The characters in this story and all others I write are not mine. The belong to CBS, not me.

This story contains references to spanking, if that isn't your thing then please skip this one.

Tony sat on the bed trying to shake of the sweat and faint tremors left over from the nightmare. Thank God, he hadn't yelled out. It was the third one this week and the first two had been so horrific that they had actually woken Gibbs. His dad was concerned enough as it was he didn't need Tony's emotional baggage on top of all that. He was resting now so Tony decided to leave him to it.

Tony punched the switch and the coffee machine started to gurgle. At three in the morning, with only a few hours sleep in over a week, he had started drinking more and more of the stuff just to get through the day. Now just a day after Kate's funeral, he was too exhausted to function and too wired to sleep much. The constant nightmares made sure of that.

Carrying his coffee into the living room, Tony sat on the sofa and pulled his legs up under himself. He really wanted this to stop. He needed to sleep. His head hurt like hell and his body ached to high heaven. Maybe the coffee could somehow help with that, though he reeeally doubted it.

Gibbs waited until he saw his son sit the coffee mug on the end table before he made his move. The damn kid was going to be the death of him one day. He had acquired more gray hair since meeting Tony than he ever thought possible. Oh, sure, Tony tried his damnedest to hide his pain, to keep it all to himself so no one else worried, but Gibbs knew the boy too well. He saw the little changes in his son that no one else saw. He also heard the nightmares late into the night.

Quietly, so as not to spook his young charge, Gibbs walked up to his son and wrapped his arms around the still trembling kid. It took a moment, but eventually Tony leaned into the touch. The comfort both men found in the gesture was too much to pass up. Neither wanted to give an inch, but waiting had never been Tony's strong point. As soon as Gibbs felt the hot wet tears on his arm, he made his way to the side of his boy and wrapped him in a solid embrace. He knew Tony and Kate had been close and that this moment was just waiting for the right time to strike. Between the nightmares and blame Tony wrongfully placed on himself, this breakdown was a given.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Gibbs cupped the back of his son's head and whispered into his ear. He didn't know how to make this easier.

"Tony, son none of this is your fault. It's all on Ari. You didn't pull the trigger, bud. No one thinks this is your fault but you. I have never blamed you, buddy."

"I should have pushed her out of the way! She had family that loved her, and now she's gone! She was a better person than I'll ever be and I let her die!"

The shaking was so pronounced it shook Gibbs as well, but still he held on to his son. Tony needed this.

"Tony, please listen to me. You couldn't have done anything. It happened too fast. And yes Kate had a wonderful family and she was a wonderful person, but you're the one sitting up all night beating yourself up over something you had no control over. Tony you two had a funny way of showing it, but you loved each other like siblings, she wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. Tony, son I hate seeing you like this."

"I'm sorry. I never wanted you to see any of this. It's stupid! I don't cry like this. I deal with shit and get over it!"

"I'm not him bud, I won't tell you any of that. I will tell you that it's ok to be upset, to be hurt, but it is never alright to take the blame for something that can and will never be your fault. So if you want to cry, go ahead and cry. Hell, scream your heart out if it helps, but don't you ever say this is your fault. Moreover, this is not stupid. This… is healthy."

Tony buried his chestnut head into his dad's chest and continued to sob. He missed her. He was tired of loosing people he cared about. He was tired of always being the strong one. He was tired of trying to be what everyone else wanted him to be. Hell, he was just fucking tired!

Gibbs called Jen a few hours later to inform her of his and Tony's need for a few days off. Tony was not alright, not by a long shot, but he would be, just as soon as Gibbs convinced him that he had nothing to feel guilty over. Tony just seemed to always be willing to take the blame onto himself, no matter the situation. Gibbs had to remedy that before his son finally broke for good. It would take more than a few days to fix the damage Tony's biological family had done to him, but maybe this could be a start.

Tony groaned as he rolled his head. This was not his pillow; it was too warm and solid. The scent told him it was his dad. The unyielding arms wrapped around him told him that everything was going to be fine. Maybe not today, but eventually, he would get through this. He just had to trust his dad.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you angry?"

"Not with you. But, if you ever degrade yourself again you'll be over my knee so fast you won't know which way is up or down. I know you're familiar with the position and the hairbrush."

"I was afraid you would blame me. I thought you might want me gone."

Gibbs kissed his son's forehead before he tipped the green eyes upward, looking directly into his own steel blue ones.

"Never, Tony! I love you too much for that."

Tony leaned into his dad again and made himself comfortable. This just felt right. It felt safe.