A/N: Ruko, if you're reading this, I told you I was going to write smut. I really hope you don't read this though. And I hope my parents never find this. I was originally going to call this an ass anthem, but I figure Anaconda has that covered.
Erza is a maid. Why? Well, if plot convenience doesn't cut it for you, then she lost a game with Jellal. After the defeat of Tarturus, the Magic Council was utterly destroyed and Jellal took it upon himself to take on the role of regulating guilds and he and Erza had drifted closer together. Finally Natsu defeated Zeref and Jellal decided that he was done punishing Erza and himself. They've moved in together as girlfriend and boyfriend, and while they haven't committed to marriage, they are getting there. Recently he challenged Erza to a round of Bluff and it turns out that while he can't lie to Erza in the big things, he's still a politician through and through. Something about the strawberry cake he dangled in front of Erza during the game may have helped. Now she has to be his maid for a day.
She's cleaning the kitchen of her and Jellal's house when he appears behind her like phantom. His breath tickles here ear as he says, "Are you working hard maid-san?"
"Yes Je-, Master."
Jellal clicks his teeth together in disappointment.
"I was planning on giving you a test, but I'm afraid at this rate you'll fail Maid-san."
"There's no test you can give me that I can't pass," Erza boasts confidently. So what if she's not an actual maid? Erza had cosplayed some before, and some of her favorite romance novels were ones between a master and his maid. Jellal smiles. He has had at least a decade to wildly lust after erza. Damned be if he didn't take advantage of the opportunity to do her in a maid outfit. But he can't skip the foreplay. That would be rude, and it is in the foreplay that Jellal is allowed to get…creative.
He fills a cup full of ice cold water and puts it one of Erza's hands. She gasps with shock.
"Sh. Hold still. The true test of a maid is not only how well she performs her duties, but also how well she performs under pressure. I'm going to do some very wicked things to your body Maid-san. Try to keep cleaning the counter with the one hand you have left and make sure the water doesn't fall. Are you ready?"
Jellal's voice goes husky as he says this, and Erza feels a cold thrill travel down her spine as she nods her assent, and another one goes to her center as Jellal lifts her skirt, with a dildo in hand uses the object to rub her vagina slipping the object in her panties and taking it out. In and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out… Sorry, I seem to have been distracted by the mental image. Erza holds strong through this assault.
Damn you Jellal, you aren't making this easy, she thinks, as she grits her teeth and continues cleaning. Her heart isn't in the cleaning, but it's a matter of pride now. Of course Jellal wouldn't be Jellal if he didn't ratchet up the pressure by nibbling on her ears. Erza gasps and her hand shakes, knocking the cup off of the table. It shatters into a million pieces and the water spills all over the floor.
"What a pity Maid-san, and you were so close too. It seems I will have to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way. Or perhaps it will be best?" he says, letting out a long heavy breath into her ear.
"Now bend over," he orders. Erza complies, and Jellal lifts up her skirts revealing her pale as milk ass (Or is it the color as a bad tan, because anime characters are presumably Asian but they always look white? Whatever not important). Jellal gives the nice firm body part a firm slap. After a few minutes of treatment, the white (or orange) ass is red as a piece of raw meat (Yes, I do realize this is the least sexy description of an ass ever written on fanfiction. What are you going to do about it?)
Now Erza is wet and Jellal is ready to explode. His lust had been building and it has just peaked at critical level. It's time. The two of are at a crossroads of destiny, ready to forge on boldly to a new plane of existence. They have been reborn. Or just on the verge of having really good sex, but one sounds more impressive than the other.
Jellal slips off Erza's panties, as wet as if she has washed them with water, then he takes of his own pants, his male member throbbing and pulsating almost with a mind of its own, and the anaconda enters Erza's burrow. Jellal's sword thrusts into its target. The battering ram breeches the gates. The basketball slam dunks into the basket. Erza consumes Jellal's banana in her special mouth. Jellal jams his key into Erza's lock. Jellal's second head pokes into Erza's womanly den. Jellal's long thick hard spaceship penetrates Erza's black hole. It seems I have covered all the ways to say that Jellal and Erza had sex. I don't apologize. I had fun.
Both of them soon climax afterward, at the climax of this story. Thank you, thank you very much. I'll be here for a while yet. And Jellal spills his seed over Erza's backside, though nothing going's to grow. Erza is left panting, feeling as if she had just refought the entire hundred monsters from Pandemonium during the Grand Magic Games.
Jellal pats her head and says, still in character, "Good job maid-san. You certainly know the most important part of the maid's job-pleasing her master. But other parts of your duties need working on."
Erza smiles and says, "That was fun wasn't it?"
"Yeah. But that's a given Erza. Anything I do with you is fun. Do you want to catch dinner with me later?"
"And I thought sweets are supposed to ruin the appetite."
"Well, you certainly are the sweetest thing around. Must be all the strawberry cake. But seriously Erza, I don't want you to think I only like you when we have sex. Just being in your presence and having the joy of discovering your infinite quirks is a worthy life goal. So I'll ask again. Want to go to dinner tonight?"
Erza says, "Well aren't you sweet. Of course I'll go, but first I need to clean up. And Jellal, tomorrow, I want to try out a new role play. The princess and her knight."
"Why wait until tomorrow princess?"
He offers a hand to lift her to her feet, then presses his lips to her hand giving a sensual kiss, his tongue tracing the contours of her knuckle.
And you guys know the rest of the story. They shower, not together unfortunately, though Jellal does carry Erza princess style to the shower. He's really good at the role play stuff, because role play's pretty much his life. He managed to masquerade as a counselor, a good guy while actually being a slave driver, a normal citizen while being an undercover fugitive, and a broken prisoner when he actually had all of his wits. The only thing Jellal couldn't do was role play not being in love with Erza because that was pretty ingrained into every character he played. He's just glad he has a chance to take that skill and use it to make Erza happy rather than cause her pain.
Then there's dinner and the two sleep together. As in share a bed, not the other meaning. I've already finished writing the smut you pervs. And so the two enjoy their happy sex lives and go at it like they do on Discovery Channel.
A/N: I'm ashamed. Blushes red. I'm a virgin, which is why I wrote this more as a comedy than as a true sex story. I can't really provide any concrete details. I only know the generalities. Still I hope that somewhere beneath my humour there's an iota of a romance in here, and I hope I haven't crossed the border into an MA story. Please read and review my first M rated fanfiction.
