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The most difficult battles are those of our hearts.
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"Do you love me?" Moments are forever frozen in time, yet replay in our hearts and very soul. These moments cause your chest to ache from lack of oxygen, your legs to buckle because you can't support yourself, all logic has left you and all you have is the words that will come next. The existents of our future and how it will be spent lies entirely in the hands of another person. And yet you let them make and break you because your heart is theirs for the taking.
A simple question hung in the winter night as Pan and I stood facing one another on the capsule building deck. Long since forgotten the New Years Eve party, our family, and our friends. All that mattered to me was that I was staring into her eyes determining our future and what our children might look like. But as the wind blow her curled locks of hair around her shoulders I saw fear entire her eyes. Her hand reached for the black shaw covering her shoulders and played with the ends of it. We stood there together just looking at each other face to face.
Lifting her face she had on genuine smile that could never leave my heart. She took a step towards me and took hold of my hand placing it within hers while the other came up to caress it. I felt myself become dizzy and closed my eyes. The oxygen flooded my body again and the world felt safe as it always had when she was there.
"You know I do…" there was something in the way she said it that caused me to open my eyes. She was looking down at our hands and as I looked down I saw that I could not tell which were hers and which were mine because they all belonged to her. Still that three-letter word hung in the back of my mind knowing that "but" is some were in her statement. I refused to look up fearing of what might happen next.
"But it's just that you know we can't do this. I won't let you." Still determined as ever I see but I wouldn't have it any other way.
"Pan, we have had this discussion. I love you and you love me so why can't we be together?" I held her hand not letting her get away she always slips away some how. This is the last time this discussion will happen. Each time we are together and are happy she must bring up the same thing.
"Trunks I'm to young for you and it will ruin your reputation. You will not sacrifice your career for me." Her hand quickly pulled from my grasp before I could hold it tighter. Damn. With her back turned to me and could see her fist start to form. I would sacrifice my very life for her screw some career that I can barely endure. Old rich men marry young girls all the time, their reason entirely different but the issue is still there.
"Pan we, we" come on Trunks think "We could keep it a secret no one will know. No one."
"Could you do that Trunks? Lie to your mother, friends, Bra; your father already suspects something and Goten knows. Could you live a lie? I know I couldn't do that. Our families trust us and I for one would never jeopardize that."
"I don't understand you. If you love me than be with me. Please." I could fell my inside tearing and fell the unmistakable pain of heartbreak building inside. I felt the first sting of tears and quickly shut my eyes refusing such embarrassment. "All I ask is to be with you. How can you say you love me and still hurt me so much?"
I could fell her stepping close to me but still did not open my eyes knowing that my pride would slowly fall down my face. A delicate hand rested on my shoulder and then I felt her grab on to me with her face pressed into my chest. My breath came is gasp as a fought with every being in my body not to let her win this. I must have her.
"Trunks if only you could feel what I do…"
"I do because I have felt it for years." Gathering my courage back I grabbed her by the shoulders easily and pushed her slightly away just so I could look her in the eye. Tonight I will have what I have always hoped and prayed for. Brushing back a few strands of wild hair from her face and leant down and softly pressed my lips to hers. It was not are first kiss and I would be damned if it was our last. Wrapping my hands around the back of her hand I intensified the kiss. I needed her to feel what I did and how much this was going the kill the both of us. Her hands came up to my chest and pushed me back.
"No, no I will not let this continue on. I sorry that I ever fell in love like this. But this will be nothing but trouble and I will not let it happen. You have so much riding on you Trunks. I sorry." I watched as she quickly walked back into the house. Letting my head fall I felt nothing but complete and total failure. How had I lost the only thing I ever wanted? My anger began to take hold of me and all I saw was red. I felt my power level rise but quickly realized who was around me. I can't even hold my own anger let alone the girl I love.
Walking back over to the rail I leaned against it for support I knew my body had none of. Looking over to the setting sun I saw a foreshadowing of my life. As the sun set into darkness so did my life. Shaking those thoughts I let my head fall again seeing the lawn and the passing of people coming and going. One of which caught my eye. Pan. Watching her run I could see a shine on her face indicating that she had been crying. A sigh escaped from my lips and I could think of nothing but how the sun will raise again in the morning. I will have her and she knows it.
K…so I'll update sometime soon like always. Laterz!
