"How did we end up here?" James frowned across at Remus, who pulled his robe more tightly around his frame.
"This is all your bloody fault." Remus muttered, hopping from one foot to the other to escape the cold floors. "You and that bloody contract." Glancing at his watch, he looked up again at James, harsh inevitability playing at his face. "Its time."
"Right." James sighed, stepping closer to the grand doors that lead into the Great Hall. "On three?" Remus took a final deep breath, nodding at James anxiously. "One, Two, Three... Go!"
Two Months Previously...
"Remus Lupin, I have a proposition for you." James grinned, standing in front of Remus with his hands deep in his pockets. Sat in the empty common room, Remus kept his eyes trained onto his potions book, the slight raising of his eyebrows the only indication he'd heard James at all. "I am afraid I have lost my motivation for the seduction of my precious Lilyflower. Now, as lovely as she is, I know I would wait until the end of the world for her, and I fear this is holding me back. I need some fire in my belly, some bees in my bonnet!" James exclaimed, grinning towards the calm werewolf with a manic disposition. Remus looked up from his book patiently, contemplating whether or not to indulge his friend, before sighing and patting the space next to him.
"You and Sirius will be the death of me." Remus smiled tiredly, placing his potions text on the side and scrunching his nose slightly. "Or at the very least, make me fail Potions."
"Ever the melodramatic, Moons!" James sat down in the offered space with aristocratic flair.
"Oh, and this is coming from you?" Remus raised an eyebrow. James shrugged, and began to watch Remus put away his writing equipment. "Out with it then. What do you want me to do?"
James sat up straight once more, grabbing Remus by the shoulders and turning him so they faced each other. Not removing his hands from the werewolf's shoulders, James began talking. "I challenge you, Remus Lupin, to share a loving kiss someone of my choosing before I kiss Lily Evans-soon-to-be-Potter!" James smiled, throwing his hands off Remus' shoulders and his arms open. "I will, of course, make it someone who is achievable and you will enjoy. The kiss must be done whilst both participants are willing and completely stone cold sober."
"Who is this mysterious 'someone'?" Remus' eyes narrowed, worried by his friend's calculating look. Nonetheless, his smile remained, ever amused by James' passion and odd ideas.
"No no. No. I'm not telling you until you agree to do this." James smirked, placing his hand out in front of him. "Please, Moony? For me?" Although James' puppy dog eyes were nowhere near as good as Sirius or Remus' own, it didn't usually take much to make Remus do his friend's bidding, and so with a roll of his eyes he stuck his hand out to shake. "Yay! Okay, the loser shall have to streak through the Great Hall at dinnertime, singing "God Save The Queen". The losing punishment shall also apply if either of the other participants find out about said agreement. If either of us drop out of the agreement, the quitter's hair shall be charmed fluorescent purple with permanent colouring, their skin shall become reptilian and they will develop the tiny eyes of a sheep!" James stated, performing the appropriate charms over their entwined hands.
"The eyes of a sheep? I guess I'd best win then." Remus grinned sarcastically, pulling his hand out of James' grip as the final spell was cast to seal the deal. A scroll rolled out of the end of James' wand, followed by a thick, dramatic quill. James grabbed both quickly, scribbling on the paper before handing it over to Remus.
"Sign and date, please." Remus sighed, closing his eyes as he flicked his signature out upon the unread page.
"I can't believe you created a contract, Prongs, I mean really... This is a bet, not the Treaty of Versailles." Remus rolled his eyes, waving the piece of paper towards James with a smile.
"This is official maraudering business. That's much more important than some petty peace treaty." James smiled, grin widening as he watched Remus begin to read the contract.
"Covenant between Esq. James Harold Bartholomew Potter - James, your middle name isn't Bartholomew - and Dr. Remus Jadoki Lupin - Jadoki?" Remus paused amusedly, glancing at James. "Do you actually have any idea what my middle name is?"
"I know it begins with J." James shrugged.
"Right." Remus raised a single eyebrow, looking down upon the contract and continuing to read aloud. "The aforementioned parties will compete for the affections of certain persons, with the slower competitor subject to a forfeit, described in detail later in this document. It is necessary for the details of this contract to remain completely confidential, therefore not a word should be revealed to any individual aside from Esq. J.P and Dr. R.L; nor shall either party interfere with their competitor's intended partners. Since the days of Beedle The Bard, individuals have been... James? Did you really have to make this so long winded?" Remus smiled, eyes skipping the history lesson in the middle of the text. "Esq. Potters' affections shall be aimed towards the emerald beauty, Lilabeth - Lily's name isn't Lilabeth, James - Regina Evans-Potter, whilst Dr Lupin shall romance the one, the right honorable -" Remus choked, reading the name in front of him over and over in disbelief, before looking to James, gaping like a goldfish.
"Sirius. As in Sirius Black. As in Padfoot. As in Mr Heterosexual." Remus stated monotonously, blinking at James.
"Well, unless you know any other Sirius Orion Blacks..." James grinned, leaning back into the sofa. "Besides, he's more along the lines of Mr Anthing that Moves."
"Prongs, you can't be serious." Remus frowned, gripping the edge of the sofa tightly. "I don't like Pads that way, and I'm not gay, and -"
"Hang on, mister." James looked around to check neither Lily nor Padfoot were in the common room, before continuing. "Don't think I haven't seen the looks you throw at our Padfoot. If it wasn't for the fact that I do not enjoy such sodomising practices, I might feel a tad left out!" James grinned, draping himself over Remus' lap. "Now, what is the problem? You like him. You're Pads' favourite, maybe he likes you too. You're always saying that the only reason you're not trying out every other girl in Hogwarts is because you haven't found the right someone. Well, Pads might be that someone! See, I'm doing you a favour."
"No. I take it back. I don't agree to this at all. I don't like Padfoot. I don't." Remus shook his head, mind spinning from the absurdity of it all. Yes, occasionally he would look over at Padfoot with what could be mistaken for admiration, but that was just because he was wondering how his friend achieved such shiny locks! And okay, occasionally he would consider what it was like to hold one of those large, aristocratic hands in his own, but that didn't make him gay...
"Are you dropping out of the agreement?" James' eyebrows flew into his hairline, and within seconds the skin on Remus' hands was slowly turning scaly.
"No! No." Remus whispered, the reptilian skin receding as quickly as it had grown. "I'll try it. Not because I like Padfoot, because I don't. Purely for the bet. But, Gods, couldn't you have just asked me to romance one of the Prewett sisters, or something?"
"Of course not, Moons. I have witnessed first hand your charming gentility. You could have any girl in Hogwarts with a flash of that smile that you've developed. I needed to find you someone who'd take a bit more effort, a bit of hard work, so that I would have to rush with Lily but still stood a chance of winning." James nudged Remus with his elbow knowingly.
"You stand more than a bloody chance of winning." Remus grumbled under his breath, arms tense in mild annoyance. "You've just asked me to steal a kiss from Hogwart's biggest womanizer, and if I don't I have to let the entire of Hogwarts see me starkers. The only chance I have is if he's become so incredibly straight that he's gone full circle round to the gay end of the spectrum."
"Giving up so easily?" James grinned up at the werewolf, clapping his hands. James, being the best friend of the aforementioned pureblood, mused over the possibility that Remus was right; perhaps the reason Sirius had 'turned towards men' was due to excessive contact with women. Nonetheless, James wasn't about to reveal Sirius' recent departure to the gay side of the spectrum to Remus. That would give him an advantage. As if I'm doing that. "Oh Moons, I am looking forward to seeing you run in the buff through the Great Hall. That's motivation enough to speed up this whole Lily thing."
Remus pushed James' head off his lap for a moment, standing up and turning to the marauder still sprawled out on the couch and crouching down to his level. Taking a deep breath and resting his hand on his fist for a second, Remus paused, trying to clear his head and think of a way out of this. Straightening his back in realisation, he smiled, looking at James' grinning face. "Oh, have no fear, Prongs. I will give this thing a go. In fact, I reckon I can make him initiate the kiss." In for a penny, in for a pound... Remus grinned, faking confidence as he saw amusement flicker through James' eyes.
"Really?" James smiled, lifting himself into a sitting position. Looks like his marauding side is finally coming to the fore. "Fine. I'll equal that bet. What do you propose the forfeit be, Monsieur Moony?"
"If one of us manages to get our intended victims to kiss us of their own volition, the loser has to dance around the great hall, as opposed to just running, and invite a teacher of your choice to dance with them." Remus smirked in amusement. Channeling his inner marauder, he pushed the tiny, sensible voice that was screaming obscenities in his ear to the back of his mind, too committed to this bet to back out now.
"You're mighty confident all of a sudden." James squinted, tilting his head contemplatively as Remus' marauding side emerged. "I love you when you're like this!" James scribbled the appendices to the end of the document, smiling as he rolled the scroll into a tube, placing it in his pocket carefully.
"Well, as unlikely as it is that Sirius will kiss me without any prompts, it is much less likely that Lily Evans will kiss you at all in the next 5 or so years. And the chances of her initiating said kiss are very, very minimal." Remus grinned, rising slowly to his feet whilst grabbing his book from the side. "May the best man win."
"Oh, don't worry, I will." James grinned, saluting Remus. "Oh, and Moons? I wouldn't have given you Sirius to woo if I didn't think that he might like you too. I want you to be embarrassed, not humiliated." James winked, smiling as Remus flicked him the birdie, walking away calmly. James fell back onto the soft cushions in the Gryffindor common room, laughing quietly to himself. This was going to be fun.
This is my new story, BETA'd by the whimsically wonderful busybee10. Usual disclaimers apply, and since I've got 4 'works in progress' up on ffnet at the moment, the more you review the more likely I am to prioritise this story! What fun. Flames are not encouraged, and anyone caught flaming will be FLOGGED.
