Author's Note: I don't own HM, especially HM: Friends of Mineral Town, nor do I own anything else. This story is designed merely to give you people out there a simple, good laugh. Expect any plot to be shallow, with randomness a major part of it. The first few bits might be boring, as they're more or less directly from the game…I can't just pull a story out of thin air, you know. Got to have a beginning.

The Chronicles of Farmerman:

Episode 1: The Origins of Farmerman. (Part one)

Narrator: (Me!) now let us imagine ourselves in some world.

(Click)

Narrator: now let us focus in, on a small town next to a mountain.

(Click)

Narrator: Now let us zoom in, onto a jetty, where a certain young man has just stepped off a boat and is looking very lost and confused.

(Click)

Narrator: STOP!

(Camera moves in through the clouds. We see a familiar young man, clad in his trademark cap and overalls. Camera zooms in onto Jack's face.)

Narrator: and here we have Jack, last name anyone's guess, who is to be the main character of our story. Duh.

(Camera follows Jack as we walks off the beach)

(One hour later. Camera shows Jack pointlessly walking on the farm)

(Thomas enters)

Thomas: hey, you can't come in here! This is private property!

Jack: well, I'll explain…

(Half an hour later)

Thomas: and so you spent your trip here riding cows, being cruel to chickens, littering in the sea, sleeping out in the open where anything could possibly gobble you up, and playing with a little girl whom you just met a few seconds ago without any proper introduction?

Jack: (shifting eyes) um…I didn't say it!

Thomas: well, I'm glad you didn't do any of those, which would have been either very inconsiderate, cruel, or embarrassing.

Jack: so, you said I get this farm, cause the old farmer died and left me this, just for staying with him for a few days, and writing to him every now and them?

Thomas: that seems to be the case.

Jack: (looks out upon the field littered with weeds, stones, and branches) …

(The next day)

Jack: (feeling something licking his face) zzz…wha? Huh? (Opens eyes and sees dog) AAAAA! DOG! GO AWAY!

(The Dog ignores him and continues to lick Jack's face)

Jack: AAAAAABADDO-Hello, what's this? (Picks up card attached to dog's collar and reads aloud) this is your dog. You are to love it, pick it up and put it down every day, and play Frisbee with it when it gets old enough. You don't have to feed it, and it is practically immortal. Basically, it is stuck with you forever. Yours, the Harvest Goddess.

(Insert dramatic lightning and thunder here)

Jack: (Pulling an outrageous face) NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Narrator: poor Jack. Anyways…

(Scene changes to Jack hacking away at the earth with his hoe)

Jack: (grumbling to self) pull weed, hack, lift stone, hack chop branch, hack. All this work, and I'm expected to do all of it on a single, measly, loaf of bread? Which is odd, because I don't remember buying any bread…

Narrator: poor, poor Jack.

Jack: (continuing to grumble) things to do later: do more work, meet villagers in evening, and I have a measly 500g on me…why on earth did I come here with so little capital anyways? (Digs up small bag of money) go gramps! Bury your life savings in the field in annoyingly small amounts!

(Five hours later)

Jack: scatter seeds, water…I'm finally done…

(Insert long, ominous stomach growl here)

Narrator: well, it appears our hero is hungry.

(Slow dramatic music as Jack reaches into his pocket and pulls out 30g)

Jack: (noticeably paling) uh-oh…

(The scenery around Jack changes to boiling pits of acid. Jack's stomach growls again, much more impatiently this time. Jack drops his watering can and runs off in the direction of Mother's Hill)

Narrator: well, it appears that Jack hopes to get a free lunch. Something, I believe, he'll find really doesn't exist…

(Scene changes to near the hot spring. We see Jack crawling into the camera.)

Jack: need…food…so…hungry…(sees tree) yummy! Chocolate! (Tries to eat tree)

Narrator: not very far away…

(Camera shifts some way to the left. We see Barley and May by the hot spring.)

May: (pointing excitedly) Grandpa, Grandpa! There's a funny animal trying to eat the tree!

Barley: now, May. I'm sure there's no such thing.

May: but I saw it! There's a strange blue animal wearing a cap and overalls trying to eat the tree over there!

Barley: (sighs) all right, all right. There's an animal trying to eat the tree over there. Now let me get into the hot spring, will you?

Narrator: it's sad, isn't it?

(Camera swings back to Jack, who is still gnawing at the tree)

Jack: yummy…chocolate…(notices bamboo shoot by spring) YAaaAaAaaH! FOOD! (Dives at the bamboo shoot. Unfortunately, he misses the bamboo shoot, and ends up diving headfirst into the spring. Camera follows Jack as he sinks rapidly down, spiraling into darkness)

Narrator: is this the end of Jack, death by drowning? Or is it the beginning of something new? I did warn you that the first few installments would be a little dry, so don't yell at me.

Reviews please. (holds out tin mug) I haven't brought out any punch lines, and the villains will be introduced in the next episode…