You sit in the chair closes to the casket. Just four days ago you saw Erica again. Six months after she left, you see her again. She looks as beautiful as ever even though you can tell she is miserable and upset. She has lost weight and her eyes aren't as bright blue as they used to be. Just two days ago you saw her again. You were talking to her, explaining your love to her. But she wouldn't listen. After a while you gave up, you had been defeated once again. You ran across the street to your car, not seeing the other car speeding down the road. She saved you. Erica saved you. She pushed you across so that it wouldn't hit you, but it was too late for her. She put herself where you were standing and the next thing you heard was a thud. You got up and ran to her side. She was bleeding badly, and you can tell that her heart rate was slowing.
You screamed for help and after what seemed like forever someone comes out of their house. They called 911 then left you to be. You held her close in your lap cradling her and soothing her. You knew the ambulance wouldn't be there in time. You just cradled and comforted her in the middle of the road. She finally let go of that last breath and you whispered in her ear that you always and forever love her.
Just two days ago your life came to a stop.
Comparisons are
easily done You said move on
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple
hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the
seed
Where do I go
I guess second
best
Is all I will know
Your mind
turns back to two nights ago; your last conversation with Erica.
"What do you want?"
"I want to talk to you Erica."
"Well there is nothing to discuss."
"Yes there is. How come after six months you're back in Seattle?"
"Professional reasons."
"How long?"
"How long what?"
"Have you been here?!"
"Just over two months."
"And you didn't call or anything? Erica you are back, we can make us work again. I promise not to run this time." You look into her eyes for the first time that night and you see sadness.
"No we can't Cal." She shakes her head and looks at the ground than back at you. "I love you but you need to move on. I can put my heart at risk again."
"But you won't be. It will be different."
"Callie! You have a boyfriend I saw him all over you just two days ago! Please just be happy with him and move on." With that you turn and run, the tears build up in your eyes.
You come back to reality when Rick, your boyfriend of 3 months, brings you into a tight embrace. He is really sweet, and you do love him. But he is no Erica, and you will never love him like you loved her. Your love for him is sweet, more brotherly or friendship like then romantic. Again its nothing like your love for Erica.
Cause when I'm
with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you
would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh
I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
When you get back to your house he asks to spend the night. He does not want you to be alone right now and he is worried about you. He is sweet like that, but still he is no Erica. You get into bed and he wraps his arms around you. He does not have the same feel as Erica. His skin is rough and hard. But the only reason you fall asleep was trying to convince yourself that the arms around you are really Erica's and this was all a very bad dream.
You're like an
Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With
a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the
best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the
waters I will test
Your mind flashes back to thoughts of Erica that night. How when you first met her she always had a hard outside. She was a bitch to everyone and everyone hated her. But she let you in and you really got to know her. She was sweet and kind and had a really big and caring heart.
You remember how when you were struggling with your divorce she told you not to let one screwed up man get to you and enjoy life. Move on to the next and how there are plenty of men out there.
But you don't want a man, you want Erica.
He kissed my
lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted
with myself
You wake up
the next morning and head to the kitchen. Rick is already up and
making you pancakes. You give him a sad smile and he pulls you into
a kiss. He tries to deepen it but you won't let him. You hate
yourself because all you can think about is how you wish those lips
where Erica's. You can't stand kissing him knowing if Erica were
here she would be dying inside. So you pull away and the tears star
to overflow your eyes again.
He asks what's wrong and tries to come near you. You don't let him and you just run out the door and to your car. You don't care how you look, you're just in sweats and your hair is pulled back. You drive to the cemetery where Erica was buried yesterday. When you get there it's deserted and only one or two families are there. You find Erica's stone and you fall to the ground and cry.
You're the best
Cause when I'm
with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you
would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh
I wish that I
Was looking into...
And
yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the
lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you
should know
When you think you are out of tears you take your hand and stroke the stone.
"Erica I'm so sorry for letting you walk away that night. I am so sorry for how I treated you. You were, are the best for me. And I don't think I can move on. I'm leaving Rick tonight because if I don't I will be only hurting myself and him. You took my heart with you the day you left and you still hold it. I will forever love you. Please wait for me, one day we will be together again and I know this time it will work. Love always finds a way, you taught me that. I love you Erica."
With a sad smile you walk away and start to cry again. But now you have forever to look forward for. You believe in a heaven, so one day you know you will be reunited with your love again. That brings a smile to your face, and you feel a warm glow and you know somewhere Erica is smiling too.
Cause when I'm with
him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do
if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish
that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust
in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in
your eyes I'd like to stay...
Erica Rose Hahn
A daughter, lover, and best friend
You will forever be missed.
June 21st 1970- May 2nd 2009
