Author's note: this is just a random fic I thought of at the end of one of my maths exams. As far as time frames go the Midsomer is from around the Troy series, and Hollyoaks shall be around the episode that aired on 28th January 2013. Cos that's the last one I saw before I started writing this, so when events in my fic start to get out of synch with the TV series I can only apologise. As far as taking it seriously goes… this fic is for fun. Don't take it too seriously.
Obviously I own neither of these franchises, otherwise the Chester police would be much more competent and there would be a Midsomer spinoff much like 'Lewis' called 'Troy'. And Joel would've properly killed Seamus.
The sky had already darkened as Seamus Brady made his way back home. He was heading back early, by his standards, but Cheryl had asked if tonight he would help her make the tea. He supposed it was to do with the remark he'd made last night.
"You spend so much time cooking for your old da… I hardly see you!" He'd joked as she'd plated up that evening's meal. She'd smiled, and said it was nothing, waving his remark off. Seamus could tell she was thinking about it all evening though, so when she asked him as he headed out the next morning he was hardly surprised.
"Of course I'll help. I'm just glad one of my children wants to spend time with me." Although he was speaking to Cheryl the last part of it had been directed at Brendan, who had stopped by seemingly only to pick up a box of cereal. "You going to eat all that yourself, son?" He'd asked, but Brendan had just pushed past and left without a word.
"Don't worry about Brendan, daddy. He does love you, he just… goes about it a different way to the rest of us." Cheryl was forever trying to get him and Brendan to spend more time together. Personally he wondered why she still bothered with Brendan, why she wasn't disgusted by the sight of him, but didn't dwell on it too much. Instead he thought about the upcoming races, mentally running through the horses, their odds, and how much money he could afford to bet this time.
He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't notice the footsteps approaching from behind until their owner was right behind him. He turned round and frowned, before smiling in recognition.
"Oh, it's you. How can I help you this fine evening?" he chuckled slightly, then dropped to the floor as he was struck in the head. No-one saw as he was dragged round a corner, and no-one noticed until a few hours later that he was actually gone. And it wasn't until the next day that his body was found in an alley and the police called out.
"Why are we here, sir?" Sergeant Troy asked DCI Barnaby as he pulled the car up to a stop.
"Because there's been a murder, Troy. That's what we do- we solve murders." Barnaby gave his sergeant an amused look.
"Yeah, I know that, sir, but I mean here here. In Chester." Troy clarified.
"It's part of a transfer scheme. Something the commissioner thought up to better develop the police force. Apparently Midsomer squad have a higher success rate than here." Barnaby looked thoughtfully out of the window.
"Mind you, I bet Midsomer's got a higher crime rate than this place. Just look at it!"
"I wouldn't be so sure on that Troy." Barnaby thought of how the idyllic villages in his county had housed some of the most gruesome murders he'd come across. Hollyoaks village looked like nothing special, but Barnaby bet the residents had secrets to rival those in Midsomer.
"I suppose we'd better go and see the body then." Troy unbuckled his seat and got out of the car. He noticed a young man in dressed in shirt and chinos looking at them curiously. Being the only person around that he could see Troy walked over, reaching into his jacket pocket for his badge. "Hi. I'm Detective Sergeant Troy, I'm here about the murder." He introduced himself.
"Right. Yeah, the murder. You wanna head down that way; it should be pretty obvious when you get there."
"Thank you." Barnaby had joined Troy. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."
"Ste Hay." Ste looked from Barnaby to Troy then back again. "Is that it? You don't need to ask me questions or anything do ya? Only I need to get to work." He gestured with his head over to a shop, hands wedged in his pockets.
"No, no, nothing else for now. I'll have to ask you not to leave the village though, at least until we've got a statement from you." Barnaby answered.
"A statement? Like to do with the murder?" Ste asked.
"Yes, about the murder. Unless there are any other crimes you think we should know about." Troy said, a bit too sarcastically for Barnaby's liking, who duly gave his sergeant a reproachful look.
"Could we come and find you sometime in the afternoon?" Barnaby continued.
"Yeah, I'll be in the deli over there." Ste took one hand out of his pocket to point at the deli.
"Thank you." Barnaby said. Ste just nodded and hurried off, letting himself into the deli and changing the sign on the door from 'closed' to 'open'.
"Reckon they do sandwiches there?" Troy was already thinking about his lunch. He received no answer though, as Barnaby had already left in the direction Ste had pointed to. Troy had to jog slightly to catch him up, but slowed to a walk as they approached the body. They had to push past the crowd of people that had gathered there and duck under the crime scene tape before they could see the body. Seamus Brady looked almost peaceful, and if it wasn't for the large trickle of blood that had dried down one side of his face it would see as if he was sleeping.
"Suffocation." A man who Barnaby assumed to be the pathologist rose to his feet, having been kneeling down before.
"I'm sorry?" Barnaby would've preferred to do the introductions before jumping into the details of the murder, but it seemed he had little choice in the matter.
"Well, a sharp blow to the head to knock him unconscious followed by suffocation. Brilliantly simple. Obviously I'll be able to tell you more once I've got him to the lab, but I'd say he was hit by a brick, or something similar." The man seemed to sense Barnaby's thoughts. "Evan Weeks, by the way. I would shake your hand but… well, it's got blood on it." he held up his gloved hand to prove his point.
"DCI Barnaby. I don't suppose you can tell us anything else?" Barnaby asked.
"Such as who this guy even is." Troy joined in.
"Seamus Brady. Moved here over a month ago to live with his kids from Ireland. Dunno much else to be honest." Evan picked up a plastic bag from near the body and handed it to Troy. "That's his phone, wallet keys. Make of that what you will."
"His children- where would I find them?" Barnaby prompted.
"Dunno. You're asking the wrong person. I'm just the pathologist." Barnaby had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. Troy looked as if he was about to say something, but he was interrupted by a shout from the watching crowd.
"Heya! Are you police gonna find the guy who did this or just stand around talking all day?!" a woman with long dark hair pulled back into a tight ponytail and leopard print leggings yelled at them.
"Jacqui! Let them do their job." A younger blonde tried to shut her up.
"Yeah, but they're just standing there. Talking." Jacqui argued. Barnaby made his way over.
"I'm sorry Miss…?"
"McQueen. Jacqui McQueen."
"Theresa." The blonde girl smiled at him.
"Miss McQueen, please be assured we're doing the best we can to find out who did this. That is, however, going to involve a lot of talking, with you and other members of this village." Barnaby was starting to think he was right about his impression of Hollyoaks.
"Yeah. Well you better find him. We've had one serial killer here before and don't want another one." Jacqui crossed her arms.
"Look, Jacqui, we'll just go, yeah?" Theresa tried. Jacqui grudgingly let herself be led away, looking back over her shoulder at the scene.
"Friendly village, isn't it?" Troy had appeared at Barnaby's elbow. "Anyway, turns out dead guy's kids are a Brendan and Cheryl Brady. I've found out where they live- do you want to go talk to them?"
"Yes, Troy. I think that would be a good idea." Barnaby followed Troy out of the alley and towards the Brady's house.
Lemme know what you think! Reviews are appreciated. Generally.
