"It should have been me."

The graveyard was blanketed with crisp, white snow. The gravestone in question was new but failed to stand out in any meaningful way amongst the sea of gravestones. Tsubaki and Watari heard what Kaori had whispered and their hearts shook. Yet they remained silent, not sure how to respond. The three of them were dressed in black. Tsubaki and Watari shared a meaningful look.

"We'll give you two some time alone," Watari said.

The two of them left. Once they were out of sight, Kaori kneeled in front of Kousei's grave.


Kaori's life-saving surgery was a success and she was finally free from the illness that had plagued her for more than half her life. The first thing she had thought to do after waking up was to call Kousei and ask him how his performance had gone. Hopefully someone out there had recorded it. However, everyone she had called, including her family and even Tsubaki, gave her vague and ominous answers. This continued for a few days. All she could do was wait to recover from her surgery and try to brush away the worry in her heart.

She heard a knock at the door.

"Come in."

Watari walked into her hospital room dressed in his school uniform. It was clean and freshly pressed, which made his disheveled hair and expression stand out even more. There were serious bags under his eyes. He had an air of bad news around him. It took a while for Watari to gather the courage to look up at her. He feared that the look in his face would give away everything. He prided himself on his composure in the face of women, but not when dealing with something so serious.

"Kaori, something happened to Kousei," he said quietly, gazing over her shoulder instead of at her. She hoped that it was something trivial. Maybe he froze up during his performance. Maybe he was rejected a school he applied to. Or maybe…

"He got hit by a car, and… he didn't make it." Watari dared to look into Kaori's eyes to gauge her reaction. Her piercing stare coerced him into looking away again. She bore a benign smile.

"You're joking, right?" Her words drove a shiver down Watari's spine. He could feel the blood draining from his face.

"Kaori, I really wish I was joking…"

"You're a real joker, you know that? That's what I like about you! Always joking," she said, closing her eyes and smiling.

Seeing her in denial broke his heart. It was unbearable. He lunged forwards and grasped both of her hands. "He's dead! I'm being serious! Kousei… Kousei is dead!"

Kaori's calm demeanor broke. Her face twisted with emotion and she slapped Watari across the face. The slap echoed throughout the room.

"No way! Liar! Liar!"

When she saw the hurt in his eyes, she knew he was telling the truth. It looked as if he had been suffering through this the whole time.

"Sorry," she whimpered. He looked away again, tears welling up in his eyes. She could feel her own tears coming as well.

"It's the truth. I'm sorry," he mustered. "I know how much he meant to you. He meant the world to us as well. You know that." Kaori couldn't take it any longer. She broke down in tears, and, at the thought of what could have been and what had been taken away, Watari broke down as well.

"Watari… Kousei is gone. Kousei is gone," Kaori sobbed over and over again. They cried on each others' shoulders for a long time and it felt like the tears wouldn't stop coming. Watari had already cried his fair share during the past few days, but losing his best friend was a blow to his soul like no other.

After what seemed like an eternity, their waterfalls finally dried up. Watari put his hands on Kaori's shoulders and said, "Everything's going to turn out okay. We'll get over this. We should keep going. I like to think that that's what Kousei would have wanted." Though his smile was weak, Kaori could tell he was speaking from the heart.

"Maybe. I really need some time alone,"she said. Watari nodded.

"You've been through so much as well, Kaori. Thank goodness that the surgery was a success…" He couldn't even start to imagine what it would have been like if neither Kaori nor Kousei had made it. There would have been no reason for him to keep living anymore. Despite having had surgery a few days ago, Kaori was looking much better than she had been during the days leading up to it. Watari decided he would try and make the rest of Kaori's life a happy one, for Kousei's sake. He would carry on in his stead.

Watari got up from her bed and headed for the door. "If you ever need anything or need to talk, I'm here for you. I promise," he said, looking her in the eyes.

"Thanks, Watari."

"Get some rest. I'll come and visit again tomorrow with Tsubaki."


Kousei's funeral was in a week. Kaori had returned to school in full health; her body was brimming with vitality, but she felt a constant weight pulling down on her heart. Nevertheless, she maintained the bright facade she was known for prior to Kousei's death in order not to disturb others. Both Watari and Tsubaki knew that Kaori was concealing her feelings, but neither of them knew how to properly handle it. At night, Kaori would bombard Watari with texts about the most random things:

How did I look at school today?

Do you think it's okay if I put on some weight?

Does anyone think I'm acting weird?

He couldn't tell what she was trying to get out of these questions, but he never failed to respond to them:

You looked fine to me.

Go for it. You'll look healthier that way.

No one except me.

Kaori didn't know why she was reaching out to him herself. She needed someone to talk to about anything. She needed some sort of distraction to take away from the pain of remembering what happened to Kousei. She considered talking to Tsubaki about things, but she remembered that Tsubaki had also loved Kousei. A nasty, unwanted feeling of jealousy that Kaori had never felt before budded inside of her. Even though she her body had so much energy these days (more energy than she had ever felt in her entire life, even!), she felt her spirit was growing weak.

Sitting on her desk was the letter that she had written to Kousei before she had gone into surgery. She put it in her drawer, pulled out some fresh stationary, and got to writing a new one.

Dear Arima Kousei,

It feels weird writing a letter to someone who won't get to read it…
You were the worst.
Indecisive. Gullible. Twit.
The first time I ever saw you perform, I was 5 years old. It was at a recital for the piano school I was going to. This awkward, clumsy kid came onto the stage and accidentally hit the piano stool with his butt. It was too funny. He turned to the piano that was way too big for him and the moment he played that first note, I was drawn in.
The sound was beautiful, like a 24-colour palette. The melodies danced.
The girl next to me started crying. I wasn't expecting that at all.
And even so, you gave up the piano. Even though it totally changed other people's lives. You were the worst. Indecisive. Gullible. Twit.
When I found out we were in the same middle school, I was ecstatic. But how would I ever come to talk to you? Maybe I'd hang out at the lunch concession. Instead, I just watched you from afar.
I mean. After all. You all seemed to get along so well. There wasn't really any space in there for someone like me.
When I was a kid, I had to have an operation and I started having to be at the hospital for regular check-ups. In the first year of middle school, I collapsed and I was admitted over and over. With every visit, I was there for longer and longer. Really, I didn't get to class much in middle school, I spent more time at the hospital. And I knew something was wrong with my body.
One night, I saw my parents crying in the waiting room and I knew that my time was running out.
That's when I ran away.
I didn't want to bring my regrets with me to heaven, so I stopped holding back from what the things I always wanted to do. I wasn't scared anymore to get contact lenses. I ate what I wanted instead of always worrying about my weight. And I took the music with all its high and mighty directives and played it the way I wanted.
And then I told a lie. Just one.
I lied and said that I, Miyazono Kaori, liked Watari Watari.
And that lie brought you to me.

Since you've gone, Watari's been more wholehearted and earnest than before. He's a good person.

Tsubaki's a good person as well. I wish there were no hard feelings. And there was one thing I could never ask of her, to ask her directly to introduce the two of us. I don't think she would've had an answer for me. After all, she was in love with you. We all knew that. I think the only people who didn't know were you and her.

That underhanded lie brought me to you didn't work out the way I had imagined.

It was darker.
And meaner.
And denser.
And more stubborn.
And more perverted.

And softer.
And more masculine.
And sweet.

Remember that bridge we jumped off? The water was so cool and refreshing. Racing each other alongside the train? I really thought I could win. The moon we saw from the music room that night, like a delicious-looking bun. Singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" with you as we rode on that bike together. Then falling out time. We're awful singers. At the school at night. I'm still sure there was something there. The falling snow, just like cherry blossoms.
It's strange to be a musician, but then to have your heart so filled by something that comes from off-stage. They're unforgettable scenes to me. But they're such little things. It's weird, isn't it?
What do you think? Do you think I can still make it into anyone's heart like that? I wonder if I made it into yours. I wonder if you're watching over me. Please be there for me. Promise me you'll watch over me from up there. I'm glad it was you. I hope this reaches you, Arima Kousei.

I love you.

I love you.
I love you.

I'm sorry we couldn't eat all those canelés.
I'm sorry I hit you so much.
I'm sorry I was so selfish.
I'm so, so, so, so sorry.

Thank you for everything.

Miyazono Kaori

Kaori couldn't help but cry as she wrote the first "I love you." She shouted the phrase at the top of her soul with her words, her pen scratching harder and inking deeper with every repeat. She watched as a single teardrop landed on the final "you." The teardrop slowly sank into the paper. This was the way it was meant to be. She buried her face in her hands and wept. She looked up and saw a small picture she had framed, her most prized possession. She took it out of the frame and put it into an envelope, along with her letter to Kousei.

P.S. This picture means everything to me. May this stay with you forever.

The was the envelope that was placed on Kousei's coffin and that was buried with him.