The One with the Tall Guy

(All are in Monica and Rachel's flat around series three)

Phoebe: ... and that's when I realised that Chandler was a weird name.

Joey: Wow, only then?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Chandler: Actually it's Norwegian for 'great one'.

Monica: Really?

Chandler: No, but it would be really cool if it was. And I say that when I'm flirting.

Joey: No wonder you've been single for months.

Monica: So, when is he coming?

Phoebe: In about five minutes. Are you ready?

Rachel: Who's coming?

Phoebe: (pleased with herself) Oh, just a tall dark stranger I set up with Monica.

Monica: I'm so excited! I've only dated three guys in this whole year.

Joey: It could be worse: you could be Chandler.

Chandler: Hey I've dated more ... oh, no wait, I haven't. Stupid life.

(The bell rings)

Monica: Here he is!

(Monica opens the door to find a man so tall his head and shoulders are obscured by the door frame)

Phoebe: Oh yeah, he's a very tall dark stranger.

Rachel: Good luck, make sure he doesn't stand on you.

(Monica walks out with the man)

Chandler: Was that a man or a nuclear experiment?

Phoebe: No, he works in a circus.

Chandler: Figures.

Phoebe: Yeah, he sets up the tight rope.

Chandler: Does he set it up or hold it up?

Ross: No, he always bangs his head on it.

Phoebe: So, did I ever tell you about the time I was possessed?

Rachel: By the rats or when you were possessed by John McCain?

(Scene changes to Monica sitting at a table looking over at the man's Torso)

Monica: So, George ... um, nice shirt.

George: Yeah, my sister said it brought out my eyes. What do you think?

Monica: Oh, couldn't say.

George: Why's that?

Monica: 'Cause, well ... I can't see your eyes.

(Scene goes back to the apartment a few hours later)

Phoebe: And that ends my life story.

Ross: That can't be the end.

Phoebe: Why?

Ross: You didn't mention me once.

Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry; you have quite a forgettable face.

Ross: Forgettable face! Phebes, I've seen you almost every day of my life for the last five years. You even wrote a song called 'Life with a guy called Ross'.

Phoebe: (realisation) Oh yeah!

(Monica rushes in)

Phoebe: Ooh, how'd it go?

Monica: Hang on a second, I need a step ladder.

(She walks out with a step ladder and comes back again after a few minutes)

Phoebe: How was it!?

Monica: Next time you set me up, I want it to be someone who doesn't need to wear a helmet to stop him hitting door frames.

Phoebe: So he was a bit tall-

Monica: A bit tall!? He virtually needed lights on his head to stop planes colliding with it! I mean, I needed that step ladder to tell him I didn't want to go out with him again, for heaven's sake.

Chandler: That's not at all patronising.

Monica: Well, I wanted to tell him face to face but his face was so far above mine that I needed some extra help.

Phoebe: Well there is this other guy I know-

Monica: What is he? A microscopic midget?

Phoebe: How did you know?! Wow, and all this time I thought I was the only psychic!

(Phoebe runs and hugs Monica)

Monica: You're not psychic. You don't even know where the butter dish is.

Phoebe: Yes I do!

Monica: Where is it?

Phoebe: I dunno.