A/N: My writing ability is back!
How To Write A Gravity Falls Fanfiction: Chapter 2
by MiscellaneousSoup
Step The First: Have Dipper and Mabel return to Gravity Falls after a period of absence. Show how things have changed.
Example: Dipper and Mabel hopped off of the bus. They were so delighted to be back in Gravity Falls after the traumatizing incident that forced them to leave.
Mabel sniffed the air. "Wow, it smells so different! How long have we been gone?"
Dipper checked his watch. "Twenty minutes. I can't believe that Grunkle Stan didn't have any paint buckets. Good thing the next town over had some. Want to go get some pancakes?"
"Hooray!"
Step The Second: Have Bill Cipher appear as a human.
Example: A tall, lean adult stood in the restaurant. He wore an eyepatch over one eye and kept giggling and rubbing his hands together for some reason. Also, his fancy suit was made out of a garish yellow material.
Mabel poked Dipper. "Hey, who's that? Another time traveler?"
Dipper shrugged. "No idea. I'm sure that there's plenty of other tourists in town who we don't recognize."
The yellow-suited figure propped open his menu and began ordering some food from the waitress. "Yes, I'm Billopher, and I would like some mashed potatoes."
Dipper and Mabel gasped. "Mashed potatoes! EW!"
Billopher then stared directly at the twins. "And make them tricky, just like me."
"MY GOD, it's Bill Cipher!" Dipper threw a fork at him and hid under the table. Mabel started strangling Billopher with his own tie.
Step The Third: Thou shalt ship Dipper and Pacifica or Dipper and Candy or Dipper and Bill Cipher or Dipper and just about anyone.
Example: Dipper sat on a picnic bench, holding hands with his beloved partner. "Oh, I love you so much. I'm so happy that we met and agreed to date almost instantly. Please, will you marry me?"
"SCHMEBULOCK!" Schmebulock burst into tears. The other gnomes started crying. The squirrels also began to cry, mostly because Jeff was eyeing them.
Step The Fourth: Make Dipper or Mabel evil for some reason.
IExample: Dipper rubbed his hands together with malicious glee. "I AM EVIL NOW."
Mabel fired her grappling hook into the ceiling. "No, I'm evil!"
Grunkle Stan walked in. "Nice to see you two celebrating what's good in life. Still, I was evil before it was cool."
Bill Cipher appeared out of nowhere and vaporized him. "Not before me, Stanford/Stanley/whoever you are!"
Step The Fifth: Is Grunkle Stan actually Stanley through a mind-swap? Was he lying about being Stanford in the first place? Will anything ever make sense?
Example: Bob Boberts, the former host of Cash Wheel, greeted the audience with a big smile. "Hey, hey! I'm Bob Boberts, and it's time to play Who Are You? Our first and only contestant, Grunkle Stan...or so he claims." No one laughed. Nervously, he moved on. "So, how are you, Mr. Pines?"
Grunkle Stan grunted. "Get on with it, I want to earn some money."
Bob Boberts produced another painfully large smile. "Great, great, great! So, our first question. Who are you?"
"I told you when I came here, I'm Grunkle Stan." Grunkle Stan said.
Bob winked. "Your full name, Mr. Pines."
"You just said it."
Bob's smile grew slightly smaller. "Please?"
Grunkle Stan eyed the host suspiciously. "Are you a cop?"
Bob Boberts's eye started to twitch. "Come on, man, I need this job. The network doesn't pay me the big bucks anymore. I have a family to support! Well, not so much a family as a horde of raccoons living in my basement that keep stealing my food. I'm starving, dude!"
KKKKKKKSSSHHHHHHHHH: WE INTERRUPT THIS LIVE GAME SHOW DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. ENJOY THIS PAID ADVERTISEMENT FOR ANOTHER SERIES WE WANT TO PROMOTE. SINCERELY, THE FOX NETWORK.
Step The Sixth: Make Agent Powers move to Pawnee, Indiana for an assignment and have him interact with Ron Swanson. I need more Parks And Recreation, darn it! The show's over and I miss it so much!
KKKKKKKSSSHHHHHHHHH: WE INTERRUPT THIS FANFICTION DUE TO SHAMELESS BEGGING BY THE AUTHOR. ENJOY THIS PREMADE SKETCH WHILE WE SLAP HIM IN THE FACE UNTIL HE AGREES TO GET BACK TO WRITING HUMOROUS GRAVITY FALLS STORIES AND FINISH HIS POKEMON STORY. SERIOUSLY, DUDE, IT'S BEEN MONTHS. YOU LAST UPDATED IT WITH A SIXTH CHAPTER ON NEW YEAR'S EVE.
...IN THE PRISON, THE MIGHTY PRISON, THE GRUNKLE SLEEPS TONIGHT…
HE'S BEEN STEALING, OH HE'S BEEN STEALING, SOME NUCLEAR WASTE, SOME NUCLEAR WASTE…
AND HE'S BEEN COUNTERFEITING, OH, HE'S BEEN COUNTINGFEITING, THE GREEDY GRUNKLE STAN
A-WEE-A-WOOOOOOOO, A-WEEEEEE-,A-WEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
AND THE SIRENS, THE ANNOYING SIRENS, THE SIRENS BLARE TONIGHT!
AVOID THE POLICE, AVOID THE POLICE, PLEASE LET HIM AVOID THE POLICE TONIGHT.
The (Stupid) End
