. She kissed him sweetly on the cheek. "I'm especially glad to have you back, Father. It's over now. Aunt Hede told me but I don't think I believed it until I saw you. It's all I've ever wanted and I'm so happy." Georg gently ran his hand over his daughter's hair and then placed a soft kiss her to forehead. She flashed them both a wide smile as she made her way out, pulling the door closed behind her.
"I can't believe she figured it out," Georg mused.
"She's a romantic," Maria replied with a grin. "Sometimes they see things no one else can." She giggled at the face he made at the thought of his eldest daughter having any notions of love. She began to gather her things, eager as she was to go and see the others.
"I think we do need to tell the children, all of them." Maria halted and looked at him questioningly.
"Are you sure?" she asked and he nodded.
"Yes, and we should tell them about Johann. They should know about him," Georg reached out a hand to her and pulled her into his arms. "We will mourn him and be there for each other because, as Liesl just pointed out, we are a family. I didn't do it right when Agathe died. I want to do it right this time."
"Oh, darling," Maria sniffed, her head tucked under his chin. "Thank you."
After a few minutes, Maria moved her hands from around his waist and wrapped them lovingly around his neck. She brushed her lips against his and sighed happily. "Welcome home, Captain."
