Suppression

By Chinesemoon

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, it all belongs to my supreme master, J.K. Rowling.

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"Tonks, we can't."

The words echoed in the empty room. It wasn't the first time they were said, and maybe not the last, but each time, respectively, they came like a sudden, cruel slap to the face of Nymphadora Tonks. She wouldn't cry – she never did. That wasn't her personality. Oh, sure, sometime she yelled, sometimes she argued. Sometimes she even withdrew inside herself and locked away any shred of optimism and hope in her soul. If she still had a soul… she wasn't so sure anymore.

"Why." It wasn't a question; it was a statement, made not out of curiosity, but more of a bitter half-acceptance. "Why, Remus?"

"Don't call me Remus anymore," Lupin avoided her eyes. He looked about him, searching for any object to lay his eyes upon, any distraction. He stared at the dirty drapes framing the tall windows. The sun was setting, and there were no candles burning, no light in the room except the faint forgotten rays of sunshine, and even those were disappearing.

"I fancy I'll call you whatever I like," she said, her voice becoming bitter. She was going to get angry; she was going to get hostile. She didn't mean to have this reaction, but lately, anger seemed to be preferable to depression.

"Look, Tonks," Lupin began, still staring out the window. Even though the sun had not completely set yet, he spied a creasant moon high in the sky. "We've been through this many, many times… why must I always repeat myself? It just doesn't make sense…"

"Yes, right," Tonks stammered. Each word came out choppy. "Let's see, Remus. You are too old, you are too wise, you are too severe, you are too dangerous, and you are too insufferable."

Lupin sighed. He ran a careless hand through his hair several times. Still, he did not look Tonks in the eye. He was scared to look at her. He was scared of what he would see in her face, scared of heartbreak, scared of anger, scared of confusion... he was even scared of seeing lust or passion in her face. He raked a shaky hand through his hair again and sighed another deep sigh.

"Oh, stop sighing, for Merlin's sake!" Tonks burst out. She shoved a chair forcefully to one side of her. A pile of parchment which had been balancing precariously on top of the seat of the chair fell into a pile on the floor. She huffed and stooped to pick them up, muttering under her breath.

Lupin looked at her kneeling on the floor. He couldn't help it… his eyes had mistakenly wondered in her extremely livid direction. Ever so faint a smile graced his lips as Tonks uttered several unrepeatable swear words under her breath. She grabbed for some of the parchment, but it escaped her grasp. He knelt down and handed her the piece of parchment. She took it slowly from his hand, brushing her fingers against his. Finally, he met her eyes. They held each other's gaze momentarily, before he looked away.

He straightened himself out and stood up. He took a step back, but she grabbed the front of his robe and tugged him closer. He wanted to push her away, but something always made him hesitate at such moments as these when he heart began to open just ever so slightly.

"Remus," she said in a quiet, calm voice. "Tell me you don't love me." She stepped closer to him and looked up into his face, her eyes bright and searching.

Lupin felt as though a tremendous pressure was weighing on his chest. He could hardly breathe. His lips felt dry, but he dare not lick them. The air was still, the room was silent, and Tonks seemed to be inching closer to him. He met her eyes, but his gaze had become foggy. He couldn't see her clearly, he could just make out the outline of a white and hazy orb, looming over him. Images seemed to be racing through his mind – broken wooden planks, painful red gashes, scars, night, the moon, an image of sharp white teeth sinking down on human flesh.

He pushed her away, somewhat more violently than he intended. She stumbled backwards, surprised. Pain seared in his head, his eyes were clouded with misery.

"I don't love you, Tonks," he whispered. He turned on his heel and left the room. The door banged closed behind him.

The room was silent again.

A/N: more?